This is important, guys.
Because it happens everywhere. All the time.
And I’m not always around to catch it.
Okay. Here’s what happened.
Someone in my Kitchen Table program was working on getting used to the idea of biggifying a new product-ey thing she has. Awesome. And we’ve been helping her.
Let’s call her Person One.
She got all excited and wanted to give the product to her fellow Kitcheners as a thank you for the “space and support and kindness” we’ve given her so consistently and lovingly.
Which is super generous.
And all of us jumped in and said oooh oooh oooh, can you do a 2-for-1 deal instead so that we can still support your thing as well as you giving us a cool present?
That’s not the story. That’s the background.
The important part is coming up.
When smallification gets in the way of a really good idea.
People loved the 2-for-1 idea because Person One’s products are so cool that it was really hard for people to decide which to get.
So another wonderful person (Person Two!) thought of a way to help Person One make it easier for people to decide.
It was a terrific idea, but … it was kinda sorta related to a new class Person Two was about to teach.
Person Two was so afraid we were going to think that she was promoting her class(eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww, right?), that she went totally overboard to assure us that she wasn’t.
In fact, she very nearly didn’t mention her idea for helping Person One at all.
Sometimes mentioning your thing helps someone else with their thing.
Me:
Hellooooooooooooooo? You guys? Cross-freaking-promotion?
Person Two, I don’t know how much your class costs, but it would be a really cool offer (assuming you asked Person One and she thought it was a good idea) to have some sort of VIP version.
Which could come with Person One’s product, and then you could build it in to the price and pay Person One however much she wanted for it.
Then more people hear about Person One’s amazing thing.
And you get to give a goody bag that will actually HELP your people get the results you want them to get.
And it makes your thing look even more appealing and people get addicted to Person One’s wonderful creation.
Person Two, I’m seeing you being so careful to not seem like you’re “self-promoting” that you’re maybe overlooking what could totally be a genius win-win-win-win-win kind of thing. Am I wrong?
I mean, even if neither of you want to do something like this in this particular case, this is still exactly the WAY we want to be thinking in business, right?
And when we’re not trying to stay tiny, we get to help other people more.
Person Two:
omg! Havi! You are such biggified smartness!
STARING US TOTALLY IN THE FACE.
Good grief, how many good business ideas am I this blind to?
Exactly.
How many indeed? And not just ideas and opportunities that Person Two specifically is accidentally missing out on. All of us.
The wanting to hide part isn’t bad. But the hiding itself? Not so good.
The kind of people I hang out with really, really, really don’t want to be all self-promotional.
And I get that. Hell, I support that. It’s even on my dammit list. Gross. Who wants to be all promotional? Bleaaaaaaargh.
But if the thing you are mentioning is going to help someone else, you’re not “promoting” yourself. You’re promoting the general well-being of the people who get to benefit from your thing.
You’re making sure that your Right People are getting what they need, whether that’s acknowledgement and support or an actual thing that could help them.
You’re not forcing it on them. You’re just reminding them that it’s there.
And you’re being a connector mouse. Which is a total freaking mitzvah, as far as I’m concerned.
The ways we can make life better for our Right People are pretty much everywhere.
And sometimes we try so hard to stay small and unobtrusive (because we don’t want people to think we’re asshats and throw shoes at us) that we miss them.
When you give yourself that kind of … basic permission to exist (it’s the sovereignty thing again), you’re strong.
And then you see what your options are. Because you’re not looking at them from the perspective of being tiny and smooshable anymore.
How many good business ideas am I this blind to? I don’t know. But I’m going to be paying attention.
Comment zen for today …
Oh yes. We all have stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We’re practicing.
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Good grief that’s a great reminder.
Being self promotional is indeed icky, but being “together promotional” is really fantastic.
Together we can rise. yep, yep, yep.
.-= Julianna´s last post … Francophilia and Eggs =-.
This is a wonderful way to look at it. There have been oh-so-many-times that I’ve held back from talking about something I do or sell just because I don’t want to come off as creepy. But I can shift that way of thinking because I’m not “selling” I’m “helping”! Epiphanies abound!
Just last week I was thinking how I’m great at biggifying others but not myself because I view it as helping my plurk/twitter followers find good stuff, and helping out the person who owns that content. Yet if I am not biggifying myself by presenting ways *I* can help, they might be missing out on the thing that they actually need.
Thank you thank you thank you!
Marketing just became a whole lot less creepy. 🙂
Havi, thank you for this wonderful reminder that we’re all connected. We’re all connected! Anything that shines your light more powerfully in the world, brings more light into the world. That which is truly good for you is good for everyone around you.
Yay for divine collaboration! Yay for the sky that holds each star in its perfect constellation.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem # 12 – Buddhist Chronicles 2 =-.
@Hiro – oh I’m glad. This post made SO much more sense in my head than it did when I wrote it. Relieved to know that it came through.
@Amy – yay. And yeah, I still am not that good at saying the “M”-word … but I’ve definitely gotten okay with the idea that things that help my people get what they need is useful and important. Which is a much nicer definition.
@Julianna- together-promotional! That is the best word ever. Super sweet. Love it.
There is a saying I sometimes say and hope people realize I am (maybe only partially) joking:
“I believe the world has a right to my opinion, so who am I to withhold anyone’s rights?”
So I think this applies here because the world also has a right to you and who are you to withhold their rights? And of course, you includes your ideas and that thing you do.
After all, there must be some reason you exist!
.-= Terry Heath´s last post … Let’s All Share Some SPAM For The Holidays =-.
A reminder I so needed today – thank you.
“Being a connector mouse” and “together promotional” and “divine collaboration” are such better descriptions for what we are trying to do.
I’m printing this out and putting it on the wall where I can read it several times a day.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 34 Days Since Freedom =-.
We forget that teaming up helps both people. We get so used to doing things our usual ways that we need to open up to helping someone else biggify. When we help them grow, they get bigger and can help us grow.
I love how you worded this. I must admit I was a little confused in the middle, but after reading it again the light bulb went off. I knew there was a gem of an idea in there. There always is.
Now it’s time to see who I can connect with. Thanks.
I sort of want to hide all the time. So, thank you for your affirmation that it’s OK to feel that way.
On the other hand, I’m beginning to understand how to be a connector mouse, and how to give myself permission to exist. It’s really eye-opening to see how I don’t extend myself the same basic courtesies I extend to others. I would never question someone else’s right to exist, you know?
Thank you so much for the reminder and the sovereignty boost.
.-= Amber´s last post … Green Holiday Traditions =-.
I love redefining words that have the Ick. Like the word “resolutions”; a lot of people really hate that word! But for me, I just break it down: resolve, solutions, re-solving. It’s just about having resolve to apply solutions to problems!
So what marketing *really* means is making connections with people who need your help, even if they don’t know it yet.
What perfect timing. This is SO helpful for me to read today.
Scenario: I’ve been dipping into Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 Blog Challenge running this month at gwenbell (dot) com and loving it. Discovering great blogs and more than that, delighting in writing a little more frequently. (This just after I said I would blog Fridays only, dammit.)
It’s made me so happy, I decided to offer a gift on one of the blog days. (That’s a soon to be reveled secret, y’all.)
Anyway, after I told Gwen about the gift, I realized that I am *brunching* my Protect Yourself from Shoes Over the Holidays program (not it’s exact title, but you get the idea) in the next few days.
So, of course I’m afraid everyone will think I offered the gift so I get new People at the same time. And there’s no way to say that wasn’t my intention because that just points people to the program saying I didn’t mean to send you here.
I love the idea of thinking about connections & how maybe one or two people will discover the program and think “I’m really happy she offered that gift because that’s how I found her and I really need this program.”
Thanks Havi. Thanks everyone. You’re the best.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Pages from the Book of Life =-.
Thank you: I really, really needed to read this today! I’m glad you didn’t hide it.
The key, for me, is that basic permission to exist. Working on it…
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain (@leannich)´s last post … October and November Got Away =-.
Good grief, how many good business ideas am I this blind to?
Yes, that is an excellent question. I think I also need to ask myself another excellent question, which may by on the flip side of the same coin: Good grief, how many good business ideas am I this invisible to?
The temptation to hide — “Oh, no, wait, wait, please don’t notice me yet, I’m not good enough yet, I’m nowhere near ready…” — that comes up a lot for me. I am very good at Not Being Seen. (Although we happen to know, I’m over here…/montypythonreference)
Thanks for this, Havi. As always, there’s plenty of food for thought.
.-= Kathleen Avins @spiralsongkat´s last post … That tiny thing with feathers, which is hope =-.
Hi Havi, Selma, Chickensssss
Yes realised that I feel like I need to get clear on what the best system might be for sharing my developing work/blog right now. I wondered if anyone else had similar doubts and niggles about distinguishing what the boundaries are around private/public space.
I realised yesterday after reading this post that I felt quite icky that I’d been sharing my posts with FB friends. Tagging them into my writing. I am only now beginning to consider what it is to define what was once a totally private friends space, to one where my voice may EVENTUALLY tie into what I’d like to do on the business-y front.
I have to admit that I soooo wanted to share my writing/ramblings too so that sending those links made me feel oh soooo good and positive! Even if my friends never got round to reading my post’s (since many of them, in spite of being actual face-to-face friends, aren’t really my Right People in that sense of the word,)it still made me feel happy that I was making a start on developing my thing.
Which then got me thinking that maybe that was just my hunger to be seen and heard and therefore selfish and NOT GOOD! In fact yep I thought – that’d be my motivation there. Look at me, look at me, look at meeeeeee. Which you know is ok, I’m ok with that aspect to my character, it’s a need not a want, there with good reason. So fine, fine. But obviously it’s NOT ok if this means I’m ramming my loud, shouty voice down other people’s throats when they could do with an FB day off! It’s the sovereignity thing again isn’t it?
I know these things have to be able to be flexible enough to grow and change but still is there as yet an established etiquette amongst those who do not want to find they have slipped into grim marketing ways? I fear I may have slipped and invaded someone’s kingdom?
Should I perhapsm simply send out an email to all my FB friends to see if they minded me sharing my posts via their wall? Hmmm…
Tips chickens? Selma? I’m sure there’s no one right way of doing things but still…
Laters chickens!
x
@Nenah (etc): I had a feed from my blog going to FB for awhile but sort of forgot about it. One of my friends (in-person) mentioned one day I hadn’t been on FB for awhile, then later added something like, “Except for your blogging thing.” I felt weird when she said that, sort of dirty, but I also realized she separated it in her mind as something separate from “me” being on FB.
I pulled my feed off FB and decided my friends know where my blog is if they want to go look at it. They can subscribe to my feed on their own; I don’t have to shove it down their throats.
Just my thoughts.
.-= Terry Heath´s last post … Let’s All Share Some SPAM For The Holidays =-.
@mahala I am someone who found your site yesterday and is now eagerly awaiting your brunch! News that I could *also* get a free gift from you? Hot dog! Flapjacks! Cheers and rejoicing and marching bands and fireworks!
Really. Cannot be more excited at the idea. I can’t speak for others but for me, individually, there is no weirdness, no thoughts of subterfuge or anything along those lines, because the place you are coming from of help and support and love is so, so evident to anyone who reads your writing.
Ha! I just followed the link to When you don’t want anyone to look at you. I might have guessed that Monty Python references around this subject matter would be nothing new around here! Goodness, I really have come home. 🙂
.-= Kathleen Avins @spiralsongkat´s last post … That tiny thing with feathers, which is hope =-.
ooo thanks for the reminder to look at that video link again. Lovely surreal perfect.
@ Megan Flapjacks and fireworks! Thank you so much for your amazing kind words.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Pages from the Book of Life =-.