It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Saying what I want.
A thousand sparklepoints to me because that was not always easy.
Next time I might…
Remember that I’m probably wrong about things I think about myself.
This week showed me a bunch of old filters that I have been seeing myself through which are not true or up-to-date or at all relevant to my life.
That was super interesting. And yet the most interesting part is how surprised I am.
Next time I’d like to start from the assumption of “of course I have insecurities messing with how I relate to myself”, and find out what I learn.
p.s. Thank you me-from-a-few-weeks-ago who made a wish about “I am ready to see clearly”. Holy shit. It is here and it is intense. I assumed I’d become more aware of negative things but guess what? I am seeing BEAUTY and I am seeing things that are absolutely remarkable which had been completely invisible to me before.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The Day of Mud during which I could not do anything. A breath for moving through.
- Both while doing all the things and being too overwhelmed to do any of the things, total shock at the sheer number of things. How do I have so many jobs. When is it going to end. A breath for trust and release.
- All kinds of not-fun stuff going on with the chocolate shop. Including a story that involves gun shots, not even kidding, as well as losing a bunch of business due to unrelated circumstances. A breath for whatever will help us get through this.
- Still mad about a thing I would like to eventually be done being mad about, whenever that happens. In the meantime, a breath for me, and a breath for love, and a breath for time doing its thing and bringing perspective.
- This week went to work and projects, and not as much to the things I like to be doing (yoga, dance, writing). A breath for comfort.
- The thing I want is not the thing someone else wants. A breath for finding our way, individually and together.
- Made a giant decision that will bring a lot of ease into my life, except now I am doing Even More Things in order to clear space for it. A breath for passage.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- THE DAYS OF DOING. Rally magic kicked in hard and I have been doing all the things. 15 missions got cleared out just on Tuesday afternoon. Wham boom! It was mind-boggling how many things moved, shifted and completed this week. A breath for joyful applause. And a hundred billion sparklepoints.
- I was able to announce the writing retreat aka the Righting Retreat, and I am so excited about this! A breath for creating the thing that I always wished existed.
- Massive Rally epiphany that is currently blowing my mind so hard, and is impossible to explain because it falls into that category of This Realization Is Stupid-Obvious. It has to do with really seeing, and I am really seeing. Amazing. A breath for this new and glorious reconfiguration of how I can see things!
- No, really, doing all the things. I cannot believe how much got done this week. Things that have been cooking for what seems like forever. Projects that have been back-burnered for even longer. Forgotten things. Urgent things. Future things. All the things. I don’t even know what happened. Just somehow, this was the week, and everything moved for me. A breath for miracles and right timing.
- Richard is wonderful. I don’t say that enough even though I think it all the time. He does so many things that make my life easier. A breath for deep appreciation.
- Taking care of myself. This week I invested in the well-being of incoming me in dozens of different ways, and I made choices towards rest and towards rejuvenation. A breath for this.
- I AM RETREATING. In two different ways. I set up the Righting/Writing retreat that I have dreamed of, and also I found some notes from the last time I went to the Vicarage that basically said, “wow, I can’t believe I waited until I was this much of a wreck to give myself recovery time”, and thought, oh, man, I am watching what is coming and not doing anything about it. So I am taking myself away before I reach that edge. A breath for knowing what to do.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. Thank you, Karen J, for the scarf and for thinking of me! My mission last week about joining the Resistance turned out to be brilliant. T.J. said all the right things while I was panicking on Monday. And Oliver Danni sent me Chicken On A Raft! I can’t even tell you how quickly this put me in a good mood. The henchmen have hats, why do I forget this, it is the best. Richard brought me snacks. The yellow roses in the backyard are gorgeous. I am okay, and I am going to be okay, and I trust that every aspect of these hard learning is useful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
So much wham boom this week, I am in shock! I introduced Operation Sip Hint Learn to the Floop and people really got it, and now we are getting it ready to send out to everyone in the Year of Emerging and Receiving. Among the other ops taken care of this week: Operation Lipstick. Mission Morocco Babe. Operation Spacial Wish Times Five. Operation A Certain Witching. Mission A New Way of Os. Operation Possibilities. Operation Righting It Down. And I even got a haircut. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of seeing exactly what I needed to see, which is helping me with Wildly Confident, what I asked for last week.
Superpowers I want.
The power of knowing, deeply, that every moment is treasure.
Salve. The Salve of Zoom.
My astoundingly productive week feels like a miracle, it really does. And I know a lot of seeds and resting and waiting went into setting things up for this vivid, colorful explosion of flowering.
I wish I could share this with you, all of it, so I’m asking for it to come into salve form.
The salve of zoom is peppy and peppery, it is surprisingly soothing, it fills you with trust, and a tingly burst of knowing that things are possible.
I want to say “uplifting”, but it is very subtle. You put it on, and suddenly you notice that you are smiling, and you aren’t sure if this is new or not.
Things are starting to move, you can feel it. And this is good, you can feel it. So you smile some more.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is from Richard and it’s called Don’t Sit On The Banana, and they are a fiddle quartet, though I heard a rumor that it’s actually just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT. Wheeeeee!
I spend a lot of time saying “ohmygod I want to go somewhere and WRITE, I want to go on a writing retreat” and then I never do that because of the part where hahaha I’d probably have to sit around with Writers and talk about what I’m writing.
And then I realized I could invent my own that would be exactly what I want. Price super low because I need to leave town for a couple of weeks. It is called a Righting Retreat.
Partly because that sounds less intimidating (to me), and partly because it is true. We will Right things.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) there is an extra-extra-extra low price for the first few people.
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.
It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
Friday!
And a blue ribbon for you for saying what you want! A pretty one to wear in your new hair.
The Challenging:
I took a sabbatical from a Group because I was leaking energy there. Then I went back because I thought I wanted to be back, but really I just had FOMO and now I want to leave again because the people there are not my people and I spend too much energy thinking “these people are so dumb, why are they here? why am I here?” It has its benefits, so I need to think if I can rechannel my energy and give my brain something to do when I think “gah, you are so dumb!” Like an association so that when I think “gah you are so dumb” I will immediately do XYZ. Maybe a booklet to write in what it is bringing up in me, instead of wanting to write in the group.
The Good:
New clients from months ago. Now they are ready. And I am ready for them. Welcome!
Hiring temps. My goodness why did I not do this sooner. I was a Kelly Girl all through college and loved it. And now I have a Kelly Boy, and he is such a good addition (and is obsessed with family history like I am so when he is scanning files we can discuss how our ancestors went on sea-faring journeys.)
Remembering to use the hula hoop.
Heyo — chicken on a raft!
Some things from this week:
– Late nights! Not good!
– Watching myself act a bit crazy without interfering. I think it’s a step up from *not even noticing I’m having a crazy moment* but it’s still disconcerting.
– I found my bone! Yeah, baby! Note to me: Relax, it will come back.
– Progress on The Space Project and the related project Get Out of my House, AKA the Augean Task. Slow progress, though. Sllllowwww.
– The man who smelled of cheese. And his van. I have nothing to add to that.
– Keeping a promise to myself. Nice.
My superpower this week: The power of Yes, which allows me to step forward when I want to retreat and it’s not even a big deal.
I’ll have some of that Zoom Zalve. And I have Righting Retreat envy now. I already had Floop envy. Don’t worry though, they are adorable little envies, and I will take good care of them.
And maybe try to exchange letters with the monster who says that me trying to set up a retreat of any kind is “the Most RidIculous idea Ever are you comPletely Out of your Mind?!!1!!EleventyOne.” He sounds like a reasonable sort, I’m sure we can work something out.
Love to all the chickeners! Mwah!
What worked? Permission for recovery. My previous week was intense, and recovery time was important.
Next time, I just want a little more mindfulness, more presence. It always helps.
Hard: Wishing for more money than we have.
Good: New music therapy clients. Swimming. Singing. Using some birthday money to get something I really wanted. Loving and being loved. Noticing whims and following them.
I now invoke the superpower of Spontaneous Self-Expression! <
Hey ho, chicken on a raft…
The good:
A lovely thing happened. It didn’t happen this week, and it didn’t happen to me, but I learned about it this week, and it is so lovely that it makes the whole world better by having happened in it. I am happy about it, and I am happy that I am happy about it, because I have been finding happy difficult recently.
I bought a hat. I’d been hankering after this hat for a while, and buying the hat solves another problem.
A poem almost happened, and still might.
Other people’s poems, and white wine, sprawled on the lawn.
The amusingly frustrating:
– an espresso martini, while extremely tasty, is not the best thing to drink at the end of the night when you weren’t feeling particularly tired anyway. And it’s June, and the room I slept in last night had very translucent curtains. Three and a half hours sleep, oh my. Today I’ve been pretty much chain-drinking coffee.
I’m sure some other things happened this week but I can’t remember any further back than Thursday night. I shall go to bed.
The Good: “Gallivanting – For Fun and Profit” the show that will take over the time slot of “The Basement Office” when I have retired. And there’s a cycling group with “Gallivanting” in their title, but so far, this is mine.
The Dude and I have survived a week and 3 days of carpooling. Celebrating his job at the restaurant he chose last night when it was Not Packed.
Cousin’s Day at the Mongolian BBQ. My two closest cousins are as far into the mMen Alive concert.
I am closing the door. I am choosing or creating and opening the new door or doors.
Liver cheese on sourdough with mustard and a cream soda. And on another day, raspberry yogurt with chocolate bits and hot fudge sauce.
What worked:
Identifying the Case of Nerves in My Voice Box seems to have cleared it up.
Deadlines are now renamed lifelines like rescue ropes boundaries, or the lines in my hand. But wait! Now they are skylines, those distant peaks you slog towards until you are right on top of them and you have accomplished It, and you can look down at where you’ve been.
The Salve of Triumphant Closure. Using it, with the Hug Box this week.
Wanda Woman, a 50’s housewife in a housecoat (actually one of The Dude’s outgrown Hawaiian shirts) who brought the trash cans back from the street and who washed all the plastic dishes.
The mysterious and hard stuff : We were all asked in church to state “I am willing to let my life be disrupted for you.” But I didn’t see anyone nearby on my short list, so I didn’t. Later, I told the few people who were, individually. But I’m glad that the people of the church in Wisconsin can affirm that every Communion Sunday. People Vary.
I thought Chicken on a Raft was another name for Chicken ala King on Toast, because Oliver’s links are to food.
Sad Project HD at work. Outside of my boundaries, but I have to document it.
What I might try in the future?
I am ready for the Salve of Zoom. Continue to Release the future during the month of Release, armed with the Salve of Delighting in Releasing and getting ready for the month of Zoom. My lead Investigator will be Sidney Zoom, a wealthy Man of Mystery created by Erle Stanley Gardner.
Take the steps to close the ProfOrg Office door. There is a start date and a process and a skyline involved.
May all your chicken rafts zoom safely!
What worked? Asking “What/how about you?”
Next time? More prep, prayer, and pranayama.
Hard, maddening, etc.
1. Fruit flies, and how their existence amplifies the despair of ever getting my kitchen fully clean
2. Submissions in extended limbo
3. Waiting for compensation
4. C, S, and W’s glitchy systems wasting my time and money
5. Awful cole slaw and fries from a vendor I wanted to like
6. That phase where you aren’t sure if the boots just need breaking in or if they aren’t going to be a good fit
7. Letters written in my head haven’t made it out of the head
8. SCOTUS WTF?
Good, satisfying, etc.
1. Hollyhocks remain unmowed!
2. That feeling of spending the right amount of time on an op.
3. Doggies. So adorable!
4. First walk (instead of driving) to yoga in over a month; beer and lavender on the walk back
5. Now is not then, and it sure is nice to be fortysomething rather than fourteen, and to wake up from dreams of dead people and colossal screwups into the realization that I am not about to fail my exams and that even if I were about to, I am loved and in a house with working plumbing and appliances.
6. Latest hair rinse was complimented someone who knows hair.
7. Piano is now in tune.
8. Fireflies! So nifty.
Warm wishes to all y’all. Shabbat shalom.
Hooray for hollyhocks that may yet bloom!
Fireflies win over fruit flies, any day!
Bright Blessings ~
Well I am slathering on this Salve of Zoom bc holy crap I really want to complete 15 missions on a Tuesday afternoon, too. Then I would like a Salve of Delicious Deserved Recovery afterwards. In cocktail form, as you so delightfully offer. Xox
The Salve of Zoom appeals — but I think I need a Salve of Releasing and Recovering. Is there any chance that they could be the same salve?
All week I’ve been under the weather — and we’ve had glorious weather to be under! It would have been a shame to spend the entire lovely week indoors at the computer, ignoring the sunshine and the rain.
A digestive system disturbance last weekend was followed by muscle spasms in shoulders and legs, and then a summer cold — the first serious cold I’ve had in a really long time; usually I get annoying sniffles and sinus-y things. I think I’m on the mend. It’s been good having days of leisurely reading and napping and stretching and NOT doing.
Maybe that is a message from internal Me to Me: stop doing and start living….
The superpower of simply living — that’s what I want for next week! Enjoying my body, and taking care of it, and enjoying *taking care of it*. Simply living in it.
Oooh, oooh – a Zoom and Releasing & Recovering Sandwich, yes?
Hugs and more lovely weather… 🙂
Thank you, Oliver! Chicken on a Raft has me DancingAllOver the room-that-is-not-mine, where last week, I couldn’t even stretch my arms out to claim my own self as sovereign space. (Was that *your* meditation, Havi, that started that way?) Thank you, Universe, whoever said it, because Recognizing Just How F*cking Cramped I was/am/was!
Thinking GoodThings about you allatime, Havi! You help me remember to think GoodThings about me, too.
Love and Bright Blessings to just ev’rbody!
A breath for…hearing the news I was not matched in our firm reorganization of the department. A big pat on the back for making the Elmo cake for my two year old’s low key birthday while processing my own identity crisis. And chopping salad for Shabbat that I hate doing but ensures tiny people eat the veggies. That should be a band “eat the veggies”
A breath for realizing that my gwish and prayer that the toxic boss is removed from my path was heard and acted upon but not in the fairy tale way I wanted.
A gwish that the two phone screens that I have this week pan out and the bank of karma comes to collect from toxic ex-boss, to the 10th power.
A gwish that I can hold onto the thread of self esteem.
A dose of salve for the sad sap emails I will write on Monday to extended network will yield not pity but support and leads.
Leftover chicken surprisingly tasty.