It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
I was sick in bed this week (yes, TEN DAYS) and had zero energy to talk about the HAT so please to visit my HAT for 2014! Password: fredastaire
What worked?
Trusting the process.
Sometimes this looked more like “trusting the %#$@ ___________ process”.
But trusting it, even when I didn’t like it.
I waited it out, and I didn’t like waiting. I paid attention, and noticed things and felt the currents, and let stuff happen under the surface, and took tiny steps, and rested, and trusted and waited some more.
The compass.
Massive panic attacks this week, and then the compass helped every time.
North is above my head and north is Vitality. South is below my feet and south is Replenishing. Ease is to my left and east is Calm. West is to my right and west is Glowing.
Next time I might…
Use the diffuser.
I have this magic potion for illness, and I completely forgot about it.
Diffuser!
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- TEN DAYS IN BED. Not able to do any of the things I love, because they all involve not coughing up a rib. Progress slower than anything I’ve been through. A breath for having to be patient.
- Doctors. Yes, I know this is mysterious, and no, it is not helpful to say, “huh that’s mysterious”. A breath for wanting a light at the end of the tunnel.
- Many challenges with letting go of W when there are so many reasons to W. A breath for getting used to this.
- Being sick is not just painful, it’s lonely. And most of things I do to stay calm, centered and happy involve using my body, which was not an option. A breath for sad me.
- This week I just wanted to be taken care of, and that brought up all kinds of stuff from Then. A breath for processing and releasing.
- There is all this cool dance stuff happening in Portland, and it is all happening in the stupid suburbs and not at my gorgeous ballroom. People! My ballroom! It is stunning and it is in the city and easy to get to by car and bus. A breath for feeling frustrated, wanting to be acknowledged, the usual Stuff.
- Same again: I know what I want, not sure how to get there. A breath for pathways.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Marionberry smoothies, made with the Denisifier, an odd kitchen tool that was a gift from Denise. A breath for things that are sweet and soothing.
- Last night I was able to experience a full fifteen minute period of no coughing. I wasn’t drinking tea. I wasn’t distracting myself with a movie. I was just sitting there, not-coughing. It felt amazing. After ten straight days of well, coughing, and resting in bed, this was the most beautiful thing. A breath for a respite, and for being able to appreciate the absence of something.
- I closed all the tabs on my computer. This does not happen very often. A breath for emptying and eliminating.
- Everything is canceled this weekend (dance workshops, roller derby, all of it) because of the weather, and this is actually perfect because I have no energy to do all the fun things, and now I can do them later when I am better. A breath for perspective and a thank-you heart.
- Presents! Out of the blue. A giant thank you to two different blog readers for sending me gifts this week. Thank you, Susan, for the necklace of qualities. Thank you, Phil, for the book. Thank you, universe for right timing. A breath for feeling held.
- Ready to write again. A breath for movement.
- Joyful play at the Floop. A breath for people I can play with.
- While it is easy to see what isn’t working, life has given me so many magic beans, and I am deeply grateful for the magic beans. Also big appreciation to the spy who loves me, for endless sweetness. And to Agents White and Mueller who put on all their clothes and trudged through the snow storm to bring back beer and pizza last night. And to my body, for finally being able to handle food that is not in soup or smoothie form. A breath for being filled to the brim with appreciation.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
My op this week was stay in bed, eat lots of soup. And I killed it. Also I learned many useful things about Deep Cover.
My op for next week is to make some steps on Operation Sassafras, and to go into Deep Cover.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of eliminating small symbolic things to make room for what I want. Which is perfect, because last week I asked for the superpower of release, and that is pretty much what this is.
Superpowers I want.
The power of focus.
Salve.
The salve of Wellness.
This salve is not so much about being well (though also) as it is about being a Well. Or accessing your wells.
It is about Solace, Sustenance, Plenty, Rejuvenation, being filled.
As soon as you apply it, you remember that you are well, that you are a Well, that you have access to wells.
You begin to pay attention to your wells. Well-nourished. Well-hydrated. Well-snuggled. Whatever wells are important to you. You begin to return to the wells, and in doing so, you return to a state of well.
This salve is deeply healing, and a little bit goes a long way…
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is from Agent W:
Eye Dribble
Apparently, Agent is not familiar with crying: Why do you eye dribble on me?
Reasonable question.
Anyway, this band plays Norwegian death metal with a country flair. And it is, of course, just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
You guys!
Help us meet our Blodgett! You get TREASURE, and then we distribute more treasure:
Here is the link for Operation Sustenance, which holds everything I will be offering in 2014. –> Password: fredastaire
And I would love help bringing more people to the site, so if you have a favorite post, please share this week. Let’s grow the base so we can do what we need to do this year, and so there are more lovely people to play with.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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Hello, Friday. Hello, Havi. Hello, all y’all.
Three hard things:
1. Major Not My Bus blues. A breath for recognition.
2. The Where’s My Medal wahs. A breath for recognition.
3. The WTF Micro$oft mamba. A breath for working with what I’ve got.
Three good things:
1. My sweetie got the go-ahead for PT. A breath of HUGE relief.
2. Help from a mentor. A breath of gratitude.
3. Fleece-lined yoga pants. A breath for comfort.
Warm wishes and bright bouquets to all y’all.
“Ease is to my left and east is calm.”
… and ease is calm too! 🙂
Hooray for the chicken!
I thought of you all the week, Havi, as I was having a Mucus party GALORE myown self.
The Hard
Feeling puny in general.
Needing to work while feeling puny.
Poor sleep while kritter sitting for a good cause making puny more enhanced.
UMS (ugly mood swings) in full party mode refer to the above.
The Good
Tons of garlic and fermented kraut in all my meals helped heal me faster (this is the story I tell myself and it soothes me).
Good idea to get a sound machine, so my love watching morning sporty television does not stoke the fires of UMS in his direction.
I can breathe through BOTH nostrils and my hair does not ache and my noseblowing chapped upper lip is healing.
Stumbling on the post about wheel grinding to help with the clamour in my head about an even this week that stirred up ugly in my heart. The post helped me put all the feelings back on the peoples they belonged to. The pain was not all mine and what was was very young, and very old. Sighhugs to the hurts and whispered thank you that they do not have to stay with me.
THIS PLACE!!
Oh this place. My heart. Huge hugs for this place and these people and you and Selma and the kind First Mate!
JOY!!! and punctuation abuse!
Brrr. It’s snowing here, so I’m picturing this chicken wearing a striped scarf and bobble hat.
Le hard: Emotional shedding; my body and I at a stand-off; and feeling cold all the time, which is one of those sneaky things that contributes to at least 50% of my mood, but I forget about that until things get crazy.
Le good: Actually using my tools and seeing some shifts. Yes, hot water, conducting, compassing and colouring do help, no matter what my monster committee thinks. Also remembering that now is not then, and everything is actually okay. Also, juice.
I love this salve, and I am going to use it lots. Thank you so much.
It seems as if this week contained more hard than good, but let me go treasure hunting and see what I can find.
Hard stuff:
–Scary money stuff.
–Someone close to me is depressed.
–I’ve been having my own tearful moments, too.
–Sadness and fear that now will be like then.
–Sadness and fear that now will *not* be like then.
–Other people’s stuff triggering my stuff like whoa. (Hey, that’s not a bad idea. Whoa! Pause!)
–Things I need to do that I’ve been putting off. I want to believe that all timing is right timing, but the monsters are not convinced.
Good stuff, please!
–I am *so* happy to be a part of the Sustenance mission. Happy to be supporting this work, and happy for making the commitment to myself to receive support, all year long.
–I cooked delicious meals this week.
–I connected with a local colleague.
–I set gentle goals for myself and met them.
–I remembered that not everything requires a response.
–I went out into the world and savored the sunshine.
–I found inspiring things to read.
–I gave and received love, every day.
–I wrote and I sang, every day.
Wishing Wellness to Chickeneers everywhere. <3
I remember a cough like that. And the peace of notcoughing even for just 15 minutes. Throwing pennies into the fountain for more 15 minutes.
The Hard.
Being sad and mad and hurt and embarrassed and missing someone and hating them intermittently and all at once. Writing letters I will not send even though I so desperately want to send them. And thinking that if he were dead it would be ok for me to grieve outloud and lie on his grave and cry and people would say ‘how sad, her poor heart’, but because he is just dead to me if I grieve out loud then they (or I) will say ‘how sad, she should be over this by now.’
The Good.
Finding writing from me from 17 years ago. That was a good me. A happy me. A hopeful loving loved me. Remembering that me and finding her again.
Meeting my own needs.
New clients.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
This week I have mostly been arguing with boundaries. First there were too many of them and then there were not enough. There have been many people.
My ex-manager wants me to go to Bolivia. I don’t know whether I want to go to Bolivia or not.
I am better at looking after myself than other people think I am. (But perhaps it would be nice to let other people look after me.)
The telephone: the most uncouth invention of the past five hundred years.
How the hell are you meant to be female in this family, anyway?
Working on:
– teaching the last generation manners
– integrity
– everything I need I have
– I will wear exactly the knickers I feel like wearing, actually
– I don’t like Pringles and therefore don’t need to buy them
I talked to Me Who Is Over This about How I Get Over This. Can’t think why I didn’t think of that before.
Heya Chickeners,
Warm, get well thoughts to the sick folk.
Hard
– Seeing a negative pattern, knowing the me that holds this pattern and why and from when, and still not feeling any traction in shifting it. Deep roots running through fragile territory.
– Getting enough sleep and enough time to do things.
– The bus. Feeling a bit dyslexic and unable to read the signs to tell whether it’s my bus.
Good
– Settling into a supportive morning ritual. Re-realising how profoundly effective good habits are.
– A couple of people/team skill breakthroughs this week. I am a tech geek who manages a team of tech geeks. Soft skills are sometimes hard work.
– A friend came to stay this week, and she brought two huge bags of Thai mangoes. And more friends over last night for drinks and pizza. Friendship and sweetness.
I’m liking the concept of being held. Picturing a connection that conveys warmth, safety and respect. I’m all for holding and being held.
Glowing gratitude for the salve of Wellness. It is exactly what I need right now. Taking it in gently with a breath for Presence. I am here.
I was reading about the salve and immediately thought well-snuggled is one of my wells, and then there it was. <3