Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
That was one helluva week, is all I’m saying.
Well, that and the other sixty five thousand things that I’m saying.
Onward. The week must be Chickened.
The hard stuff
Ow. Tired. Ow.
Over-doing. Lots of doing.
Basically, stuff related to doing.
Things-going-wrong in weird and stupid ways.
All somehow related to coldness? And discomfort.
The heating in our hotel didn’t work. Or, not without smelling like burning hotel room.
We had to move rooms. After a couple days, so all of our stuff was unpacked and I had to teach a class and gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Then we got back from California and the pipes were frozen.
That was Tuesday and there’s still no water in the kitchen. Lovely.
This has to stop.
I get that people say hard things because they’re feeling hurt. Sometimes it’s a question. Sometimes it’s more of a hurled shoe. Or it feels like one.
And I’m really, really ready to have more people in my life who can take responsibility for their stuff instead of projecting it on me.
This happened in about six different ways this week, so clearly this is a thing to work with.
Sleeplessness + excruciating high-pitch noise = migraine + misery.
Being woken up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because of Asshat With Leafblower outside the window of our hotel.
After having taught all day Friday and being about to teach all day Sunday, being completely wiped out and in need of rest.
And then complaining bitterly at the local bar (yes, Twitter) and having people be unsympathetic. I mean, sympathy when things suck: it’s what the bar is for.
I’d already had a rude awakening, thank you very much. Two seems a bit much.
And then I avoided the bar for a while, which also wasn’t fun.
Speaking of migraines…
I like my un-laws.* A lot. They are sweet people, and they have really made a point of welcoming me into their thing. And the kids are super cute.
It’s just that I don’t do well with background noise. Or anything squeaky. And an entire day of high-pitched kid-squealing as the default background sets off my HSP-ism.
So I went into hardcore Highly Sensitive Person mode and the inside of my head may have exploded. Or something.
It felt like there wasn’t any me in there anymore. Working on it.
*Unlawful in-laws, yes?
Enormous piles of work stuff.
Obviously this was made more crazy by all the traveling.
Even the fun parts of it (like reviewing seventy-jillion applications for the Kitchen Table and Biggification 2010 and the Destuckification Retreat) just take a crazy long time.
The good stuff
My right people!
The Sacramento Biggification Day workshop. I kind of talked about this in my Very Personal Ad, but man.
The people who came were so cool. The day was so intense. I had so much fun. And my people are having breakthroughs. Whoo. Breakthroughs!
*dances jig*
My people are amazing. And they came from everywhere (London, New York, Chicago, Seattle, Tucson) just to spend a day with me . And working with them is a huge high.
I feel inspired just thinking about them.
Getting to teach in a new environment.
The reason I was in Sacramento was that I was flown out to spend a day teaching at a yoga teacher training.
The theme was … “how to be a yoga teacher and still make money doing it, without becoming some horribly cheesy, sleazy person or having to go back to an office job”.
Or something like that.
So I got to hang out with twenty bright, fun, yoga-teachers-to-be, talking about biggification, right people and all that stuff that we love.
I didn’t know what it would be like, since these aren’t my people. But it turned out they totally were. And we had a blast.
And they asked smart questions. And we did some Shiva Nata. And had some epiphanies. It was awesome.
Sacramento.
Selma and my gentleman friend and I did everything we like!
We had sandwiches at Dad’s. And pizza at Zelda’s. And a spicy breakfast at some greasy spoon whose name escapes me.
Visit with the un-laws.
My gentleman friend’s parents and sisters really love him. And they love me because he does. I appreciate both of those things.
And I made it!
Jew-ey tree-hugging vegetarian urban me spent an entire day in conservative, small town, evangelical America (what I believe is now known as “real America”) and … it was fine. It was fun.
And I’m pretty sure I didn’t accidentally blurt out anything related to potentially dangerous topics (climate change, queer culture, songs we used to sing at socialist summer camp, our dreamboat president), so phew.
Quote of the day (care of my gentleman friend’s seven year old nephew):
“Look at me! I’m kicking a rock!”
Policy updates. Finally.
Got around to doing a bunch of tiny but not unimportant edits to my Official Boring Policy page. Since, apparently, there were bits that were confusing.
Normally I dislike doing policy-related things, but this time I documented my Steps In The Process (it’s just one guy) and turned what I learned into a teaching tool for my Kitchen Table people.
So that was good.
Reading the Kitchen Table applications.
I have smart, interesting, lovely, schweet people who get it. They say things like this:
“Let me just say that even if I don’t make it to the Kitchen Table this time around, and no matter what else, THANK YOU. Thank you so much for everything you do here. For everything you’ve done, even though you might not have realized you were doing it, for me.”
“Writing my answers to these questions has been such a useful exercise that even if I don’t get in, I still feel grateful.”
Man, I feel so lucky to have people like this wanting to be a part of what I do.
First candle. Tonight!
It’s Hannukah in 3, 2, 1 … well, tonight it will be.
Yup. Chag urim sameach, y’all.
I know the candles will make everything cheerier. Looking forward to a week of it.
And … playing live at the meme beach house!
Yes, that’s a Stuism too.
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week it’s all about:
Mangled Syntax
Me: “Sorry about the mangled syntax.”
My gentleman friend: “Mangled Syntax? You know it’s just one guy, right?”
And … STUISMS of the week.
Stu is my paranoid McCarthy-ist voice-to-text software who delights in torturing me misunderstanding me. I can’t stand him.
Anyway, the gems from this week, including Stu’s acetyl Freudian slips.
- “Misstep is not as good anymore” instead of the stuck that’s not supposed to be there anymore
- “for that stronger standing moral abuse experienced hit” instead of for that visceral understanding where all of you has experienced it
- “sorry but the mangled sin tax” instead of sorry about all the mangled syntax
- “how many more years a pooper processing this to the ugliness” instead of how many more years of over-processing this to death
- “Hubby chooses to raw fest some punk” instead of Havi chooses to process some gunk
- “closeted guys” instead of also, guys?
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Follow
Hannukah yays! I get to experience it for the first time tonight. Yays for the Jewery!
Cuddles for you, darling Havi.
I’ve sadly been away from the Friday Chicken (at least, participating; I always read). I’ve missed contributing!
Here’s my week:
The Hard:
-Some surprising fallout from an otherwise expected (and successful) dissertation defense. Felt lots of shoes hit me, under the guise of “academia.”
-Realizing I’m wallowing in negativity, despite all the amazing things that have happened in the past 3 months (moving in with my lover; starting a new job; finishing the dissertation and getting my degree).
The Good:
-Having wonderful friends who really hear me.
-Choosing to counter the negative complainy-ness with positive gratefulness. It’s hard but important for shifting my frame of mind.
-I has a Ph.D.! Hearing my friends and my coworkers call me “doctor” is starting to feel fun rather than embarassing (or worse, so worse, undeserved).
My unlaws are affectionately known as ‘the lawless’ after J’s mother (proudly) showed us her pot of pencils stolen from Ikea and his father (equally proudly) confessed to paying to see one afternoon matinee and casually sneaking into a second one when no one was looking.
Wishing you all a lovely weekend!
.-= lucy´s last post … twiggylu: @icecolbeveridge but the silver lining to a Scottish winter is alcoholic hot chocolate and a real fire! =-.
I had so much good this week that I want to join the Chicken for the first time.
The hard:
Having to be patient for 3 days about something I wanted very much
Realizing that something I thought I was going to do, and that I thought was going to be very cool, isn’t going to happen
Having to attend a potluck and deal with all my potluck-related issues/feelings, and cutting my finger while making my contribution
The good:
Staying focused entirely on the positive outcome while I waited for 3 days
Getting what I wanted very much, a perfect sweet new loom that’s small enough for workshops/travel
Getting the loom a day early because my sweetie came home early from work
Getting a bonus floor inkle loom
Being surrounded by the amazingly cool women of our weavers guild at the potluck
Rapid healing for my cut finger (thank you, tea tree oil)
Free jersey fabric from another guild member
Getting the information that the very cool thing won’t happen in a *gentle* way, with a lot of good information about why it isn’t going to happen that made perfect sense and felt good to know
An intense (good) experience during Hiro’s call on Wednesday
Finally setting up my space heater in my workspace to keep my hands warm
Finally joining in the Chicken ritual 🙂
.-= Darcy´s last post … Day 40: Using what I learned =-.
Oh, Havi, what a week, no wonder you are tired. I hope you get your water back soon, it is so hard when it goes out. (hugs)
Too many Stu-isms this week, my stomach hurts from the laughing.
This week seemed to fly by.
Hard:
Not too much, thinking about it. I was too busy with everything to notice any particular thing. Maybe not having tasty homemade baked goods because I had no time to make them? Anxiety about raising funds for a something that I’m hoping to do, that was there.
Oh, and the *rain*. Pounding pouring waterfalls of rain on the roof the day every one else was getting a blizzard. Triggering my inner lizard who freaks out because of the 2004 hurricane roof disaster and hates rain now. Rain bad, Patrick. Rain very bad.
Good:
UPS was very clever and not only delivered my package but got it here a day early. Yay UPS!
I finished my book project and am shipping it out on schedule. It is beautiful and I am thrilled and I can’t wait til I can show you.
I started another piece in the same vein as the book piece and that one I will be able to share.
The sekrit project mittens for my daughter are finished and I can mail them tomorrow so she has a Hanukkah present from us. 🙂
We found a charter school who works with the correspondence school we’ve been using for the past 16 years and now Izzy can continue in the program. Yay education!
.-= Andi´s last post … Wishcasting Wednesday =-.
Chicken! Sorry for all the triggery stuff happening to you this week, Havi, and Yay! for all your Right People showing up!
This week, I’m ignoring my hard, since it’s same old, same old (yes, pattern, moving along for now). So, the good:
+ I’ve made it to the 4 weeks of holidays / writing at home in pajamas / hibernating bear phase that starts now.
+ Body acted well enough to exercise again.
+ A friend unexpectedly dropped by for a cup of tea and a good chat.
+ Nobody threw shoes at me for canceling social events.
+ Real winter with frost and possibly snow will start next week, so the smart weather people promise us.
+ I will be taking care of a feline guest for 2 weeks. Crazy cat lady picture taking in the making! And I have to deep clean my house from every bit of yarn that is accessible to cat paws, since this cat is obsessed. Obsessed, I tell ya.
* happy dancing all the way home in exactly 1h40min *
Sorry to hear about the no-sleep thing. It sucks.
Chicken!
The hard:
Christmas shops. I had to go shopping last weekend. One of my main HSP sensitivities is music. Christmas music tends to affect me especially badly – for one thing, it’s mostly deeply sentimental, for another, it’s loaded with layers and layers of midwinter sense memory. So it was like being in an emotional minefield. Musical emotion bombs were exploding all around me, for hours. Add to that the Christmas crowds and the fact that I hate shopping, and the result is a completely drained Kate.
Waiting. I have some work at the moment which has some urgency attached to it. And yet this week I have spent most of my time waiting for various things to happen so I can get on with the things that need to be done. Very hard when there’s a lot to be done in a short space of time, and it’s not like I cope well with waiting at the best of times. I too have the must-be-doing thing. So I’ve been fairly stressed.
I am people-deprived. I don’t really know what I can do about it.
The good:
…
OK, I guess I’d better go back to fundamentals and cite things like, I have a place to live which I like.
Oh, no, wait, here’s one. I finally got an explanation for a kind-of-medical thing which has been worrying me for about a year. That’s a very good thing. It is apparently resolveable, though it will take a long time.
Oh – I got to work with the lovely Fabeku, who is delicious.
And flamenco continues to be awesome. I kind of wish I could do it every day. Well, maybe not *every* day, but on days like these, where I really need to, like, ground and release and stuff.
@Havi, frozen pipes is not okay! So sorry you’re having to deal with it.
@Dawn, oh, I’m so sorry for the shoes! Academia at its best is lovely, but at it’s not-best? So painful. And CONGRATULATIONS on defending! That’s HUGE!
My chicken for the week.
The hard
–Workity workity work. Lots of work. Meetings out of nowhere, projects out of nowhere. Little time for breathing and resting.
–Still feeling Not Entirely Well. Plus head cold.
–My sweetie and I have reached an impasse on our Big Issue, and we’re turning to someone to help us work through it.
–Preparing to go to my out-laws this weekend and I don’t want to. Especially the fundraiser my MIL is throwing. Don’t wanna, don’t wanna, don’t wanna.
The good
–All of the workity work is fun and interesting and I’m getting lots of props for it.
–We’re getting help with Big Issue! Yay! Maybe Big Issue can become small and intermittent issue.
–My sweetie and I have been able to hit the impasse while still being kind and considerate and loving with one another.
–The kitties’ coughs have resolved. I’m happy for them, for their experience, and also for me. No more cat-cough on my face while I’m sleeping! Whee!
–We don’t have time to do everything we want to before we leave for the out-laws, and That’s Okay. Getting to okay there is fantastic.
Happy chicken, everyone.
.-= Julie´s last post … Recovering yourself after academia =-.
Oh @Havi – loud noises in the morning are awful! What is wrong with people?!
Yay, chicken!
Hard…
– Lots of work and little motivation to do it.
– I’ve been saying for 6 months that I’m dreading the holidays this year. Each year I detest Christmas more and more, for a variety of reasons. This year is particularly icky because with my brother’s impending divorce, it increases the complexity of the holiday get-together planning. Ugh.
– I have accomplished no holiday shopping. Ugh.
Good…
– I think I am finally getting a handle on WHY I am not enjoying the holidays. I used to love the holidays, and I figure understanding why they make me crazy and grumpy is the first step in fixing it. I may be able to resolve it this year, but perhaps by next year I’ll be like my 22 year old son, who loves Christmas and is very positive.
– I’ve accomplished some errands this week.
– Did more networking this week. Actually feel like I helped people. Yay!
.-= Avonelle Lovhaug´s last post … Ask the Programmer: Why can’t I “own” my code? =-.
Oh my. I’m laughing so hard at Stu, I don’t think I can pull it together to chicken.
OK, breathe…nope. Still laughing. Phew. We love the word “pooper” around here. We apply it to everything. What can I say? I have a toddler.
@Dawn: that is hugely wonderful good news! Congratulations Doctor!!
@Havi: so sorry about the pipes! and the other hard. Hugs.
OK. So, the hard around here. Just one thing:
-The hub and his shoe-throwing. The shoes make me not want to help with his stuff. Make me want to say, “You go away now.”
The good:
-Oh yay. (Blush.) Good news. Sweet. Indeed.
-Time, blessed time to regroup, make art of the shoes and apply NVC to the problems. Hopefully when he’s back from his current gig, I can not run away from the conversation.
-Remembering to turn the heater on in the spidery room under the porch so the pipes from the well don’t freeze. (Thanks for the reminder, Havi!)
-Our first snow of the year. We built a snowman! In the dark! He’s a bit leafy and leany, but still…SNOWMAN! (My first, by the way. And also the Little Bird’s first.)
.-= Emily´s last post … These Are a Few of My Favorite Things… =-.
Leafblowers – a nightmare and an invention just as useless as an apple corer (only that the latter at least doesn’t produce any noise).
My quote of the week from an email by my 12 year old godson after I had asked him what he would like for Christmas: “A letter from you. With money in it.” Very cute VPA.
Need to start with the good:
– QUIT MY JOB! I.e. said to my boss that I don’t want my contract prolonged after this month. I was very open about why I don’t see myself continuing working for a project that drains me and that I don’t believe in.
– She took it great and said she totally understands and respects my decision
– When she asked if my decision was final I very cleary said YES
– OVERWHELMING SENSE OF RELIEF
– More roses thrown at me (see last week’s chicken). IMMENSE GRATITUDE for this support by my people.
– Was asked today to do a little monthly job as off next year that won’t bring much money but it is a small sum that will at least come regularly.
The hard:
– the sleepless nights last weekend and Monday and Tuesday about what to do
– making the decision really hard for myself
– still need to speak to the “big boss” who was away this week and who may not take it as easy as my other boss. Having scenarios off more shoe throwing.
I don’t think this is what one says for Hannukah but anyway: LeChaim!
Ahoy there Chickeneers of the High Seas! Greetings from rain-soaked Southern California!
All my hard and good this week was mixed together.
* Difficult but Good: Collected on a bad check (the second one!) from a formerly good client. Issue resolved, plus some clarity: they’ll be on cash-basis if they hire me again next year. Nice folks, but TWO bounced checks? Really.
* Mixed blessing: No new clients. Lots of free time but not enough income.
* Good: Finished all Christmas presents INCLUDING wrapping.
* A good start: some necessary home repairs completed. I just hope my new handyman will also do the other stuff we discussed.
.-= Barbara J Carter´s last post … Is Art a Good Christmas Present? =-.
@Mr. Nathan – nice!
@Leocadia – wow, you quit the job! That’s amazing. Having watched this over the last however-many Fridays that’s not what I was expecting. Yay for brave sovereign you. And for the roses.
@Avonelle – that’s really sweet that you’re doing the pattern-shifting work now for next year.
And yeah, the holidays are rough for a lot of us (most of us?), so completely understandable. Good luck with whatever happens with it.
@Julie – oh, outlaw fundraiser! Totally unfair.
@Kate – I hear you on the HSP-meets-Christmas nightmare. Oof. Sorry.
@Inge – you canceled social events and no one minded! EXCELLENT news.
@lucy – the lawless. I’d steal that. But I don’t think my unlaws have ever done anything wrong. But maybe I’ll use it anyway.
Yay, Dawn is back on the Chicken!
Hi Darcy and Emily and Barbara and Andi and everyone who hasn’t chickened yet!
Big chicken love.
Chickeneers of the High Seas!
Tonight for the first time in three weeks I am not chickening from a train! Hurrah!
@havi what a crazy week – Hubby chooses to raw fest some punk? I think Raw Festing could catch on. How violent do you think it is? Is it something we could do on TV?
it’s been a funny old week.
The Hard
Four days, four different locations and lots of outward facing stuff – very tiring but I made it.
Today I made someone’s weekend suck by telling him he didn’t get the job.
Getting out of bed this week has been really, really hard. Just amazingly yuck.
The Good
The residual Lucy vs Europe stress is slowly easing off, am hoping that it’ll be totally gone by Monday.
I walked out of my front door at 6.40am on Thursday to see a dark sky filled with a sharp half-moon and a streak of bright stars. Stunning!
Today I made someone’s weekend by telling him he got the job.
Wife met an old friend of mine for work-related stuff and they got on really well. Knew they would because they’re both fab.
Tuesday I met a poet, we had a nice chat.
Wednesday and Thursday’s meetings were filled with big laughs – a kind of mad, pre-holiday woooh hooo.
I spoke to my mum today.
That’s it. look how the good outways the hard this week! pleasing…
have a great weekend everyone.
Lucy x
@lucy myself
outways??? what the hell is that? ahem. the good outweighs the hard.
Long May it Be So my chickening friends.
Helllloooo Chickeneers! I thought this chicken would never come!
The Hard:
– Head cold. Trouble breathing, sore throat, drippy nose, can’t sleep normally, constant headache…you know. The works.
– Two sick days means loooots of catching up to do at work.
– More bad news from my sister. I don’t know if I’ve chickened my sister before, but there is periodic trouble with her that lands her in the hospital, where she is again.
– Shoes flying in the air around the sister situation.
– Major inability to communicate with the rest of my family in a way that feels ok for me around the sister situation.
– Creeping anxiety and dread around the sister situation.
– Really really challenging therapy session this week.
The Good:
– I read NVC this week and I had a few epiphanies about why certain things don’t go well for me in communication situations. Why I feel uncomfortable with the praise I get from my family. Why I feel stuck and don’t know how to express myself in arguments.
– I’m almost caught up at work now. Hahahaha. You know. For now anyway.
– Holiday party at my apartment tonight. First party GFF and I have had since we moved to NY…three and a half years ago! And one of our friends offered to help GFF get us a tree tonight and come over pre-party to help things get going at the start. Love lovely helper mice friends.
– Almost finished with the important holiday gifts I’m getting – many of them from your gift guide-ish VPA recommendations, so thanks Havi!
– After months of working with my own scheduling and my hair’s needs, I’ve figured out how to get away with only washing my hair 2 or 3 times a week! This is a huge thing for me. I would really like to get to the point where I don’t really wash my hair with shampoo at all, but I feel like I’ve come a long way. And I’ve been very gentle with my self and my stuff along the way. woooooooo.
Here’s hoping everyone has a wonderful weekend, pipes are fixed or don’t freeze to begin with, and homes are cheery and warm. Mwah!
Ohmigosh, un-laws!
That is so totally what I will start referring to Pace’s parents as right now! I needed a new word, but that didn’t occur to me. Whee!
The hard for me this week was universally writing. I am really stuck. And then, my father and step-mother were both offended and upset by the post I wrote about being fat and accepting it: they both felt like I was saying that I accept my family now, instead of I accept myself now. I meant, I feel like I belong and I am a part of this gorgeous group of people who I look like and I’ve always thought they were gorgeous but excluded myself, and now I’m including myself. My step-mother, in particular, was really bitchy about it, so I’m all shaken up and feeling like I need to stop blogging. Oy.
I need a break, I think. Fortunately…
the good! We’re going to Ireland in a week, omg! I’m super nervous (I get travel anxiety big time, even when we’re just going to PA to visit friends), but I’m also so excited I can barely sit still. This is a life-time dream for me; I’ve wanted to go to Ireland since I was about 4 years old. Woo, woo! We’re going for two whole weeks, and I’ve got the blog handled for three, so I’ll have a nice huge chunk of time where I can experience life and rest and get my writing all worked out so I can pour back into it when we get home.
Also, I’m sorry you got unsupported on Twitter! I haven’t been around much lately, but I send you huge hugs and love into the past so maybe that will soothe the sting a little. *lovelovehugshugslovelove*
.-= Kyeli´s last post … The Menstrual Hut =-.
I just discovered this, but I love this idea.
The Hard:
Starting a business while finishing up previous evil job that made me want to quit and go freelance. No sleep, stress, and general grossness.
Not feeling like I’m making any business progress, despite working my ass off all week to network.
The weather being so cold that I couldn’t open my car windows at the drive through, so I had to get out of the car to get my food.
The Good:
Waking up this morning to a reply from a large website who wants to partner with me.
Remembering that my lovely mother had sent me really good coffee.
Reminding myself that I can do any job, no matter how awful, for one more week.
Thanks, Kyeli! Actually, un-laws is something I totally stole from @JoVE — I think we had a whole debate on it in the comments last year. I need to go look at whatever was 52 chickens ago. *does math*
Sorry that you had all the misunderstandings hard. There really is nothing more hurt-ey than being misunderstood. Yay Ireland! Ireland! I’ve only ever been to Dublin and regret so much not having gotten to see countryside.
Yay, chicken! My week always feels incomplete when I play hooky from the chicken.
So sorry to hear about the frozen pipes. Hopefully it didn’t cause too much of a mess.
This week’s hard:
– Back to yoga class after being off for two weeks = ow. I am still so out of shape and feeling really frustrated about that.
– The garage ceiling fell in on my car at 5 a.m. earlier this week, leaving a big ol’ dent on my trunk and generally making a mess, due to the previous homeowner’s stupidity (too much to go into here, but yeah, idiocy). The list of stupid things they’ve done to this house continues to grow.
This week’s good:
– Two major projects wrapped up this week, and only two others on my desk, one of which is very small and the other of which is not due until January. As soon as the little one is done, I can take two weeks off!!!
– Had a wonderful three-day show last weekend. Not the financial windfall I was hoping for, but still, decent sales and three days spend hanging out with a lovely friend, who happened to be selling her textile goodies next to my jewelry. We make a good team.
– For the first time in a few years, I’m finally feeling the holiday spirit — on my terms. I don’t feel guilty about not decorating everything; I put up a trio of small, prelit trees in the entryway, and it’s enough. I’m having fun coming up with small gifts (we don’t exchange with many people, and we set limits, so it takes a lot of the pressure off). I’m not a religious person, but I do enjoy celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of the next, and the turn from winter solstice into brightening days.
Happy Friday, everyone!
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Whirlwind Weekend =-.
I don’t really get the “real America” thing. Like everywhere else in the US is in some other country? If I’m in some other country, why isn’t there national healthcare here?
The hard:
Way too many headaches this week, plus a bonus panic attack. Boo.
The good:
Lots of ideas for how I can get more money from the fibery stuff (the thing!) and make that a full time thing in time. Which would probably make the headaches go away, at least mostly.
.-= Riin´s last post … Gratitude =-.
@havi: I’m with you on the sharp noises and the HSP mode. errrg!
This week for me . . .
Challenging:
-I need an assistant, and I don’t yet have money for an assistant! So I’m surrounded by paper and frazzled by tweets and emails.
-My car battery died. Dead. No Pulse. In the morning. Before a client meeting. And then there’s the unexpected cost. I hate unexpected costs.
-Client and Newspaper wanted to call me in the AM, before Yoga. Not doing that again.
-Tired. Not enough self-care.
Fabulous/Exciting
-Talked to Cairene (@thirdhandworks) for 2.5 hours about collaborating to serve creatives! [Dancing a happy dance]
-New Clients! With interesting work. Who are fun to work with. Happy to meet you all! (Big smile.)
-Interviewed by GA legal newspaper for two articles. THAT was an experience in being seen!
-Called about being interviewed for a book about professionals following their heart (!)
-Hiro’s Yellow Brick Road call (and bunnies on my road)
-My friends and I created my Catholic Hindu Yogini Christmas tree
-Drank eggnog for breakfast
-Learned that Nurturing is my 2010 theme.
Love this sharing. Thanks to @havi and everyone for being here!
Rebecca
.-= Rebecca´s last post … Nurturance And My Catholic Hindu Yogini Christmas Tree =-.
Hey Havi, no Chicken for me but I wanted to send you some hugs, you had a rough week! I would be curled up in a corner under several blankets and waiting for the yuck to pass. So here are some virtual hugs! And tea! And blankets! And uhm… bunnies!
Here’s to having a less sucky week next week. 😀
Hi Havi,
no chicken for me, but a question–do you know about the yoga headwrap? It’s an Iyengar thing and has helped me many many times on the headache front. So simple, so effective. Easy to get here in Portland; Julie Lawrence’s studio sells them and I’m sure others do, too.
Also, here on the Portland front–we may have ice overnight and tomorrow. Really no fun, especially if you’re already having weather-related problems.
Stay warm!!! and thanks for all you do!
Noticing how much the hard and the good are often two sides of the same thing…
Hard: money stuff rearing its head.
Good: dealing with the money stuff with procrastination so tiny it’s almost not even *there*.
Hard: getting a blog freeze.
Good: blogging about it!
Hard: finding time to be with my UK family.
Good: finding time to be with my UK family.
And so on.
Thanks for the providing the impetus for the weekly review, Havi – I’m sorry I didn’t send you more sympathy when you talked about the leafblowers at the bar. Sending you some back in time.
Sorry about your pipes.
As it were.
(Does innuendo make it better? I haven’t made many double entendres this week, and they might take my Gay Card away if I don’t catch up with my quota. Though I have been knitting and spending thoughtful time with old ladies, so, if it came to Gay Court, I think I’d swing the appeal.)
Have a good weekend Chickeneers!
Chick’m, chick’m, chick’m.
BUNNIES!
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Blogging rhythm and blues =-.
The Hard
– Head congestion, it is just not much fun.
– Family politics.
– Cold, cold weather.
– My Stuck, which I am slowly starting to understand, but is still giving me grief.
The Good
– My hilarious children, they make me laugh every day.
– Chocolate and coconut, even better together.
– Giving myself permission to dither and not know the answers.
– My Right People, I am so glad that we are finding each other.
.-= Amber´s last post … These Boots Were Made for Walkin’ =-.
The Hard
1) going the wrong way on the subway for the third time in two weeks
2) taking the subway in the first place with gray faced people too unhappy to smile back at me
3) fighting with 5yo in the morning as she doesn’t want to leave me(mom guilt blows)
4) a couple client no-shows (all good reasons, and yet…)
The Good
1) Finding http://www.fluentself.com and meeting Selma and Havi (not necessarily in that order)and learning boffo new words like “asshat”
2) recognizing that I need a reboot(cf: #1 of the hard) and heeding it…much yoga, tea and baking
3) new peeps in my life and new opportunities too
4) fudge
So glad to be here.
TG
@Riin, I think the proponents of “real America” believe that the rest of the country is “fake America”, as though everything north of the Mason-Dixon Line were a massive Potemkin Village.
@Havi, you have my deepest sympathy re: the frozen pipes. I recall (with a great deal of humor, in retrospect) a particularly cold year when I was living in rural Maryland. My water pump was down in the crawlspace with the furnace, to make sure that it stayed warm in the winter. This worked very well until the pilot light went out… I woke up the next morning with no heat and the water pump split in half from the expansion of the freezing water!
(No “well, you COULD have it worse” shoes meant by that – just sympathy and connection, I promise.)
Hard:
* Being the voice of reason to @Holly, above, keeping her from utter despondency when she feels like she’s not going to make it and making her sleep when she feels like she has to work 28 hours a day…
* Having trouble getting some work of my own done – no connection with the above, I just can’t get going on it.
* Screwing up an application to do something I really wanted to do – in my eagerness to submit the application I failed to proof well enough and sent it in missing a (small) section and with a significant typo. Oh well.
* Our puppy being a very generous supplier of poop and chewed-on household objects.
* My son is not dealing with the separation from his mother very well, and – I fear – he may have to be withdrawn from public school after the winter break, much as we loathe the idea.
* I still can’t find my Shiva Nata DVD!
Good:
* Getting to be the voice of reason (and general secretary) for Holly while she gets her business on its feet.
* Having the freedom, for the first time since I graduated from high school, to figure out what I actually want to spend my time doing.
* Having had the opportunity to apply for the thing I really wanted to do – even if I don’t get it.
* The cats, dogs, and my family. Even when they’re awful I love them.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Pam Slim on Choosing a Business =-.
Man Havi, that sounds like quite a week! Frozen pipes sound scary and annoying. I’m living in a house now (instead of apt.) and I didn’t even think about that being a possible issue in Portland. eeep! I hope it all gets resolved easily and quick.
To several of you other chickeners… the bravery! yay! Getting your Ph.D! Finishing and shipping a book project! Quitting your job! just cool all around…
the Hard:
many many triggers, more often, at work making me feel hopeless and stuck. being the admin i’m in the middle of everything but part of nothing, especially the big hopeful exciting changes everyone got all worked up about at a company meeting on monday. I need out and don’t see how to get there.
Christmas gifts. UUUGGGGHHH. I love giving gifts, but I also have no choice but to make them because I don’t have any money to spend. I have BIG stuck around making things, especially things I really want someone that I love, to love. Also, only 8 days to get things made!!! ARG 🙁
the Good:
finally got my studio unpacked in the basement. Now I have a place to go and a door to shut and art supplies everywhere. A little nesting/cozying up the space and it will be great!
Thanksgiving spent in a forest service cabin WAY out in the woods was magical and cemented things nicely. First hikes, and snow, and fires.. the stars.. WOW and the perfect first ‘i love you’ He is excited about my stuff, wants to be a part of it, excited to meet my family, willing to adjust and change to support what I do if it requires anything drastic…. its feeling very much like a this is IT capital IT situation weeeeeeeeee! hahaha in fact, I may have chickened this last week…. hmmmm? sorry if so.
Chick’m
frowning at everyone’s hard stuff. smiling at everyone’s good stuff.
The Hard
-got my first “hurled shoe” in my comments of my website (didn’t “approve” it, though)
-didn’t get the grant I applied for. boo. rejection letters are so harsh.
-feeling close to getting a cold or something like a cold…off and on this week. feeling much better the last few days (knock on wood)
-as usual, I felt overwhelmed with the amount of music I had to learn this week. but, a quality problem to have.
The Good
-hilarious, fun gig with The Good Lovelies
-fun playing keyboards (I never play keys) for John Southworth – a lovely human and brilliant songwriter
-loving Ali, and feeling proud of her for sticking with her ‘bootcamp’ exercise program for the whole month! amazing.
-having fun reflecting on the year, prompted by Gwen Bell’s blog challenge thingy. (kind of enjoying writing blog posts daily)
-loved re-reading Havi’s post from 07 called “Self-Mastery is a Big Ol’ Waste of Time.”
-got some xmas shopping done
-made lots of music this week with friends
Happy Chicken, all.
.-= Christine Bougie´s last post … Best Of ‘09: albums =-.
Chicken! It’s been a while — plenty of too-busy Fridays, but…
Hard:
-Too-busy Fridays. No chicken the last couple weeks.
-Couches are *expensive*!
-Went to an alumni event, and I wore school colors and tried to watch the Big Game, while everyone else wore business suits and ignored the game. So I felt like an idiot for actually buying into the *whole point* of the event. And then C left his tshirt there and no one’s turned it in yet.
-I hate being asked “What do you do?” At the moment, I do squat. Thanks for that self-esteem boost.
-Have to finish my Christmas shopping. Blah.
-Yeast. Enough said.
-Cable company blames TiVo. TiVo blames cable company. TV won’t show good channels.
Good:
+A surprisingly easy-going Friday, and the Chicken!
+We got our sofa and loveseat, and now our living room actually looks like a living room.
+Our Christmas tree is alive! It lives in a little pot of dirt, and if I don’t kill it, we can use it again next year! And I convinced C to get LED lights instead of incandescent!
+After too long a hiatus, I actually updated one of my blogs (not the one linked here, though — sorry!)
Oh man, high-pitched and loud trigger my HSPness fast. I sympathize. As much as I love my bro and his fam, they are ALL extroverts so I kinda don’t mind they’re not coming up for xmas this year.
A cold has been kicking my ass the past couple days and nothing I’ve taken has eliminated my symptoms–ggrrr–but maybe the various meds have ameliorated them from being worse. Had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, but one of the times I woke up, I looked out my window–mostly covered by curtain– and the sky was so clear. Midnight blue with myriad bright stars. And then, I saw an impressive shooting star! So that was kind of awesome despite the not being able to breathe.
What else? Someone posted a link to just what I needed to see on twitter.
A beta-testing freebie is turning out to be so much more work than I’d anticipated. grr. But it’ll be cool if they can get it right.
Should get my 1st batch of scanned negatives back today which means I can move to the next step. Exciting! Yet leery of pushing ahead today since my brain is not at its best with the cold. May be better to hold off a day or two to avoid making stupid mistakes.
Hope you don’t mind the hard/good mix. Much is intertwined this week.
.-= claire´s last post … Heifer International =-.
What a week you’ve had! I hope the weekend and the coming week will be much, much smoother…
Over here, the hard:
– making a stupid mistake, nothing really terrible because I caught it in the nick of time, but it still meant that the stress already related to that project went up a notch
– having my relationship with a friend becoming really difficult because he clearly needs professional help but won’t get it, and circumstances make it so that the whole thing is really uncomfortable for me
The good:
– catching my mistake on time, thereby saving money *and* getting what I really wanted
– my gentleman friend’s patience with me during the whole time I was about to lose my sanity over this mistake
– getting awesomely good news, one for me (blowing a kiss to Selma) and one for a friend of mine, and knowing how much this thing meant for her, that made me really happy
…and my own just-one-guy-fake-band-of-the-week: Vegan Wishbones!
A great weekend to everyone!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Noticing – the dragonfly edition =-.
Oh, this week. It was a week!
The hard:
*argh-difficult-stressful disagreement with my ex + being cross that I still have to have disagreements (he’s my ex! + our different needs about processing past disagreements = ARGH.
*Housesitting in a house without a useful kitchen. Non-cooking Sarah = sad Sarah
*So cold out.
*Who invented headaches, anyway? I hate them!
*Feeling out of…something! Balance or resonance or something. Like I can’t keep up with myself and I can’t even use the tools that I have that would help me because I’m that far behind myself.
The good:
*Amazing new acupuncturist has cured 90% of my headaches.
*Housesitting = actual personal space.
*Amazing new plan for where I am moving in the spring about which I am so, so, so excited! And confident. And grateful for that confidence.
*Some epiphanies, including about what’s not my stuff with my ex.
*Having tools there when I’m ready to use them.
*Being gentle with myself for lacking the momentum to change even more things right now.
I hope your pipes unfreeze, like, yesterday!
Happy Hanukkah, Havi!
Hard:
First week of separation.
Not sure what I’m ready to do and what I’m not. Makes it hard to set reasonable boundaries.
Good:
Making it. Caring for myself despite blocks and hard.
Setting some boundaries for myself. Not my strong suite but getting better.
@havi: (kiss)
also, @kyeli: (kiss)
Anyone else who needs one is also welcome to a (kiss).
xoxo
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … What Makes Marketing Hard? =-.
@Havi, leaf blowers are just so many kinds of evil, ugh. I think the problem with looking for sympathy about being woken up early by one is that the morning people who are up then don’t think it’s that early. 😉 I would’ve sympathized, had I not been asleep!
I skipped the Chicken & VPAs last week because the busy just never gave me the space to stop and breathe and think, sigh. But this week, the chicken is back!
The Hard
– Feeling like nobody’s Right People for a while there, which, well, sucks.
– Worrying that a lot of things I’d hoped would be helpful for my biz are just frustrating time-and-energy sucks.
– The holidays loom and still no real Etsy or Antemortem sales. Worried I should rethink pricing, but knowing that some things are already priced too low for the amount of time/effort that goes into them.
– To much scarcity, ugh.
– Busy! This is both good and hard, as some of the busy is good social busy, and some of it is lame stressful busy.
– Worry of big worry about big client and just. Ugh. Worryworryworry.
– Oh holy crap is it cold. WTF, NorCal?
– Head hurts. Ow.
The Good
+ Had a real feeling of plenty in my fridge all week, and finished the last of a bunch of delicious leftovers in a giant awesome lunch of awesomeness yesterday.
+ Finally posted my Zombie Head Stitch Markers on Etsy. Very pleased with the Minion’s photos.
+ Mum agreed to get me the Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic for Xmas and it’s already pretty awesome. Favorite thing so far: permission not to do the Fairy Dust mudra when it was too hard, and having Havi even list the reasons I had for the hard with the permission.
+ Made ginger lime sugar cookies with Z’s help, and then made *cough* “rustic” green tea truffles with D’s help. All were delicious & appreciated.
+ Got my teeth cleaned today & gave sugar cookies to awesome dental helper mice. I love that they appreciate the sweet treats even though they’re not precisely dentally friendly.
+ Lots of kitteh cuddles, as I am the most efficient heat source in the apartment right now. The older cat has even deigned to sleep in bed again, heh.
+ Thanks to the power of Tylenol, in an hour my head won’t hurt anymore. And that’s VERY good.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Procrastination Musings =-.
Havi,
Thank you for all that you share of yourself – your lit up neon signs of fun/happenings/connections to your yucky-feeling gray moments of challenge/stuckness/ew. And everything in-between. Thank you!
You inspire me to share what is presently going on for me in my blog and life – to step out there even more – and to just simply continue being real. Your words and blog, I consider to be (and treat like), one of my newest friends. One of my right people.
Your words have supported me through more than several of my “mouth-hanging-open-can’t-do-much-else-but-sit-with-my-dog-on-the-couch days”. My moments/hours/days of hard stuff and working it thru.
For support:
I send you large amounts of really gloriously, cushy, sunny-warm pillows to rest on and support your raw spots. (comes with the perfect super, super soft blanket too)
I have been working with NVC for a few years now and it makes ALL the difference.
I totally second wanting more lovely people in your life that are responsible for themselves and their OWN stuff. I feel exactly the same. (am going to write a very personal ad soon and will be sure to include this)
I get how you explain being xtra sensitive to squeaky-squealy sounds. Totally relate.
You give people permission to be real and show their stuff/feel their stuff/use their stuff in positive ways – what a perfect gift.
Thank you, again.
Maya
wow, way too many headaches/head colds/tired bodies…take good care, everyone!
Hi Havi! Had a craving for chicken, so here I am!
The good: Met my first twitter friend… she came in for shiatsu! Yay! (Hi! @twitchinggrey!)
A wonderful, intelligent, lovely friend invited me (Me!) to be a guest on her awesome podcast to talk about unschooling. While there, she and her co-host proceeded to lavish me with lovely words about my blog in front of the whole world. Yum.
The hard:
Doing my first podcast. As much as I want to be good at that stuff, talking, that is, to people… it’s the kind of thing that makes me lie awake at night kicking myself for how stupid and incoherent I must have sounded. Which I did. Kick myself, that is. I have yet to listen to it…
And… two of my sons took their driver’s license test yesterday. One passed. (Good? Kinda..but now another thing to keep me awake at night.)
.-= Gina´s last post … One Foot Out the Door, A Case Study =-.
@Laura G – my favorite response to “what do you do?” is to rattle off a list of what I really do with my days, “I do yoga, take long walks, work in my garden, hang out with my friends, nap with the cat.” Or I open my eyes wide and say innocently, “For money?”. That usually takes care of it in a way that gently points out how pointless that question really is.
So, this week I’m chickening in instead of chickening out ….
The good
– chickening in. Yay!!
– gratefulness because I got to be one of Havi’s biggification mice last week in Sacramento. And suspecting that since I seem to be Right People for Havi, that somewhere out there, there are Right People for me.
– Whiskey, lots of it, with a good friend from college whom I rarely see ’cause he has a family
– holiday season which makes room for Christmas whiskey, or coffee, or whatever with all kinds of people I don’t see nearly enough of
– I poked my head in at the Twitter bar and everyone was super nice
– received a small check from a client that owes me money
The hard
– off and on sinus-y nonsense
– above mentioned client who sent me a small check still owes me a lot of money. Not making any progress toward getting that worked out.
– confronted about money when I had to sign on the dotted line and actually commit funds for something. I noticed that I’m totally willing to spend that much money impulsively but planning to do so is super hard for me.
– I broke my website pushing up content. Then thought I’d fixed it briefly and broke it again. Still not fixed.
– not being able to muster focus to finish things. Anything. Couldn’t tell you what I did this week.
Happy Hanukkah Havi and the Rest of the Hanukkah Celebrators here!!!
The Hard:
-My oldest moved to DC today
-My youngest was trying out a used car and accidentally backed into another used car – they tried to hold us responsible for $500 of damages, intimidated the kids, the kids called me. . . . and then the Good Stuff began
-Cracked windshield unexpectedly right before my oldest was leaving.
-darling dog chewed hole in the couch and was unpacking the stuffing as i walked in the door
The Good:
-easy relatively inexpensive solution to the cracked windshield and glad it happened before my son got on the road
-the couch is still functional, just a bit less “fluffy”
-I have so many angels in my corner it simply astounds me. I called my car, police, insurance, legal and financial angels – they told me exactly how to handle the car dealership, my kids were expecting a blood bath when I got there and I cooly calmly took care of everything with diplomacy and without parting with one penny. The kids were amazed and I felt good because I asked for help, got it and did the right thing.
-the kids and i are feeling much more honestly close with each other as adults. amazingly supportive feeling for me.
-sorted out numerous miscommunications and realized the stories in my head about what others were thinking were simply untrue. ahhhh, how do you spell relief!!!
-Started consistently blog writing and love doing it – ideas coming easily. also, getting amazing comments, feedback and personal emails as a result of it.
-The web designer from heaven has arrived and I am finally free from my technological gremlins
-Though it was a tearful day for me sending my oldest on his way, I felt immensely better after sending him off with a warm winter coat and other clothing – I was careful when I bought everything because if he sees too much stuff, he refuses to even look at it. It worked!!
-my youngest is getting the support he needs with the therapist from heaven and is really starting to apply what he’s learning.
-Several well known biggifiers have mentioned my work on their blog posts and I’m getting amazing comments too.
Seriously, I am so incredibly blessed that quite honestly that’s all I see at this moment. Blessings everywhere.
.-= Char´s last post … What do You Do When You Have No Idea What to Do? =-.
I have a lot of bad to hurl out, but it doesn’t seem bad anymore.
Tonight was magic. The hubby and I sat down to a homemade brisket, challah, latke feast surrounded by the subtle, yet persistent glow of our Menorah. The week’s events just washed away.
Our house smells of evergreens, the mantle glistens with silver and red ornaments, and the cold wind blows outside as we are warm and sheltered.
We are lucky. I think of others who are not as fortunate.
If I go tomorrow, I want to make sure I said thank you for today.
xoso
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … Basel Miami 2: Critique My Art Aesthetic =-.
Ughh frozen pipes and smells like ‘burning hotel room’. May the hard run move quickly away from all the Chickeners.
My own hard this week
– Not opening the email, which would lead me to the application for the Kitchen Table because the well is dry and the dowsing rods seem to be on back order.
– Having a conversation with my pain in the back and being given an answer I cannot yet begin to fathom following
– Not hearing back on something I thought was the perfect thing for me
The good this week thoroughly outweighs the hard
– submitting an application to something that was not The Kitchen Table and getting it, even though it looked like the application window was closed
– major movement on the aligning and becoming congruent on services and pricing
– rearrangement of items on the desk and feeling a physiological shift of energy in the work space
– seeing an ad for exactly the type of house with nature access I’d want to rent possibly even own
– realizing that a promise I made with my 6 year old self is getting in the way of healing my back pain
Mangled sin tax? Can I be a fly on the wall during the next audit?
@Havi: I remember reading your lament about the leafblower on Twitter. I thought and felt sympathy, but didn’t type it. Regretting that now!
Hard this week:
-I’ve been wishing my schedule allowed me to Chicken earlier on Fridays. It’s a little thing, but there it is.
-Preliminary projects. Hard work. Stressful. Scary. And they aren’t finished yet. And it looks as if it’s going to be touch and go all the way.
-Daughter got overtired and threw shoes at me, and it hurt. Understanding that she was tired and cross and distorting things didn’t keep the shoes from hurting.
-Nowhere near enough of the quiet, reflective solitude that I need to stay sane. Case in point: I haven’t been able to take my weekly artist date yet. Tomorrow, dammit!
Good this week:
+I mostly made my deadlines on those preliminary projects. Three out of the four were submitted on time, and I was able to negotiate a later deadline for the fourth.
+One of the four projects has been declared finished and ready to go. Another is nearly finished. That leaves just two that still need a lot of work.
+There were plenty of good times with my daughter this week, too — and I can recognize that when she loses her temper with me, it’s indicative of how much she trusts me.
+Had an extremely effective moment of NVC with one of my partners.
+I had an epiphany this week. It really needs to be a blog post of its own, but in a nutshell: being in a stressful situation doesn’t mean I have to be miserable. Maybe I can be under stress and still find myself calm and happy. There’s nothing wrong with that!
I’m not sure what this weekend has in store for me, but I’m ready for it to be glorious. Sending much love and gratitude to you, Havi…and to you, Selma…and to all of us chickens!
.-= Kathleen Avins @spiralsongkat´s last post … That tiny thing with feathers, which is hope =-.
Yay! My first time contributing to the Chicken!
@Havi – Sorry for the mean man with the leafblower. That sucks. Or blows 🙂
The Hard
1) Cold! I only enjoy freezing weather if it’s actually snowing, which rarely happens in Portland.
2) End of the year approaching and it makes me feel like a useless lump for not accomplishing any significant goals.
3) Flaky clients who keep postponing appointments. Argh!
The Good
1) I had a loverly 60-minute massage on Tuesday.
2) I was scheduled for jury duty on Monday but my trial was canceled so I didn’t have to go.
3) Enjoying the heck out of Dave Navarro’s More Buyers Mastermind phone interview recordings. It’s causing brain stirrings.
Oops! This week the Chicken snuck up on me (interesting image)
The Hard:
– Freelance thing, aka The Day Job, took over my life this week. Ah, the agony. It needs its own Specialized Dammit List. Will do that today.
– With all my attention on the Day Job silliness, I neglected my health/self-care. Now I’ve got civil unrest going on all over my body. I mean crazy protests with yelling and signs and megaphones and everything, possible military coup in the making. We’ll be in peace talks all weekend. I guess I had it coming.
– Bureaucracy managed to dash my hopes on two separate occasions this week! Argh (shaking fist)! Stupid bureaucracy. You’re even hard to spell.
The Good but possibly bizarre:
– The Hard made me reflect on the Day Job and why I get into these needlessly stressful situations. Realized that I’m not just clinging to this job for the money and definitely not for the glory. Whoa.
– I got this DVD in the mail and it made me flail around all week. And I like the flailing!
– Dancing around the house – I mean, doing housework, to revival tiki music. Seriously, try it!
– Modern medicine. I try to stay away from it but oh, sometimes it just saves the day. And my doctor is also the bomb.
Wishing you all a week without shoe-throwing, headaches, cold weather woes, etc. and instead, plenty of roses.
Ohhhh hugs for all the hard everybody and Havi too – grim early morning wake up calls and a volume of kids sounds, ohhh, hard. Hugssss.
The hard
It’s been a bit tough. Unexpected stuck came up around my Mum. More urghh around getting things wrong and hurting people by mistake, including Mum.
My sweet man who I don’t want to hurt and yet…human frailities and *uck ups. Hmmm.
People got over me throwing shoes in the end. But I felt overwhelmed with shame. Felt really sick and unworthy of anything at all. All this was a bit of a shock.
Had a couple of days of beating up on my beauty but imperfect self but I kept naming it, looking at it with some heart smart Haviness and it shifted really very quickly and with ease too.
So again the hard turned out to be the good to – as @AndrewLighthouse said so much more succintly than I seem able to!
No paid work this week. More scary silly letters re bills.
Then! Offered and accepted paid work running over this weekend which would at least cover this week’s bills. Simply ridiculous hours, with what looks like the potential to go in for a 16 hour shift having completed a previous one with 3 hours sleep between the two. Simply ridiculous and yet I said yes. The bills, the need for roof over head, that old thing.
Wondering about whether I should be finding out about, I don’t know, Dana’s business (even though I’m in London), getting a loan, seeing if there is some way that I can painlessly make money quickly and nowwww! Tried so many things from my current frame of reference and I don’t seem to shift things any further. Then Naomi talks about being able to create income via the net painlessly.
But..ohhh…all in good time. Round and round I go, on a loop. I would love to get of the financial lack loop. I’d like a very good idea around this to present itself to me with ease and heart and for me to get it.
That said I am up for permanent work in an office. I’m not totally grumbly about that since that saves losing the roof over head scenario. Yeyyyy.
But really? I would love a helper to present themself to me and say look you can do this and earn some money easily, with dignity, looook, over here, it would suit your love of life and people and give you some space too to develop your creative biz ideas and enjoy life! Hmph.
Dreaming of flying pigs and being rescued but the other way isn’t working so…I’m open to this way.
The Good
Lots and lots.
Skimming the milk from the fat about the hard. Issues with my Mum (growing up and seperating at hmm hmmm 36) and understanding why this conflict makes me go into self disgust mode.
Getting that I still need to create more boundaries around people and there stuff, even if they are reacting to My Stuff and especially if it’s people I have a long history with. I am allowed to look after myself no matter what anyone says. I just am.
Some ah ha moment in therapy around trigger-y stuff with my love. It was a release to ‘get’ why I felt so suffocated and defensive around him with certain issues.
Did a great 2nd interview, whether or not I get the job, whether or not it meets my criteria for happiness, whether or not I can access ‘enough’ gratitude! I did a great interview. Well done you!
God, I love Fridays even when they’re over. Since some people (ahem, Casey) will still be chickening it up through Sunday or Monday, I also like knowing that the loooooong chicken totally works.
Anyway, these are so great to read. I adore you all. Thanks for the good wishes and the fist-shaking.
Hugs for all the hard and excited happiness for all the good. And hooray for ridiculous but satisfying rituals.