And other stories…
Thought bubbles.
Havi and her insecurities are sitting together on the plane. Selma the duck is hiding in the red bag, uncomfortably nestled against a paper bag of cashews and his moments hazelnuts.*
*Yes, Stu. “And his moments” was pretty funny. As was “and his laments”. Next time, please just say hazelnuts.
And Stu — because, how could I forget him? — was folded up neatly in the suitcase. Well, his microphone was.
Interesting philosophical question there. If Stu lives inside of my computer but I only see him when the microphone is plugged in, who is Stu really?
Yes, I’m trying to distract you from my insecurities, except that I promised to let them guest post today.
Alright then.
Thoughts bubbles part 2.
Havi: “Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Going to Austin to meet all of my friends!”
Havi’s Insecurities: “Are you really ready for this?”
Havi: “What are you talking about?”
Havi’s Insecurities: “Don’t you know about the thought bubbles?”
Havi:???
I didn’t know about the thought bubbles, but as soon as this idea was introduced into my consciousness, I saw them everywhere.
Havi’s Insecurities: “You know. You meet someone that you know only by picture or voice and then you’re thinking “Wow. They’re so much taller than I thought they’d be.” But you don’t say it. It’s just in the thought bubble.”
Havi: Okay. So what?
Havi’s Insecurities: So you know what they’re going to be saying about you in their thought bubbles?”
Havi:???
Havi’s Insecurities: “What they’re really thinking is, ‘Oh my god, I thought you to be Lisa Kinnear.’
Havi:???
Havi’s Insecurities: “Sorry. That was Stu. What I meant to say was that everybody will be thinking about how they thought you would be way skinnier.”
Havi: “Oh.”
Meeting people.
I’ve met so many people here since Friday evening.
And so far four of them have said “Oh my god, You’re so much taller than I thought you’d be. I thought you’d be way shorter.”
Which my insecurities instantly translated to “skinnier”. Until we had a little talk.
Meeting people part two.
Unsurprisingly, I spent most of my time with Naomi. Glued to the hip, practically. Harder than it sounds.
Also: surprisingly useful when your arms don’t work and you can’t text anybody. If I’ve said anything untoward to you on Twitter or via SMS in the past couple days, it was probably her.
Here’s who I’ve been hanging out I with (aside from Naomi):
- Pam.
- Sonia.
- Colleen.
- Nathan.
- Jeff.
- Marie from distinct charmers. Cut it out, Stu. You know she’s from Snakecharmers. They’re practically my favorite band.
- Charlie.
- Steve.
I also got to meet Derek Sivers from CDBaby — someone I wanted to meet for years and years — if by “meet” you mean “interrogate, harass, spill water on, belatedly identify as the person you’ve wanted to meet for years and then be reduced to a gushing, water spilling pile of googly-eyed fan girl”.
That is what you meant, right?
Realizations.
Of course any “venturing out from the place you think of as home” is fraught with all sorts of things.
Yes, I have problems with the word journey — Juana make something of it? That was “wanna”. I hate Steve. But I love how Stu won’t let me disparage him, and calls himself Steve instead when I say something unflattering. Can’t imagine why that would happen.
You take yourself somewhere new and you watch yourself interact with ideas, people and your own perceptions. And I got slammed with a huge epiphany this morning.
Realizations, part two.
I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it, yet. But I’ll plant some seeds.
This whole time that I’ve been dealing with the pain in my arms, I’ve known that there was a significant emotional component to it as well as the physical.
A huge part of my healing process thingy has been focusing on those angles as well. Given the timing and some of the stuff that was going on right before it started — and my body’s being very clear about stuff he wants me to change in my life — this is not exactly news to me.
But this morning I realized EXACTLY what’s going on here. What the root of it is. And what the next steps are.
So I need to do some more work with this before I’ll be ready to talk about what I’ve learned and where I’m going with it, but this is the most optimistic I’ve felt so far.
Totally worth it.
This uncomfortable flash of insight — this astonishing (to me, at least) realization — is so useful to me and so powerful, that the whole trip to SXSW was worth it.
Even if I hadn’t gotten to see all my friends.
Even if I haven’t gotten to go to a bunch of panels (wait, I still haven’t gone to any panels!).
Even if I hadn’t gotten to spill water everywhere in my excitement over meeting Derek.
All in all, a pretty great trip. I’m here until Tuesday, so we’ll see what else shows up. I’m going to go get Naomi or someone to post this for me.
*blows kiss*
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Sweet Havi, YAY for realizations Part 2!! And for thought bubbles, and for hanging out with Naomi (you and your lucky duck!) and all these other wonderful people. And even Yay for Stu, without whom we might not hear your voice at all for a while. 🙂
Love and hugs to you–enjoy sxsw!
Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..Creative Connection: Where’s Your Muse When the Baby’s Spitting Up at 3 am?
Just curious: you think of your body as “he”? Or was that random? Or does it change depending on context? Or what?
I’m fascinated with Stu. Now I see he really has a high self esteem; he figures you must be talking about someone else when you say something unflattering, someone named Steve, because he totally knows he himself is awesome. Oh that we all could be so self confident!
Terry Heaths last blog post..Behavior Patterns and Unexpected Snow
I hope your arms feel much, much, much better soon. Seriously. It’s kinda sucky when stuff like that keeps you from doing what you love.
But Stu’s kinda funny.
Anyway, I hope whatever you need to heal is already in progress of happening. 🙂
Carina Kadows last blog post..City of Heroes – Chalcara
And no, “taller” was not code for “skinnier.” 🙂 (But I know you know that really.) For some reason I figured you were about 5’2″.
Everyone, Havi is not 5’2″! Go figure!
Awesome stuff on the insights, glad you’re glad you came.
Sonia Simones last blog post..Handling Angry Customers: #1, Phone Trees from Hell
Hi Sweetie,
Yay for the realizations!!
I’ve had some pretty severe and debilitating bordering on crippling lower back pain that had a huge emotional core to it. Once I got some clarity on what was going on on that emotional level it pretty much cleared up and hasn’t been seen since. That mind body connection is just so incredibly trippy! So good luck with your continued healing and I’m hoping that all of your inner work will bring you to a pain free body very, very soon!
Hugs and love,
Chris
chris zydels last blog post..CATASTROPHES R ( NO LONGER) US
This SXSW thing is really messing me up as a person who isn’t there. I can’t get a response from any of the participants. I sent Pace in there to bug some people to email me or something and I’m sure she’s busting heads, but I actually think that Austin must be a big black hole. Or a Cone of Silence like on Get Smart.
Someone tell Naomi to email me. Also, my latest post is about goats.
Johnny B. Truants last blog post..This goat is your goat, this goat is my goat
Dear Havi,
Yay yay yay… Thanks for letting us peek into your mind and heart… I love your thought bubbles, love Stu, love Selma, love how much you show up with so much love and humor and that you tell about it so I can live it too… Thanks for not keeping you to yourself. I’m excited about the realization, whatever it is!
Love,
Heidi
Heidi Fischbachs last blog post..Waiting a-la-Isadora Duncan & walking in momma’s heels
Even though I’m not physically around anyone at SXSW on a day-to-day basis, not being there has made me feel incredibly lonely!
I totally feel like I’m missing out and that everyone in the world is there having a great time and meeting each other and hanging out and I am the only person who is not there soaking it all in, and it has actually made me feel noticeably down. Like all the cool kids got to go on this really awesome week-long field trip and I didn’t get my permission slip turned in on time and couldn’t go.
(Yeah, insert a self-directed “Sheesh!!” here. Because, seriously Marissa. Over it, you must get.)
So… (a) there go my insecurities to play on the Insecurity Playground with your thought bubbles, Havi! 🙂 and (b) Johnny, yay! there’s someone else who’s not there so I know that at least I’m not the *only* one. Did you forget your permission slip too?! haha
I’m definitely planning on going to next year’s SXSW. (And my insecurities respond with, “There’s no way it will be as fun or as cool or as full of people you adore as this one was.”) If my insecurities had shins, I would totally kick them.
Sigh. Silly insecurities. It’s time for you to go find somewhere else to play. My brain has other things to focus on.
I’m so glad that you’re getting big breakthroughs for your arms! That is AWESOME news. I’m so happy for you! Hopefully you’ll be on a fast(er?) track to pain-free arms very, very soon. HUGS!
Marissas last blog post..Totally True Fairy Tales #1: Happy Birthday, Havi
*pouts* I’m not at SXSW either. I barely know what it is besides where all the bloggers I wanna meet are. lol
Stu is just hard of hearing, box his “ears” maybe he won’t mis-quote you anymore. lol
My own thought bubble: How the hell do you spell misquote/miss quote/mis-quote anyway? *confusion*
I’m excited for the epiphany. I can’t wait til you’re ready to share. =)
Melissas last blog post..Amazon Sellin’
I agree with all my heart. I was insecure about meeting Havi here at sxsw. But she was super cool. She exceeded my expectations.
We need to listen to that little voice of insecurity, but not let it make our choices. If we did we wouldn’t do half the cool stuff that have made great memories.
Karl Staib – Work Happy Nows last blog post..Professional Growth the Google Way
Thus is the magic of SXSW. You go to be there, to experience being there, and to observe how you experience the being there.
So very zen for a big, drunken nerdfest, no?
I love it, too.
Also, my thought bubbles just told your thought bubbles to take a long walk off a short pier.
the communicatrixs last blog post..Lessons from SXSW: Why I go, and why I keep coming back
Hey Havi!
I once heard a story of a scientist who organized an ENTIRE CONFERENCE…. without any actual events. So the infrastructure of a conference was there, the hotels, the dinners, the meeting space. Just not the keynote speakers and the tiring talks. His philosophy was that conferences are all about meeting people anyway.
I hear it was a huge success.
Best wishes from Belgium!
Hannah
Hannahs last blog post..In the absence of new posts…
Hi Havi,
FYI: Your link love for Charlie (at http://www.productiveflourishing.com/) is incomplete (the .com was dropped).
Peace out,
A.