A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.

Announcement / get your copy of Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

Hurtling & Wishing

Devotion

I wrote this on a piece of paper, recently, as a reminder:

devotion to calm steady focus
& deliberate thriving

Calm, steady focus towards deliberate thriving. Calm, steady focus in service of deliberate thriving.

And always as a devotion. Devotion as the foundational element.

It is not just the calm, the steadiness or the focus, but the devotion to these qualities, the devotion to staying deliberate and thriving.

What do I know about devotion?

Sometimes the piece of paper lives on my desk and sometimes it is perched in front of my yoga rug, and sometimes it waits for me by my bed; a circulating reminder about what is important to me, right now.

Sometimes I whisper this wish-phrase to myself, while jogging, while circle-walking, while cooking…

What do I know about devotion? What do I know about this particular devotion?

And, a related question that offers up even more questions:

What are the devotional practices (for me, right now), and, a harder question, how do I stay attuned to the remembering?

What’s working, devotionally speaking?

Or really just in general…

To be clear, I don’t know if it’s even accurate that everything that is working for me right now is a devotion…

But I must say, I like how that hypothesis feels as it wanders the corridors of my mind.

So I would like to keep imagining or operating under the assumption that if it’s working for me right now, it’s also probably a form of devotion to deliberate thriving.

And I would like to stay receptive to new forms of devotion to deliberate thriving; to meeting and discovering or revealing what would bring me pleasure and meaning in this next phase of time.

Here is what’s working for me right now…

Walking circles in the pasture once a day — or twice if that is indicated, whether that’s due to gorgeous weather or just extra anxiety. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cooking, especially if I can get into a good rhythm or a good obsession with a recipe, a dish, an experiment. Sometimes I really enjoy the puzzle-solving aspect of figuring out what to do with a surprise abundance of [something], like with the apples that became applesauce that became cake, though currently that something is acorn squash…

Hiking and exploring, especially if I get to do it with a friend.

Wish-writing as a form of journaling.

Languages (I’m back on Arabic, and also Spanish).

Gentle yoga before bed.

Are all of these devotions? I think they are. Even if I don’t always remember that they are. I am open to perceiving and experiencing these as devotional practices.

Into the cauldron of what am I wishing for

If I channel (or imagine, conjure up through imagining) a wishing cauldron to hold my wishes for this three month container of time between vernal equinox and summer solstice…

Let’s begin with qualities, feelings, sensations, superpowers, a pull. Show me what I am pulled towards, reveal my wishing.

I am wishing for…

CALM STEADY FOCUS & DELIBERATE THRIVING
Working with what is (with love)
Powerfully Motivated Yet Deliciously Unhurried
Grounded Enthusiasm
I love myself more! And even more than that! Extreme self-treasuring!
Feeling at home in myself, in a good way
Playful & Lighthearted
Compassion compassion compassion compassion
Simple elegant solutions (It Solves Itself)
Attuned to miracles (this is also about slowing down enough to notice and appreciate them)

Revisiting the cauldron of It Solves Itself:

There are many situations right now that I wish would solve themselves or offer up their own solutions, so let’s look at what has already solved itself, in the last three months between winter solstice and vernal equinox…

I wished for a way to go for a daily walk without having to drive to a hiking trail, and someone mowed a circle in my pasture for me, which is how I discovered that I actually like circle-walking, not just as an alternative to hiking a trail, but as its own activity.

Also I have been wishing for a kitchen fan in my tiny trailer for nearly five years now, but no one could figure out how to install one, and someone did! Game-changer.

And I wished for a solution to wifi needs that didn’t involve going to the library, and that too solved itself.

There are probably many more items to name in this category, but those are three examples of things that were big stuck mysteries at winter solstice, and are now beautifully resolved.

Let this be a lovely reminder

Let this be a reminder (to me) that things can change for the better, mysteriously and swiftly, and I don’t need to know how it’s going to happen.

Into the cauldron of IT SOLVES ITSELF, here are my wishes…

A hiking companion or companions who can be good company in exploring.
More meaningful pleasurable time with people.
New favorite places to wander.
A bathroom fan solution that is as easy as the kitchen fan turned out to be.
A way to evict the mice who are living in the barn that does not involve having to feed cats?
At least one glorious new obsession, but the more the merrier.
Good sleep and feeling rested.
A solution to the many mysteries including [Shed, Beta, Group Hang, Reliable Handy-person?????, Curtains, Mini-Split, Summer].
Ideas about a garden.
Someone or many someones I can talk to and strategize with locally.
Suddenly, without even necessarily noticing, a heart-healing has transpired.
To find and see and perceive (and celebrate!) the good wherever I can find it.

What can I do to support these wishes?

I can keep learning more about my current yeses, and keep putting love, energy, attention, and focus into the cauldron of these yeses.

And I can keep tending to the ongoing experiments, figuring out how to take exquisite care of myself in these scary, tough, challenging times in the world, and stay attuned to my values and the mission.

Mainly I can keep reminding myself that this form of And Three Months Later… is actually very powerful, that a lot can shift in a three month period, and my job here is to observe, experiment, trust, play, and keep trying things.

When hurtling

Here is the primary theme or question I am concerned with right now.

How do I go through this experience like someone who loves themselves more instead of like someone who is hurtling through the abyss…

Or: if I’m hurtling through the abyss or I perceive that I’m hurtling through the abyss, how do I love myself through the hurtling?

When hurtling: break glass (love myself more through the hurtling).

How am I

A friend asked how I am today, and in the interest of staying honest, I responded that I am doing my level best in true cowboy spirit. And also that I am trying to stay attuned to what is working. I want to make sure I notice all the good, all the ways that things are solving themselves, all the treasure.

And, at the same time, yes, I am also still feeling lonely, sad, angry, hurt, anxious, worried, tired, overwhelmed, drained, grieving, a bit in shock too. In tumult, ongoing, perceptions of.

Hurtling through the abyss. Some days more than others, some days less. All while trying to love myself more and describe the experience. And to reduce chaos and overwhelm in any way I can.

Into the cauldron of what are my current yeses

Companionship.
Pleasure.
Playfulness.
Inspiration.
Steadiness.
Ease.
Miracles.
Thriving.

A compass of yeses. Obviously for now the companionship might take the form of me and Incoming Selves, me and aspects of self. I am just naming the wish.

And of course, all this within a circle of devotion: calm, steady focus on deliberate thriving.

What is here for me now

I have been mulling over my various equinox wishes, which is also a form of devotion, of attunement and listening.

There are some good clues for me here. Something about slowing down even more to notice. Staying unhurried, while still focused and motivated. Welcoming pleasure. Welcoming aliveness. Taking some risks.

Staying with the steadying practices, and also trying new things.

Inviting in a good obsession. Noticing what has already solved itself. Each day things are solving themselves, sometimes this is a slow process and sometimes it is accelerated.

Noticing what pulls me out of myself. Noticing where I get hurt. Remembering the wise words about “be very careful when it comes to who you give the power to offend you”, or in other words, is this someone whose opinions you cherish? No? Then you can toss their words onto the compost.

What is indicated? What are the next steps?

My focus as always is on the nature of the experiment.

The point of a wish is not to get the wish. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t. The point of the wish is to learn about my yeses, to be real and vulnerable about my wants, to allow myself to want what I want.

All of these can be hard. All of these can be a practice in courage. And is that not also a form of devotion?

If I can approach with the mindset of [what a beautiful experiment], then I can let myself make room for the wanting, and make room for the fear around the wanting. I can tweak the experiment in a thousand different ways. Compassion compassion compassion compassion. And play.

Attuning myself

What does it look like to stay playful while wishing?

Everything is a clue. Some clues are fun, some clues are intriguing, others are merely useful, but still, a clue is a clue.

*If I think it says something mean about me, that’s not a clue, that’s just monsters of self-criticism. In that case, the clue is Add Compassion.

It is courageous and beautiful to name wishes. It can also stir up a lot of stuff. Sometimes it might be easier to play with a proxy wish, or a wish that is made-up entirely. This is why I am going to pretend that the next three months are about salsa. (The food? The dance? Sure!)

I am going to investigate that wish, and see what it has to say about my other wishes, and go from there. Possibly it is a wish about pep, and possibly it is a wish about grounded footing, either way it’s about playfulness, so that is both my starting point and my end point. Let’s play. As a form of keep on keeping on.

Add any wishes or clues of your own if you like, and I will light a candle for your wishes too!

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️

A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.

Announcement / get your copy of Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

Our Lady of Perpetual Striving

A phenomenon in search of a name

Quite often I find myself reaching for a name for a known phenomenon, or at least a known-to-me phenomenon, and not finding one.

Lately I have been searching for a name to refer to a very specific trap that has been coming up in my life on the daily, and that I will describe like this…

Let’s say, because this literally happened the other day, that there were TWELVE things on my list of things that need my attention. And let’s assume that at least some of these twelve items were what I like to call Iguanas, aka extra sticky-stuck situations that I am almost allergic to dealing with. A situation where something needs to be liberated.

And maybe some of these items also turned out to be extra complicated or they contain more steps than I thought they would.

Somehow, heroically and against all odds, I took care of NINE (9!) of these items. And yet…

AND YET (there’s always the And Yet)

And yet somehow I get all tangled up in the perception that I didn’t do enough, or that it doesn’t matter, that I accomplished nothing of value because the list is still there?

Obviously a lot of this is monsters (internal self-criticism mechanisms), and a lot of it comes from puritan and capitalist culture, the air that we breathe, the water that we swim in, the toxic perspective that we should always be working and never resting, that there is always more, more, more.

This is the culture of Our Lady of Perpetual Striving (okay, so I do have a name for that part of it), but also there is something more than that. That’s a cause, or a contributing factor, but what of the phenomenon itself?

How do we maintain a healthy practice of rest & pause when there is no done?

My friend Kathryn called this The I Want To Be DONE And There Is No Done trap, which is an accurate name.

We crave arriving at an end point or a resting point, but life keeps life-ing (if we’re lucky), and there are dishes to be done, floors to be cleaned, provisions to be obtained, all the things that come flying into our various inboxes, and so on.

Sometimes for me this reminder of There Is No Done (so don’t fall into the trap of DONE) itself is helpful in reminding me that I can just press pause, take a rest, RESET AND RESTART. A refreshing reminder.

At other times, the hopelessness of There Is No Done really hits me hard, and I can sink into the pits of What’s The Fucking Point Of Any Of It, until I am too overwhelmed to remember how to start again. So there’s that.

But also something about praise, and something about contentment

When I do my daily pasture walk for mental health (which sometimes I crave and sometimes I rebel against and resent, but pretty much always helps), I like to name elements of my day and GIVE MYSELF SOME CREDIT.

This is not an easy practice for me, giving myself credit, but also it feels vital, like a form of medicine.

I give myself credit for getting out of bed, and for consuming vegetables (plural?! the heroism!!!!), and for literally anything I can think of. It’s a sparklepoint parade going on in the pasture.

I give myself credit wherever I can, and try to breathe kindness and compassion for all the moments where I struggled, because that’s also part of being a person dealing with the many challenges of this world.

Mainly I try to remind myself that the hard things are hard, and I could have just as easily gotten zero things done because they’re all complicated situations that involve decision making and calculations and next steps, and even thinking about how to approach them is an act of courage.

Accomplishment blindness?

A friend of mine suggested the term Accomplishment Blindness, and I think maybe there is something there too, even if for me it’s more centered in a form of unwillingness or an avoidance when it comes to being able to perceive the wins, or the achievements as they are.

That is to say, it’s not an inability to see so much as it is an inability to recognize or acknowledge, if that makes sense, which I hope it does.

This also seems related to the difficulty I have in giving myself credit for anything (which is why I practice so hard), and to Our Lady of Perpetual Striving.

Or as Holly put it, it’s Our Lady of Perpetual Striving in combination with the trap of Perfect Or Doom, combined with the monsters of But You Said You’d Get It All Done!

Bonus great name suggestion!

I think also this phenomenon doesn’t have a name in part because it serves the culture when we all think we are never getting enough done, that’s what keeps the wheels turning.

Also I loved another name my friend suggested for this which was Wimbliness (“I’m all wimbly today!”), as in: I find myself in a stupor of being unable to perceive any of the wins!

You are welcome to come up with fun names of your own, I welcome all of them!

What is the opposite of Perpetual Striving but still has some of the joy of accomplishing

One element for me in the culture of Our Lady of Perpetual Striving is the impossibility of it all. You are always pushing, never pausing to rest or reflect.

It’s a game. But it doesn’t feel like a form of play, maybe because it’s rigged, and maybe because it’s not in service of anything? Not aligned with something I value?

That’s the trap of you think you can get to done but there will just be more, and you’ll burn out before you ever get to anything remotely like a finish line.

Where is the play?

Naming the elements

So the opposite of this has to include or involve, for me at least, elements of:

• Rest & Rejuvenation
• Self-Reflection
• Re-evaluation
• Some good clean fun / some good Doing Glorious Nothing
• Contrast (what is an activity that, while not necessarily restful, provides contrast to getting stuff done)
• Play
• Wonder & Delight
• Letting myself be surprised

And of course, maybe the most important element for me is allowing myself to pursue pleasure, follow rabbit holes, get distracted by clues, trust the winding path…

More questions to ponder…

As C Thi Nguyen might put it, am I behaving in accordance with my own values and checking in with those values, or am I letting the environment shape and change my values to match those of the game or the culture?

Or as Zadie Smith might put it, if everything in our life is a behavior modification device, how am I making choices conscientiously and wisely when it comes to how I wish or prefer my behavior to be modified?

How are we going to play?

Regardless of the name we end up using for this (and I sincerely hope we can put our heads together and come up with many good options!), I think this practice is ultimately about paying attention to the underlying pattern.

And adding compassion.

Observing the pattern changes the pattern, or at least allows us more options for interrupting it.

The practice of noticing (with love)

I want to become a keen noticer of when I am not giving myself credit, when I am forgetting that each step is a win, or when I am getting stuck in the trap of trying to get to DONE, and only then do I get to rest or feel good about myself. Because that is the worst trap.

But not blaming myself for falling into the trap again, because that’s also a trap, right? It is so reasonable and understandable that we fall into Perpetual Striving patterns while existing inside of a culture that prioritizes always being busy and stressed but trying to achieve more.

Also I think we are going to have to find a way to get more playful with all of this…

Okay, so we fell into the trap. Is there a fun sound effect for that? Can we play the song that goes with whoops, trap time…

It’s going to happen, and we are going to have to give ourselves even more credit for noticing. If we can laugh about it a little, all the better. And if we can’t, because the stuck is too stuck, then compassion for that too. Been there, will be there again.

Let’s play!

You are welcome to drop any NAMING suggestions into the comments, or anything else you have noticed about this phenomenon.

You are also invited to give yourself credit for anything at all, because good job to you, I will celebrate with you.

And of course we can brainstorm possible ways we might notice and lovingly or playfully interrupt this pattern when it shows up…

Lots of love to everyone who reads.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind, wish some wishes, process what’s percolating…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Whatever comes to mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️