Right. That too.
But specifically writing FAQs. Honestly. You have no idea how much I dislike it.
This was actually “supposed to be” the post where I announce that I finally have one (three years after I decided I needed one) … but it’s already turning into the post where I talk about why I can’t write them.
Why I can’t get away with not having one, but still can’t actually write one.
I get asked a lot of questions, you know?
A lot. When I still did email, it kind of felt like I was drowning in them.
And now that I don’t do email, these questions go to my First Mate. And even though she’s speedy and brilliant, paying someone (and extremely well) to answer email adds up. And anyway, it’s probably not always the best use of her time and big crazy talents.
So writing a Frequently Asked Questions page seemed like the smart thing to do
And not just because of the whole answering-people’s-questions thing.
It’s because of my philosophy of web pages …
I firmly believe that all web pages have two purposes:
- They help your Right People fall even more in love with you (while serving as a red velvet rope to keep the not-right people safely out of your orbit).
- They save you time and money by reducing administrative crap.
So yeah, it seemed like a FAQ could do that.
Except it wouldn’t. Because I couldn’t write it.
Too much hard! I was on board with Reason #2, but #1 just wasn’t working. I couldn’t access my voice. I couldn’t sound like me.
And even though I’ve written posts about uh, how to write a FAQ, nothing seemed to work.
So, to find out exactly what the things were that kept getting in the way, I had to start paying attention to some of the hardnesses. Here’s what came up on the road to destuckifying the FAQ-writing.
Some of the hardnesses.
Reminders of past thrown shoes.
A number of past questions have been delivered at high speed in the form of enormous shoes.
And even though there won’t be any of those in the FAQ, figuring out what did need to go in involved remembering some of those shoes.
And along with those memories, a lot of old, unresolved bitterness floated up — all that lovely leftover gunk.
Contemplating those old questions (even some of the ones which weren’t shoes) brought back the same overwhelming feelings that resulted in my having gone on email sabbatical in the first place.
The “Here is my the history of my life in ten pages, can you fix all my problems in your response please?” questions — questions that are about the pain that people have, questions which trigger my deep desire to be of service.
I’ve learned the lesson (and paid for it) about needing to take care of myself to be able to really help my people, but yeah, there was a lot of pain for me in this (cough, useful) experience.
Bringing all of this old pain into right now, into a moment where I can see it for what it is, is a huge part of what I’ve been working on during my Extremely Necessary Vacation.
Saying no. Ugh.
I’ve been working on this one for a while now. And even though I’m a lot better at it, I still really don’t like saying no.
And since the FAQ is all about answering questions that get asked all the time, and since the answer to most of those questions is a resounding NO … oh boy, extra-discomfort!
Can I –? No. Would you — ? No. Can I –? No. What about — ? No. But if I — ? No.
I do not like giving the short, snippy NO. I also don’t like giving the NO that comes most easily to me, which is a long, rambling, apologetic, explain-ey NO.
Of course I know (and will write more about this soon) that when you’re in sovereignty and therefore not worrying so much about how everyone receives your NO, it’s much easier to give a firm but gracious one.
That’s the NO that ends up being the best thing for everyone involved. The one where you’re respecting the other person’s needs and they’re respecting your NO.
It’s hard enough to write a NO-filled FAQ without having to work on my sovereignty stuff at the same time, so that’s probably a part of this too.
Fear.
My big fear right now is saying things which are true but might sound snobby.
What I’m trying to do is explain my need to respect my capacity, because (as I keep learning) that’s how I stay mostly sane. And that’s why, for example, I can’t hang out with everyone who comes to Portland and wants to spend time with me.
So I wanted to explain that if one of my clients or someone from the Kitchen Table or one of the regular Friday Chickeners comes to PDX I’ll happily have a non-caffeinated beverage with them — but otherwise, probably not.
The reality is that I only have so much time to spare, and it’s easier to make room for people I already know well and really care about. But the way it comes across is “I’m not going to talk to you unless you pay me or spend all your time in my world”. Ew.
This is the sovereignty stuff — again. When I trust myself and know that I get to be the queen of my fabulous queendom, I can communicate a NO so that no one is going to get hurt. And if their stuff does come up, I can handle it.
When I’m not in sovereignty, I worry so much about what other people will think of me that I agonize over this stuff — which means that everyone else does too.
I couldn’t come up with a title.
That’s because FAQs are boring. Also, there is pretty much nothing creative you can do with FAQ.
Aside from things like “What the FAQ do I know” and “As a matter of FAQ” which have already been done are stupid.
Plus, they send me off on tangents with the potential to turn the entire FAQ into a rambling, chaotic disaster. Like this:
Why would anyone say “as a matter of FAQ”? Seriously. What’s wrong with you?
You’re right. I don’t know what came over me.
Sometimes I get really tangled up with the idea that the word FAQ is just one of those weird internet-ey words that had become ubiquitous before people with common sense could to say, “Hey, stop the madness. That’s just wrong.”
Like podcast. Or
verbingusing non-verb-ey words as verbs. Ew.Not that I’m not a fan of excessive
nerdplaywordplay because I am.Anyway, I just googled it to see if “as a matter of FAQ” is a thing but it’s really only a thing at a bank in West Virginia. And let me tell you, their FAQ page is full of fabulousness:
Q: Can I have more than one checking account linked to the ______ Bank?
A: Yes. You can link all of your checking accounts to the ______ Bank. As a matter of FAQ (get it, fact?),you can link each and every one of the available account [sic] to the ______ Bank.
Things like this make me pause to wonder what took place behind the scenes in order for this piece of wonderful to come to be. This is how I imagine it:
Guy from middle management: “Corporate says we need to insert a humanizing touch! What should we do?”
Another suit who is also in the room: “Get Bob in Sales to make a joke and then we’ll use it but we’ll tell people it’s a joke so they’ll get that it’s a joke, and then we’ll repeat the thing we’d already said, and it will make our FAQ longer and more human-er.”
But I hope what actually happened was that they let someone’s kid write the copy and the kid was all, “I’ll show them, see?” Sneakified. Because that would be way better. Better-er.
See? This is the sort of thing that occupies my mind.
Which is why I’m not allowed to write any more answers to things. Please stop making me write answers to things! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
But hey, I will stop being miss distractor-mouse because I wrote one.
Oh, thank goodness.
This is my FAQ. It’s right here. It also has a home now in the top navigation. Celebrate with me, please.
Well, someone pour me a drink and then I’ll collapse in a chair and hyperventilate for a while. That totally counts as celebrating, right?
Comment zen for today …
We all have stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. Patience … it is appreciated if you can spare some. xo
Follow
That’s an excellent FAQ, Havi! It’s balanced, clear, and compassionate, and not snobby at all. I’m very happy for you!
Excellent FAQ. Nothing snobby about it. Very respectful and kind to the person with questions and respectful of yourself. I love reading about how you have worked through your own stucknesses. Here’s a virtu-ale (haha) for you! Cheers!
The bank FAQ? I imagine some blocked-writer-working-as-a-bank-teller offering to write the thing and sticking in those sillinesses as the only way of writing and having a voice. (I do this all the time in the trade magazine world in which I currently operate.)
.-= Emily´s last blog ..Battle-Worn (A Chat with the General) =-.
One great big drink poured for you. Served up with a smile, a big yay! and a wink for Selma.
And your new FAQ? Awesome. Clear. And totally not snobby.
.-= Fabeku´s last blog ..Now That’s Ninjarific #2 – The Mechanized Muse Edition =-.
This post made me so happy! I’m working on my on stuff, and seeing the process that another person goes through makes me feel more normal. I’m not the only one to go off on wild tangents in my mind! Other people are afraid of getting bashed, too! This is a great reminder.
.-= Ophélie´s last blog ..You know what’s interesting? =-.
Excellent, non-snobby FAQ!
Only one thing missing as far as I can see: your shoe/sock size. Just guessing you wouldn’t want those fansocks to be too tiny for you and too big for Selma.
I’m a knitter. Just sayin’.
Well done! Phew. Go get your drink fast! I totally know how it is.
.-= helen´s last blog ..???? ?????? =-.
Maybe you don’t have to write your FAQ. Your first mate gets most of the questions, so maybe she can write it and then you can edit it and Havi it up. I’m all about delegating lately, so that was my first thought.
Your little no riff totally made me think of a They Might Be Giants song, called “No!”. Their music always makes me smile so I thought I’d share. You can listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJJ6TiqFIvc
Oh, and I agree with Inge that shoe/sock size is a good thing to put in there. Maybe head circumference as well in case someone wants to knit you a hat. (Though I suppose if you ended up with lots of hats you could just give them to homeless people or something so different sizes might be good.)
I also think that the lesson here might be that if you already have an assistant they could maybe draft the first pass at a FAQ and then one could work on it for the voice. Or get someone’s kid to do it. That seems like a great suggestion.
.-= JoVE´s last blog ..Embrace the research process =-.
It’s a lovely FAQ. And this: “long, rambling, apologetic, explain-ey NO”? Is totally me. (But hey, I’ve at least got the “no” part in there. And I’m working on cutting back on the rambly guilt-filled part.) You’ve said “no” here clearly but nicely. And I don’t think anyone could argue with that.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last blog ..Studio Tour =-.
Congratulations on your FAQ!
.-= Carina (@chalcara)´s last blog ..Surrealistic Gardens (Cautions: Contains Great Photos) =-.
haven’t even read this post yet, but for some reason read the comments first. I’ve NEVER done that before. Also I read your FAQ and it’s great. And finally, as yet another knitter in the Havi fan club (and keeping in mind that we are right this moment celebrating Socktoberfest), I agree with Inge that the only thing missing from the FAQ is shoe/sock size. Ok, now I’m going to read the post.
Lovely ~ overflowing kudos and love to you and Selma. Clear, kind, generous. And after reading this post and the FAQ, I have to disagree wholeheartedly with the statement that you are a terrible FAQ writer. Not only is it written well, but this post takes me through your process beautifully which is like this whole metaphorical FAQ of what this site is about in and of itself. Wow.
.-= Briana´s last blog ..Running backwards through life =-.
ohhhh, I know how much doing drudge work is for your site, your business. I find that I get SO stuckified when I have to box myself up all pretty. I don’t even know if I did the pretty part right on my side of things, BUT. . .
the FAQuacks helped so much. I came into your blog midstream, and I was stranded without a flotation device until I waded difficulty through your words.
the faqs clarified my assumptions. Way to go for finishing them!
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..Love, Loss and What You wore? =-.
That’s a great FAQ, Havi. It made me giggle (yes, actually giggle) in certain places. 🙂
The best part about it is that I think it actually does come across in your voice. There is a lot of warmth and understanding flowing from it.
I love it! Congratulations on finishing. Can I pour you a non-caffeinated beverage?
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..5 Gmail Labs Widgets That Will Save You From Yourself =-.
yep. great FAQ page. very clear and not snobby at all.
.-= Christine Bougie´s last blog ..Remix: Everything You Do =-.
@emilylime: Socktoberfest! I love it! Makes me want to take up knitting just so I can say to all my friends and acquaintances, “Oh, by the way, I am celebrating Socktoberfest this month. Are you?”
Havi and Selma, absolutely. It may have been an 11-pound baby, but now it’s born and it looks just like you both. Yellow, with yoga. Congratulations!
.-= Carol Logan Newbill´s last blog ..Who Unfollows You on Twitter (and why should you care)? =-.
Havi,
Great FAQS. Warm, clear, and full of useful clarity.
.-= Christine Martell´s last blog ..Looking at slices of time =-.
YEA! I will join everyone else and say it is a great FAQ. I like that you link to the blog posts where you have the bigger context and explanations for things. I remember being new here and having those little links to click back through the original context/stories really helped. Also, those are some of the easiest to swallow No’s I’ve read. congratulations on working through the icky sticky stuck and getting it done!
It IS a fantastic FAQ, Havi!
And I agree with Inge… Shoe size/foot measurements are imperative. I can’t keep knitting you socks with no toes or heels… LOL!
Soctoberfest!!! Yippeee!!! 🙂
.-= G. Romilly´s last blog ..Free Newsletter… with patterns… =-.
For what I am about to say, please forgive me: FAQtastic.
(I hope you know there was nothing I could have done.)
Seriously, it’s great. The “no” tone is just right, and I am taking notes 🙂
Also seconding the shoe/sock size thing – unless that makes you feel weird, obv.
.-= Lean Ni Chuilleanain´s last blog ..Sunday Stash, no. 3 =-.
It’s a beautiful glowy FAQ with all sorts of friendly boundaries. Yay!
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Retrospective: “Now, Again, Poetry, I Grasp For You” =-.
I love your “philosophy of web pages” – very useful stuff for me to keep in mind as I work on the content for my website.
You’ve done a splendid job of working #1 in your FAQ page, it works very well. The shoe/sock size must have been one of the most frequently unasked questions among your fans… I know I’ve been having it in mind for months now!
.-= Josiane´s last blog ..Practicing body poetry with Havi =-.
*claps madly*
Yay!
I want to say that you kicked your stuff to the curb, but I read the original article when you just take the time to go AHHH!! UGGGHHHH! GRRR!!!! And that’s awesome, Havi-ied and the reason I love your blog / work so much 😀
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..jesscyn: @KellyDiels What color is the glitter pen? Because if it’s purple, you’ll seriously be on fire 😉 =-.
Awesome FAQ, Havi! Just AWESOME!!!
And thanks for modeling the process of working through the stuckness of writing them: It has totally help destuck my stuff over here…
@ Carol Logan Newbill: your comment made me smile. It also made me want to take up knitting so I could use “Socktoberfest” in every other sentence. Maybe I’ll just participate by putting on my Halloween toe socks. Also, you’re right about the FAQ baby; I definitely think it has Selma’s eyes.
Havi: I am just beginning to put my website together and so can begin to understand just how much effort the FAQs took on your part. I agree the page turned out mahvelously and is deeply appreciated!
Havi, your FAQs are perfectly gracious and love-radiating (though I completely get and relate to the fear that a no could be perceived snobbily).
As a side point, I love the question mark over Selma’s wee ducky head. Somehow it is perfect, like a hat, or a headdress. Like the Selma version of a halo.
.-= Germinational´s last blog ..Germinational: @SecretWormy Pleased to meet you. You have The Best Twitter Name Ever. =-.
Item #1 — I really have no need for your sock size. I got over that sort of thing and you could even have the restraining order lifted, now.
Item #2 — I’ve often had my readers write the FAQ for me at sites — their answers come from a place of “unknowing” and are many times better and more readable because the “don’t know what they don’t know”. (I may have been spending too much time with the high Sufi Priest at HOB.)
Item #3 — In terms of “saying no” I’d have to report that the restraining order was quite effective. Just sayin’
.-= Dick Carlson´s last blog ..My Mom Had It Right =-.
I read the FAQ as soon as I was done with the post, and I just wanted to say how totally Havi-ish it is. Like, it could not be more Havi-flavoured if you tried.
Yay! *hands you the cool drink of your choice*
*plus sugar-free goodies*
.-= Lucy Viret (aka randomling)´s last blog ..Transition. =-.
I think it is a fabulous, non-snobby FAQ. It made me smile. 🙂 *hands Havi and Selma each a delicious non-caffeinated drink*
and to @emilylime and @carol logan newbill – oh, I want to take up knitting so I can celebrate Snocktoberfest too!!!
.-= elizabeth´s last blog ..i love vacations =-.
Yow frickin ZA!
After that whole post, I was totally expecting you to say “so I have decided to scrap the whole fracking FAQ. Frack you FAQ! And FAQ-YOU!
And then you linked to it! And it is done!
Wonderful.
-P
.-= Pamela Slim´s last blog ..Whom do you suggest for November blog series on pricing? =-.
I FAQing love it! (Sorry.)
Concise but still thorough and warm. Great for your site and a wonderful model/modeling for the rest of us.
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..Poison and cure =-.
I collect FAQ pages. I do. Against the day when I will find the time to craft my own.
Yours has been added to the heap, just at the top. (Link via my name.)
Well done, and thanks, as always, for externalizing your process.
.-= communicatrix´s last blog ..» Questions. You probably have some. – The Fluent Self =-.
Love it Havi!! I think you did a bang up job on all the “no” answers.
I love that you share your process with us so that we too can learn from your experiences.
My ShivaNats DVD should be here tomorrow…can’t wait!
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Do You Have Your Disclosure Policy Yet? =-.
No snobbification at all. You should be very pleased. I am. Besides, your done! You’ve written the beasty thing, and it is totally amazing. I say that, of course, as I sit here sipping a bit of wine in your honor. (good wine, too, I might add)
THe best thing of all though, Havi, is that after how much time of stuckified worry about getting this “right”? . . It’s perfect, because it’s perfectly you.
Not everyone else will be happy with your answers, but that’s okay. They aren’t your right people. You probably couldn’t make them happy. But you’ve made all the rest of us so very happy – for you. Now it’s done. Other adventures await.
Congratulations my friend.
.-= Gail McConnon´s last blog ..How Do You Forget A Memory? =-.
You could (and I’m just saying could) go with Douglas Adams: 42, my friend. 42. The ultimate answer, if only they hadn’t forgotten the question…
What a lovely FAQ! Very gracious and not snobby and just right. Please go have many drinks now and much relaxation.
JoVE is making me happy because I think They Might Be Giants should be the theme music for everything. And “No” really would be good theme music.
.-= Sonia Simone´s last blog ..What Makes Marketing Hard? =-.
It’s stellar, just like you and the rest of your writing. Congratulations!
I agree with everyone else that you have created a lovely and wonderful FAQ that you will hopefully never have to look at again! But, if you do ever get the urge to update it (and you can’t manage to stomp it out, um, I mean, give it tea and cookies and ask it nicely to leave), then you might want to consider asking some of your readers to leave FAQ suggestions as comments. Sort of a “Write your own FAQ” session where some of those supportive, clever, and outspoken folks can lend a hand and have some fun.
.-= Jennifer Breazeale´s last blog ..The power of simple =-.
Your FAQ is very accessible and comfortable to read, you did a great job!
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Help Miss Violet Escape! =-.
You did it! Yay for you for getting through!
Suggested title:
Answers – From A Queen (A Pirate queen, of course…)
Congratulations on getting through the hard writing!
Havi, that is a brilliant and fabulous and very Havi-esque FAQ page. It’s perfect. And it must feel so good for you to get that off your to-do list so it doesn’t weigh on your mind. Yay!
Speaking of yay, I came down here to the comments zone to tell you that the only thing your FAQ page needs is your shoe size, so as to facilitate the creation of properly Havi-sized fan socks. And because your blog is so filled with awesome that it attracts fabulous knitters from all across the internet, I found that several knitters had already pointed this out! It made me smile.
So, yeah, if you don’t feel weird about telling the ENTIRE INTERNET the sizes of your feet and head, it *would* facilitate the creation of properly Havi-sized fan socks and hats. You could even list Selma’s head circumference, if she’s into that kind of thing. 🙂
.-= Serendipity´s last blog .. =-.
Thanks guys! You’re amazing. All of you!
And I realize now that I probably should have clarified and explained that the faq-as-it-is-now is something I’m mostly happy with. Because otherwise I wouldn’t have put it up yet. My hard was more about the process of discovering all the things that were keeping me from getting it to the point where I felt comfortable putting it up.
Anyway, I totally appreciate all of the warmth and the yays and that you guys go through my process with me.
@Romilly – that’s hilarious. I thought you made me socks with no toes or heels because you knew that’s the kind of socks I like (perfect for doing/teaching yoga and Shiva Nata). It hadn’t occurred to me that it was because you didn’t know the size.
Clearly I’ve never made fansocks for anyone. (I buy all my fansocks at Sock Dreams!)
Anyway, I ADORE socks with no toes or heels. But if the knitters must know, I will not keep it a secret. I think the last socks I bought said 38-42 on them (is that European?). But I could be wrong.
@ilikered – thanks for saying icky sticky stuck! That is *exactly* what it felt like.
@Carol – “It may have been an 11-pound baby, but now it’s born and it looks just like you both.” Awwww. That is the sweetest thing in the entire world. Thank you!!
@Dick Carlson – oh I’m so glad. Because I knew you fetishized my duck. It’s good to know it doesn’t go any further than that. 🙂
@Lydia – ohmygosh I like the word FAQuacks almost as much as Socktoberfest. This is the best day ever. Yay!
FAQuacks. You know, for kids!