Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: A perfect simple solution to an untenable situation.
Here’s what I want:
There is this incredibly unsovereign and stressful thing going on in my personal life, and I don’t know what to do with it.
But I do know that it cannot continue. The current trajectory is not okay.
I need a perfect simple solution that is good for me and good for the other party involved, a solution that is respectful of my space and time.
And I need this to resolve itself in a way that does not suck up all my attention, because I’m really, really busy right now.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
Also it seems like it’s really important to make safe rooms for the parts of me who are in a really reactive and wounded situation right now. So I’d like to do that.
I’ll play with…
Asking the four questions. And the other four questions.
Staying connected to Slightly Wiser Me, and following her instructions.
Breathing. Old Turkish lady yoga. Asking.
Thing 2: Feeling excited and energized!
Here’s what I want:
There is so much happening right now with opening the new space and running the old space, and the rest of the business.
After last week’s virus that had me barely able to get out of bed, I’d like to feel strong, capable, excited and energized.
I want to be back to dancing between the doors.
Ways this could work:
It’s time. It just happens.
I’ll play with…
Early to bed.
Planting the gwishes.
Making sure that I’m taking care of myself.
Thing 3: Happy secret rendezvous tonight!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve called a hush-hush rendezvous for people who I want to come be a part of Stompopolis.
Either as Pirate Crew, as Treatkeepers or as Shiva Nata Deconstructors.
I want it to be fun. I want it to be ease-filled. And I want it to be its own form of chrysalis.
Ways this could work:
Equanimity, Trust, Steadiness and Surrender. And Dissolving.
I’ll play with…
Wanting what I want.
Humming the hum.
Thing 4: Dissolving.
Here’s what I want:
Hmmm. I don’t know really how to explain it.
It is kind of like the yin side to CRUSHING IT, which I also don’t know how to explain.
Let’s just leave it at that.
Ways this could work:
Slow, deep breathing.
Focus. Intention. Finding out what I know.
I’ll play with…
Interviewing the version of me who remembers to do this.
Thing 5: The thing with the door to get taken care of.
Here’s what I want:
The thing with the door! It needs to get taken care of. Fast. And easily.
Also, I am noticing that I feel annoyed and frustrated that this is still an issue. So I think my ask is also about finding out what the pain has to say.
Ways this could work:
Okay, this might be related to boundaries stuff, like in that other situation that I want resolved.
So I guess what I really want is strong, clear, healthy, beautiful, flexible, loving boundaries.
And I could do some Shiva Nata to get insights on what’s really going on here, and what I might do about it.
I’ll play with…
Lots of conscious entry.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
You know what? This was a really hard week for me. I just want to acknowledge that as a reminder to myself.
My first ask was about glowing it up, and being in bed with a virus made that extra-challenging, but there were moments. So I’d like more of these moments. Glow! It! Up!
I wanted a hot water thingy, aka a water boiler, for the new Playground, and we haven’t found one yet.
Then I wanted to set a date for the pirate crew rendezvous, and it’s happening today! Yay!
Then there was the ship, which was metaphorical and not. And I have not done anything about this, which is interesting. So I guess I want to re-ask this. I want to find out what would help me make this happen.
And I silent retreat-ed on the last one, and I will keep silent retreating on that.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Go me – first one here 🙂
Thing 1
The washing machine needs to be fixed quickly & easily.
I feel upset that this isn’t resolved yet. A bit like I’ve been fooled into the delay. I think I need to ask what this feeling of being fooled has to tell me too.
Ways this could work:
What I really want is respect and sovereignty when dealing with the repair man. I need to work with clearly stating my needs and being heard.
I’ll play with conscious entry and hushing the monsters.
Thing 2
More people to sign up for my May course before Friday. Ouch, that’s hard to admit!
Ways this could work.
I could make some little announcements (facebook/twitter), I could send people who expressed interest before a gentle reminder.
I’ll play with, hmm,
I’m noticing severe reluctance so maybe I need to work with a proxy here, or even a costume. Yep
Update on previous VPAs
Which I only made recently but am starting to see some results. Basically I haven’t got the whole answer to my neediness thing but “hurray for blanket forts!”
What I want:
To get this paper written, get it written well, and get it turned in on time. Preferably without losing a lot of sleep.
Ways this could work:
At this point, it’s mostly just sitting down and doing it. But also deep breaths, affirmations, allowing myself the occasional small break, and feeding myself way. I know I can do this.
I’ll play with:
Gratitude for what I’ve got.
What I want:
For the transition between roommates to go really smoothly. For the apartment to be really clean for the roommate without me having to do all the cleaning myself. For the current roommate to do her share of the cleaning.
Ways this could work/I’ll play with:
Sovereignty, people being responsible for what they need to be responsible for. Affirmations. Meditation. Communication? Ease. Friendliness.
Support to everyone with their VPAs!
Sunday, Sunday. Feeling a little discombobulated, so the VPA is a welcome ritual.
Last week, I wanted joy- and ease-filled revisions. That is largely happening. Things that I thought would take a long time turned out to not take so long, mostly because I realized I wanted everything huge and perfect, and I really just needed simple solutions. So yay, simple solutions!
I still need to actually get the revisions done, though, so I’m repeating that VPA.
Also, I have the usual creeping “there are 50 things you want to do and they MUST BE DONE NOW” feeling. So I’ll gently talk with that monster… but it brings me to VPA #2.
VPA: To create some routines for my stuff. Day routines, week routines, that are simple and perfect and that give me some beautiful containers to keep my projects/concerns/ideas.
How this could look: Not sure. Needs to be simple, though — I have a tendency toward over-complicating and perfectionism. I’d like them to be comfortable, beautiful, and ease-evoking.
My commitment: to play with it.
Happy week, peeps! 🙂
Hello hello, VPA time – I welcome you and make space for you.
Love to your VPAs, Havi, and many fruitful, bloomtastic wishes for everyone else’s VPAs as well.
Me?
I’ve been trying to think of VPAs but am having problems with it. I feel really good and have been grateful for the new, much more congruent space but somehow the old VPA model doesn’t feel right. Time to explore, I think, so I guess that’s my VPA – to know what I want and need in this asking space.
I guess. I’ll find out!
Goodbye, goodbye VPA time, and thank you for being with me.
Last week I asked for less stress, and there was less of the things that had been stressing me out. But I got a provisional diagnosis of a potentially disabling condition which won’t be confirmed or changed until early June. Stress!
The condition requires a restricted diet that eliminates most of the things I normally eat. The things it allows are mostly not on MrB’s extremely restricted diet.
What I want: to figure out some food that is good for me and that I like.
What would help: more information.
What I could try: internet research; talking to a dietician.
The condition is aggravated by stress, so I am asking again for less stress.
What I will try: costumes, playing, napping, drawing and painting, consulting the Book of Me and the stress-management files, visiting my friends J and L, trying to be home when the Butler comes because he makes me laugh (and last week he made me some wonderful coffee).
Sending good wishes to everyone’s VPAs!
Coffee and VPAing!
This is what I want:
The Boy. I want him to say “let’s hang out” or something. I want something more than this. I want to see that smile sitting next to me.
Ways this could work: I don’t know. I can’t keep going to the pub to see him. (or can I?) I can’t find him on Facebook. Hmmm. Must ponder. Must return to pub with better wingman.
Thank you Havi for sharing VPAs with us. This is becoming a comforting ritual for me.
What i want:
A perfect simple solution for the personal issue that has been worrying me all week.
Ways this could work/what I’ll play with:
Acknowledging my needs as ok
Believing there is a solution that will be right for everyone involved
Making a safe room for me-that-remembers-and-has-reasonable fears
Asking for guidance
Getting still and listening
Watching for answers to appear (win/win/win answers)
What i want:
Time for all my works…the new business and my personal creative works
I am feeling the old guilt and stress that says not enough time and i need to sacrifice myself to get it all done
Ways this could work/what i’ll play with:
Trusting I am accomplishing what truly needs to happen
Asking for a perfect simple solution
focusing on being present in the moment because i get less done with scattered energy
Practicing thankfulness…I’m busy in a happy way and need to remember that
What I want!
In the pot!
A lazy lazy lazy day. I have needed it since forever and i am going for it.
Time in a sauna. My back has been aching for weeks and it needs release.
Healing of heartbreak.
My office to myself – as in – if the office mates could be quiet or take of for a while, I wouldn’t be complaining.
Some more relaxed and quiet time with my project. An ocean of space around the project.
Seems extra hard to ask today, but h e r e goes…
I want:
* This subbing stint to have ease, joy, and depth without the usual dollops of angst, worry and resentment.
How?
It could just be different,I could remember that I’m always practicing, I could ask future me for some guidance.
My Commitments- Setting up a play date with the monsters, lots of yoga, practicing the exiting and entering (this could be very important.
* To get hired to teach a set of my new classes (gulp),
How?
The people I contacted could say yes!
I could contact more people.
Someone could go to moveintochange and just call me up.
My Commitments- look for non-yucky ways to let people know what I’m doing and offer it.
Wow, that was hard, the monsters feel like choke weed.
I do have some fairly intense wantings this week, but I’m having a hard time putting them into words. So, let’s see if I can give myself permission to be a poster child for incoherence!
Thing #1
What I want: a word or phrase (catchphrase?!) to remind me of the cool and stoopid epiphany I had this weekend. Something sparkly and catchy that I could tattoo on my arm if I felt like it.
How this can happen: free association, lots of journaling, possibly/probably Shiva Dancing on it.
I’ll play with: living it. Putting it into action. Changing my inner programming, because this is a huge paradigm shift that I’m playing with, and I love it!
Thing #2
What I want: well, what I think I want is for a certain person to see things differently (i.e., the way I see them) but the underlying want is for firm and joyful sovereignty in my interactions with this person, particularly in those certain emotionally-laden areas where we disagree.
How this could happen: Oh, God. I don’t know. Or, maybe I do know. By allowing this person to be angry at me. By interacting lovingly with the fear and monster-talk surrounding the conflict.
I’ll play with: Whatever I damn well please. Dammit. 😉
A Thing:
I’m feeling at the end of my cope re several tangles of negativity that people who matter to me insist on lobbing toward me. I would like the energy and savvy to handle them properly (which might include simply letting them drop?) without feeling like a doormat or a shoe magnet.
WTWC:
* construct lists of alternate things to talk about? how much of this is me not educating people on what I would rather discuss?
* spend Shabbat (or an equivalent stretch) with prayerbooks and NVC handouts?
* I could just wait this out for a while. Is it really something for me to actively fix?
I’ll play with:
* the lists. They seem like something that might ripple good energy and helpful perspective into other things I’m working on.
Other things and gwishes:
* To get further on various projects with ease
* To please my colleagues/clients/readers in doing so
* To enjoy my birthday
Update: calls and letters and surgery all seem to have turned out well.
Wishing everyone all a good week, with wellsprings of support wherever and whenever you seek them.
Monday VPA’s. Whew.
What I want: Revision superpowers for three different pieces in varying stages of development…when each piece has its own iguana perched on top like a paperweight.
SF me says:
Do an entry ritual, and then open the doc.
Build a container of time for each piece — just sit with it, if you need to. You don’t have to write or change anything until you see something you desperately want to fix.
Get recycled paper so you can print them out and work from hard copy without feeling as guilty about the trees.
What I want: THE WEEK. For the first time in months, I have a (relatively) unscheduled week of spaciousness ahead. I also need to get a lot done. I am welcoming the gift of not having to play fit-it-in-between-meetings-and-commuting but also anxious about getting. things. done.
SF me says:
Stay conscious: do whatever you want, just try to enter and exit.
Break it down: think about the day in biggish-chunks (see above! containers!)
Go for a walk when you get stuck.
wishing ease and flow to everyone’s VPA’s this week….!
Thing 1: for a certain relationship that impacts me multiple days a week to be easier. I want to remember my sovereignty at all times. I want to give myself permission to pause before responding. I want to be respectful and assertive and I wish for the other party to do the same. I want to explore ways I could release myself from this relationship. I want to stop devoting so much brain space to all the ways this relationship drives me nuts.
Ways this could work: I could do Byron Katie’s 4 questions to see where I have unrealistic expectations. I could tattoo Sovereignty on my wrist…or write it on post its all over my space. I could recognize each and every tiny good interaction. I could do a ritual of closure every time the relationship is over for the day.
Thing 2: regarding my desires around love and having a family…I will silent retreat and cover this gwish in pink sparkles.
Love to everyone’s VPA’s!
What I want:
A healthier way to interact with people and situations from my faith tradition.
Ways this could work/things to play with:
Claiming my sovereignty. Letting others have theirs. Stop freaking out over the way I am perceived and other things I have no control over.
I’ve gotten a whole bunch of things I wnated lately, some because I went ahead and got them, or because they materialized unexpectedly. So lots of unexpected gifties and surprises of support and sparkly-ness. LOts of good outcomes from past VPAs–more joy, better leadership etc (altho i did act out from ma bunch of my stuff lately).
VPA 1: The End of WNB. WNB is a very dysfucntional pattern in my behavior. It adversely impacts my health, diet, productivity, mood, focus. I’ve been asking lots of questions about it. WNB makes many things impossible, lots of feeling and insights and other progress that it filters out and it needs to stop. No judgment, it just doesn’t wpork for me. I had stopped it for a long time but now I’m back at it, plus shame and negativity for “failing.”
WTCW: I could start using the sigil i created, this could be part of consciously Exiting and Entering the Day. I could do affirmations at bedtime again, these seemed to work. Remember the Mantra. I don’t know, maybe it just could?
I’ll play with: Gentleness, forgiveness, permission and amnesty. Encouragement, substitues, cues and affirmations. The Mantra. Remembering times I succeeded and things were good as a result.
I am somehow not quite up to wanting fully-formed things this week: i.e. I am not trusting myself even a little. And I didn’t realize that before I typed it, so this was helpful already.
So I will let myself gwish it up, like blowing little bubbles that can escape from under a rock.
*gwish!* to have joy burble up and out of me and make someone else happy, too
*gwish!* to see something so amazing it makes all of me except the equally amazing part be very, very quiet
*gwish!* to have a warm, poofy-fuzzy, and comforting robe-cloud-thing that hides me completely… but it can turn to just-illusion whenever I want so that actually I can dance naked in the sun and noone needs to know (right now)
*gwish!* playing!
*gwish!* warmth!
*gwish!* a completely satisfying and excessive time at the whine bar with good friends, and afterwards no one remembers exactly what was said, just that we feel better now.
that… unexpectedly cleared up a lot for me. Love and bubbles to everyone’s VPA’s!
Seeing as a fundamental chunk of last week’s VPA came through (er, an income!) I’m now up to the really confronting and challenging parts of the big ‘stepping into my power around money’ ask.
So this week I’m gwishing for…
+ Clarity
+ Courage
+ Compassionate communication
+ Compassionate conflict
+ Computer and car
Brought to you today by the Letter C.
PS: I rewrote ‘courage’ as ‘courageous sovereignty’, and then reread that as ‘outrageous sovereignty’. Which is BRILLIANT but doesn’t start with the letter C thereby ruining my poetical genius. But I love it too much so I’m going to use this postscript to ask for that: OUTRAGEOUS SOVEREIGNTY!! With hot pink spiky hair and a subtle little face tattoo. Yeah baby!
xoxo