It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
I got hit with the meanest, craziest virus this week. So the short version of the chicken is: Everything is miserable, except for the fact that I announced the HAT (sparklepoints!) and you can now play with me in 2014. Password: fredastaire
What worked?
Flirting with the Commissioner, who turned out to be the Inside Man on the job.
Or, really, proxies is what worked, again.
I didn’t want to make any progress on a project. So I pretended it was about a spy mission:
The Grand Ball is tonight.
To infiltrate the ball I need an exquisite gown.
Once I have the gown, I know how to dance and I know how to be at a ball, and I know how to flirt with the commissioner. That is all I need to do. That, and be a lookout, for patterns.
And I have to change the code in the vault but that is not a problem because I don’t have to be the one to get in, the commissioner will take me there.
All I have to do now is make sure the Commissioner knows what time to arrive. He is our inside man. We are a team. We are working together. We love to dance, we love to flirt, we love to go to the vault and change the codes. I am crazy about this gown. We can do this.
Letting myself be sick.
I didn’t really have much of a choice, because this thing just knocked me off my feet.
What I mean is: recognizing that this is the right time for me to be in bed doing nothing.
It got so bad that I even tried Richard’s honey-lemon-ginger concoction. I haven’t had honey in fourteen years, and my body freaked out. Loud awkward honey burps. Lots of them. N said it sounded like Tom Waits gargling Pop Rocks.
But hey, whatever helps. And my throat wanted the honey, even though the rest of me most emphatically did not.
Next time I might…
Talk to Incoming Me.
I got so much good stuff once I asked for her help.
Actually, I hired her to be my consultant.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Chris: “Once you can do something, look for: all the different ways can I do this.”
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- So sick. So much pain. Most of this week was spent in bed coughing up goo and hurting. Did you ever see the movie The Young In Heart? Roland Young is pretending to be a colonel who was with the Bengal Lancers in the great war. Someone suggests that he probably suffered mustard gas attacks. He says, “I imagine I rather wheeeeeeeeeeze”. That was me this week, except so much worse. A breath for this.
- Huge misunderstanding on Saturday with the Spy Who Loves Me, so hard. A breath for connection, and losing it and finding it.
- Still playing with letting go of W. A breath for getting used to this.
- I forgot someone’s name this week. I thought someone named Bree was named Belinda. While the person in question (yes, Bree) did not find out about this, REMEMBERING THINGS is what I am best at. It is a blessing and a curse, and I remember everything. This threw me for such a loop, I had the biggest Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about What If All My Superpowers Disappear. A breath for forgetting truth, and also for forgetting Bree.
- Being ill meant having to miss all the intro sessions for four different dance courses that began this week. A breath for sadness.
- It is really hard to tell what my body needs when it is all, wah fog unclear ooof everything hurts can’t move. A breath for not knowing, and discomfort…
- I know what I want, not sure how to get there. A breath for pathways.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Sleeping peacefully again. A breath for knowing that this is treasure.
- Love, adoration and sweetness. The spy who loves me is the spy who loves me. A breath for feeling relieved and happy.
- Being insanely sick means I got to stay in bed and do lots of nothing all week, which is exactly what I need. A breath for gifts that don’t look like gifts. And: This too shall pass.
- Everything that happened dance-wise before I got sick. An amazing workshop called Dips, Drops and Endings. A breath for seeing progress, this is wonderful.
- An ex of mine texted me, thinking I was someone else, and then was mortified. I was delighted to realize that I was perfectly okay. Yes, someone else gets called sweetheart now. Yes, those loving words were not for me. And this is fine. A breath for right timing.
- A very fun idea for the Ballroom that Alon and I had. A breath for possibility.
- Soup. And friends. Richard brought roasted red pepper soup from New Seasons and then I ate it all, and then he made a batch of something like it. Marisa brought soup. Nick send a soup emoticon, which weirdly helps. A breath for feeling safe and loved.
- We were able to announce the HAT!!!! All my hard work over the past four months came together, and we have the whole year planned out, with lots of amazing offerings and treasure. Password: fredastaire
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
My op this week was Operation Announce The Hat.
And I have an idea for my ballroom.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of Trusting The Process.
Superpowers I want.
The power of release.
Salve.
The salve of Playfulness.
This salve is what helped me flirt with the commissioner when I got stuck on my big project (and what helped me realize that the commissioner and I are allies and equals).
As soon as you apply it, everything becomes lighter, more lighthearted. You are suddenly able to think in color, in metaphor, in costume. Instead of having “problems” that need to be “dealt with”, suddenly there are missions and wockawocks to explore, learn about and play with.
Basically this salve turns everything into Rally!
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is from Noelle:
Just One Something.
Hilariously, it is….tada….just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
You guys! I need help from you in two different ways.
The first is that if you are interested in helping us with the Sustenance mission — our not-so-secret secret mission this year where we meet our Blodgett and distribute treasure, yay!
The second is that I am going to need lots of help spreading the word about this. I am super sick and have no bandwidth for promoting it right now. Tell your friends and people you like about the work of self-fluency that we do here. Bring more people in to play.
Here is the link for Operation Sustenance, which holds everything I will be offering in 2014.
–> Password: fredastaire
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
So far the best of many nice things people have said about the calendar is:
“That is one sexy mofo of a calendar!”
YES. YES IT IS.
Loving your evolution of language and calendars!
Would love to hear more about the fishing village, when/if it works for you.
*sends you wishes of healing at a pace which woks best for you*
I got wings! YAY!!! After all these years waiting and wishing, I finally got my wings!!!
A whole year of Emerging and Receiving. Exactly what I need.
I’m going to tell *everyone* about it.
I’m sick, too, with a quiet but persistent little cold.
Hard stuff: two days in a row of long, hard driving; everyone in the house being ill all at once.
Good stuff: wanting something and finding a way to make it happen; being offered gifts and receiving them joyfully; finding creative collaborators everywhere; living in love.
The Salve of Playfulness! I’m going to apply it to everything!
Hard things:
Not sleeping enough and not sleeping well. Again.
Pain.
Huddling in the warmest room in the house.
Things I can’t find.
Good things:
Having a “warmest room” in which to huddle.
Piles of quilts.
Hot soup.
Friends.
Class began and my students are great!
Ongoing class is fun too!
Sparkling drinks.
Lunch with my sister B.
Massag that relieved pain.
Superpower I had this week: Everything Is Okay.
Superpower I want next week: I’m Amazing Like That (courtesy of my eight-year-old nephew) and I Know What I Want And I Know How To Get It.
Cheers, chickeneers!
The good:
– Fixing things in my brain. Working out, at long, long, last, that So Much Stuff Is Not Actually About Me.
– The angels on gratefulness.org
– Fantastic books. Almost all the qualities I mention below come out of these books and are floating around me and I am floating around them.
– I have earrings made out of a meteorite. I am wearing a shooting star.
– Now I have to get a train at 7.20am, I get all the sunrises.
– The poems. Where are all the poems coming from? I love them.
– Quite often this week I have been in love with the entire universe.
The hard:
– Colleague is ill. Whoosh for in at the deep end.
– Wimbledon. Why is it always Wimbledon? (A line-side fire, this time, apparently. And it was raining.)
Qualities I am collecting:
Integrity and competence (these come as a pair and I value them because of who they come from). Transparency. Lightness. Clarity.
The end result is a very pale, clear, blue.
Superpower of this week: combining awkward, annoying things (specifically, in this case, train delays and bra/trouser shopping)) and making them easy and productive. Making the best of it…
Ah, delightful: Dips, Drops and Endings! That could be so many wonderful things, all made more wonderful with the salve of Playfulness which makes dips and drops something exciting.
Tough week but some moving (not enough) and much finishing (surprisingly good). The Platypus might thrive after all. Today I embark Operation Move, which will be an exercise in everything Fluent. One of many Good Things is that it will not be below freezing there. 🙂
Happy weekend for all chickeneers!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The hard stuff and the good stuff in my life are both running at maximum intensity right now, and all seem to be so tightly wrapped as to be inseparable. Like dying is a part of living and I keep being faced with the choice, are you willing to take the dying for the sake of the living? And of course the answer is always yes.
So, Hard/Good stuff included…
Lovesick / love
Waiting / waiting
Believing / believing
C_____ / presence, and gratitude
Visions of possibility, hard and happy / worth it anyhow. *ANY* how.
A commitment to freedom, heart-led life, presence, the ten feet in front of us, / freedom, heart-led life, presence, the ten feet in front of us.
Transitions, resistance, monsters / amnesty, compassion, kindness.
Unadulterated good included:
– yesterday
– I can do this
– This Is Right
Cluck cluck y’all. Xxxxx
Word love, can’t not add this on to the list, such delicious words!!
Hard/good wrapped up together:
Liminality / limerance
Mmmmmm!!!!!
Hello, week-that-was, hello February.
Challenging Things: Limboland; a misunderstanding; emotional flooding that has been four weeks in coming;
Happy things! Mini-retreat on Monday morning (the Almaniacal is da bomb); misunderstanding was untangled through honest conversation; the creation of the Romping Otter Picnic Experience
I am experimenting with doing small things three months in advance of the move to avoid the packing-an-entire-house-in-two-days scenario that happened last time. This week I went through my rock and feather collection and realized I only want to keep two pouches of rocks, a handful for displaying, and some of the feathers to put in a shadow box. The rest are going to be given away or returned to the beach. I started this collection when I was five, and it has grown enormously over the years. I realized that I don’t have to be the custodian of all these objects anymore (rocks can look after themselves, after all) and I have permission to only keep the ones that have specific resonance with me, and let go of the others.
tl/dr: If anyone wants a special stone, email me and I will mail you one!
Silent retreat on the specifics, but eight breaths for ease and release in the presence of
1. the ill
2. the demanding
3. the departed
4. the gross
5. the neglectful
6. the neglected
7. the baffling
8. the missing
And eight breaths for dear and delightful things, including
1. treating myself to pink roses
2. winning a gold medal in fantasy tennis thanks to Domi and Stanislas
3. celebrating the Feast of St. John Bosco (patron saint of editors) with my publisher
4. making my sweetie laugh
5. finding right-for-me mittens on sale at a hospital shop
6. spending time with beloveds
7. there is enough time
8. there is plenty of hot water
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Awww. A breath for you and your body, Havi!
H is for *healing* and *having* more soup!
Also, I’m pretty sure the act of being a Havi is *Havi-ing,* or just *having.*
So, happy having!
This week’s unexpected blahs:
– Feeling sucked into my FB news feed again and feeling lame for doing something I know doesn’t make me feel good.
– Disappointment and sadness re: a friend’s racism.
– Some negative feelings (from me) toward my body for gaining weight.
– Anxiety over my amalgam fillings after watching a documentary and wishing I could selectively unknow a lot of things I happen to know.
Those things were mixed amongst these wonderful things from the week!
+ Getting direct deposit set up with my joblet so moneys magically appear in my account.
+ Tons of laughter with my main man who also happened to buy me a pink rose this week.
+ Finding a CLEW in the parking lot and feeling excited because I haven’t really experienced many clews lately. This one had to do with Protection! I liked it.
+ Tater tots + Vegenaise
+ Trader Joe’s Soy Vanilla Ice Cream + Thawed Frozen Berries
+ One night of a super-early bed time! Then getting to wake up for 20-min. and go back to sleep yesterday. Delicious!
+ Reading about the Havi Treasures and imagining myself enjoying them!
+ This community is a big plus in my week and life, too. Better than FB in a haptillion ways — the main one being that I feel much happier after being here!
Thank you, Chickeneers! <3
Another plus!
Reading my post and seeing that I was celebrating the foods that actually make me gain weight (item on my blah list). So, I guess right now I’d rather have the tasty treats! I think I’ll just love myself anyway. Feels better already!
“the act of being a Havi is *Havi-ing,* or just *having.*” <--- I LOVE THIS!!!! <3
The Good:
The Dude WHAM Boomed fixing the faucet, and we decreased the number of iguanas in the house, so we spent Saturday afternoon at the beach. I had a wonderful crab sandwich. The waves socked the beach WHAM Boom! And vibrated the pier. And scrubbed off a nearby jetty. And powered a surfing competition. A mother-baby pair of dolphins frolicked with the boogie boarders. The Dude has a 4-minute video which features him saying, “Here, Flipper! Here, Flipper!” and the dolphins popping up on cue. Cost of day $21 – memories, priceless.
Wallowing unexpectedly Thursday night.
The salve of Playfulness came to me in a red clown nose jar. It is like Silly Putty crossed with Play Dough and smells humorous funny not funny peculiar. It is aqua, hot pink, acid yellow, radioactive green and plum swirled with otter shapes. When I slap it on, it slaps me back!
My weekly theme takes its cue from the salve, so it is Entering and Exiting Playfully. A Play full of playful entrances and exits this week!
What was hard or mysterious?
Two yellow flag Freak Outs due to boundary issues. Drinking the rest of my water from a happy container did not help. Note to self: Staying within my boundaries causes pain sometimes, even when I realize I’m obviously exceeding them.
The Quest asking me questions: What is as easy for you to do as breathing? What is as nourishing and as tasty as eating? And later, “What would you do even if no one paid you?”
What worked:
Having the Internet show me cute puppy pictures to change a several-hour yellow flag Freak Out, with seeping tears, from a perceived Boundary Violation. I didn’t do Fretwork or Cobble shoes to throw at The Dude on my drive home. And I didn’t throw shoes at him, even though I didn’t get to Wallow on Wednesday.
Writing a story about the fishing village. Writing a story about a HAT and a Blodgett.
Mary Tracy’s link to her post on Maps vs. Compassing. So what I call “mapping” is actually “charting”, laying out a course and charting new worlds and where I’ve been.
What I might try in the future?
Remember the cute puppy antidote to Freak Outs.
Putting dates on the VPA’s, also.