Right. So there were a number of things I could have conceivably been doing the afternoon before flying to Germany for two months.
Like, packing maybe. Or leaving my brother instructions about weird Hoppy House-related things. Or freaking out and falling apart, as per tradition. Tradition!
Instead, I spent it looking for a new address. For me.
Here’s what happened.
My gentleman friend went out to pick up my mail.
At the mailbox.
The one I rented in October (in the spooky edition — spooky!) so people would have a place to send fan-socks and scarves for my duck without me having to reveal to anyone the actual location of Hoppy House.
Because hello, my duck is famous. And I am not crazy about stalkers a loner.
The place was shut. And dark. No sign on the door.
He did a little iPhone reconnaissance and found their number.
Out of business.
Forget the apologies. Where’s my mail?
Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake. There aren’t any apologies.
This is what the website says:
After seven years in business, we have closed our doors. We wish our customers a fond farewell, we will truly miss you.
Excuse me? You will miss me?
WHERE IS MY MAIL?
You have my mail.
Oh, and in addition to that, you also have four more months of paid rent on that mailbox, plus the key deposit.
But you know what? The thing that bothers me way more than that is the mail. I’d really like my mail.
I get a lot of it.
And — aside from extremely important things like fan-socks and love letters to Selma — there are things like checks. And stuff I’ve ordered. That I need.
Where is the part that goes, “And this is when/where you can pick up your mail that we still have”?
Let’s talk about the mensch points.
Because as lost mensch points* go, this is pretty much a worst-case-scenario.
*I took this idea from Steve Krug, genius mouse extraordinaire!
- I don’t have my mail.
- Nor do I have a mailing address anymore, apparently.
- And then I had to spend the day before leaving the country frantically searching for a new mailbox.
- Had to dig up two forms of ID and fill out a bunch of paperwork when I could have been doing any of my urgent last-minute errands.
- Had to pay extra because no one had any small mailboxes available so now I have a large one that I don’t need.
- Had to change the address on nearly ten websites and several contact pages.
- I also have a rubber address stamp for stamping envelopes. That was a waste.
- I had my assistant stamp at least eighty of those kraft shipping envelopes that we use to mail dvds … with the address. The one that no longer exists.
- Now I need a new rubber stamp.
- And stickers for all those envelopes.
- And to pay someone to sticker envelopes and write my address on them until the new stamp arrives.
- I may also have to notify various companies that the stuff they’ve sent me has to be re-sent? Awkward. And maybe not even possible.
- In terms of the money, I’m out four months mailbox rent and key deposit. Not the end of the world. But still annoying.
- That address was also tied to my credit cards. Which means, because my bank is astonishingly incompetent when it comes to address changes (that’s another ranty post), I’ll be spending several hours on the phone and also going to visit them in person.
There are so many ways to earn back mensch points.
I should know, because oh boy, I lose them all the time too.
It happens. Because you’re a human being, running an itty biz of a business.
Stuff goes wrong. For all of us. Hey, I screw up pretty much all the time.
And we lose mensch points like crazy. Sometimes without even knowing it.
But the thing that really, really helps with mensch points?
Apologizing.
Acknowledging the existence of Sucky Situations.** Making suggestions.
** I take all my cues on this from my friend Mark “mensch points” Silver, who writes apologies like nobody’s business.
So if my business had just gone through hell … and I happened to have your mail, the sign (and there would be one) might say something like this:
“Ohmygosh! Your mail! Here’s what’s going on:
We’ve had some crazy stuff happening and we’re panicking a little because this wasn’t our plan. We started this business out of love and things are hard right now.
So here’s the thing. We feel awful, because you don’t have your mail and you’re probably feeling frustrated and upset.
And because things are crazy, we don’t know when exactly we’ll be able to get you your mail. Which sucks. Sorry! Horrible!
So what we’re going to do is this: we will get someone to forward you your mail. It may take a week or two but you will get your mail.
That’s not even a very good … anything. But it’s way better than nothing. And better than nothing — especially an acknowledgment — counts.
Even when you’re bankrupt. Even when you’re in catastrophe mode.
It counts.
So I guess you’re wondering where to send the fan-socks.
Right. And no hobo fingers, please. That’s a request worth repeating, I think.
Anyway, here’s the new new address:
The Fluent Self
1526 NE Alberta Street #218
Portland, OR 97211
United States
Sigh.
Comment zen for today.
What I’d rather not have: shoulds, guilt, a lecture on how I should be more patient or less patient or more like this person or less like that person. Thank you!
What I would love: sympathy, hysterical laughter, tears, hugs, general supportive symbolic fist-shaking.
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What a frustrating experience for you. I’d be screaming and jumping angrily for a while to blow off the steam. I’ve had a recent experience like that, though not nearly as frustrating. Still it might be worth sharing.
I have chronic pain and I take something like 7 different meds. Recently a pharmacist convinced me to sign up for the pharmacy’s courtesy refill program. The barriers to entry were so minor I did it. She just asked me which ones I wanted automatically refilled.
Monday I go in to get my ultram, which is my five times daily pain med. I find out that it isn’t filled because I have no refills. What about the courtesy refill program, I ask. Well, because I had a meds mixup when I went to a wedding recently, and my doctor had written me a 6 pill prescription so that I could get some to last the weekend in Cleveland, the med didn’t go on refill. And they couldn’t give me even one pill to tide me over because it’s a controlled substance.
I would have really appreciated an apology. That would have earned them lots of mensch points. And I’m tired of having my meds be so difficult to get because they are afraid someone would take them recreationally…. there is no high to be had from ultram as far as I am aware.
So I’m fistshaking at your mail box people and my pharmacy right now.
.-= Lisa´s last post … =-.
Fistshaking seems so inadequate to the enormity of this mess. But I’ll give it a try. Ack. At least it happened the day before and not the day after. Shudder.
Oh, and maybe you know this, but while you are on the phone to the bank, make sure you tell them that you are in Berlin for a while. It never occured to me to do that when I went to Europe and all of a sudden the cards wouldn’t work because their “fraud” people had stopped them due to all these charges from Europe. The stuff that is done in the name of protecting us can be infuriating.
I hope you find your mail.
*hysterical laughter* followed by a hug. followed by more *hysterical laughter* and a lot of wtf jaw droppingness.
Oh Havi, how frustrating!!! Selma must be beside herself at not getting all those other wardrobe accessories people should be sending her!!!
I hope your mail is waiting for you when you get back.
Have a glooooorrrrrrious trip with lots of Healthy Boundaries and wonderful Right People and long-lost friends.
Hugs if you want them.
.-= G. Romilly´s last post … Things I miss… =-.
Wow, that’s … really breathtaking. What a bunch of incompetent idiots. Is it just me, or is “we will truly miss you” somewhat difficult to believe in the circumstances? Fists shaken and menacing growls emitted on your behalf. Also I hope you get your mail back.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain´s last post … Very Secret Mysteries, no. 5: Quilting =-.
what?! if they really were fond of you and would miss you, they would have said something about your mail. i’m sorry .. that is just crazy. and frustrating. and did i say crazy. *shakes fist at strange business-closing-people*
.-= elizabeth halt´s last post … a dog a day =-.
AaAaAaA! I almost can’t handle the frustration, seriously, of feeling like there must be a solution, everything has a solution, where is the solution, and not being able to locate the solution or your mail or these decidedly not-so-classy people.
I am very, very sorry and also very happy that you’re open to hysterical laughter, because wow, Craptastic.
.-= Briana´s last post … Being willing to suck: The Seinfeld pilot as case study =-.
Omigosh! That is so so horrible!
Selfishly, I am super-glad our pretty mail thingies reached you before this happened, and that you were able to mail them back to us – they made me ridiculously happy, I must say. (; They’re the best “rejections” I’ve ever gotten!
Pace and I had our mail stolen right out of our mailbox a month ago (wow, I can’t believe it’s been a month!). The guy took our rent check and made duplicates and went to such exciting places as Wal-Mart and CVS – not my first choices to go on an exciting spending spree with someone else’s ill-gotten monies, I must say, but whatever floats your boat, I suppose. We did something of a “worst case scenario” list when we realized what had happened, and came out of it only slightly more afraid to use my mailbox.
Gah! Mail is oddly sacred, and having it tampered with really feels icky! And right before you leave the country – how scary!
I think I’ll refrain from mailing anything in the weeks before we leave for Ireland. (;
*big smooshy hugs*, darling.
.-= Kyeli´s last post … The Final Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 34: Endings =-.
Ouch. Seems there might have been a few federal mail laws broken here that should have been thought of. Brings up a pretty good point to investigate on my end. Thanks and sorry….
.-= Fred´s last post … Biomutualism, Breaking Down Silos, and Finding Inspiration =-.
Whenever I go out of the country it seems like disaster strikes in my area code as well. Like the time when I was leaving to SE Asia and the bathtub water was left running and running for a long time upstairs. I came home to a wet 2nd story and a living room under water, carpets rotting, and furniture warped. I feel ya!
I was thinking what Fred was thinking … seems sort of fishy on a number of levels. And, what a sucky business practice. So, I’m sorry for all that yuck and frustration, and the loss of mail, etc. That must feel really vulnerable and icky! Big hugs! And, big GRRRRRR … I’m wanting to organize some sort of march on your behalf … with a mob and flaming torches … but wait, you are a pirate queen! A force to be reckoned with … pirates get all sorts of good revenges, right? That’s one of the benefits of being a pirate and having a crew and a fearsome ship … even so, I’m wishing you a nice and easier-than-it-looks-now resolution.
Oh no! So that’s what you meant! I saw your tweet but thought you were talking about an electronic mailbox and didn’t get it.
*Fist shaking!!!* How can they do that? Aaargh!
I wonder if I need a mailbox. I’m a bit worried now.
Wow, there is something about getting, and hanging onto, other peoples’ mail (unless it is coming to you ASAP) that strikes me as potentially illegal too. Folks, cough up that mail before federal law comes into play!
Thank you for laughing hysterically with me and for the fist-shaking. It totally helps.
@Lydia – oh noes! That is shockingly depressing. Ohmygosh. Shuddering with you. Brrrrrr.
@Kyeli – exactly – “mail is oddly sacred” — that is so completely the right description of it. And I’m glad I got your pretty mail too. (!)
OH MY! I would be absolutely furious and confuddled! I mean, I understand how sometimes small businesses can go under, but surely they knew it was coming and they could have given everyone some NOTICE… even a nice sign statign they were going to close in a week or even a few days time, just to give people time to find a new place to get their mail!! It would seem just like common courtesy for a bit of a heads up, so much STILL depends on getting our mail — payments, bills, packages, love from afar — and having that interrupted must be horribly frustrating.
I’m sending out “help Havi (and Selma) find their mail — and some peace for their trip” sparkles to you!!
(HUGS) (from afar only)
.-= Pam´s last post … What if… =-.
OK So you probably totally know this and it’s just an annoying piece of advice… but I’m gonna do it anyway!
You can set up mail forwarding with USPS on their website. i have no idea how this works for PO boxes (maybe it doesn’t?) but I think it does.
OK done now!!! =D
*Fist Shake*!
What a pain! I would guess that, to protect themselves from mail fraud issues, they returned all of everyone’s mail to sender. Annoying, but in most ways pretty harmless, especially if those who will be getting unexpected returns can now be forewarned of the possibility.
Good luck with mail, with Berlin, with the rest! It’s such a weird loss when mail goes awry, like you put your trust in this system and then suddenly it’s been broken in unexpected ways. Like tiny personal tragedy, that feels like it shouldn’t be tragic, but it is — you lose more than just a few boxes and envelopes.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … It’s Coming Right for Us! =-.
GAH! Double GAH! How very frustrating. I can join you with the fist shaking.
I’m going to make sure I’m in a field and able to shout at the sky very melodramatically, “Why God Why??? Why my mail of all things holy?
“My maiiiiil!”
Then some fist shaking before collapsing to my knees alternating between wailing and hysterical laughter.
And I’m not even being tongue in cheek – I think that this would be an appropriate hysterical response to a situation that is inconvenient, massively incompetant and endlessly frustrating. What the hell huh?!
.-= Wormy´s last post … Waiting… =-.
That’s crazy frustrating! Ugh. And hug.
.-= Josiane´s last post … Retreating to write – and being treated to so much more =-.
I send you an AUGH! of empathy — followed by, through the magic of anagrams, A HUG. Also, my thanks for an eloquent (and completely justified) rant!
Oh, Havi! What an awful stressful mess to have to sort through right when you have so many other things to be taking care of. *shakes fist at Havi’s former mailbox business*
I completely understand how important it is to have a nice safe place for your mail to live so no one ON THE INTERNET has to know where you live. Because hey, most folks are not crazed stalker types, but peace of mind is important. I use a PO box for my teeny tiny Etsy shop. Not because I think there are a huge number of evil stalky people out there who are incredibly interested in mailing me a check for the purchase of brightly-colored wool, but because reducing your Crazed Wool Stalker Attack odds from virtually nothing to actually zero is a good feeling.
I hope you find your mail. And that everything gets sorted out. And that the folks in charge of your new mailbox are as kind, helpful, and totally non-stressful to you as mine have been to me. And that you have a lovely time in Berlin!
.-= Serendipity´s last post … The Club is Afoot! =-.
Wow.
Just wow. That is . . . mind blowing.
Super glad you could get it sort of resolved, but holy cow.
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … How to Quit Being a Badass =-.
Havi,
I had a similar situation (though at least they didn’t keep my kid!) when my son’s after care closed with 2 days notice and 4 wks of my tuition money. The owner was so classy that she left her poor underlings there to tell parents and deal with their wrath with NO information, AND she refused to answer phone call or email forever. And I never saw the money back either. Some people just think that whatever their problem is means they don’t have to consider their customers.
Good luck with the mail and with the trip! Have a blast.
.-= Sandy´s last post … Of Plagues and Pestilence…Or Rather, Sickness and Lightening =-.
Just one small suggestion to maybe lighten the stuck. Why don’t you just make a handy dandy return address label template file on your computer and print the labels, instead of getting a stamp, or having to pay someone to hand-write them? Print one page = bingo/presto 80 labels. Work fine, last a long time. I haven’t even used up my first 80 yet. Just saying.
.-= Judy´s last post … A word (or two) about hybrids =-.
I love the title of this post, with deep and abiding passion.
I am a chronic apologizer. Maybe because I’m Canadian? I apologize when someone else bumps into me. I am glad to hear that I’ve been on the right track, and I’m not just a doormat.
I can’t believe you’re wrestling with this right now, of all times. I can’t believe that there was no contact info or follow-up other than, “Sorry we closed.” Not cool, mail people, not cool.
.-= Amber´s last post … I’ll Get it Someday =-.
Joining in for some more fist shaking and a big PHEW of relief that I didn’t yet get it together to send the little thank-you-for-these-awesome-DVDs package I wanted to put in the mail to you. Phew! So more good mail will be waiting for you when you get back from Berlin 🙂
I also love this post title. It is giving me a much-needed chuckle. Thank you.
.-= Darcy´s last post … Movie: Paper Heart =-.
Imagining that mensch point/ apology letter/ mail coming your way lickety-split. Makes me really appreciate my wonderful ex-laundromat guy who lost his biz most likely to the Chinese mob one day after playing the horses one time too many. He had a friend open the suddenly washer and dryer free shop to hand back everyone’s dry cleaning for tips. Grateful to still have my favorite dress. Hope your ex-mailshop owner takes a page out of that book.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … An artist who is infusing your world with beauty, whether you know it or not. =-.
@Judy- that is a good suggestion! Normally we don’t do labels because they don’t stick well to the type of envelopes we use, but yes, if we’re already paying someone to sticker and stamp, we could also pay her to print + sticker. Thanks!
@clayton- forwarding was the first thing we did!
It’s just that the stuff that already arrived in the last two weeks isn’t going to get forwarded because these people have my mail and don’t have any way of contact (they’ve taken down the contact page from their site, and the phone just goes to a recording that says “we’re closed!”)
Thanks for the worrying and the fist-shaking and the commiserating! Totally appreciated.
You guys are awesome.
Seriously?! I sent you a present for your 4 year old blog and there were chickens and stu-isms and everything! You mean someone else got it? Well. I just hope they’re happy. grumblegrumble.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Skillful Answers to Disgraceful Questions, Part 2 =-.
There’s a reason why tampering with mail is a felony offense – it’s a *huge freaking deal.*
I’m so sorry this happened (at all, let alone at the worst time humanly possible) and especially to the person who just sent me really awesome mail (Shiva Nata! So excited!)
On the bright side, if someone *did* send you hobo fingers in the last two weeks, you’re probably safe. (Yeah, I’m relieved, too.)
Havi, so sorry to hear that your mail has succumbed to rain, sleet and snow (or sun, vacations and mosquitos…?)
I had a similar experience when our answering service company went out of business with 30 days notice. The worst part was that we “rented” our toll-free number through them and could not get it transferred to our company because the Big Corporate Owner THEY got it from (not saying who, but their initials are X.O. oh well, maybe I did at that…) only “rents” toll-free numbers to companies whose accounts with B.C.O. total at least $500/month. Not to 12-person “helping people” companies such as ours. Grrrr-$$$ changes to website, printed materials, etc. and 3 years later we still get calls from folks letting us know, “Your toll-free number is disconnected.” Yup. It is.
We are shaking 24 fists on your behalf…!
Man. This is the worst thing ever. Mail floating around, not knowing when you’ll get it, or even IF you’ll get it. Horrible, horrible. And to think someone might actually HAVE it. And not knowing. Mail limbo! Gaaaaarrrrgghblach!
I’ve been stressing about my own mail, too, because I’m not living at home. Keep wondering if the Evil Roommate is taking it, or just writing stuff on it and returning to sender. Who knows what kind of racket he’s running over there when I’m not home? I’m so paranoid.
Checks, so many checks, that might or might not be there, and I’m afraid to go over there because that would mean possibly running into him and I can’t deal with that, I really really can’t. So the other option is to get up super early in the morning when I know he’s asleep. But then I have to get up super early in the morning!
Anyway, mail has been on my mind lately, too. I empathize and sympathize. But my worries are nothing compared to this. Grrrr. I hope this business person gets you your mail. They really should have read your post a few months back about why small businesses need to step up their marketing and stop blaming everything on the economy. Then maybe we wouldn’t be worrying about your mail right now!
Sending up a fist-shaking prayer to the Royal Office of Letters and Things That Should Never Be Lost…
May your mail be recovered promptly… and an apology issued…. (we can dream, can’t we?)
I was thinking along the same lines as Fred. Maybe if you talk to your local post office they can help you?
.-= Riin´s last post … Amazing =-.
wow, that’s just bizarre. You would think they would understand that handling a person’s mail is rather important, to put it mildly.
maybe once you’re in Berlin, a member of your pirate crew can check the legal issues….
The mail-forwarding people didn’t forward *their* mail. Bad business, of course. And unforgivably ironic. Meta-mail horror story, indeed.
.-= Erika Harris´s last post … An Open Letter to the Owner of Chicago’s Fine Arts Building =-.
Havi! First on your behalf. Good grief, what an awful thing to have happen at *any* time, let alone now!
Second, contact the Portland district attorney’s office! (or have your gentleman friend do it for you). They will be able to help you find the person who closed their doors and ran off with your mail. Also, pretty sure that person has broken some federal laws, since tampering with someone else’s mail is something the feds take very seriously. You might also contact the USPS and see if they have a consumer fraud/mail theft division. I bet they do!
I sincerely hope the person who did this does the right thing, but a little prodding from the authorities might help.
Finally, lots of hugs and a very safe journey!
ah. no means of contact. That’s when I turn to lots of visualization (has worked every time thus far for lost everything– dogs, wallets, etc…) You will get your mail. That classy person is working on it…
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … An artist who is infusing your world with beauty, whether you know it or not. =-.
Oh, man. This could become funny – hilarious, even – in retrospect after it was all sorted out, but maybe not so much til then.
What did the post office say? They must have a huge stack of stuff they couldn’t deliver there?
Shaking fist, shaking head, shaking that insincere non-apology by the scruff of its neck.
PS Vegetarians should probably skip my post linked below. Sorry.
.-= Sandra´s last post … Breakfast of wieners =-.
(shake fists!!!!!)
it’s oddly comforting to know that Ireland are not the only country that disappears with your mail for no good reason.
i was meant to go for a mamogram in july and i get the letter with the appointment date a week after said appointment. this is because i moved house and redirected my post but the oh-so-efficient AnPost took their time forwarding the mail.
(shakes fists as vigrously as RSI allows!)
grrrrr for bad service. grrrr a bit more.
love
tatty
.-= TattyFraney´s last post … Global Edition #18 =-.
I would be crying out of frustration. This is a nightmare and a lesson for me. Thank you.
There are areas where it is very difficult to get a PO box that is why there are these small biz alternatives.
Do people who open mail places have to register with the post office or government?
Makes me think about your post about systems.
Going forward I am looking for the policy info and considering the *what ifs*
I truly hope that these people make good on the mail.
Ah…If only all businesses would be run like yours! The apology – the “we know this is frustrating for you.” The world would be a better place, and maybe people would be a little less edgy if saying “I’m sorry – this is what I can do to help” became more of a first line of response.
I’m glad you found a new address and hope you have an uneventful and terrific trip!
.-= Miriam Salpeter´s last post … Conscious awareness and your job hunt =-.
Havi–I’m in the process of looking for a mail box company right now and you’ve scared me 🙂 Good luck.
@Lori – oh, sorry about that! If it’s any consolation, this is the third time I’ve used a mailbox company and the other two were great.
(of course, a week ago I would have said that this one was great too …)
Anyway, I think this is a highly unusual and bizarre situation. I’ve certainly never heard of anything like this happening …
@everyone else – still no news on this. I tried to locate a contact/representative from the shopping center thing where they were … nothing there.
And I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, though I’m really not sure how (if at all) effective that is.
And? I don’t know. Still waiting. Sigh.
Thanks for all the gratifying fist shaking, love and good ideas! xo
I don’t know that I could join you in hysterical laughter or the symbolic fist-shaking (well ok, maybe some fist-shaking). I’m downright sorry and feel for the trouble you’ve gone (or are going through)… That downright is NOT cool!
Seriously, I hope everything gets resolved very, very soon…
.-= Ricardo Bueno´s last blog ..Don’t Be That Guy! =-.
My great uncle was the postmaster general of Brooklyn a very, very long time ago.
Find the postmaster general of Portland and report this business. This is truly a federal offense to steal someone’s mail, which these people have done, and you are right to pursue it.
Although you probably have now.
Wow! So much great support and great ideas! You all touch my heart.
@havi, I am so sorry that this has happened. I really feel for you. Mail is sacred, totally agree. I would feel violated. Sending *I get it* support and lots of empathy.
@Kate T.W., I totally agree about visualization, the power of it and have used it MANY times myself personally and for clients who have lost their dear animal friends. Great advice!
Thank you all for sharing!
.-= Maya Zaido @animalswisdom´s last post … New Blog Address! =-.