It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
Applying things from the world of dance to the world of not-dance, aka the rest of life.
For example, “take smaller steps”.
This is helping me with my turns, but/and also:
Take. Smaller. Steps.
That was relevant this week in relationships, in work, in worries, in recovery. I figured that if my teachers keep repeating something, I should probably do it.
So I’m taking smaller steps, and being okay with smaller steps.
Or then there’s the thing they keep saying about “movement originating from the core”.
So this week a fellow Agent was very upset in the middle of the night, and I was too tired to do anything about it except offer a sleepy kiss on the cheek and a pat on the shoulder. But I whispered in my heart, “Let it originate from the core.”
And so I gave a sleepy cheek-kiss and shoulder-patting that were really and truly given with love and adoration, even though I was exhausted. They originated from my core.
Dance solves everything. Incoming me said so at the first Rally this fall, and she is still right.
Next time I might…
Check the Book of Me.
The Book of What Havi Needs aka the Holy Days of Havi Bell.
There is a lot of documented information about Hermitsgiving and how I get during this week where the energy of the whole country is pretty insane.
Specifically: I need potato chips. Lots of potato chips. This is important. And I cry, a lot.
Anyway, I found myself in some familiarly-uncomfortable moments, mainly because I hadn’t checked the research.
My internal scientists have already come up with working hypotheses and some pretty good plans. So the next piece has to do with looking at the notes so I can do the things they suggest.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Applicable to everything, so substitute life for “dance”….
“Dixie cups. The magic of communication is not the line between them. It’s the tautness.”
That was Jon.
And yes, it’s the tautness.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The energy of American Thanksgiving and the days leading up to it are like walking through water for me. It is so hard to remember that this debilitating fog is not my stuff, just me picking up on everyone else’s. A breath for sensitivity.
- Haha, and then there is the part that is my stuff. A breath for navigating my stuff.
- We are ridiculously overworked. A breath for how scary this is.
- Not enough sleeping. A breath for being worn out.
- A day 4 that acted like a day 2. A breath for discomfort.
- Doing the hard things. Dealing with lots of Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about Getting In Trouble For Doing The Hard Things Wrong. A breath for safety and for trust.
- I know what I want to be doing, and I am not doing it. A breath for patience and for changing aspects of patterns.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Sitting on a couch wearing a blanket and two purring cats. A blanket. This blanket has solved my “I like cats except I also like to wear beautiful clothes, and cats like to sit on my beautiful clothes” problem. A breath for perfect simple solutions. And purring.
- During my thanksgiving freakout I really, really, really wanted potato chips. But I did not want to venture out into the world to acquire them. Then Elizabeth showed up with these amazing coconut oil potato chips and it was perfect. A breath for getting exactly what you need in the exact moment and form when you are desiring it most.
- Everyone who has been driving me crazy in dance class is no longer driving me crazy. It’s like we all just started over. They are all being completely warm and respectful, and everything just worked itself out. A breath for new beginnings.
- Unconditional love. It is kind of terrifying and great at the same time. A breath for being seen and for acceptance, wow, this kind of acceptance, I don’t even have words for this.
- Brunch with lovely people that did not ignite any of my stuff about brunch. A breath for warmth and companionship.
- I took a country two-step class that blew me out of the water. For one thing, I was the youngest person by at least thirty years, which completely calmed my monsters who think I missed the boat on throwing myself into dance. For another, I was the only one who didn’t know any country two-step and it didn’t matter, because I know enough about frame to be able to play. I can play! And they could see that I can play! The teacher said, “Okay, clearly you dance, so here’s the deal: the rhythm is quick-quick slooow-sloooooow, expect lots of turns, mostly to your left, with a bunch of grapevines and promenades, let’s do it”. And we did. It was a rollicking romp into a new, exciting world. I loved every second of it. Now I have new monsters who are afraid that this is a gateway drug into riding a mechanical bull while wearing a cowboy hat. I will deal with that later. In the meantime, a breath for play and for delight!
- It was Rally (Rally!) this week, and I love Rally, and thank god for Rally, especially at Hermitsgiving. A breath for sweetness, and for company while exploring.
- We made it through the hard. And I had my first good night of sleep in about a month. And today is Blanket Friday and I get to hide in blankets. A breath for trust and for patience.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of interesting missions this week. Such as…
Operation Rocketeeranium Wham-boom
Operation Vice! President! Chicken! Wham-boom
Mission Enough Is Enough Is Enough Wham-boom
But mostly this week was about turning inward and getting quiet. Taking care of myself. Not all the ops got named, but they are important.
And there are some good things happening at my Red Rose Ballroom, and I am wishing for many more to come.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The superpower of All My Interactions Are Harmonious. I have been working on that one fairly steadily for about nine years, so it was very exciting when it kicked in big time this week.
I also had the superpower of Following All The Rabbit Holes, which was very useful, as well as the superpower of screw it, I’m just going to research the thing I want to know about.
The superpower of remembering not to fight with Incoming Me, and to let her lead. Also remembering that following is not passive, it’s active.
Also, as I realized last week, I am the PROPRIETRESS of a ballroom, and that is its own superpower.
Superpowers I want.
Ease and Es. Lighthearted teleportation. Everything Is Simple And Pleasurable.
Salve.
The salve of ease and Es.
It goes on so smoothly you almost can’t feel it. There is noticeably less friction when you take this salve. It is like a lubricant for life-stuff.
And it holds all the secret Es. Like effervescence. And exceptions…
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band thanks to Taylor:
Possible Carousing
They played at the Playground on Blanket Friday.
There may have been a tambourine. And yes, it is just one guy.
Attenzione!. Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This involves, among other things, acquiring the skill of Gracefully Accepting Thanks.
And it is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing, particularly about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are, when things were actually the hardest.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
What worked?
Letting Rally be its own reason and remembering that all timing is right timing.
Next time I might…
Button things up, do the finishing touches.
The hard, challenging, and mysterious:
– Having a cold, which means avoiding MrB and worrying that he’ll catch it anyway, or that he’ll get it from somewhere else.
– Feeling cold even when huddled in sweaters.
– Pain. The cold aggravates it; the weight of sweaters and coats makes it worse.
The good, reassuring, delight-filled:
+Margaritas are suddenly just the right drink.
+Last-night party with lovely people.
+MrB is getting out more and doing more, keeping me company more.
+DrK said I should listen to my body! A medical doctor who doesn’t think he knows my body better than I do. We were talking about pain medicine and how much I needed and he gave me a lot of flexibility about what to take and when, and said that my body will tell me what works.
+Massage. Working out the pain and soreness, restoring circulation and flexibility. It’s marvelous! I wish I could see her twice a week during the winter.
+Developing an idea to counter the winter doldrums.
Superpower I had this week: remembering what it was useful to remember at the time that it was useful to remember it
Superpowers I want: I See Perfect Simple Solutions Everywhere, and Finding Helpful People. Also the power of Remembering and of Remembering to Remember.
Cheers to the chickeneers!
Yes please! I am helping myself to a large honey-pot jar of the Ease salve. I plan to apply it liberally to every inch of me and everything that is mine over the next week.
Le Hard:
– That one customer. When he walked in the shop and started talking about me, and then peppered me with questions that were so incredibly personal and inappropriate, I almost started crying out of sheer rage.
– The moving castle and all its maintenance stuff. Feels like there is only enough time in a day to either get writing and work done or clean up. Not both.
– Ignoring the Book of Me and going to an crowded outdoor event on blanket Friday because someone else wanted me to go.
– Stomp stomp, rage rage.
– I fell in love with a beautiful piece of art in a shop, and the price tag said “ask at register.” So many monsters leapt out of hiding and I was really upset.
Le Good:
– I stood up for myself despite the fear, and got an apology from the customer. Boundaries!
– Blanket Day involved good books and blankets.
– The house is finally warm enough.
– Operation Otter is well on track.
happy friday!! Oy, such a week!!
what worked: sleep, Compassing!! (lots of that), journaling, perfect simple solutions made many appearances.
the sucks:
-all 8 breaths for wednesday alone! omg, one of the worst days in recent memory. i was sobbing and shaking by 8pm.
-a breath for tgiving. i have many feels about this day, any of them negative. it’s always such a stressy day, with weird expectations and lotS of work! hooray!
-bright and shiny thing that broyght as much heartache as pleasure. a breath for the pain of learning what you want and then that you can have it, and another breath for the monsters who witnessed this and have opinions
-Boring Existential Crisished over for another week! this smash hit is not as foggy as last week, but still not completely. a breath for undefined sorrow and for showing up even though {X}
but there was plenty of sparkle too:
-t’giving was right on time. despite the stress of the day, i got rest and slept in a bit, all of which i sorely needed
-a deeply felt thank you! to past-me who decided to buy mist of dinner made. it worked beautifully, and the girls and i could do some fun thinsg in the kitchen without any worry about getting the whole meal on the table. omg, hjust knowing the protein was covered, ready and good, made a huge difference.
-lots of Fractal flowers revealed the ways their roots conenct. this is somehting i’ve been asking for, so thank you
-my practice is strong right now. i’ve integrated Compassing and the Iron Pentacle into my morning routine, and i’m compassing at random intervals during the day
-so many of my Projects showing progress this week
-the delicious-ness of New Shiny Thing. For all its pains and prickles, it has been an agent of change and transformation and illuination, and has brouhgt me pleasure.
-my hair looks GOOD
Good night and ashe!
This was the last week in the Current Office. Oh, my word. All the farewells. And Advent starts tomorrow, and the new job starts on Monday.
The good –
– I love this office; it has so many lovely people, and they are so good to me, and the job has been good to me.
– Hearing that.
– All the wonderful music is coming out now (Advent!)
– the lovely people.
– poinsettia and other beautiful gifts
The hard –
– worrying that they are all going to forget me
– thinking that they will miss the stuff I do, but they won’t miss me
– being jealous of people who are not me having a social life and doing things with other people who are not me
– loneliness
What worked –
– Noting the Last Things. The last fire alarm test. The last birthday card.
– Telling people how I was feeling. And telling people how I was actually feeling.
– Sleeping on it.
– Listening.
I want –
– to believe that I am leaving it, not losing it.
– to rejoice in other people’s friendships. Love is good, even when not aimed directly at me.
– joyful waiting
Cheers, Chickeneers!
What Worked:
Changing the way Thanksgiving is done. And it was amazing. Going more north and into the woods and staying there for 3 days. And not leaving until the sun was going behind the mountains.
What Could Be Improved:
I know there are things that I always do, like sign up for things that I then end up skipping. And if it is just me that is ok. But sometimes it impacts other people and even though they can still go and do the thing, they get annoyed with me. So, I would like to remember to just say “no” upfront. I thought about wishing that I would follow through more, but I really don’t want that. I want to stop saying yes to things I don’t like – like races and runs and things that involve driving far into the city in the dark and rain.
Also, I want to remember that people have their stuff, and that it is not my stuff.
Sleepy Chicken…
What worked: Meeting edginess with empathy.
Next time: I’d like to feel less anger when enforcing boundaries, if at all possible.
Hard stuff: Money fears. Unexpected monster assault in a surprising context. Many achingly bittersweet moments.
Good stuff: I cooked some food that was delicious and appreciated. I spent cozy time with people I love. I stood my ground when necessary. I set gentle creative goals and met them, comfortably, consistently.
This week’s superpower: Standing strong.
Next week’s superpower: Ultra-chic! (Thank you for the salve of ease and Es. I feel sure that it will help with this.)
Hello, December. Hello, fifth candle. Hello, Advent. Hello, y’all.
What worked? Bringing scissors and tape. Choosing sleep over writing.
Next time? Bring a flash drive. Give myself time to ask for what I want.
Some things that were hard and such:
* grouchy, frustrated partner
* the itch but not the energy to make things
* screechy little tyrants
* didn’t anticipate my period arriving _this_ early
* in a hotel w/a heated pool, but the timing hasn’t and probably won’t work out, so to speak
* a few sitting-on-the-sidelines pangs (tennis match-charting project — right up my alley, but participating right now isn’t feasible)
* recognizing that some situations contain no win when one chooses to be the adult, and feeling resentful anyway
* a vendor I want to like demonstrating both incompetence and insincerity
Some of the good things:
* the hotel has good coffee and cookies
* the art in the room is nice, too
* and the room is ADA-compliant!
* such a good meal at the Wise Acre
* feeling good about what I did(n’t) pack
* feeling fine about recent (non-)purchases
* my mad research and improv skillz
With thanks for the salve, and warm wishes to all.