It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday, and for being here right now}
What worked this week?
Sharing, oddly enough.
I used facebook, a forum I do not generally like for anything other than keeping up with dance events.
And I was able to share some of what I was going through, and to ask for help and support in ways that worked for me.
Next time I might…
Consult past experience.
There were a lot of moments this week of “I’ve made a huge mistake”, Arrested Development style.
I already had the intel that made it clear what I needed to do in order to avoid that, I just wasn’t doing it.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Travel. It is so hard on me. A breath for being a highly sensitive person, who needs what feels like outrageous amounts of recovery time.
- The worst jetlag since my disastrous last trip to Berlin several years ago. I was sleeping okay but could not focus to save my life. It was 48 hours of crawling through fog. Chunks of time went missing: I wasn’t daydreaming, I just wasn’t there. Scary and frustrating. A breath for moving through.
- I had been counting on dropping in and out of workshops at the dance convention as a way of easing my way into Operation Detwah, my difficult adventures in Michigan. But what actually happened thanks to jetlag was that I stayed in bed and cried. I hardly did any dancing at all. A breath for comfort.
- I said this last week and it’s still true: I deeply, deeply, deeply need two weeks off. Or in. Or something. And I have no idea when/how this could happen. A breath for needing an opening, and for being able to see the door.
- Operation Detwah took top priority this week, which meant that zero progress was made on the rest of the ops. Frustration. A breath for trusting the process, and the flowers.
- Wishing I could wave a magic wand and help my mother get better. A breath for loving people who are in enormous pain.
- Missing my home and yoga and routine and projects. A breath for passage.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- It’s been a month, and the Unbearable Missing is over. A breath for clean, clear forward movement.
- While the 48 hours of zombie jetlag were pretty hellish, the moment when it cleared was beautiful. A breath for relief.
- The Mystery of Aisle 32. This marvelous and unexpected adventure involved invisibility, resonant energy transfer (it’s a thing!), the elusive Mr. Blakely if he does in fact exist, his nefarious scheme — or is it actually not nefarious at all?, a cowboy who is not a cowboy, wildly extravagant hats, henchmen in equally extravagant hats, brunch at the Fleetwood, a giant epiphany about panache, and at least one spectacular musical number with jazz hands! A breath for the truly miraculous healing thing that is PLAY.
- Sleeping through all the dancing actually meant that I had the great fortune of attending a Robert Royston dance workshop at ridiculous-o’clock in the morning, a completely extraordinary jaw-dropping hour of intense learning which completely changed how I think about dance. A breath for good fortune and right timing.
- Companionship, in a wide variety of forms. A breath for being held.
- Setting clean clear expectations. A breath for wearing the crown.
- Bonus miracle! A breath for the unexpectedly wonderful.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. Delicious food with my brother. Marisa, Richard, Luke and Casey cheering me up (and cheering me on) from afar. We can do this. I made it. Dance this weekend. American Ninja Warrior clips are the best. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Operation Detwah took over everything this week, though I did get 4 hours done on Operation Xs and Ys on the plane. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
I had the superpower of my feet know where to go even when I don’t.
Superpowers I want.
The power of Graceful Easy Transitions, and the power of Delighting in Releasing, Releasing Into Delight.
Salve. The Salve of Delighting In Releasing.
I have had lots and lots of experiences in which letting go was almost unbearably painful, until the moment I could finally do it, and sometimes even after.
And I’ve had experiences where the letting go was relief: Don’t let the door hit you too hard on the way out! The goodbyes of Good Riddance.
This is not like that. This letting go is sweet, effortlessly sweet. It is delicious. It fills you with delight. Goodbye, and thank you. Goodbye, and I am glad I can let this go. Goodbye, and it is the right time. Goodbye, with love. Goodbye, and may peacefulness prevail.
When you rub this salve into your skin, this flavor of releasing eases into your body and your entire world. It becomes a real option instead of a theoretical concept. Things that are done begin to sweetly exit, without drama, without friction.
It is a salve of ease, of pleasure, of possibility and trust. It is both calming and revitalizing, something vetiver-like. It makes the skin glow quietly. It is a healing for you and for everyone who encounters you.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is from Darcy and it’s called Pneumatic Underground Hamster Tunnel To Portland, and they are a cello group who is actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.
It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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A Good Chicken!
The Good:
The LOI is in the hands of the landlord, finally! Office mystery solved.
Operation: Operation has been approved! A breathe for getting what one wants.
New clients, wonderful ones. And firing clients whose energy I no longer want around.
The Challenging:
Operation: Operation being approved now makes it real and makes me have to think about it. Weird to be removing parts of my body that work fine but are not the size I want them to be.
It also makes me have to put a plan in place for my business to run, and trust it to not disappear in the few days I won’t be here.
Using a bit of salve to soften up my hands, which makes letting go easier, too.
Happenings this week were a lot like the weather: sunny days that suddenly clouded up and cloudy rain-threatening clouds that suddenly parted and the sun took over. Having all the feels because of this, and using the tools to cope and to process.
The best thing, and maybe the hardest, was the dawning realization that X might not happen soon after all, and that Y, which I feared most, may not happen either or not for a long time, and that Z, which I have never really considered, is a real possibility. Now that I am seeing the possibility, my minds boggled — not sure what to with, for, to, OR about it.
There’s a big weekend ahead, with lots to enjoy.
not here to chicken but just to glow love for Havi and the other chickeneers.
I continue to glow appreciation for you and for this place. And to slowly creep up to present time by reading every single post I missed. Because it’s all good stuff. And I want to catch up. This week I finally found out what the Floop is. And read about how you sang to the new playground when you’d just signed the lease. That was beautiful.
As for me? The next chapter. It’s here. I can start. I don’t know what it’s going to look like or how it’s going to end. But I’m ready. My house is my own. My life is my own. Yes please.
Thank you for the chickening, fellow chickeneers. May your week be filled with ease and laughter.
What Simone said is what I was going to say. On the floor. Can’t chicken. But I can glow! xox
It’s a chicken and it’s Friday.
The mysterious and hard stuff : May. Happy to leave the Wolves behind.
The Good: Iguana Magic! Nothing up my sleeve, TA DAH! Two iguanas where there was one before – now three, but they’re getting smaller. And a musical WHAM Boom and a puff of smoke and confetti instead of a POOF! And at the end of the act, just one iguana smaller than the size of all the iguanas combined. This is more fun than being Director of the Iguana Rescue and Release Mission. And it is an act for my Revue.
What worked:
Asking about the qualities of the wants.
Asking Nicola Tesla about the Case of Nerves. He said that excitement and energy are two positive qualities that it has.
I said, “Hmmmm” and realized that it does that, too.
It might even glow a little in the dark.
What I might try in the future?
Continue to Release the future during the month of Release, armed with the Salve of Delighting in Releasing .
Continue to look all around to get perspective and continue playing with a 3D spherical or octahedral compass.
Build a safe house from which to face the Finances. Remember back to when the monthly Finances weren’t the Wolf at the Door. I have put a love note, the Hug, Love, Kiss symbol, on the Folder of Bills. Take time to look at the qualities of buying new stuff before buying it to make sure they will bring the desired qualities and that we need the qualities Now.
Glowing…because Friday Chicken (even though I am a vegetarian) makes things better! Always! Thank you Havi!
Haha I am a vegetarian too! Mwah! 🙂
I am a vegan and I think it is an alive chicken! I always picture a happy little chicken strutting around pecking at things…or just chillin’ like http://blog.4pm.ie/luxury-hotels-for-chicken/ 😀
One of my private students always manages to work chickens into his Spanish homework, e.g hen he makes up sentences to practice grammar. He recently described a bunch of kids running away from school to watch chickens play soccer. Since we meet on Fridays, I tend to think of the Friday Chicken as a living and lively thing!
Hello, chicken!
Hard:
–Some criticism that didn’t feel fair.
–Some criticism that *did* feel fair.
–Scrimping and scraping and counting change.
–[silent retreat]
Good:
–Deciding to do things, and then *doing* them.
–Very satisfying work with my music therapy clients.
–The hopeful whisper of new opportunities.
–The fact that when I sing and play in my studio, it draws my daughter like a magnet.
–Resources and support.
I now invoke the superpower of serenely glowing my truest self. <3
What’s been up? Well…
+A breath of elations for the clues. The red wall! The red dress! The sticky haiku! The blue and green! The spots! The syrup! The pancakes! So much to know.
+A breath of gratitude for the Elephant Forts to make this transition easier.
+A breath of sexiness, which is for and from Project Endive in all its radicchio-lousness.
+A breath of coziness for all the puzzle pieces that fit.
+A breath of mmmmm for the cuddling, and a gwish for more of that.
+A breath of celebration for me being FUCKING AWESOME. Nine million sparklepoints awarded to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
+A breath of delight for Op: Pancake Sofa.
+A breath of rockstarness for Agent Branch!
What’s been wobbling? Well…
+A breath of acceptance for that disconcerting dream. I accept you and I release you!
+A breath of courage for sad scared me who has been very alert this week.
+A breath of forgiveness for the cornermoments.
+A breath of appreciation for the Space that I am Exiting.
+A breath of belonging for me who feels like I don’t belong, and a gwish for [tra la la la la la]
+A breath of release for my body being in pain, and a promise to get bodywork this comng week!
+A breath of power for my Rainbow Ladder mission. I can do this!
+A breath of truth for Agent Branch. YAY.
What else?
I am full of ideas!
I can do Operation Quarterback once the move is through!
I can acquire a Hammock!
I can sing for the Pencil Fairy!
I can REST!
Chicken is gonna go climb the ladder now. YAY!
What worked this week? Benadryl. Choosing to study. Going to the pool.
Next time I might… double-wash my eyes with saline solution after removing eyeliner or suncream. Maybe bring the saline solution with me to the studio. (Burny eyes during yoga = not a happy thing.)
Breaths for frustrating/anxiety-churning thingses:
* SO MUCH Ludicrous Fear Popcorn.
* Underappreciation wahs.
* Bugs that bite and sting out in full force.
* Feeling besieged/ambushed by so much sexism and racism and cluelessness, so much of it casual and blithe. I can’t even.
* /exasperated noise at glasses/
* feeling more down than I expected after receiving a rejection, even though it was kind and encouraging
* fruit fly infestation. UGH.
* the ever-present angst re whether to spend how much where and when
Breaths of gratitude:
* seeing War Horse, and seeing the puppet hospital + tech grid afterward
* hollyhocks I babied all winter now blooming beautifully (just counted fifteen on the stalk in the alley!)
* studying at home with dog at my feet & homemade apple soda at hand = bliss
* triple nomination for a “best of” anthology. Woot!
* having half of the pool to myself!
* excellent phlebotomist
* harvesting radishes and mint
* stand-up paddleboarding
* one of my fave percussionists (@highceilings) has moved to Nashville, and his tweets have me smiling and laughing.
Digging the cello groovery. Warm wishes to all y’all.
Week, oh my week! Let’s revue:
What worked: Meeting myself where I was
Next time I might: Give myself even more permission to rest
Le hard:
– more issues with food sensitivities
– yesterday’s job interview of wtf?
– my expectations that things will be logical and then life happening anyway
– being away from the puppy all week!
– searching for ways to relax and drawing a blank each time
Le good:
– coming home to puppy snuggles and love
– sleeping in
– pulling the interview of doom out of a nosedive and into something (hopefully) successful
– more comments and emails re: blog yah!
– sunshine and more sunshine
– identifying the food issues and taking small steps to correct them
Happy weekend to all!
It is ridiculously wonderful how much happiness I get from the Fake Band of the Week. 1,000,000 sparklepoints for wit!
It is Sunday, so i’m having amnesty chicken, and even now i dont know where to start!
What worked this week: all the work i’ve done over the past several months. i keep stepping back into this very strong Foundation, created by BestPractices (my ways to prevent depleton).
the sucks:
-disengaged at work
-hrd feeling with husband
-loss of something i really desired
-times two
-lil questios that lead to bigger questions that i dont care to answer right now
-ugh, stuckness in operation natasha
the sparkles
-setting up the Op means the Op starts moving. i’ve seen this principle at work in sveral Ops, alrge and small, this week
-the HotSprings caper was enormously fun and healing and showwd me lots of road wisdom and lots of Earth wisdom I tend yo forget.
-the wedding Caper was also fun. more revelations
-all these Capers are really strengthening my vision of inComing Me as an IWOM.
-i got to workout twice this week, and i saw some real progress in some of my moves
-sunday was the deliciously cozy, stay at home and watch the rain fall kinda day, lots of chores and delivery pizza and tv. after all the running around lately, it was nice.
-school is out and that brings its own challenges a d adjustments, but mostly it’d brought ease into the daily routine and that is always welcome
-having gme thru all the stages of grief with the loss of the the RedRoseRally, i arrive at acceptance. a breath for All Right Timing is Right
-omg such a gift. i foud my baptimal gown which i had been lookng for, and thought was lost at the dry cleaners. suhc relief
Clulck and good nite.