Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
Friday. Friday. For the 266th time in a row, it is catching me by surprise.
That is the way of things, it seems.
What worked?
Anagrams! As secret code!
This week I had a million-trillion missions to accomplish, and all of them were getting on my nerves.
I was too cranky to metaphor-mouse them, but they had to be renamed because otherwise just looking at my list made me want to cry. And you know how much I like secret agent code.
Anagram-generators saved my week.
Deal with credit card? Didactic Drawl Three. Architect Raw Diddle. Cheddar Wildcat Rite! I am feeling annoyed? That’s A Daemon Feeling Yin! Or possibly: A Enamel Finned Yogi…
- Operation Rallying Page became Operation A Largely Ping!
- Operation Rallying FAQ? Operation Flagrantly Eh Qi!
- Operation Encroacher Fury became Operation Currency Hear!
- Operation Hail Kaiser became Operation A Rakish Lei!
- Operation The Pod became Operation O! Depth!
- Operation Chickeneer became Operation Nike Creche!
Nike as in: goddess of victory. So great.
Team Avoidance.
Marisa and Richard and I were Team Avoidance, and our battlecry was “avoidy-avoidy!”
We worship the Ultimate Venn Diagram of Team Avoidance.
Looking at this, rereading the first comment and thinking “avoidy-avoidy!” weirdly helped me get more done. A lot more.
Next time I might…
Give myself more permission and understanding about how hard things are.
Silent retreat on that.
Eight breaths of hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Timing. Deadlines. Having to finish things. A breath for dealing with pressure.
- Fellow agent in his stuff. A breath for being present with pain and your own pain in response.
- Recovering from Bend. A breath for when the thing that is supposed to be replenishing doesn’t do the job.
- Lost my wallet. A breath for the last straw of a lot of straws.
- Raging hormonal messiness. A breath for body stuff.
- Big changes. A breath for things reconfiguring.
- Wednesday. Falling apart in the biggest, biggest way. A breath for grief
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Actual Beach Day. With Danielle. For her birthday. Even though it rained the entire time and I lost my wallet. Beach Day with Danielle! A breath for sharing.
- While I was falling apart, I had friends to stroke my hair and bring me tissues and say GOOD LORD OF COURSE YOU ARE FALLING APART WHO WOULDN’T BE, which is always important. A breath for comfort.
- The most gorgeous necklace ever, a handmade gift from Sami. I am wearing it right now. A breath for beauty that is healing.
- Marisa is back! Marisa is back! Marisa is back! A breath for love.
- Sweetness and more sweetness at the Agency. A breath for adoration.
- I said yes to a scary-wonderful wish, and it is happening. A breath for what I really want..
- A gift from Austin that was the exact right thing in the exact right moment. He sang to my ballroom. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Which is so true. And my ballroom loves to be sung to. This confirmed for me that singing is the right answer. As long as my ballroom is sung to, all will be fine, and I can let people sing to it in different forms. These might not be the forms I’d envisioned, and this is okay. Even if I cried. This is right. A breath for receiving this with my whole heart.
- For the first time in 22 months since I said yes to the ballroom, some pieces of good news related to the ballroom. A breath for movement.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
I had the superpower of trusting play.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of trusting myself.
Salve.
This week’s salve is the salve of anagrams: it infuses everything with playfulness.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is also my favorite anagram for rallying page:
Parlaying Gel
And yes. It’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
You guys you guys you guys!
There are now open spots in individual Alphabet Carousel Rallies.
- You can come to ONE RALLY.
- There is also an option to bundle TWO rallies at a discount, or THREE at even more of a discount.
- And if you’re thinking “oh crap I wish I’d signed up for the whole Carousel of As Many Rallies As I Want when it was still the super low price”… take advantage of 3 Days Of Amnesty where you can secretly still get that lower price (through Sunday).
To activate the amnesty pricing, write to the First Mate and use the code phrase Chandelier Amnesia (you can pretend it’s a band), and he’ll sneak you in at the old price, which is half of what it is now.
There aren’t a ton of openings at individual Rallies, because the people in the full Carousel have priority, but we can make this work. All the details are on the new Rally page!
IF you are in the Floop and signing up for just one Rally, log-in to the Floop and use the Secret Benefits page for Floop discount. If you’re in the Floop and want more than one Rally, use the Rally page because there is no combining discounts and that’s the better deal. 🙂
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
A Rakish Lei! Currency Hear! (Which I originally typed as “Currency Heart,” and then “Currency Hart.” Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.)
Eight breaths from the dark and tight:
1. The check’s in the mail? A breath for dealing with liars.
2. Gut reaction to ice cream and cheese. A breath for living with lactose sensitivity.
3. Mosquitoes, gah! A breath for working among pests.
4. Doggie visibly aging. A breath for time doing its thang.
5. Sweat stinging my eyes during yoga. A breath for chemistry doing its thang.
6. Bike tire mysteriously flat again. A breath for patience and persistence.
7. Big project swarming with iguanas. A breath for nets and lassos and rewards.
8. Having to leave things midway to get to other things — including right this minute four minutes ago. A breath for keeping appointments — and another for getting back to things.
The rest (and rest!) later. Warm wishes to all y’all.
Hello Chickeners, and Shabat Shalom.
This week, a Tiny Lil Fragile Baby Wish I had not even VPA’d–because it was so vulnerable and small–got realer. When you wrote about “if x is possible, then Y…” A better outcome, a REAL good outcome, becaming possible and i have never even thought it even remotely possible.
What worked this week: Exiting the Day, breathing and humming, One More Thing.
Next week: i need more of an Exiting ritual, more movement and more journaling. Also, i need to ShipShape a bunch of things including creating a Rutter (i also like the word periplus, but Rutter is more english and less silly)
Hmm, so I figured that out: a Rutter. That works for me
this week:
-back2skool continues. altho i really liked seeing ElderKid’s school and meeting the teachers, it was a long ass nite
-we’re about to bomb another country (again) and all the intraweb wants to show me is Bullshit and Nonsense
-hey, if we could lay off making every female on the planet miserable, that would be GREAT
-Puppy Time FAILING. it used to be fun, now not so much, and the puppies are becomign demanding.
but life is beautiful, over all:
-beautiful weather. the summer persists despite trees strating to turn
-an easy transition to the school year. so far so good
-in general, a more stable foundation of joy and strength and Well-filled-ness that makes other stuff easier
-August is evidently the Month of the Reset. Now that it’s ending, September feels like its gearing up for new stuff/more fun/deeper stuff.
-feeling strong in my magick
-humming, breathing, resting into miracles and then THERE THEY ARE.
-Mabon on deck, but still reveling in the end of the summer
Cheers, Chickeneers!
ZOMG that Venn diagram might be the BEST.THING.I.HAVE.EVER.SEEN.
Love. Thank you!!!!
Chicken!
The Delightful
– real conversations with the boy. the deep scary gooey good kind.
– car noises that are covered by warranties.
– the giant rental car that makes me feel like I’m driving a majestic school bus.
– everything and everyone tucked away for the long weekend.
– no travel and lots of time to be at home.
– all the sleep
I am soooooooooo much appreciating these salves! I really do apply them, with my hands and my imagination, and invite them to do their work. It’s lovely.
What worked: Appreciating aesthetics.
Next time: I want to add extra sparkle and strength to my force field.
A hard thing: Wednesday late afternoon. Yeesh. ‘Nuff said.
A good thing: Solitary travel, with plenty of time to think my own thoughts and choose my own choices.
This week’s superpower: Simplifying the Million Billion Things through the Power of Algebra!
Next week’s superpower: Epiphanies are everywhere, ripe for the picking.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers! Sweet dreams in the Nike creche!
Oh, yes! “A breath for when the thing that is supposed to be replenishing doesn’t do the job.”
Actually, I believe I will have several breaths for that. For me, and anyone who wants them.
*Chickening theme song*
Le hard:
– This was not a good week for boundaries. I try to be really clear with people in my life that spontaneous hugging, grabbing my elbow, ruffling my head – all of that is NOT OKAY unless they warn me first (and then it’s sometimes ok). Major force field fail this week.
– ^ Also, the people who ended up doing these things had the best. possible. intentions, and got upset when I didn’t respond well.
– Depletion, on a soul-energy-mana level, and “a breath for when the thing that is supposed to be replenishing doesn’t do the job.”
– Waffling between wanting social interaction vs. running awaaay.
– interrupting cow, all week.
– I’ve spent the last 3 months radically changing my diet to avoid food sensitivities that keep appearing. This week, I feel as though I couldn’t feed my body anything, without it getting really cranky.
Le Good:
– Agent D was here this week, and spoiled M and I like crazy. Books, groceries, meals out, doing the dishes, helping with the puppy – it felt wonderful to be taken care of for a while.
– Showing D around an delighting in her delight.
– Validation and support around [x]
– My little sister is leaving for university, and I’m in a position to be the kind of support I wish I’d had when I left, which feels great.
– Long walks with the dog.
Happy weekend!
A Week of Swings. Telling a friend no gift of rent money – down for two days. The range hood that looks like a force field over the stove – up. The Dude and his job parting ways – down. Rally! I can use the money I will save on my cell phone bill to go to Rally. Oh, and it was dread of making that phone call that led me to Havi’s blog. A swing that forms a circle? Way, way Up.
My Say Yes! Monkeys who push me to Do! Do It Now! and Say Yes! got ahold of flags with Rally written on them. Yup. Now they are Rally Monkeys.
Just is – I have a red velvet rope maze. The two people who are closest to my center are my sister and The Dude.
I took Friday off as a one-day rehearsal (an Unasked ask) and learned that The Quest will involve Flexibility among Multiple Schedules, or a Flexible Schedule, because The Dude might be between jobs or working from home and there may be workmen… and realizing that I used to have a couple of monsters that aren’t around anymore. The Wall of Dread is now mainly gone.
Thursday on my way home from work in the car, I asked myself the question, “What is the kindest thing I can bear to hear right now?” Immediately, my Crew of sentient former monsters together in a group shouted, “[my name], we love you!” Wow. My soul-core leaks a little every time I think of it. I love them/me, too.
Thank you, Havi, for your canopy of peace from 1/4/2009, your “safe, cozy, comfortable place where my Right People can show up as they are, with all their stuff and their stucknesses, and feel safe, supported and loved.” And I have that. And so does everyone else who reads and wants it. Simultaneously. As long as the blog exists. Thank you very much. And Rally, later, because just when I was waving The Magic Bus to Portal Land goodbye, it folded its wings and stopped for me!
Safe, supporting beautiful flowers to Havi, chickeneers and lurkers.
Ahahahaha, that Venn diagram explains why I’m sitting here watching endless episodes of Veronica Mars.
I’m glad you liked the venn!
And now for eight breaths of celebration…
1. Brownies with candied orange peel + pecans were a hit. A breath for experimentation.
2. I met my Condition of Enoughness for a project. A breath for counting.
3. The dog’s fur is so silken. A breath for wonderful textures.
4. Recognizing the toxicity of a conversation in time to avoid getting drawn into it. A breath for detachment.
5. Amusing my friends. A breath for laughter.
6. Being able to indulge in multiple baths a day. A breath for resources.
7. The arugula seedlings taste like arugula! A breath for cheap thrills.
8. Waking up in time for today’s 8 a.m. class. A breath for excellent teachers.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Late chicken. <3
Hard things included………..
– making space for my self-concept to include markers like high sensitivity, imaginative and emotional 'excitability', and tenderness.
– internet hangover.
– stoopid stoopid stoopid ugly truth of how the bad things of the world are all stoopid and ugly and bad and NOBODY SEEMS TO RECOGNISE THIS. (Okay, lots of people recognise this, but MORE people don't and this SHITS me, because HELLOOO??!!? TRUTH!!??!!???)
– the three above combined. (Specifically this week related to Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, that fucking song (!!!), spoilt white brats buying their permission to exploit (black) women, the banality and mainstreaming of the porn-vision of human sexuality, misogyny, sex phobia and prudery, the fucking waste of money and energy and potential in the face of The Rest Of All The Crap Going On and aaaarrrgghghghghhhhhh!!!!!)
– I find parenting my children really intense and demanding and hard and exhausting.
– feeling conflicted about weaning. Wishing reality was other than it was.
– Grief. Reality is not other than it is. And I love my perfect-world-vision so deeply. It accompanies me everywhere, and so does my grief and pain about the differences between the fantasy and reality. I am realising how this is constant background wash on my experience. The vision of what-could-be-if-only and the pain/ache over the notness.
– Fear/Courage. Stepping out even though there are no guarantees and you just never know. And how not everyone seems to FEEL this the way I do, so they think I'm not being courageous, just being normal, when EXCUSE ME I AM BEING SO FUCKING BRAVE HERE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? PARADE PLEASE!!
Loooooonnnggggg exhaaaaaaaale……………..
Goodening things……
+ spring time. Sunshine. Warm weather. Heaters off, windows open. Oh yes.
+ Little Lad has started eating more of his lunch?? Weird.
+ Wonderbaby is freaking me out. She seems to come on in quantum leaps between waking up and going to bed at night.
+ I am still here so I must be only AT capacity rather than over it, so while I can feel the tensions at the seams they haven't started ripping anywhere. (Yet. Yes, okay, yet, thank you helpful helper-mind, it is possible that it is yet to happen, I don't know where I would be without your helpful and endless warnings *eye-roll*)
+ I love my studies. I wish there was more time for them. I wish I had more energy and I wasn't so behind. However, for those moments I am fully engaged I really enjoy it and I'm glad to have found such a good fit.
+ hope flickers, still. I'm just tired. It will burn brighter tomorrow, I'm sure. I'll VPA then I think.
<3 <3 <3