Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this it.
Thing 1: a sense of a good amount of compromise.
Here’s what I want:
To work on getting ready for my — extremely metaphorical — baby (note: not a baby).
Trying to figure out what is the right … level? amount? relationship?… I don’t know, just trying to figure out how I navigate between two things.
On one side, I want and need to have certain level of privacy for my process. I want sovereignty. I want it to be my gestation period.
And I don’t want to be dealing with other people’s stuff (whether that’s things like jealousy or “constructive” criticism or just their growth period around my growth period).
On the other side, I want this to be a communal endeavor. I want cooperation, love, excitement, enthusiasm, support, help, caring, connection.
So I need to find a way to have the good parts of quiet and isolation along with the good parts of partnering and community.
Here’s how I want this to work:
I’m not sure.
But I do know that it’s what I want.
My commitment.
To pay attention to my stuff as it comes up.
To negotiate with my monsters.
To notice things.
To dance up a storm. To do Shiva Nata on it.
Thing 2: Movement, progress, flow on my Playground project.
Here’s what I want:
To be able to stay grounded and centered while I grow into this thing.
I mean, it’s one helluva big change, and this is a classic case of what got you here won’t get you there.
Ways this could work:
Inventing rituals.
Asking for help.
Bringing crazy amounts of conscious awareness into this so I know when I’m approaching something the way I might normally, and whether or not this is a useful approach this time.
Also, we might need another visit from Metaphor Mouse.
My commitment.
To stop.
To breathe.
To give it time. To take naps.
To notice what I need and then ask for it.
There is also something in here about marking time. Not sure what that’s about.
A lot of anniversaries have been going by (a year of email sabbatical, five years since I moved from Tel Aviv to Berlin, ten years without sugar/caffeine …) without that moment of stopping to say oh.
I think part of what needs to be different this time is how I relate to time. And how I relate to myself.
Thing 3: Costumes.
Here’s what I want:
It’s already practically Purim.
Which I know you’re excited about since you totally want to make these again.
And I kind of need something to wear to my meeting with the (cough — where is Metaphor Mouse?!) attorney that makes me look like a grown-up.
But not feel like one.
Ways this could work:
Playfulness!
Also, I will write a post about costumes. And play. Play!
And if you want to leave suggestions for things to dress up as (other than my go-to Roller Derby drag), that would be awesome.
My commitment.
To be silly.
To do Ironic Aerobics.
To laugh.
To give myself full permission to not want to act like a grown-up.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Outrageously great things.
Not such a fan of the word ‘miracle’ but I think I’m going to go with it.
So many amazing people showed up to help this week with my Love Letter to A Playground.
We’ve seen some terrific spaces. And, even better, I think I may have found the one.
We won’t know for a while whether there is any way to make this work, but wow. I am already in awe over all the support there is for this. Fairy godmothers everywhere. It’s out of control.
And I have been doing insane Dance of Shiva every day, and the epiphanies/ideas/inspiration/surprises are riding in on the waves.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Here’s what I want:
To have someone loving hold a very precious part of my heart with unshakable constancy and passion but without strangling it in the process.
One part longs for visibility and reflection so it can shine love and grow, grow ,grow. Another part is completely bored of following this seemingly fruitless path and wishes for several levels of annihilation instead.
Here’s how I want this to work:
No idea as I have failed to recognise it/find it/be open to it so far.
My commitment.
Figuring out how to open to this happening and accept it from where ever it comes from, without judgement
Finding a balance.
To keep aspiring for it.
Have fun picking a costume! I’d dress up as Pippi Longstocking, I have been in love with that character since childhood.
VPA:
I need to recharge my batteries after having had a teenage visitor all of this week. And there will be another visitor two days next week and two more the week after.
I want to figure out why I am suddenly so reluctant about going to an event next weekend that I had really been looking forward for weeks. Maybe it is because theoretically I have the option between this event which involves a bit of travelling and seeing LOTS of people I used to work with quite a while ago most of who I really love, or spending three days by the sea with husband and a friend. And given that I am tired the latter suddenly seems more appealing. Thanks for bringing up the relation to time thing, Havi. The event is something that will throw me back into the past and I may feel like a visitor in a film I am no longer playing in. Not sure if I will like this. Think I need to gain more clarity about the “role” I have now (this is a mini epiphany that has just come up while writing).
How this could work:
Go into hermit mode as often as possible during the next few of days. Go for walks. Daily yoga practice. Shiva Nata about this role thing.
My committment:
Listen carefully to myself. Respect the hermit-mode-need despite next visitor and other things going on.
Hi all.
Well, my main VPA is:
I also have a (metaphorical) baby.
It might be a way of helping people I like, and actually have a business online.
My ask:
Similarly, I feel a need for:
a) Shhh…. shhh… (shhhh…). Quiet smiles exchanged between my very intimates.
b) Support and, well, some people to quiz.
c) a balance in terms of time between this and The Book I Get Paid To Write.
How?
~ Dunno. Erring on the side of shhhh would probably help.
~ Contemplation/wall staring/walks without audio/Shiva N.
~ Choosing my quizees carefully.
~ Taking my time.
~ Doing the Writing first, then focusing on the baby.
~ Letting it advance at its own pace.
***
Exciting times.
*quiet smile*
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … The ‘Question/answer format? Totally overuse it.’ Version – YoO Friday 5/52 =-.
For the meeting with the… what’s a good metaphor for attorneys?
Attorneys:
Remove barriers
Whisper passwords into doors to make them open
Put up protective barriers around things
Look for loopholes (sometimes)
I want to make a pun on barrier/barrister, though a barrister is not necessarily the same thing as an attorney.
Anyway. For your meeting with this person, you could–if you wanted–dress up as another person who also has to dress up (and doesn’t want to), and wear what that person wears when he/she dresses up. Find out that person’s secret Power Suit armor and copy it so you can absorb its power.
My initial thought for this person (for you) was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I don’t believe you have the teebee…
.-= Blue´s last post … Mad Men 2.3: The Benefactor =-.
@Havi I’d go for the Super Hero’s secret identity outfit. Whatever that is! It’s a metaphor, damn it.
VPA later, gotta go to church….but what should I weeeeeeeeeaaaaarrrrrr?!?! (My fave whine of all time, BTW!)
.-= chicsinger simone´s last post … happy blogday! =-.
Dress up! Loves it. My wife is, as we sit in the coffee shop, wearing a tiara. Then again, her birthday is tomorrow, and it is the Birthday Tiara. Me, I’m just wearing crazy socks. And a variegated green crocheted hat that, I’m told, can look like a turtle shell (very apropos for me). Okay, maybe not so much the grownup look. I’d best think about that before my scheduled jury duty. Hmm.
What I want / need:
A day of real rest and rejuvenation. Yesterday was a horrible, terrible, no good very bad day, and I need to come out of this one feeling strong and energized and HAPPY.
How this might work:
–Lots of resting with books and tea.
–Journaling
–Podcasts that remind me to come back to myself. (Tara Brach, I love you.)
–Letting go of the idea of getting anything done today.
–Collaging time!
–Hot bath with yummy bathsalts
–Using my Ease Please! from http://www.aardvarkessentials.com
My commitment:
–Being gentle
–Saying hello to my Must Be Productive stuff as it comes up (because I can see it poking its little monster head around the corner as I type)
–Being present to what I really need right now, even if it’s watching something ridiculous on Netflix.
.-= Julie´s last post … When did you know? =-.
Given my amazing ability to choose the least flattering costumes of all time I’ll refrain from suggesting anything…
VPA:
I’m sitting here trying here to whittle a neat little VPA out of a loose and baggy monster. The closest I can get is clarity.
I’m going to be doing even more introspection than normal, some Shiva-ing, whip out the Tarot. I’m going to be open to what comes up, and try not to run screaming if what comes up is inconvenient. Respect and trust myself.
I need to work out some family tension. I have been avoiding this, because, FAMILY TENSION. I think this situation calls for a lot of Sovereignty all around. And patience. And maybe breaks from the discussion and the angst. Breaks are a good thing.
.-= Amber´s last post … Treasure Hunting =-.
Hey everyone and here’s to happy VPAing.
I’m wanting to adjust my morning routine a bit to make exercise a thing that happens regularly in the morning. Right now it just gets squeezed/shoved into my day all haphazardly. So I guess my real ask is for ease committing to a regular space or container for it to happen, so it could feel like a thing with a time and place, a ritual thing.
How this could work.. I’m thinking I’d like to do a morning hike behind my house most mornings. And hahaha. Because I was naively thinking it would start this morning. And then the universe laughed at me and started dumping rain. But, still.
My commitment… To remember that making this a regular thing will add to the overall nourishing/rejuvenating quality. To let short walks sometimes be enough. (Hard, that one’s really hard, oof.) To plant some reminders the night before. To be both flexible and attentive.
.-= Briana´s last post … Partial decaffeination project: giving up the afternoon buzz. =-.
Havi, the great thing about being grown up is you get to dress any way you please–that’s how you know you’re dressed like a grownup! 🙂
So my two cents’ worth: wear whatever makes you feel the way you want to feel: sovereign, happy, playful, carefree, let-me-lay-my-jacket-down-on-the-ground-so-your-feet-don’t-get-muddy gorgeous.
Your presence is a joy, and your Right Attorney will be so happy to meet you and to help smooth the way for you.
Costumes make me think of Dr Seuss characters: Cat in the Hat. The Grinch. Horton and the Who. 🙂
Wishing you a sprinkling of miracles on your VPA’s.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … You Opened Your Mouth… =-.
VPA:
What I need is… a doctor or nurse or some kind of medical professional. One who has the knowledge to treat PCOS and who is willing to consider new treatments as they are discovered. Someone who will listen and treat me like a person, who won’t make assumptions. Someone who won’t rush me or scare me. Someone who won’t treat me like a science experiment if I ever feel safe enough to talk about the synesthesia and visual snow. And I need this person/office/whatever to be in New Hampshire and to accept Tricare insurance.
It feels like so much to ask for. 🙁 I really, really hate asking for big things.
My VPA: I want not to be so *edgy*. This would probably be easier if I knew why I was so edgy, so maybe my ask should in fact be to work out why I’m edgy.
(Some of it may be hormonal, but I don’t think all of it is.)
How this could happen: I could get some more self-insight. Talking about it with a friend might throw something up. A particle of inspiration might appear as if from nowhere.
My commitment: Listen to myself. Do a little Shiva Nata daily, and move onto the next bit cos I think I’m getting too good at what I’m doing right now. Start doing my morning pages again. When I work out what’s going on, give myself what I can to help it not.
And also allow myself to feel edgy. If that’s what’s going on right now, that’s OK.
.-= Juliet´s last post … Puppy update! =-.
Hey
Good luck everyone with all your VPA’s!
Havi and Selma hope you find comfort in your clothes and skin with this fantastic possibility before you!They’ll be lucky to have you – so good luck sweetie!
My VPA
To experiment with tapping, EFT, throughout the week when I can. To play with it about everything as it comes up.
Bt also to focus specifically to experiment with any blocks or patterns around money, work, my capacity to manage life and moving forward, as well as moving through any uncertainty about other potential creative biz stuff I could do.
There are lots of practical things I would like too. But if I can dissolve some of these patterns then I hope that good stuff will follow on from this.
Opportunities could rise to the surface of my awareness and I could go yeahhh sweetie – this is it! Or who knows what – more ease n flow wld be good!
I’d like to gain in greater trust at these calm feelings that I am starting to access again.
To feel greater trust in my own capacity to thrive and that I have all that I need inside and around me to do just that.
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … Stumbling, falling, starting over. =-.
Last week’s ask was for creative sovereignty. That’s a biggie, and I know it will take a lot of time, but I can feel the desire percolating, and actually, something surprising and relevant did happen this week. I’ve blogged about it, if you’re curious.
Today, I am asking for — no, wait a minute. I was going to ask for the sudden quarrel that my two sweeties had about an hour ago to be resolved peacefully, satisfyingly, and soon, so that it doesn’t put a damper on the whole day. I do want that, but even more, I am asking myself for the wisdom, patience, and trust to refrain from making matters worse. It will all be fine, in time. I don’t have to control anything to make that happen, so I’ll concentrate on taking care of myself, creating my own loving, sovereign space, and allowing others to take care of their own.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … This probably shouldn’t surprise me… =-.
And if you want to leave suggestions for things to dress up as (other than my go-to Roller Derby drag), that would be awesome.
As I read this, the thing that popped into my mind was “oooh! like a pirate queen who’s pretending to be a grown-up?” Which in my mind’s eye involves a ruffled-y shirt (perhaps understated ruffles, depending on how much pretending-to-be-a-grown-up there is going on, because I’m not sure how well pirates pretend to be grown-ups) and a brocade-type vest (I’ve picked up a few at thrift stores in my day) and boots (with either pants or perhaps a skirt, I’m not sure), but in your mind’s eye might involve something else. 🙂
babies and metaphors and playgrounds. i’m so excited for you.
my vpa:
to clear up loose ends this week in a way that does not feel forced or panicked or rushed. or to not clear them up and have that be ok.
it could happen by smooth, efficient transitions
i could put it on the universe’s ‘to do’ list and it would magically get done
things could end up being unimportant and fall away
i could get all the things done and still have time/energy to rest and dork dance
i commit to being open
to staying with my morning ritual
to enjoying my last week ‘off’ no matter what does/does not get done
to appreciating whatever help i receive
lots of loves!
xo
.-= Michelle Marlahan´s last post … Naked and Lost =-.
VPA! VPA! VPA! I look forward all week to VPA’ing
Progress report:
Thing 1 continues to be a roller coaster of “I am the awesome-est” and “I suck the deepest depths of suck-ness”. On the positive side, it gets closer to being out of my head and into the world.
My ask:
I thought my ask was about thing 2, but then I realized this VPA is about Thing 1.
Thing 1 needs a super-hero roundtable. Its own Justice league. Its hall of justice will have a hero with the super powers of copy-editing, design, and making gentle useful suggestions. I would like my hall of justice to have like minded friend type people.
How this could happen:
I could stop being so scared self-conscious and just ASK. You know, ask people, not the universe. I have an upcoming coaching appointment, I could ASK my coach.
My Commitment:
To just ASK for help when I come across someone who may be able to help. Accepting the help I get regardless of what it looks like. Not insisting that things be a certain way. I will not force the super heroes to wear capes and tights.
.-= Deanna´s last post … Snow, SF and the Bordello Hotel =-.
Yay, Havi! I’m really loving watching this process unfold for you. It’s been so graceful and hopeful and just full of really great energy.
I feel you on the being a grown up thing. Hubs and I are calling ourselves Adult Deluxe Models lately. Eek! Scary! 🙂
It’s reassuring to know there is someone else in the same boat (er, ship?).
Sending you lots of ease and time.
hugs,
Danielle
PS Derby. Soon! @yourcrazy and I are rallying some troops! 🙂
@havi – still crossing my fingers on the playground. so exited about this project coming together.
Meetings with attorney – a suit of armour?
my vpa:
rest.
ease.
comfort.
how this can happen?
go to bed early.
eat healthy food.
listen to my body’s call for rest and comfort.
yoga for myself.
.-= Tami´s last post … Music Round Up! Week 7 – Comfort Food Edition! =-.
Love the costume thoughts. We all wear costumes so often- I hadn’t thought of it that way. And to be pretend to be someone pretend who is dressing up… awesome! Play!
I’ve got some big things brewing but I’ll do a more immediate concern VPA.
My ask: That I begin my new project this week with competence/confidence so that it is fruitful.
How this could happen:
Prepare.
Listen to guidance from others.
Be open to hearing the stories that lead me.
Make time.
My committment:
To ask for help (eeep!) when I need it.
To spend time pondering what I am learning/experiencing.
Stay on top of the tasks.
Let go of things that I do not need to spend time on.
What I want:
To make a living off of my thing
How this could work:
People could actually sign up for my workshops or online workshops after looking at the free content I spend hours putting together.
I could somehow find a part-time job or even a full-time gig in this tiny tiny town where jobs are lacking, doing something cool or that will lead to something cool.
My stream of query letters that I’ve sent out could result in actual writing gigs rather than rejection letters.
We could magically move somewhere with jobs, though that doesn’t seem to be an option right now with the lease and my SO’s new-ish job.
It could happen in some way I’m not aware of yet.
My commitment:
To keep trying, even though it seems entirely pointless most of the time.
Another VPA:
To find people to see and things to do
How this could happen:
Maybe people at garden meetings and trainings and events I go to will be nice and talk to me eventually.
Or maybe the ppl. I already know will want to hang out sometime or invite me to do things or not be busy when I invite them to do things.
Or maybe I’ll meet brand new people somewhere else or in some way I can’t fathom yet.
My commitment: to keep trying even though it seems futile most of the time. to wait for spring.
.-= Yael Grauer´s last post … Sleep, Oh Sleep: Final Thoughts =-.
You know Havi, I just love that you do these. Every time I see one it reminds me that it’s hard for me to define and articulate what I want. I know that doesn’t sound useful but it is – hugely. So thank you.
My VPA:
To get back to my healthy routines
How this could happen:
I could rethink my morning stretches
I could tidy my bedroom floor to encourage me to do my evening wind-down candle and affirmation routine
I could reaffirm my commitment to my diet
I could start working on my insomnia again
My commitment:
I will do my stretches every day next week (even if I have to shift them from mornings, cause that’s just not working right now)
I will say my affirmations every evening next week (even if my bedroom isn’t tidy yet)
I will make sure that there’s healthy food in the house
My VPA:
That I not go super-crazy-art-mad & attempt to make brand new work for the exhibition that has suddenly come up the end of March
How This Could Happen:
I could make the very funny ‘NO’ photo that my friend Dave made for me into a background on my computer
I could write myself sensible notes and leave them around the house
I could send my muse out for tequilla and hookers & ask her not to come back until April
I could ask my family to please sit on my head if I look like I’m descending into Exhibition Madness
I could distract myself with gardening
My Commitment
I will look through my stored art to find something sensible to exhibit but I will forgive myself if this very insistent pattern repeats itself
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Quick Update =-.
Update on a recent VPA:
I asked to be able to quit an emotional/energetic/interpersonal job that I had learned to do in my family, that I was done with. I wanted to let go of it completely, no residue, no guilt, no leftovers. I wanted to just wake up one morning with a whole new flavor of joy.
I’ve had some really good successes, and also some really amazing mindblowing successes that looked nothing like what I would have expected. I was able to let go with a lot of freedom, ease, feelings of open fresh air and simple delighted pleasure. No residue. I am seeing ways that job taught me valuable things, and I am finding those lessons and awarenesses useful, but I’m not feeling like those are leftovers or residue or guilt.
And I did wake up one morning with a wonderful new joy and way-of-being, that I had also wanted for decades but didn’t realize was related to that old job. I only had it for that one morning, but now I know it’s possible, and like that job, I now know that it’s not that there’s something somehow inherently broken in me that makes it impossible for me to be there.
I also have been having some mindblowingly good things opening up in my marriage that I never ever thought would have been possible. He’s genuinely really listening to me, really truly, and even taking my own side against my monsters. Rather than just jumping on my back alongside of my monsters. I don’t know if this is exactly 100% a result of quitting that old job, but who cares, I’ll take it!
My new ask:
To be in that place permanently, not just that one morning. To see myself as a Mother, through and through, even though I have never given birth to babies in this body, and to call forth this Ancient Motherhood within, to love myself wholly and deeply, first, so I have the energy and strength to share my love with others. (paraphrased from http://www.unabashedlyfemale.com, thank you Julie.)
How this could happen:
I think even just this VPA is helping a lot. I think it may just be right there for the plucking, like a ripe fruit, like I’m the ripe fruit full of delicious life.
My commitment:
To do a visioning meditation of myself putting roots down into the earth, drawing up Earth Mother, being connected one and the same with Her, being Her. It’s so powerful a meditation that it scares me, when I really do it, when I really go all the way there. But I commit to do it 3 times in the next week, and I commit to remembering that it exists, and it helps, even when I’m too scared to actually go all the way there.
Update on last week:
Apparently, the fairies got confused. No perfect card for SXSW, but the perfect card *holder*, which I’m looking forward to showcasing. Oh, well.
This week!
What I want:
Help with the Big Scary Debut this Thursday.
Ways it could work:
I could roll with the old, and be okay with it. I could have the magical right thing pop into my head. I could sit down and have it pour out of me. I could suddenly realize that I’m okay, and that things don’t have to be perfect.
My commitment:
To say “Hi, Fear!” every time it shows up, and maybe give it a hug, but stand my ground. To sleep. To sit down and write. To have pen and paper by the bed and to get up and use it.
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Referral Friday: Shatterboxx Media =-.
Re: costumes, I love what Rupaul says about it– we are born naked. Everything else is drag. (Implication, we may as well have fun with it.)
What I want this week:
Courage and resources to pursue Flamenco.
How this could happen:
I get another herbal client so that I have enough income to pay for the class.
I locate my stompy shoes. I find my full skirt. I write about it on my blog and journal. I honor the fact that it is important to me, without getting stuck on why, being my own cheerleader and acknowledging the fear gently. I show up to the class. I do some networking tomorrow and remember to bring my business cards.
My commitment:
To take the small steps necessary to make this happen– small conscious steps every day.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … doubt, prayer, and the healing power of beauty =-.
Here’s what I want:
A smooth work week with no monsters disrupting me, which would mean I would not need a single valium or spray of rescue remedy or cocktail all week to deal with anxiety/stress/general freaking out.
How it could work
Well, the monsters could hibernate this week.
I’m not sure.
My commitment
To acknowledge the monsters if they start yelling at me
To set clear boundaries with every monster who might appear in human form.
To drink my water and eat lunch every day at lunchtime, vs. 4pm, so that my blood sugar stays level.
To pause for a few minutes of shiva nata if I feel stuck and want to run for the hills … or the internets so I don’t feel stuck in the stuck.
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Days of Grace: 305/365 =-.
Oh, and, re dressing-up-as-a-grownup: the thing I always find that works best for me as that is *really good knee-high boots*. I’m not sure what exactly this is dressing up as (possibly I am influenced by too much time spent at an impressionable age watching Buffy kick arse in awesome boots), but it invariably makes me think HELL YES MY BOOTS ARE AWESOME & makes the whole thing more pleasant.
(Actually, I think maybe in my head I am being like some kind of uberconfident superheroine with GOOD BOOTS.)
Pirates wear boots!
.-= Juliet´s last post … Puppy update! =-.
When you wrote about the metaphorical baby and protection of him/her, I visualized the metaphorical pregnant woman and her on-going struggle with strangers on the street thinking that just because she is pregnant, they have every right to touch and pat her belly. I never imagined that pregnancy was an ivitation for strangers to reach out and touch you in a way that could be construed as invasive. So, what does our pregnant woman need? A bodyguard, of course. He or She will let in the good and positive and keep out the invasive and icky.
Attorney. Bleh. So formal. Which reminded me that it shortens down to Atty and an Atty is also an Esquire. It might be possible for a sovereign Pirate Queen to visit Sir (or Dame) Atty Esquire. And I think that meeting is actually a tea party in which everyone drinks their tea with their pinkies stuck out. Oh, maybe that’s just me. 🙂
Thanks, Havi, for causing the interesting – and helpful -visual images for me today! I didn’t even know that was what I wanted!
So this is my first ever VPA and my knees are knocking along with some mounting-excitement and growing grin…. I thought it’d be the one thing, and as I read down everyone’s replies (and dusted magical fairy dust on all your VPA’s) I realised it was ‘something different’.
My ask is that the following of my Heart no longer takes me to places that cause stress and distress.
How this could happen:
I’m stumped really.
I’ve been learning how to make choices that are heart-prompted, rather than pattern-led, but where it’s taken me for the moment is not fun a lot of the time.
I could become genuinely comfortable with knowing what I want and not having to ‘make it happen’.
And comfortable with knowing what I want and it not happening.
Oh, maybe I could even be comfortable with it not being fun.. hmmph!
My commitment:
To keep Shiva Nata-ing the hell out of this one.
To go easy on my heart and let it inform me of the not-fun even if I don’t want to know about it.
.-= Lindsay´s last post … Silent Voice =-.
My very personal ad? I want to understand Twitter, finally. And one of those shiny new mac powerbooks.
Headache. So no patience for a VPA today.
But I want to play dress up! This image of you as Christopher Robin just jiffy-popped into my head: yellow slicker, rain boots, rain hat, carrying a well-worn stuffed bear by it’s paw. Perhaps a permission slip pinned to your lapel, granting permission to splash in puddles. It’s all very duck like, and Selma could ride on your shoulder without drawing one bit of attention.
It doesn’t really work for the meeting with the lawyer, of course, since it’s all very not-grown-up at all, even though he’s quite sensible.
Me?I’d maybe meet the lawyer dressed up as Mary Poppins. She’s ever so grown up, functional and practical, yet magical… and she gets to wear hats, and Victorian coats, and has that wonderful bag just chock full of Infinite Possibilities.
Of course they both have umbrellas to fend off any stray thrown shoes.
Now I’m off to find the advil. Cheerio!
Costume for pirate-attorney-visit: girl with a short skirt and a long jacket. And if the attorney gets the Cake reference, all the better 🙂
What I want:
A miracle
Unemployment benefits may run out this weekend, and there are no job prospects in sight.
How this could happen?
How do miracles happen? When you least expect them? When you need them RIGHTNOW?
My commitment:
To be grateful, to breathe and to trust. Even though.
.-= Andi´s last post … For Aisha =-.
My VPA for the week, nay the YEAR…
I want to take as long as I need to get my life back, to re-establish my daily rhythms, to rest and do what I want to do when I want to do it. And I don’t want any damn monsters telling me I SHOULD be back at 100% right fucking NOW and in fact, I should be working two or three times as hard to make up for lost time! (God forbid I take any time for recovery or worse, mourning or processing anger. To quote the as yet un-enumerated monsters: Hippy touchy-feely woo-woo bullshit, a waste of time and energy. Back to work!)
I also want the damn monsters to let me do my art, damn it! They are so insistent that I work hard, launch a business, sell hats and bonbons, yet they won’t let me get anywhere near the glitter and ribbon and foufou stuff. Apparently I don’t deserve to have any fun, especially when it’s not Real Work. Hell, I’m not even really supposed to be writing this.
I can certainly see why they’d want to keep me from the writing; it means their Gig Is UP! I get too close to the truth of my life and they have to come out into the open. Turns out they’re scared of the light…
How this could work…
I could just do what I need/want to do and keep the pink velvet ropes up for another few days. No Monsters Need Apply.
I could have a Monster High Council and negotiation session.
They could just magically disappear. Poof, Magic!
My commitment:
To continue to be nice to myself. To continue to write.
To do yoga and Shiva Nata. To allow myself to play!
xxoo and best wishes to all VPA-ers.
.-= chicsinger simone´s last post … the party’s over….OR IS IT!?! =-.
@Alicia – oh how I adore you! I actually *did* wear a short skirt and a long jacket. And that made me giggle.
@Tori – Christopher Robin AND Mary Poppins! Oh boy!
@Lindsay – wow what a BEAUTIFUL personal ad. I might have to borrow that one. Thank you.
@Ilana – pinkies!
@Juliet – yes yes yes! I wore my pirate boots. With the aforementioned short skirt and long jacket. It totally helped (being extra-stompy, I mean). Thank you for getting it. 🙂
@Leocadia – Pippy Longstocking. Wonderful. The langstrumpf part I can definitely work. Yay.
@Blue – oh thank you thank you thank you. That was so completely perfect and helpful and just at the right time.
I have actually been calling him (in my head, of course) my Bannister. Because it makes me smile. I have a Bannister! Jerry, if you’re reading this, I mean it in a charming way, not a creepy way — you rock, of course.
@everyone – I love you all. It is SUCH a joy to read everyone’s Very Personal Ads and send good wishes to different corners of the world. Thanks for being super-supportive and marvelous.
Here’s our Very Personal Ad. We’ll be sharing this in other places as well, but right here is the first.
Wanted: A new friend.
Here’s what we want:
A new friend who…
is compassionate, ambitious, peaceful, and idealistic.
is spiritual but not religious.
lives in or near Austin.
is passionate about making the world a better place.
has healthy boundaries and knows how to hold them.
enjoys communication theory and practice.
is passionately dedicated to personal growth.
is vegetarian and a non-smoker.
is an entrepreneur.
is money-positive.
is empowered and biggified.
is queer or queer-friendly.
is sensitive, but not a drama queen.
is generally sensual but not sexual in manner.
likes to live a TV-free, news-free, and politics-free life.
is happy to learn and speak our languages of friendship.
has their shit together.
is generally happy, cheerful, and positive.
loves themself — body, mind, and soul.
Our commitment:
We will do our darnedest to find you.
We will be good friends to you.
We will be open, honest, and kind with you.
We will enjoy your company thoroughly and be thoroughly good company for you.
We will make time for you.
How this could work:
As of today, we have started looking for you in earnest. We might meet you at the local UU church, on Triiibes, in our Coffee House, at a yoga gathering, a meditation group, a Zen meetup, a Feri gathering, an NVC class, at the Human Potential Center, through an advanced personal development course, a TV-free group, in a gaggle of queer geeks, on the Kitchen Table, in the Third Tribe, on Steve Pavlina’s forums, among raw foodists, or through the Austin Small Business Association.
We might realize that one of our existing friends is actually you, and we didn’t realize it until now.
We might meet you in an unexpected and serendipitous way.
Or you might read this and get in touch with us at paceandkyeli@freakrevolution.com.
.-= Pace and Kyeli´s last post … I think I’ll wall off my heart. =-.
Update on Sadness VPA
A few playful moments appeared this this week. As did unexpected clues about what keeps the sadness hanging around and the play at bay. A lovely walk in the snow on deserted streets. Sadness, you hide less. I feel the fire burning. My magic senses stay attuned to the whispery winds of playful, wonder-full, magical invitations.
My VPA:
Hmm…so many to choose from. And I choose the fire.
What I know about you
You burn inside me. You are energy, life, desire, passion. You’ve been oxygen deprived for a long time and now you’re starting to burn again.
What I want
I want you to burn freely and openly and bigly–to let your flames soar!–in a way that feels freeing and healthy and loving, to me and to others. I want to know deep down that you are now light and fuel; you are not a deadly weapon. I want to feel your warmth and heat course through my veins.
How this could work
I leave it to you.
My commitment to you
I commit to opening to you. To trusting you, even when I’m afraid. To asking for help learning how to be with you. To not locking you away where you cannot breathe. To life.
I’ve never done one of these but it feels like a really… RIGHT thing to do.
I want to find my motivation; especially where there’s little passion [i’m doing a degree I love most of, but there are bits I really don’t enjoy].
How this could work:
Dance. Sing. Eat fruit and vegetables. Cut out chocolate for a few days [nuuuuuuuuuu] just to see if I feel better in ANY way. Get myself really excited about completing the task. Rewarding myself. Listening to my body/mind and respecting my rhythms.
My commitment:
Self Love.
I will not beat myself up if I fail.
I will try to take any set-backs as a challenge, not a roadblock.
Giving myself time and space to complete the tasks in a safe environment.
A little while ago I wrote that I was trying to discover how teaching accountability could be like teaching yoga.
I found a big chunk of it and I am so tremendously grateful.
Gratefulness has helped me to be generous in ways that make me very happy.
And then all of these free things came my way. The universe literally handed me a free burrito on Friday night in the middle of me having a very non-abundant grouchy mood. You pretty much can’t doubt abundance when it is handed to you wrapped in foil with warm chips.
The thing I need now is stability, a giant OM cushion upon which to ONG my heart out.
How this could happen.
– Income dense project work that I can do without resistance, leaving lots of paid-for time to work on i-count-ability.
– My dear sweet love making breakthrough progress on his project so he brings more stability too
– Remembering to do logistical things like bills and forms before they are due, not when they are due
– Discovering a better metaphor for ‘monitoring progress’ so that it can happen
My commitment.
– Exercise
– Accept that I want what I want
– Believe that I will get it
– Post my accountability board this week
– Connect my local network so that right projects come in
My heart is actually beating a little faster. The idea that i can actually ask for something is radical. The idea thatr my art is worthy of touching people’s heart is radical. The idea that I am writing this and someone may actually read it is radical. I am writing this as an addendum , even though it is before my actual ad. I read my ad and there were SO MANY interjections, SO MANY mind arguments, it clouded up my ask. So I will now recognize the troublesome parts and delete them so my VPA is clear.
MY VPA
What I want.
For my piece of artwork to sell at the CamFed fundraiser auction and for it to fetch alot of money.
The buyer just loves it and is very happy.
I like the person who buys it
A reputable gallery owner or collector wants to exhibit my work.
How this could happen
Some altruistic person would just fall in love with my art and want to have it in their home and the person has the money to give to the organization.
A few people fall in love with it and get into a bidding war.
Magic.
The right people, people to whom my art speaks, will be at this fundraiser.
My commitment
Stay open. Feel worthy. Trust. Be happy for just putting it out there. Be aware of being in the right place at the right time.
Do SHiva Nata flailing.
Be willing talk to people about my work while just being myself.
To love my art.
Thank you.
Very much.
my VPA for a morning ritual:
you are:
an authentic, lovely, healthy, honest, love-filled morning ritual. you help me focus, help me connect to my resources, concentrate on my glorious goodness, help me feel refreshed and give the space to wish good things for myself. you are very sweet. i think you would feel like coming home to hot fresh bread–but you know, in my *soul*.
ways this could happen:
i can happily experiment this week and try different things, different hats. i can set up an honest intention that whatever i do is about helping me re-source and heal and center. i can let go of what advanced ritual/ meditation/ centering experts think ritual should look like.
my commitment:
to sing/ dance/ sit and check in/ chant for 5 minutes in the morning this week. to be open to the process with and because and despite of the shuffle to my routine. remember the cause for all this: to create peace.