So last week I wrote about sneaking into visibility.
Which means: everything you do (including unlikely invisibility hacks) to help you feel safe while still letting your right people find you.
And since the post was already about all things sneakified, I sneakily snuck in a tiny piece of “advanced practice” craziness at the end. Hinted at it, actually.
Yes. The ridiculously counter-intuitive notion that visibility can help you feel safer.
And it kind of blew the tops off of people’s brains.
In a good way? Maybe? I hope so. Oh well.
Anyway, I thought I’d give you a bunch of examples from my own business — that way it’s not just a nebulous concept but something you could imagine actually working.
It still might be terrifying and hard-to-imagine, but maybe it will also give a glimpse of possibility and hopefulness. That would be nice.
When visibility creates safety. I know. What?!
Safety from mean people.
You pretty much never see troll-ey people here. They just don’t show up.
But if someone said something mean in the comments? My lovely commenter mice would go, dude this is not acceptable we don’t talk to each other like that here.
There would be an army of protection. And I wouldn’t have to stand up for myself or process it by myself, because my people would be there with me.
This is because I am visible. My people find me because I agree to not hide from them and because I hang out at the Twitter bar and because of the magic of the googles.
And they like me enough to stick up for me. Not just for me, but for the integrity of both this space and the community of smart, sweet, delightfully kooky people who have made it safe and welcoming.
That is amazing.
To hell with market research.
When I decided to create the monster coloring book, I didn’t have to go find out if this was something people thought was worth spending money on.
My particular brand of visibility has brought me people who get the way I interact with the world. If I realize we need a monster coloring book, they’ll bounce excitedly along with me.
Without this kind of visibility, I’d have to make myself crazy/bored with “research and development” stuff and unpleasant things like trying to figure out what people want.
You see some seriously biggified people constantly, frantically changing directions, not because they want to, but because they can’t abandon that pigs-hunting-for-truffles mode of relating to their “market”.
Visibility creates safety when it gives you the ability to not have a market. Just people. People you like. It’s so much less painful that way.
My business partner is a duck.
And my business card says Pirate Queen.
Though only because I am one. And there’s a picture of Pirate Selma!*
* We’re flying the Duck & Crossbones aka the Jolly Selma at the Playground too. It’s hilarious.
Since I stopped hiding my me-ness from my people, I’ve discovered just how many quality people in the world do not actually think I’m crazy.
A lot of them even approve of my ludicrous approach to running a business while pretending it’s a pirate ship. And some of them have become really good friends.
This gives me permission — and safety — to be as silly as I want to be.
Thanks, visibility.
I don’t have to tell people what I do.
As we discussed yesterday, I have no idea what I do for a living.
Which makes any event where you meet people and they ask what you do excruciatingly awkward.
Especially when I turn into a stammering bright red mushball of discomfort.
Guess what? Almost no one ever asks me that anymore.
Last year at SXSW, there were a couple people who asked the horrible question of doom. But then everyone else just looked at them pityingly.
As in: You don’t know who Havi is?! You don’t know Selma the Duck?! Do you live under a rock?!
Visibility FTW!
Helper mice everywhere.
This whole having a community of people who care about your mission thing is still pretty new for me.
Phase 2 of the fun-brewing madness this week has shown me just how much support and encouragement there is for bringing something big and wacky into the world.
This is completely healing my deeply stuckified thought-programming of “you have to do everything yourself and you can’t trust anyone to be there for you”.
Wow.
If I hadn’t let my people see me and my process — and if I hadn’t set clear boundaries for how this space works — I’d still be tangled up in all that hurting.
So this particular form of safety-infused visibility has brought more support to my work and less vulnerability and fear.
I am not going to try and talk you into being more visible.
Because I don’t think that’s even slightly helpful.
As far as I’m concerned, you could hide for the rest of your life and I would still like you just as much.
Not wanting to be seen is the most understandable thing I can think of. Craving safety is always legitimate.
The only thing I’m trying to do here is to introduce the idea that it isn’t a toss-up between being seen or being safe. That sometimes visibility creates more safety instead of less.
And that when you agree to be visible for your people, whoever they may be (even if you’re not sure they exist), something beautiful happens.
And you discover you’re packing serious protection that you didn’t even know about.
Comment zen for today.
This subject is so, so, so full of hard.
And if anything in here has stepped on your stuff, I apologize and offer a hug. And a warm blanket. And pie.
Because my intention is not to force you to do things differently, and it’s not to send your monsters into panic mode. It’s just to hint at what is possible, in the hope that some part of you can feel the pull of things that are good.
We’re all working on our stuff. We don’t give advice, but we are supportive and appreciative of the fact that talking about our stuff can be really hard and painful.
postscript!
If learning how to be visible-while-not-compromising safety feels good and you want help with the right people thing, peek at Camp Biggification before it closes. And visit the Fun Brewing: Phase 2 page to read about the outrageous bonuses. xox
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Havi, since your last post (and since I kinda-launched Delight Specialist) I’ve actually been at the opposite end of the spectrum: the only way I’m going to feel safe is if I’m as visible as possible. (In fact, I’ve had to hold myself back from gushing too much on Twitter etc.)
It’s a weird feeling because I have always, always hid my light under a bushel. It doesn’t even extend to the other stuff on the site – I’m still not comfortable being visible with that. But somehow, with this, I need to tell people about it. Maybe it’s because I know I can help people with it, as opposed to everything else, where I’m saying to myself, “Who am I to do this for anyone but myself? What makes me think I’m that good?”
Anyway – this is just to say thank you, and to provide another example of more visible => safer. It’s not going to work for everybody, but it certainly is working for me, at least emotionally. 🙂
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Recommendation: Dave Navarro, the Launch Coach =-.
I love these posts Havi and I agree with you whole heartily! Visibility and sovereignty. Standing up for what we believe in and thank God maybe other’s will find us if we fess up to who we really are – fragility warts n all. Gorgeous Havi – thank yoooou!
Mwuah,
Leila x
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … Developing trust – in small bited sized portions =-.
Dear Havi Brooks,
True: visibility creating more safety rather than diminishing it…Community and support networks are a huge part of that.It’s been said, and it is well worth repeating, that if we give permission to ourselves to be who we ARE we are signaling others to do the same. Drop the fear, or not, but at least consider that it’s really okay and even wonderful to share the you that is you.
The evidence is clear, you are seriously inspiring the mother&3!* out of me with you being you.
I want to congratulate you.
You have outed me, and I am me. YES!!!
I am your fan.
You haven’t offended me, however I will definitely take the pie. And the warm blanket.
I will bring ice cream (or soy yogurt if that’s more your thing). Let’s dance!
: D
All I can say is, thank you! thank you! thank you! for being you! I can’t hardly express how much I have fought myself over the years of wanting to build my business, but being afraid to; afraid to build, afraid to put myself out there, afraid to be me.
So instead of being me, I’ve put forth this facade-of-me, an oh-so-professional pretend-me… and the entire time, I’ve felt like a fake, a (why-would-anyone-ever-want-to-hire-me-I’m-such-a) fraud 🙁
It wasn’t until I discovered your site that I realized (gasp!) I can be me and still be professional! In fact, being me makes me more professional, not less… ’cause now I’m being honest, not just with my clients, but with myself as well. And the amazing thing is, my people can see the change, and they’re responding to it. Plus, I can feel the change in myself, the being ready to (finally!) move forward…
Ok, mostly… I’m not entirely ready to be visible yet. But I’m working on it! 😉
Sorry, I have nothing serious or intelligent to say. I just wanted to share that when I read this line:
“And you discover you’re packing serious protection that you didn’t even know about.”
The thought jumped into my brain that it sounds like a great tag line for new Super Visibility Condoms. 😀
.-= HollyMarieHill´s last post … Some Days Are Better (Just Not This One) =-.
OMG, Visibility Condoms! Because I’m saving my visibility for the Right People.
.-= Kelly Parkinson´s last post … In memory of your birthday, which I forgot =-.
@Kelly — bwahaha! I love it! Yes, I think I’m all in favor of practicing safe visibility.
@Havi — thank you! This reminds me a bit of how secrets (skeletons or monsters in the closet, things you’re sure They would Hate You for If They Only Knew…) can often lose their scary power when you can share them with someone else.
I’m going to fix myself a cup of tea now, and be quietly visible. Can you see me? Here I am!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Disabling the autopilot =-.
I’m oh-so-slowly moving forward on my things (yes, they’re now plural! it just so happens that what used to be called my Thing is now known as thing #2 since teaching Shiva Nata has taken the first place…), and I simply wanted to say that what you’ve written here is seriously inspiring, reassuring, comforting, and making me feel hopeful(-ing). I feel lighter, and like there is a hint of a spring in my step – which makes me feel that even though I’ve had to spend over a year working on it in the soft, yes, I will get there soon(ish), for real! That feels awesome! Thank you.
Thanks also to Holly Marie, Kelly and Kathleen for the laugh! 🙂
.-= Josiane´s last post … Movement =-.
Though when I said “packing protection” I was picturing ninjas. Obviously. Invisible visibility ninjas. Never mind.
@Josiane – yay for more than one thing (and for Combining Things)!
@Kat – exactly!
@Kelly + Holly – *snickers*
@Heidi – whooo!
@Elana – kiss kiss kiss. And pie!
@Chris – it is a delight to see this turnaround in you, cheers for your thing and everything you’re doing.
@Leila Neena Cherries Love – Fragility warts = perfect. Thank you sweetie.
I love reading your posts Havi, they always speak to me and as read them I think “She must have a video camera secretly embedded in my brain and is translating the brain waves (or whatever happens in there) into beautiful prose that can be made “visible” for all to see” 🙂
I am becoming more uncomfortable being invisible, yet still wary of more visibility. Thank you for stepping on my stuff sometimes its too scary for me to squish it myself and I need someone to do it for me.
I gotta go get my warm blanket and pie now. Viva visibility!
Ohhhhh! Thanks Havi! Ever since you mentioned being visible and safe at the same time, I’ve been wondering how that could possibly work. Now I’m starting to understand a little.
Have a great weekend! xx Katie.
Ok Havi, now you are just kinda freaking me out. I just had a conversation with one of my people about visibility and safety and she was pretty much making me question my whole visibility thing and it’s being safe or not, and now I get this in my inbox, and it’s perfect!
It’s really surprised me how the more that I share who I am with people, the better this whole internet thing works. It’s the stuff that I’m scared to put out there that I end up being most glad that I did. And it’s for just the reasons you talked about here. Because then I find people that I share a lot in common with, and I’m not alone, and there’s safety. It’s like magic.
.-= Amber´s last post … Trying is Awesome =-.
Hi Havi,
I still need a glossary but I think I am starting to get your lingo.
I agree with you. While there is a certain amount of risk (read scary) involved in putting yourself out there as a duck-partnered pirate queen. However, there is no other way to get your message out there. And, more importantly (to me), putting myself out there allows me to be authentic giving me to find like-minded peeps, which would likely be impossible working for someone else.
My 2 cents.
devin
.-= Devin´s last post … The New In The Know Traveler: A Sneak Peak =-.
This is so good for me right now! I try and hide myself as much as possible – but I actually find it can be incredibly lonely and even a little unsafe at times. The few times I have made myself visible, I’ve found it to be incredibly rewarding. I need to start paying more attention to how good those times felt and not worry so much about the risks of putting myself out there. Thanks Havi!
Havi, so much synchronicity in reading these posts about visibility/safety!
Reuniting with my childhood “girl without a face” has recently moved me into addressing the fear of being visible/being seen. And yes, it’s HARD but also full of wonder and whimsy and new green growth!
And in the midst of all of this, I find your posts! Not just synchronicity, but an oh! so beautiful blessing and nourishment to help that little girl grow!!
Thank you 🙂
*love explosion*
Your biz cards say “Pirate Queen”? Oh, man. I just got new cards printed, but next time I’m doing some, I want something at least as cool to put on it.
Safety through visibility is starting to make sense to me. Having people root for you, even if they do nothing more substantial than that, is seriously powerful stuff.
And yes, any trolls that would show up here would be fairy magicked out of existence before they knew what happened. Ha ha!
Havi,
All I can say is WOW! You are taking all the doubts I ever had, and responding to them in pretty much the same way that little voice in my head tries to — except you are much more persuasive! Must be that super professional vocabulary that’s so convincing. 🙂
Seriously.. I just found you by pure chance through a link to that Twitter guide, which I loved, and decided to check out some more posts… a couple of hours later, I am still here. And the only reason I’m about to take a break is because it’s lunch time and my stomach is rumbling.
I’ll be back though. You have been bookmarked, and you have a new Twitter follower (though I’m still stumbling around in the dark there). I just wish I had discovered your blog sooner.
You’re my new hero. I want be just like you… um, I mean I want to be like me, but like you. You know.. Human. That’s the word I was looking for. I always had this feeling that maybe there is no reason to pretend to be anything other than myself. Your blog is proof that I just need to trust this feeling.
I can’t really express how awesome it is to read something that resonates so much and calms my doubts and that I instinctively know is so right… so I will just close with a big THANK YOU!!!
Lisa.
wow. i am speechless. it is as though you are speaking directly to me in terms i can understand. i can read all that marketing for artists tips and tricks and all teh psychobabble about putting my work out in front but you hit it right on the head.
i have been invisible because its been safe. and i seem to be able to appreciate how being visible can be safe too.
and maybe i can make strides with that.
cheers.
.-= shindigdada´s last post … Trafficking in Art: Advertising =-.
Havi – your brilliance is showing again and comes to me at the moment I need to hear it the most. Lately, I have been in such a struggle around how to market my authentic self among people who probably don’t appreciate my ‘muchness.’ And I struggle to find my voice, both in my blog and in my way of introduction. So this was a perfect gift for me today – a reminder that I have built a community of people who love me and support me. That “It” will happen. I know it will. And I love the bonus gift – a visibility condom! Lovely~~~
Havi, thanks for this post! It comes at a time when I’m working on let’s call them publication anxieties. Really really useful and supportive and timely. Thanks for making this visible!
Dear Havi,
Not only do you have secret video cameras implanted in people’s brains (mine, for instance), you also have one implanted in the Yijing somewhere. I’d never imagined that a 3,000 year old oracle had a port to plug in video cameras – shows what I know.
Anyway… you know you wrote about invisibility and safety, and I wrote about Hexagram 36, Hiding Brightness, which is very much ‘light under a bushel to keep safe’ stuff? I think I might have mentioned that the ‘seed hexagram’ at its core is Release, that experience of not being on puppet strings and being able to choose your own path according to whether it actually goes to where you want to be. Also of forgiveness, like the release of tension in the air after a thunderstorm.
Well… there are four hexagrams that contain each of these inner-challenge, seed-like core hexagrams, and the next one with Release at its core is called Beauty, or Making Beautiful. It’s all about being visible, like a flower is visible: the form that brings the essence to full expression.
On the face of it, it’s a bit of a mystery that Hiding Brightness and Making Beautiful could both contain the possibility of Release. Not so much of a mystery if you have a secret video camera, however.
I’m in awe at your blog. Despite being in the online space, I’ve totally missed out on this blog.
The comment Zen… wish I’d thought of it… (may borrow it some time). But the visibility = safety thing: I relate to that. It’s turning that way for me too 🙂 It will enable me to go to India for a year and not turn a sweat 🙂 Not quite what you meant perhaps, but part of me can’t believe it.
.-= katinka – spirituality´s last post … Using spirituality and psychology as a defence =-.