It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
Today is my birthday!
I’ve never had a birthday coincide with a Chicken before, so this is fun. Coincides With Chicken, it could be a band. Not this week though, we already have one.
So. Happy birthday to me. I’m in my prime! Sorry, there will be prime number jokes all year.
And also: happy birthday to my business: nine years since it came into my consciousness, eight since The Fluent Self and I made it official at city hall in San Francisco.
What worked this week?
Hiding my phone.
Well, not so much hiding it as placing it in the conducting vault to wait for me until morning.
Next time I might…
Trust that the answer is around the corner.
I spent most of this week enormously stressed out about an Impossible-To-Solve Problem, and agonizing over the pain of not being able to resolve it.
Then I went to Seaside, and the ocean cleared everything up, as it does. And suddenly there was completely unexpected intel that meant the Impossible-To-Solve Problem was not in fact a problem.
So. Yeah. I want to remember this the next time I am turning things into Problems.
Also my big clue this week was that what I think is an impasse is actually a riddle, and that is something I would like to remember as well.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- A cold and stomach flu at the same time? Are you kidding me? A breath for how not fun this was, and for patience and presence.
- But wait, you say, stomach flu and a cold on your birthday, Havi Bell? That sucks! Yes, I know. A breath for timing.
- But wait Havi, you say again, did you not just spend the past month incapacitated due to that hellish virus followed immediately by the ankle sprain that would not heal, and now you get a cold and a stomach flu? Yup, that’s what happened A breath for the intense frustration of that.
- Way more work to be done than I have time/energy/capacity to do it in. A breath for wanting a new way.
- Due to all of the above items, my body did not get to do the fun things or the dancing things this week. A breath for missing and craving.
- Trying to feel at home in my body. I know this is just….the work of life, especially in our distortion-filled culture. This week I was in my stuff about this. A breath for releasing things that are not mine.
- I had a nightmare of a certain type/flavor that I have not had in a very, very long time, and thought I might be done with. Nope, not done. A breath for the distress of Middle-of-the-Night-Me.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- You know what? Illness aside (or even included), this has been a lovely birthday. It has also been the first actually lovely birthday in at least eighteen years. So I’m going to say we have officially ended my run of Terrible Depressing Birthdays. That’s pretty big. A breath for delight, and for seeing the good.
- Last weekend was Rose City Swing, and while I wasn’t really able to dance, I was able to walk through three dance workshops where I learned all kinds of fascinating things. A breath for learning and enjoying.
- The Floop, my private community for practice, has set sail. Year 6 in this grand experiment. I feel delighted and peaceful about this group and this year. A breath for play and for process, and the magic that emerges.
- The Spy and I went to Seaside, where all the best things happened. I talked to the ocean. I got quiet. A breath for the beautiful thing that is getting quiet.
- Seaside was wonderfully stormy: I stayed inside while the waves crashed and the winds rattled the inn, listening to the rain. I took long baths and sweet naps, and wrote to my heart’s content. A breath for the just-right thing.
- A perfect simple solution revealed itself quickly and easily. What do you know. A breath for trust.
- I asked Incoming Me, who already knows all about the year of 37, to give me 37 clues or pieces of advice. Mind: blown! A breath for useful intel.
- I feel so fortunate to have so many wise, kind, loving, playful, creative, curious, sweet appreciation-filled people in my life. Thank you for friends, colleagues, the lovely people who hang out here. A breath for being filled with appreciation.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
My op this week was progress with a certain Big Idea that doesn’t have a name yet. Yes! WHAM BOOM.
Next week? More decorating for Operation Say Everything Twice. Continued stone skipping to learn about Operation Houston It Is The Vicar.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of asking the right questions, in the right…I want to say tone, but since I don’t speak, it isn’t really that. With the right emphasis? In the right manner? I asked questions in such a way as to elicit great answers, from myself and from others.
Superpowers I want.
The power of perfect simple solutions everywhere, to the point that it is just hilarious how plentiful, perfect and simple they are.
Salve. The Salve of Appreciation.
When you partake of this salve, you see all the small things. What is right, and not what is missing. You notice the way someone set out a spoon for you, with a little spark in your thank-you heart. And you feel appreciated: as if you secretly know that each spoon you set out is also noticed and thanked. This salve smells like springtime and it just melts into your life.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is angry German metal. The band comes from Richard, it is called Scheissmoodle, and actually it is just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. #9825;
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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Happy, happy birthday, Havi!
What worked? Listening to my whims, and trying new things.
Next time… I want to drink more water. Did I say that last week too? Well, it’s still true, though progress has been made.
Hard: People poking and prodding at my boundaries. Hello, opportunity to add some extra sparkle to my force field!
Good: Flooooooooooop. <3
Superpower:I am invoking the superpower of singing sweetness.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers!
A bouquet of daffodils and tulips for you! Happy birthday, Havi!!
Happy birthday, Havi!
Happy Birthday Havi!
I’m so happy that your run of Terrible Depressing Birthdays is over 🙂
Happy birthday for yesterday Havi and all the sparkly goodwishes for the year of being 37!
Happy Birthday, Havi!
(If I knew a non-cheesy, non-annoying Happy Birthday song, I would sing it right now.)
Happy birthday! The daffodils and the cherry blossom are out, and there are just a few tulips beginning.
Hooray for Havi’s birthday!!!!
No flowers yet. we are still under inches of snow and ice. a breath for patience.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
And you feel appreciated: as if you secretly know that each spoon you set out is also noticed and thanked.
*bows in gratitude for salve and other sharings*
What worked this week?
* waiting
* welcoming M. on her terms
Next time I might…
* how to greet the tired joke as an opportunity?
* what do I need to feel less bristly?
* wear the gloves!
Hard:
* friggin’ asthma
* ludicrous fear popcorn spiked with rancid resentment butter
* sexism and entitlement ARGH
Good:
* finished four pieces!
* chopping up old medical skid socks to use as penwipers 🙂
* getting to listen to Baroque opera while I do it
* the crocuses I planted last fall are peeking through the surface of the soil. *marvels*
* quality studying time
Warm wishes and big bouquets to all y’all!
*bops head along to the Scheissmoodlegoss* *thrashy grin*
Happy Birthday, Havi!!
And that salve is lovely.
A Saturday Chicken:
The Good: Realizing that somewhere between zero exclamation points and 27 exclamation points is where I want to be. And that where one is too hot, and one is too cold – there will be one who is just right. Just right for me. And now that I know the right thing is out there, I will know it when I see it.
Also good – car wash. Sun. Warm. Friends.
Happy happy birthday, Havi, and happy day after your birthday, and happy 364 days after your birthday! May 37 be filled with prime wonderfulness!
A tricky week, but with lots of clearing and lots of love. The hard of not getting things done, but the good of having wonderful people.
The Salve is very Appreciated!
so much week this week. So very much week.
sucks:
-the ongoing medical crisis
-nightmares on sveral nights in miami. really basd ones that didnt fade with the morning. ugh
-leaving my laptop at airport security, having to run back to get it. panic that dumped enough cortisol and adrenalin in my body to seeverely affect me for hours
-not much re-entry and transition
-the occultist and all those many coflciting feels
— 3 days staright of migraines
-many monketwrenches as i tried to return t routine, including being 24 hours late for eldest kid’s school conference. shame etc
-money stuff
-being overly harsh to a friend who sure didnt need it
-my trip ot the ocean was 30 minutes there, 20 minutes to prk, ten minutes at water’s edge, 30 minutes home
what worked this week: excellent well tending, asing my body what it needed, Knowing the net thing to do, Compassing radiance, practice, being loving. Today I conducted forthe first time in weeks and i think i finlly get why it’s a useful peice of tech.
Next i want to try: a refreshing glass of water, humming.
what was awesome this week:
-returning to work and having so many people so happy to see me
-feeling this miraculos op f energy, being very prodctive and negaged at work.
-being back with the family
-my brotehr is much much better
-i left denver in winter and i came back to almost the end of winter. the wheel has turned, it’s obviosus, despite 3 inhes that feel yesterday
-sobriety
-feeling the ability to make changes in my life consciously. being proud that i made the choice that was healthy despite cravings the otehr way.
-praise from my teacher. beams
-i’ve been writing questions in my journal, and i’m getting a lot of information this way. this is working
-today was such an awesoe day. i sat down and did a lengthy journal sesson, where i really got present with my process and my mojo. lots of journaling, lots of deeper contact. so great
-part of this was answering questions i have recently posed so thst was great.
-today i did some working out, and i have started to re-commit to siva nata as an ongoing prsctice, show up for it. i set that intent and just ran thru Level one arms, horizontal and vertical. all the journal happend an hour after i did this
–a sweet gift ffrom my Girlfriend.
-so mcuh to be grateful for
Happy Birthday, Havi! I’m so glad for you that you had a good one! and Happy Birthday to the Fluent Self – I’m glad you’re both here! <3
you can't always get what you want
-no so bad sleep this week, but still constantly exhausted
-BOD deadlines not met
-Did not find coins this week (proxy)
you get what you need
-job deadlines – done
-event deadlines -done
-event – success!
-unexpected cooperation from a very unexpected source
-gutters are unclogged (a big deal in the Pacific NW)
ahhhh yeah
-using the toolbox helps a lot
-every found coin counts, even if it doesn't happen every day
-salves are like little miracles
Happy birthday, Havi. I wish you a fabulous year.
Claiming chicken amnesty for the week just past:
What worked was letting things happen as they happened, and writing about my worries so that they were out of my head, and the page could worry about them instead of me.
Next time, I might write more on paper.
The Hard: pain, and seeing how many of my loved ones are in the hard, MrB’s health.
The Good: having so many loved ones, a successful meeting, pain meds, good food, days are still gray and damp but temperatures are moderating and I can get out more easily.
Cheers to the chickeneers.
Happy birthday, Havi! May your whole year be a sparkling pageant of superpowers and qualities, all at the right time, and whatever else your heart desires <3 <3 <3
Happy Birthday Havi (calling on amnesty, though not sure if it works for birthdays)
For you, one gift wrapped jar of “My House, My Rules” pot-pourri. Not that you need it, but it smells nice and has qualities of sovereignty, safety and creative freedom. Top notes of rose. The underlying vetiver is more subtle and stabilising. It comes in a stainless steel canister with “Zero-G” engraved in a stylish roman font.
Hey, I just realised I’m in my prime too! Though admittedly the next one.
Saying Goodbye to a voyage. Creating space for some rest. Welcoming the next adventure.
HARD: Skwutherborping limogganoggins: adventures in MAKING UP WORDS. Making up words was helpful. Sort of. I guess. I’m still angry about this.
HARD: Struggling with the Arithmetic of Poinsettas. Why why whyyyy is it so hard? Because. But I want it to be easy! And I want to whine about it! Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!
GOOD: adventures in riding the train.
GOOD: JAW
GOOD: releasing the Incepticonodules
GOOD: Op: Uterus, WHAM BOOM!
HARD: [Not getting invited to a thing], what the incredible fuck. Hard because: stuff, baggage, now/then, outsider, made up stories, needing companionship, needing validation, taking it personally
GOOD: I did a lot of Cat Wrangling, it was cool
GOOD: Getting acquainted with the Willikinz
GOOD: Op: Rainbow Pocket
Superpowers I’ve used: Superpower of Stickiness, Superpower of Making Space, Superpower of Stellar Resonance, Superpower of Reach Out
Superpowers I invoke: Superpower of [Gazebos], Superpower of [Trophy], Superpower of Getting Shit Done, Superpower of A of P, Superpower of POOF!