It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
GERBIL TAG!
Gerbil tag is this made-up word/concept that was a huge help to me this week.
I had lots of writing projects I didn’t want to do, things that involved setting boundaries or describing something hard to describe, or giving instructions about how I want something to happen. Blah. Horrible.
So I pretended that I was writing these things on the topic of GERBIL TAG. And I substituted GERBIL TAG for whatever the actual subject was.
Then I got to picture gerbils playing tag. Or, since Tag is day in German, I could pretend to be celebrating Gerbil Day. Either way, it was a welcome distraction from the subject at hand. I seriously used GERBIL TAG to help me write three completely different pieces.
When I was done writing up whatever needed to be written, I just did a page search for GERBIL TAG, and replaced it with the actual topic. This was surprisingly effective, and I hope I remember this one!
Next time I might…
Rest-pause first.
Every time things got stuck or painful this week, I paused for eight breaths. Or sixteen. Or five minutes on the floor. Or twenty five minutes on the floor.
It made everything better.
I also noticed, at Rally (Rally!) of course, that if I do this first, I am less likely to get triggered and also faster to recover.
I would like more resting-pausing first, please.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- My mission to Corvallis was horrible and I hated it and couldn’t wait for it to be over. Actually I ended it a day early. A breath for things being like this.
- Low energy. Lots of recovery and bed. A breath for trusting.
- A situation that had previously been pretty comfortably in the category of “enough aspects of this are good to make up for the weird glitches where things are really, really, distressingly not good” moved, swiftly and unexpectedly, into the category of “no, absolutely not, I may not be great at treasuring myself but I treasure myself just enough to know that I am not putting up with this anymore, ever.” A breath for letting go and all the sadness of that goodbye.
- Too many projects at once. Overwhelmed. A breath for trust and more trust.
- Heartache. Sitting with the void. Both of these are hard. A breath for comfort.
- Realizing I don’t want to do something I thought I really wanted to do. A breath for not being sure.
- Having to take any kind of leader-ey role results in spacing out and losing my grounding. A breath for coming back to myself.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I learned what I needed to learn from part one of Operation Crown Bridge in Corvallis, and I cut my trip short, and that felt amazing. A breath for changing my plans.
- Sunday was delicious. A long bath, a three hour nap, lusciousness. A breath for discovering what happens when I treasure myself.
- I am, finally, very clear on who can’t be in my life right now and why that is. Goodbye, goodbye, toxic relationship patterns, and goodbye, goodbye, me being the outlet for other people to plug their stuff into. I am done, and I am glad. A breath for knowing this.
- It is Rally (Rally!), and I am enjoying this particular Rally so very much. About half the people who were on the list didn’t show. We had a warm, fun group of seven people, and, I don’t know, just play and pleasure. A breath for a shared voyage, full of marvelous surprises.
- Epiphanies at Rally! Spirals at Rally! Giggling at Rally! Lots and lots and lots of writing at Rally! My problems solving themselves at Rally! A breath for remembering how great Rally is.
- Going for brunch with two of my favorite people at the same time, both of whom are named Marisa. Not only are they both Marisa, but they are both wise, thoughtful, sweet, fun and a joy to be around. I could happily have a double-Marisa brunch every week. Also they both have a distinctive and not-dissimilar way of speaking, which makes me want to create a game show called, Who Said It: Marisa or Marisa? For example: “I must go, I require grilled cheese.” Or, “I love that moment right between asking the question and knowing the answer.” Or, “I colored a thing and now I am happy.” I actually tested it out on Richard, and he guessed Marisa every time. He was right once. A breath for friends, brunch, delight in life.
- So much appreciation and thankfulness. Spring rain. Smiling strangers. Good smells. Delicious cheese. Long Slow Deep. Richard is amazing. Things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Wham Boom! So much got done this week. Thank you, Rally. I finished Operation KLM, canceled Operation Sea Sky Dance Play, and am pretty close to finishing the final first draft of Mission of Xs and Ys. And I launched some new missions and ops, excited about those too.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
I had the superpower of releasing things that are not mine, and the power of seeing connections between seemingly unrelated things. And of taking eight breaths when I feel sad.
Superpowers I want.
The power of relaxing into what is happening, the power of remembering that “Now is Treasure”, which was something we seeded in the compass at Rally. I am still working on Extreme Sexy Fearlessness and will take some more of that please.
Salve. The Salve of Releasing What Is Not Yours.
As soon as this salve touches your skin, everything that is not yours finds its way out.
Actually, it’s more like it is politely escorted out:
Other people’s energy, the things they think about you, their projections onto you, their misunderstandings, their ideas about who you are. It all has to go. Stories people tell themselves about you, jealousies, mix-ups, all of it is gone.
And what you are left with is peacefulness, quiet, room to breathe, room for qualities, room to feel into what you need next. All of your energy comes flooding in, clean and clear, ready to be enjoyed.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band by way of one of the Marisas! This band is called Suddenly Squeaking Monkey. And yes, it is just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.
It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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Salve. The Salve of Releasing What Is Not Yours.
Oh My. thank you. Thank you. Did I say thank you.
I needed that Salve. I lovingly remind myself that I can love my neighbors but I do not have to hang on to what isn’t mine. I can love my students, but not hold their pain. I can love my partner, but ultimately, I can let go of what is not mine.
I wish you a peaceful restful week, Havi. And all the rest of you here. Peace. and Rest.
hi 🙂 great post 🙂
you are really helping me so much with your blog. you write about stuff that i didnt even realise it was possible to write about, or even think about. it really is such a revelation and a big improvement on the whole “angels and unicorns” type scene that i have sometimes turned to in desperation.
you are actually giving me a place to start looking at some of the “stuff” that i never look at. 🙂
so, thanks 🙂 im really glad i subscribed.
ps. i love the barrington fund 🙂 great idea 🙂
Oh Blessed Friday where I am home before 9 and can sleep the sleep of the hard working and happy and tired.
The Good:
Clearing out of all the old – new office space, having the conversation with current office mate about leaving and having her be happy for me, a new phone which meant erasing all of the photos from the old phone and making space for new things.
The yummiest little dishes with the loveliest tiny beerette with the best friend and still, home before 9!
Getting to sleuth out a bad guy at work, and join the fight for justice.
Trusting the world (and the apple store guys) enough to get a new phone and all that entails.
Finding the tickets to what I wanted.
A Breath For:
Doing most of these things alone.
Excellent salve!
Hard:
–An unexpected and ominous letter.
–Someone very close to me has been depressed.
Good:
–An outstandingly wonderful artist date.
–Singing for others and with others.
–Lots of wham boom!
I am now invoking the superpower of Every Little Thing Gonna Be All Right. It’s an oldie but a goodie. <3
Treasuring yourself! Havi, you continue to inspire! This is a question that I am just beginning to live.
And that salve! I love it, I need it, I want it, I think I will dunk myself in it.
What isn’t mine includes: Other people’s energy, the things they think about you, their projections onto you, their misunderstandings, their ideas about who you are…Stories people tell themselves about you, jealousies, mix-ups…” That is amazingly clarifying and important.
Next weekend, I am going to use that salve and that understanding a lot.
The hardest thing this week was learning how to do and carrying out a medical care thing for MrB that makes me feel queasy to think about, never mind actually do! A breath for each time I have done it. I have done it, I will continue to do it, it is a necessary thing, but there will never be a time when I don’t feel light-headed and weird. There’s a reason I never became a medical doctor!
The best thing this week was the menu of choices I made from the List of Things That Probably Won’t Totally Suck and then choosing to do some (many!) of the things. My List usually includes things that I *have* to do, and this list was only of things that I could choose to do or to *not* do — having the freedom to choose made me want to do them. And you know what? It didn’t suck to do them!
Other good things this week:
Seeing both of my sisters this week
A free day where I didn’t do *any* errands or appointments or anything I didn’t choose to do. I took myself out to lunch in a nice restaurant, I spent time at the bookstore, I shopped for shoes and sheets, I went to a different coffee shop, I went to the library…
My friend BB insisted that I schedule a free day for myself every week, and watched me mark them off on the calendar!
Only one class this week, and the student got excited about something that suddenly crystallized and made sense and could be used. I love when that happens.
And the amazing timing of the rains, which knocked off most of the flowers from the sweet gum trees before they could scatter pollen all over the place and make breathing impossible and force me to spend the nicest days of spring locked in my house!
I can begin look forward to a time when the hardest thing in my week won’t involve medical problems or MrB!
That is a brilliant idea: No errand day. It ranks right up there with: No cooking days and eating simple things or things already made. 🙂 May I beg/borrow/steal this idea?
I am sending you interweb love about MrB and illness. illness is so hard for so many reasons.
Interweb *Hugs* too
more hugs: {{{VickiB}}}
-o-
Hello, Saturday. Hello, y’all!
Hard, vexing, etc.:
* scheduling angst
* mosquitoes
* vendors wasting my time with their incompetence
* so much to fix, clean, etc.
* I am feeling murderous toward an ex-in-law
* Haven’t sold anything writing-wise since January
Good, wonderful, and more:
* bank teller: “I sometimes see you walking by with your yoga mat, and I’m like, you go, girl!”
* I’m confident that I will sell more work, especially after I return to the revising/submitting swing of things.
* hosted a graduation party for a friend, and it was so much fun seeing and hearing people enjoy themselves
* a sparkling slew of birthday greetings and gifts — and knowing that there are more to come
* unexpected nonbirthday compliments on my birthday, too (including kudos for stories I wrote more than five years ago). To borrow Rob Brezsny’s phrase, it very much felt like the universe was conspiring to shower me with blessings. 🙂
* this year’s bean seedlings look so much healthier than last year’s lot, and the pepper plants are thriving
Going to luxuriate in a hot bath now, and then slather on lotions and salves, including the salve of the week and the sprezzatura potion.
Wishing you all a splendid weekend and an ease-full week.
Oh,many HappyBirthdayBlessings, Mechaieh!!
Thank you!
Also, Thank You for (sending and sharing) such beautiful wishes ~
Oh you guys! I applied this salve and it was FANTASTIC.
In particular, I love how other people’s stuff got escorted out IN A BOX. My space is so much freer and lighter and cleaner and tidier. YAY!
Hey guys! Hello Friday! Cluck.
The best thing about this week is…it wasnt last week.
the suck:
-very unhappy words with husband
-work load and pressure ratcheting up
-Dee, Pleated
-no writing. am i even a writer any more
-the Nigerian girls. campus assault. all the r-word all over th news. nice we’re noticing, but several cleansing breaths for trigger-wars and rage-bait.
-and this: a party that i wanted to attnd, that became scarier and mor expensive and not what i wanted by the minute. feeling vulnerble because it was morphing into deeper and deepr challnge for me, and i felt unabl to say, whoa, i cant’t do that. also fear about being the party-pooper, the old lady who cant keep up with the young ones. sooooo much pain and discomfort here, really lost my crown over this one, and didnt even feel empoerred to say, hey this is not working for me, and i suspect it wont work for y’all either. many braths here.
-and then, yesterday, the unxpectd sick and sore throat. i’m in bed, feeling the effects of Nyquil and now i cant go to the faremr’s market opening day. sad face mouse
but so much good happened too and i saw firsthand hw truly i am blessed:
-hacked thrupugh some thorny tasks at work. a breath for progress
-the girl scout amp trip was awesome! so much fun! i lost 4 pounds from all the running around. i found treasures at the lil thrift shop in Tabernash, Colorado (Tabernash Treasures! how could I NOT go in??) Spent good time with Wendy and made an awsome new friend who is also my NeiGHBOR! I have been asking for deeper connctions in woman-community and here it was!
– my hair is beautiful
-the May regime: totally working
-my friend J calld to cancel the sacry-party and confidd that she felt rail-roaded and pushd into all the over-ambitious parts by her freiend, and it had morphed into somthing that was challenging to her. so things are cancelled but my friend suggetsed that she and i do some things that day, and it was perfect and simple and not too spendy and perfect. a breath for this.
-apple tres in blossom. rose canes cut back to reveal strong new growth once the dead wood is pruned. the cotton woods.
hi, i wanted to say something about your comment of “the old lady who cant keep up with the young ones”.
i am so with you on that. i have a wedding to go to in august. all the family will be there including my many young cousins. i havent seen any of them in about 10 years, during which time i have put on weight and become conspicuously middle aged !! i want them to see me as the young, cool girl i used to be.
so yeh, loads of fear and unhappiness about that !! can totally relate to what you are saying.
thanks Heidi. Omg so much tenderness. I’m so glad for the Fluent Self because it lent me the vocabulary to say, ahh I get why this is threatening me. It was a bachelorette party that was turning into a Sodom&Gomorrah event. Happily, it turns out the bride herself was not happy with all of this, and things have radically shifted into a much scaled down event, much less costly, and less scary, that I can attend and participate with my whole heart.
Oh, yes, this: “The Salve of Releasing What Is Not Yours”. Swimming in it, today, I am.
Also: a breath for the Supremely Good of talking to someone who understands the value of seeing my words in front of my face, instead of bouncing around in my head with all the other words about all the other things, so none of any of it can hang together, and it starts to makes sense!
The hard:
– new infestation of brain slugs
– well-meaning suggestions beginning ‘have you tried…’
The good:
– seeing the patterns; knowing this time that it isn’t real
– being able to extract a genuine, loving concern for my well-being from the HYT
– actually feeling quite a lot more with it today (I am chickening on Sunday morning)
Clues:
– Rhapsody in Blue
What worked?
Saying so.
That salve is/was exactly what I needed. I forgot how to stop picking up people’s “stuff” once they’ve passed by a certain number of emotional barriers.
I don’t like it. I don’t like that I can slip right into emotional care-taking when I accidentally hurt someone I love. Or when someone I love accidentally feels hurt as a result of something I unintentionally did.
I don’t like rushing to rescue and feeling responsible for their emotions. I don’t like it one bit. So, thank you for that salve. It’s muchly appreciated.
The mysterious and hard stuff : The Dude is back looking for work. The software he was writing the manual on doesn’t work. My body is wondering why it doesn’t feel like the other times. Has it not hit, yet, or is it that Now Isn’t Then? It hadn’t hit yet. When it did, it felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
Waiting for the time and strength to look at anything to do with Finances.
The Good: Replaced “A success in my own mind.” with “Imagination Reshaping Reality” on my personal card.
The mouth pain and the head-spinney, eye-twitchies are gone.
What worked: Identifying feelings and recognizing them by saying “Hello, Name of Feeling. I felt/am feeling you.” Writing it down.
Releasing the future.
Noticing that I have what I require.
Asking, with specifics. I did, and The Dude said that it makes it easier on both of us!
What I might try in the future? The salve of requirements! I hadn’t noticed that the smell is whatever I need until Vicki B mentioned it. It will be my “go to” salve. I have already shared it with The Dude. Require, a Re-word.
Ramping up Operation LoL.
Asking for a female roommate for Rally X. It feels like it is time.
Building a safe house from which to face the Finances.