So my first mate on the mad pirate crew has asked me to write a post about why my prices are what they are.
And I know it sucks for her because I’m on email sabbatical and she answers all my email … and she has to figure out how to respond.
Obviously the ones who are all “get the **** off the internet!” are pretty easy to ignore.
It’s more the ones who are hurting, who genuinely want to know why they can’t be part of Fluent Self-ey stuff. There’s a lot of sadness, a lot of resentment, a lot of confusion.
So let me give you an answer for why I charge “so much”. Or at all.
Actually, let me give you a bunch of answers. In no particular order. But in two different posts.
Today I’ll talk about why I have stuff that you can buy that actually, like, costs money.
And then, because I totally ran out of room, next time (or in a couple days) I’ll talk about why so much.
“But all information should be free! It’s icky that you charge for things that you know.”
Oh, sweetie. It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated because you need to know that you’ll be taken care of. You know what? I also wish more information were free.
Here are some thoughts …
Answer #1: Huh. Interesting.
So I don’t know if you’ve noticed … I actually give away nine hours of my time for free every single week on this blog.
Writing five to six posts a week and responding to comments? Nine hours.
Mmm, and I also teach four no-cost teleclasses each year (like the Habits Detective call), and I often do freebies for other biggifiers or just random people that I feel like helping.*
* Oh, and there’s a free stuff page.
I give all of this gladly. It’s also all free.
There are thousands of people who have never bought any of my products who use this blog as a combination of therapy, coaching, business advice and a steady always-available source of general self-help-ey stuff.
And that’s awesome. As far as I’m concerned, that’s how it should be.
Answer #2: My information IS free.
A lot of the stuff that I actually charge for has to do with implementation, not with information.
How to use the concepts and principles I teach here, and apply them to the stuff going on in your life.
That’s the stuff I’ve spent the past ten years learning and mastering. It’s the thing I’m best at.
Answer #3: If I didn’t charge for anything, there would be no Fluent Self.
Actually, none of this would be here. None of the free information. Not even a website.
When I had a straight job (and that was only a couple of months because that’s how long it took me to realize that I’d rather go back to tending bar than go slowly mad in an office), I didn’t get a lot of writing done.
In fact, I didn’t get a lot of anything done.
Because every single non-work moment of my day was dedicated to not-falling-apart. Not sinking into the abyss.
I had to be in survival mode. So I wasn’t exactly in the position to be of help to anyone else.
So … if I didn’t have stuff for sale here on the blog, there wouldn’t be a blog. I would have a job-job that made me miserable, and all the cool stuff I know would be relegated to my own process of staying sane.
Or I’d be working in a bar and my time off would go to catching up on sleep.
It would be worse for me, obviously. But it would also be worse for you.
Answer #4: the sleaze-non-sleaze kosher marketing continuum.
When I started my business four years ago, I also thought it was awful that any teacher would have a “store”. My definition of a teacher was someone who gave freely and generously.
Then I looked at my own teachers and saw how hard it was for them to actually help the people they needed to help. Because they were struggling with this idea that taking money for anything was wrong — and also struggling with things like “rent” and “groceries”.
And I realized that — while yes, the whole “add to cart” language really sets off my ick buttons — you can’t devote your life to helping your Right People if you don’t have a way to let that life support you.
It’s the sleaze-non-sleaze-kosher-marketing-continuum — some people are always going to find my stuff gross, I’m always going to find other people’s stuff gross, and that’s just how it is.
Answer #5: socialism, baby.
Well, not really.
But the way the whole Fluent Self pirate ship stays strong and healthy is that some people buy my stuff so that other people don’t have to.
The more people invest in their own working-on-their-stuff process by taking my classes or buying products here, the more I can afford to give other things away for nothing or almost nothing.
Answer #6: the more I earn, the easier it is for me to give.
And not just to give, but to give generously and open-heartedly. Whenever I feel like it.
In fact, I never have to make that awful, depressing calculation of “will I end up feeling resentful if I give someone my time”, because the business pays for me to be a giving person.
And if I want my Shivanaut blog to sponsor a Roller Derby team, I can do it.
Answer #7: There are always going to be things you can’t afford.
When I started my business (and my entire rent for the month was about oh, $85 because I was living in that insane drag king semi-squat in East Berlin), I couldn’t really afford anything.
I’d collect my change to buy an hour at the cheapest Turkish internet cafe, and look at people charging what seemed to me to be unfathomable amounts of money for coaching.
And I wished I could afford their books or their programs, but I couldn’t.
So I dealt with it. It never even occurred to me to send them off an email saying “who do you think you are?” or to make snide remarks about them on Twitter (okay, this was pre-Twitter, but still).
Because I knew … that’s where I was. And I knew that I could choose to stay there. Or I could choose to start working on my stuff and get to the point where maybe, eventually, I could learn to be okay with receiving money for my work too.
And right now, there are still plenty of things I can’t afford. And I deal with it. Because taking responsibility for your own stuff (or trying to) is part of being someone who’s working on this whole “having an intentional relationship with yourself” thing.
Answer #8: providing an example is a really big deal.
People see what I’m doing here — teaching what I know, modeling what it’s like to try and have a conscious and not-excessively-cheesy relationship with yourself — and the coolest thing happens.
It inspires them to go out and do it too.
People start blogs. They open practices. They start teaching what they know. It’s the most beautiful thing in the entire world.
And even when they go deep into the scary where the walls and the monsters are, they remember that it can work.
They remember that my baby blog here pays rent for three people. Real rent, not unheated-hole-in-East-Berlin rent. And that’s without even taking on any advertising or sponsorship.
So if I can work through my own deep, painful “you’re not allowed to receive and you’re not allowed to be visible” stucknesses, and that can inspire other people to start healing theirs?
That’s a big huge freaking blessing, as far as I’m concerned.
So that’s a lot.
I guess my bigger point here is that you really are allowed to feel what you’re feeling.
Whether you’re the person who feels anxious and upset when other people charge for what they do, or whether you’re the person who feels resentful when other people question your right to make money doing what you do.
Feelings are always legitimate. They just are.
And whichever side of that equation you’re on (or wherever you are on the sleaze-non-sleaze-kosher-marketing-continuum), I just hope this is giving you Useful Stuff to work with.
Comment Zen
What I’m not looking for:
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or have shoes thrown at me
What is welcome:
- Thoughts about my bigger theme of creating a safe space for your Right People while keeping healthy boundaries so you don’t have to take on other people’s stuff.
- Anything you’d want to add to this that might be useful for someone hurting.
My commitment.
I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff in as compassionate and honest a way as I can stand.
Follow
Here’s a neat thing that I only learned recently, about the “Information wants to be free” thing. The full quote is:
“On the one hand information wants to be expensive, because it’s so valuable. The right information in the right place just changes your life. On the other hand, information wants to be free, because the cost of getting it out is getting lower and lower all the time. So you have these two fighting against each other.” – Stewart Brand
.-= Pace´s last post … Book Bonanza Wednesday! Chapter 31: Knowing is half the battle =-.
You know, while I totally appreciate that so many of you think I shouldn’t have to justify anything to anyone (it’s really sweet), I have to say that I don’t think this is necessarily about “justifying” — it seems a lot more layered than that. It’s more subtle than that.
And yes, if people are being asshats, then yeah, there really is no call to respond to them in any form. My own sense, though, is that there are all sorts of people who *aren’t* asshats.
They just have a really different way of looking at the world than I do. And if I can find out about how they look at things, without getting triggered, I can do a pretty great service to everyone else who is going to encounter these people if I can give these people a clear explanation of how I look at things.
The way I see it, this is just part of the way we all get to do this healing work with ourselves and each other.
Obviously I can appreciate the righteous indignation that comes up (really, I know it well and it has given me more than my share of crazy) when people question the thing we do or how we do it.
It’s just that I don’t think having an answer for it means that I’m justifying my world. I’m explaining how it works, which isn’t the same thing.
Not to me. I already know how it works. And not to people who aren’t buying stuff from me when for some reason I think they should, because that would be insane. And anyway, they’re not my Right People. The explanation is for the seed-planting.
If an explanation helps one more person feel comfortable with charging for stuff, awesome. If it helps one more person say, oh, right, there are different ways to look at this and maybe my way isn’t the only way … awesome.
The truth is that people do question the way other people do things. Because people vary. And their world views vary. A lot.
This isn’t just in the internet world or the art world or the writing world. Dentists and doctors and lawyers also have to deal with people who say “You charge WHAT?!”
Of course in the online world these questions are probably more common, because a lot of people just have no context. They can’t even begin to understand what it means that my job is a blog. And writing e-books. And teaching courses that happen by phone. You know?
Anyway, if I thought for a minute that I “owed” someone this explanation, I wouldn’t be giving it. I’m giving it because people ask and I have an answer. And I happen to think that the giving-of-the-answer has a lot of power in it.
Someone else might say “I don’t need to talk to these people” and that’s cool too. I personally have WAY more issues with people who say things like “I think your thing is actually worth X” than the ones who just think the world would be a lovely place if we were all happily sharing everything. But that’s my stuff. And that’s part of next week’s theme.
Point: if it’s useful to you to have an explanation to point people to if/when (tfu tfu tfu may it never happen) they have this weird idea that you shouldn’t be charging for stuff, use it in good health. And if you are of the opinion that explaining something so obvious isn’t a good use of your time, then skip it with my blessing.
@Lori – I agree! It IS super fascinating, and I am really learning so much reading all the comments.
And I had that same reaction to Amy’s comment: “And then I took a deep breath, and thought — you know, if I ever have to convince someone to value my art, then they are SO not my Just Right People.”
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!
The whole fun of having Right People is that you don’t have to sell them on anything because they already like hanging out in your world. The only thing worth doing is hanging out with people who do appreciate you, and to work on appreciating your own stuff.
Because then you just don’t encounter other people’s goo as much, and when you do it doesn’t drive you (as) crazy.
Anyway, you guys rock, and I’m loving everyone’s neat realizations/understandings about their own Thing, and the process of gently putting it out there for their Right People. And my serious wish is that you won’t even encounter anyone who doesn’t get it.
xo
h
Dear Havi,
Bravo! You just earned yourself another fan. I’m getting ready to launch my business, iPlayBIG and when I have money to spend in someone’s cart, you’ll be the first to get it. Thanks to @MarkHeartofBiz for turning me on to you. I look forward to learning more about you and reading your blog.
Continue to PlayBIG and be an inspiration!
Amy
The funny thing is, not only do the people complaining have to believe they don’t deserve anything, WE also have to buy into that mindset (at least a little), or else it wouldn’t *bother* us.
If we didn’t believe on some level that we didn’t deserve it, it would be like somebody coming up to us on the street and yelling “the moon is made of green cheese, you idiot!” — a bit disturbing, perhaps, but not guilt-inducing.
.-= PJ Eby´s last post … Forgive Us Our Struggle =-.
I am still very gladly surprised as I read your posts and discover loads of useful information – for free. This is premium info, Havi.
Maybe you charge what you charge for other things to make up for all this free stuff, maybe not. Either way, it’s none of my business.
And, you know, when I wanted to buy your Shiva Nata kit I thought, “Damn, USD 78 is a whole lot of $ for me” because I live in country where the currency is worth a lot less. But I knew I would benefit from Shiva Nata. Or I hoped I would (and I am).
SO I SAVED UP AND GOT IT.
I used the money for this instead of going out to eat or buying crap I don’t need and I lived more frugally. And it was totally worth it. And I will do it again, for-definitely-sure. You can borrow money, you can save money, you can have a yard sale, you can probably do stuff to get some extra $ if you REALLY REALLY want to. And I did.
So I did it. And others can too. So they should shut their trap.
How I wish be able to speak in fluent english like Natalia (and the others).
But first things first: I rather have a Fluent Self.
One more.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Whoa! You have free stuff beyond the blog? Freakin’ cool!
As a trainer, just want to say you had me at Answer #2.
The What is out there. (insert “X-Files” theme music.) Proper trainers/coaches/mentors provide the How, perhaps the Why, and sometimes the Where and When.
An analogy:
Did you read the user manual that came with some computer program you just purchased? Did you join the online community where people discuss problems and solutions for free?
Or did you pay some computer trainer big bucks to teach you how to bold words or merge cells or add a layer?
Yeah, so did I.
Yay, indeed and YAY again! Well said.
Not so long ago I received an email from someone who started out saying that charging for the ceremonial work I do is out of integrity and that his teacher told him to walk away if this was the case. I wrote him back saying that there has always been an exchange between the ceremonial leader and the participants and in this day and age it’s monetary. He then responded that he could only follow his teacher’s advice but also said that he couldn’t afford it. So I invited him on a donation basis. He was very happy with this and offered to gift me one of his handmade flutes. A week later on the day of the ceremony he didn’t show up…
In another blog I read recently the writer stated that you pay for experience and expertise. I totally resonated with that too.
We (teachers, coaches, ceremonialists, etc.) have spent years, decades, chiseling away at ourselves to learn a skill or achieve a state of being (actually both), in the process spending massive amounts of money on our own conscious evolution, so we can be of better service to others. And then we need to eat, live, cloth ourselves and take care of our families…
So yes, we charge for our time and work and can guarantee people they’re loved, cared for and in good hands, not because they pay us, but because that’s who we’ve become.
.-= Maarten Elout´s last post … European sweat lodge teachings =-.
Happily enjoying the free, waiting for the time to be right to pay for the things that cost money. Sometimes you have to wait for the good things, and sometimes the waiting is what makes sure you’re ready when they arrive.
It’s horrible to feel stuck, and not having enough money makes you feel powerless to boot, but it’s still worth paying for the things that are worth buying (and I’m pretty sure that Havi’s things are worth buying). Your need should never become a loss for someone else, but rather a chance for both to benefit.
Life’s lessons are always free. Having an interpreter to tell you what they mean and how to handle them is a bonus. I’m just glad it’s one that’s available. And, there’s an awful lot for free on the blog…something in every post!
As someone who is launching a virtual assistant business well…this page is spot on! Came to you by way of Nathalie Lussier – who I hit it off with immediately – and I like how you’re sayin what you got to say too! Get out of my head or pay rent please. ^_^
Bookmarking your site to come visit often.
.-= Linda Eaves´s last post … Brown-Eyed girl in a Matching Dress =-.
you know, this reminds me of the the Johnny B Truant post on ittybiz just recently, Stop With This Martyr Shit.
also, seems i am quickly becoming a Havi stalker. any points/suggestions to make my stalking more eficient?
.-= ryan´s last blog ..Day 4 – fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck =-.
Havi, yes! Exactly. You are providing an example.
That is exactly how I experience this “public thriving” that you are up to on this site…especially the $ side.
I really appreciate it!
Sarah G.
“When I had a straight job (and that was only a couple of months because that’s how long it took me to realize that I’d rather go back to tending bar than go slowly mad in an office), I didn’t get a lot of writing done.
In fact, I didn’t get a lot of anything done.
Because every single non-work moment of my day was dedicated to not-falling-apart. Not sinking into the abyss. ”
This! This! Thank you! I’ve been trying to figure out why it is that I can’t seem to get stuff done beyond showing up to work and sleeping and this is the reason. I can work with this!
Wonderful! Comprehensive, Brave, Inspiring. Thank you for all that you do offer for free and for the products you offer for a fee; thank you for the many options. And thank you for addressing this topic in this way.