One of the things I worked on at the last Rally (Rally!) was writing an ebook.
Not as a product.
It’s called the Navigational Charts, it’s twenty seven pages long, and I wrote it for the people coming to my Week of Biggification in Asheville next week to help them get their bearings.
Part guide, part resource, part code of the seas.
And one of the topics covered was the variety of syndromes and maladies that often show up onboard the metaphorical ship.
It seemed unfair that only the people coming to Asheville should know about this stuff, so I wanted to explain a bit about Day 4 Syndrome.
Here’s how I described it:
You will hit the hard at some point. Some serious walls will show up and it is quite possible that you will run right into them. Smack! Ow!
Not fun. Usually — for most people — this happens around the midpoint, towards Day 4.
It’s okay. It’s not you. It’s part of being in a process that is also a passage.
Like seasickness. Or homesickness. It’s just part of the thing. It happens. And you’re on your way through it.
Of course, it’s not just the fourth day that causes Day 4 Syndrome.
When we’re rallying it up at the three-and-a-half-day Rally, the stuck shows up like clockwork on the afternoon of Day 2.
I’ve seen this happen when I used to teach my four month destuckification program. Every time. Middle of the third month.
When I worked at summer camp it was about ten days before the end.
And still I got thrown for a loop this year.
I’m facilitating two year long programs, both of which began in January. And mid-September there was a run of freaking out.
When I mentioned this to Hiro, she started giggling. And then saying extremely wise Hiro-things about the nature of cycles. And about the growth periods of ending.
Normalcy and completion.
Here’s how I was able to reassure myself (and then one of my groups), thanks to Hiro’s reminders.
Here is the thing. Every group goes through this stage of freakout.
This is what happens when you reach the point of being able to see the end date. Seeing the end date (even when it’s still a ways off) invokes completion. Powerful, scary stuff.
We come around the bend. We see the transition and ending out in front of us. And there’s this moment of anxiety.
It’s just part of a normal cycle that happens when you’re in a supportive structure that exists for a set period of time.
Those of you who came to do a private Extra Sparkly day of coaching with me in Portland have experienced this — it hits around 3pm. That sudden sense of uh oh about all the parts we hadn’t gotten to yet.
Totally, completely natural and to be expected.
And that’s what takes us to what is useful.
It’s really that Day 4 point that gets us to where all the interesting, kooky and magical things happen.
Like with the 3pm Extra Sparkly day anxiety. Come 4:30 we’ve collapsed all the monsters and come up with the most fabulous and ease-filled marketing plan. You can’t think of anything that worries you.
There’s nothing left to do the last hour except drink tea and be silly. It’s fun.
Same with Day 4 in the Week of Destuckification. The “I’m not ready to be done” moment. And by the end, we get what we needed to. Everything else is percolating.
When you’re in the Day-4-ness of Day 4, there’s still so much to do — you’re sure it can’t possibly fit it into the time remaining.
And then it always does. We panic. And then we use what we’ve learned to move through it. And then there’s the good stuff.
Using the usefulness.
By asking smart questions.
- What part of me is freaking out when I see the end?
- What reassurances do I need?
- What is true about this? What ELSE is true at the same time?
- What are the things that bring me back to myself?
- Is this from now? What past experiences are being stirred up?
- What part of this is my stuff? Anything in here about fear of abandonment, fear of abandoning myself, fear of isolation, fear that things can’t change, fear that things will change?
- What are the beginnings in this ending? Or: what is helpful about this ending?
Prevention and cure.
Noticing that it’s happening.
Giving yourself permission to be there for now.
Remembering that this is normal and natural, and that it is not the whole truth of your experience. It’s part of a passage.
All of this eases the pain of being in it, and gives you a little distance so that you don’t have to be in it.
Other than that? Ask someone for a hug. Do some old Turkish lady yoga. Talk to the stuck.
How else is this useful?
Really the most useful thing about Day 4 Syndrome is knowing about it and remembering that it exists.
It’s useful if you’re in a program or a course, because then you know what it is. Your anxious moments have context.
And it’s hugely useful if you’re teaching a program, because then that moment where everyone falls apart all at once makes sense.
It’s also useful when you’re thinking about the various ongoing processes you’re in: Is this a wall? Or is this a Day 4 moment?
My fuzzy monsters would have me believe that stuck is forever. But my experience tells me that the Day 4 (or whatever it ends up being) is the tunnel, and that following it is valuable.
And comment zen for the comment blanket fort.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We let everyone else have their stuff, and we don’t give unsolicited advice.
Aside from that … play with me?
Maybe thinking of some other Day 4 moments (Days 4?) we know about through experiencing them or watching them happen to other people.
Or what you do when you hit that cyclical moment of hard.
Or anything else about what is useful, what is a helpful reminder, anything makes the whole thing more light-hearted and playful.
Kisses to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
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I have been so totally into paying attention to the cycles lately. Mostly on a small scale (and mostly as it relates to creativity/production), but it’s fascinating to think about in a year-long program.
For me, Day 4 happens (in a particular project) after I’ve talked about it for a few days, but the actual *finishing* or *happening* is still a few days off.
It becomes “oh geesh, I’m so bored with that!”
I’ve seen Day 4 happen in meetings… especially meeting where there has been waffling for the first 40 minutes. So much gets done in the last 10 minutes when people realize the time limit’s about to hit.
I’ve seen this happen with people about to graduate from college. A few months beforehand they go, “oh crap! I still don’t know what I want to do!”
I wonder, if you’re aware of Day 4 syndrome can you avoid it entirely by making sure you take care of the things that need to be taken care of? I imagine it works sometimes (like in meetings where people follow the well-made agenda) and other times it doesn’t (I hadn’t thought of that!! Now I need to reprocess everything and there is no time!).
Oh, wow… Yeah, this sounds incredibly familiar and incredibly now.
I’ve been working on a big project this year and, yeah, at the end of September? Total mental meltdown of the what’s-the-point variety followed by a few weeks of ‘eh’ on the project which is now waning and I’m gearing up for that home stretch.
This makes me feel better in that I’m-not-alone way. Thank you for sharing it.
Holly Carp! I hit “Day 4 Syndrome” in paintings. And it’s usually at a specific point:
1. I have figured out the composition.
2. I have all the reference materials and tools I’ll need.
3. I have laid all the groundwork.
4. I have figured out what to do about the tricky bits.
5. I have figured out the color quirks.
Step six is “just do the work and apply #1-5 consistently through the remaining hours of the project”. This should** be the “it’s all downhill from here” home stretch. Stupidly enough, this is where I hit the Wall O’Freakout. EVERY. TIME.
::thinking, breathing, conversing::
I think one of the things that contributes to the wall, in me, is that this is the point where it transitions from “play” to “work”. The other steps are all puzzle-solving (game! fun!), and this is the “buckle down and do the work — oh, and every brushstroke from here out will be judged by others later, and their judgment will determine the value of this work, so don’t screw up on any part of this, or it’s all wasted” part. That is not fun. In fact, it’s very scary and high-pressure SUCK. Wooo, I wonder how I can tweak, trick, or metaphor-mouse that part back into being Play?
Part of it might be creating an “unresolved puzzle” for the endgame — deliberately don’t figure out how I’m going to do the last steps until I’m ready to do them. That way I still have some playtime to look forward to, and it might relieve the pressure a bit because “I can figure out how to cover up any mistakes later.”
I’ll have to sit (and flail) with this a bit more, I think, to see if I can untangle more of it.
** Oh! Hello, troll.
Oh man, that’s so true for painting. Especially if it starts out alright. You get a few nods of approval, now you have to finish it. All I can think is, “Oh my God, I’m going to f@ck it up!!” I’d rather not touch it and let it lay unfinished *glances at veritable cemetery of unfinished projects* than risk handling it more and mucking it up. That’s my Perfectionism Monster. Hey, I just spotted a pattern, didn’t I? Ha.
I also just found out that my dance partner has scheduled us for an event. It will be the debut of our brand new project, a project that we’ve been discussing for months now. I’m actually gagging as I type this (isn’t it fun to share?). All I can think is, “We’re not ready! I’m not strong enough, fast enough, THIN enough to do this crazy ass dream!!!”
In fact, I’m so panic stricken, I can’t even think of a single helpful piece of advice that I’ve gotten from this incredible site. I remember Shiva Nata. That’s about it. Oh boy.
Folks, this is what ‘Stuck’ looks like. Pay close attention. If you have any further questions, I’ll be the girl laying in the corner with the martini I.V. running out of my arm.
I was at an 8 day writing retreat last week. Friday to Friday. I got day 5 syndrome on Tuesday, when I couldn’t see the end, but I was drowning in the middle and suffocated by the schedule and annoyed by the people.
So, I went AWOL. Ran off after morning meditation to go into the town to discover the old library and write there and skip lunch and not return until afternoon meditation.
It helped.
And I think the leader should have scheduled in running away time. (Which is what I always like about your schedules. They seem to recognize the need to hide in a small room or run away to a big place at some point.)
With art (especially paintings) I always call this “getting past the ass point” where everything looks like half-finished ass and I can’t imagine the piece will ever not suck. I have several pieces that are in that place where I just don’t want to look at or touch them, in case these are the pieces that never get past the ass point and are stuck in Day 4 forever, heh.
Nice to be reminded, in a roundabout way, that no ass is forever. 😉
Totally useful, relevant and insightful in only the way you know how to do it Havi. Thanks…This info hits home simply using the context of current life circumstances and/or the working toward a personal goal (my writing)…Got the writing gig, did the work, got paid, loved it. STOPPED WRITING ! Scared, insecure, depressed and feeling the end of what seemed like an infinite spewing of possibility.
I’m on the other side but, your ‘smart questions’ are definitely getting printed out and pasted into my emergency box!
I really needed this reminder today.
I’m in term 7 of 9; my final year at University; just 8 months away from finishing in the Education system (unless I do a masters, I guess).
I didn’t know what this major funk I was in was. But it makes sense and I feel better from reading this.
I just have to remember that this is my adventure; a wonderful walk through a forest.. and remember that I have everything I need in case I get lost – map, compass, phone, and money for a taxi.
It’s good to know that this is normal/allowed.
Hi! This post has de-lurked me because, oh man. In the September-December academic season? It is Day 4. Or at least in the academic season system I go through.
Just when I was asking myself why I’m starting to have that tightness in my chest, even though I’m in such a better place with my work and my stuff than I normally am at this time. I’ve seen such improvements this year in how I interact with my work, so why like this? And of course, as is so often the case, the answer’s in the question.
Smart questions to be used many times in the next few weeks, to rewrite my Day 4 pattern. Typically I just sit in the stuck until it reaches such a crisis that I have a burst of nervous energy that carries me through the last month of term. Maybe I can do better than that this time. I’ll keep investigating and see what comes up.
I have 2 kids, and I hit a day 4 moment both times I gave birth. When I was nearing the end, but it all seemed very hard and I just didn’t think it would ever end. But then I came out the other side, hunkered down, and had a baby.
Birth is used as a metaphor for many things in life. Having literally given birth, I think it’s fairly apt in many ways. Although, thankfully, most of the processes we’re using it as a metaphor for are a little less messy and phenomenally uncomfortable. Yay for not so mess and phenomenally uncomfortable!
Oh, my God.
I am gobsmacked. It’s like I kept muttering “yeah, yeah, just part of the process” without recognizing… YEAH, it’s part of the process. It’s not forever. It’s just a thing.
I feel both enlightened and like an idiot.
This! THIS. This is Week Three in NaNoWriMo (where you write 50,000 words of original fiction in November, four short weeks, thirty tiny days!). This is exactly it and it’s awesome that you wrote about it in the context of cycles everywhere. Chris Baty, the guy who started NaNoWrimo, wrote about the Week Three doldrums, and how everything is suddenly Hard or Boring or Really Bad and what’s the point of finishing? (Or, alternately, oh-god-I-haven’t-written-enough-I-WILL-NEVER-FINISH-IN-TIME-AHHH.)
Synchronicity is all kinds of cool. 😀 Thank you for this post, Havi, both in general and for its timing – a very good reminder for those of us gearing up for NaNo next month. Whoo!
I love the NotJustMe? of this. What a great thing to notice and report on.
I taught beginning drawing in 6 weeks for years–it was always week four this happened. Never cracked the code on how to help with it but once I caught on that it was predictable I could take it a little less personally as evidence of being a crappy teacher etc when sure enough, every time on week four no one had done the homework and came in all rebellious and despairing.
I’d think it was some kind of brain fatigue from making new connections–like the neurons are just cranky from reorganizing themselves and want a break or to go back to the old pathways and eat potato chips on the couch.
Except reading here I see it happens proportionally in all different kinds of cycles. Wild! Good to know. Thank you.
As a final part of their training, music therapists (in the States, at least) are required to complete a six month internship in which they gradually assume the full role and responsibilities of a professional music therapist. According to research, there is a “fourth month slump” in which interns tend to become more stressed, depressed and anxious. I do remember going through something like that, and I’ve experienced Day 4 in other contexts as well. It’s very helpful to know that, as with so many things, it will pass!
Years ago I cottoned on to the fact that at the mid-point of anything stuff went wonky. Even vacations. Especially vacations!
Then I knew to expect some tough feelings around the middle of journeys or projects or classes. It made it easier to navigate those waters.
And it is even smoother now that I read about so many other people experiencing this same mysterious syndrome.
Thanks for the post!
I find this fascinating because one of my favorite spiritual teachers once gave an overview of the process of change tied to the days of the week starting with ‘glimpsing new possibilities’ as the archetype of Sunday.
I won’t describe the full cycle, but suffice to say that Wednesday (day 4) is the turning point. Our commitment to the change is tested by an internal restlessness. If we make it through this point, then each day the new thing comes more and more into tangible form.
Once I had this archetype in mind, I could see it everywhere. Now when I find myself in the squirrelly place, I can remind myself that “it’s Wednesday. This is normal.”
SUCH a needed post right now. Thanks Havi, I’ll be incorporating this one into various awarenesses of my attitudes and patterns.
The most clear realisation from this post, and perhaps helpful for everyone here as a thought is that I need the Day 4 syndrome to move through something and actually produce.
As an example: I’ve been in a position since March, which was initially a 6 month contract to deliver a specific project. Somewhere around June/July it went off the rails, partially the organisation sabotaging itself, and partially (in hindsight) Day 4 syndrome hitting me – the only person driving the project.
Unfortunately as of that point the delivery deadline has constantly shifted, almost at an exponential rate, so I got stuck in Day 4 syndrome until late September, as there was no end in sight for the project, i.e. no pressure to deliver, no end in sight. I assumed this was my own depression/apathy manifesting in a sense of why bother? (with an associated “you’re not expert enough for this, who do you think you are, they’re going to realise you’re a fraud soon” monster showing up)
In the end I created my own deadline, by handing in my resignation (I’m moving back to Australia in December, Day 4 of THAT journey will likely kick in next week…) and all of a sudden I’m through that apathy and getting stuff done. Clarity! Results! Strategy! Tying up loose ends! Feeling competent and professional again! It’s all happening.
Thinking back to other projects I’ve worked on, and to my university days, this is true of much of what I do.
The cycle of exploration/preparation::freak out/stress::delivery of quality results fits. AND anything that I’ve never delivered has been the result of not getting through this stage. A VERY valuable realisation. (Which might help me with a personal project I’ve been procrastinating on)
I’m going to write this cycle and the related questions into my book of reflection.
“past the ass point” Amy, that’s genius. That made me laugh so hard.
This is so recognisable. And so cool to give it a name. I love everyone’s examples. And yes, I get this midway-through-project despair too. All the time.
Thanks Havi!
Havi, this is absolutely brilliant. I was definitely aware of this syndrome, especially related to taking a workshop, when Day 4 is horrible and feels like I might as well pack and go home. It’s so helpful to realize that all it is is a turning point and all I need is to stick with it. And panic, overwhelm and despair so not helpful. With my coaching, when I have a 3 month commitment, I remember very well hitting day 4. “I don’t like it, I want to quit now, I’ll never accomplish what I wanted to. ” And then we continue, and it’s wonderful and inspiring and uplifting and I want to continue and get going. But I think it’s important for me to think about cycles and completions. Thank you for this post, Havi. Very timely and very much appreciated.
@Liz: your analogy with the days of the week is very useful. Maybe you can share the full cycle? Thanks.
Today I woke up in a funk. Same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that. This has been going on for several weeks. Like every morning, I wondered to myself, “What happened to the fun? This used to be fun, right? I was excited about this. I wanted this.” Today I decided I needed some inspiration/insight/perspective/divine intervention just to make it through the day. So I came to the blog expecting to have to search a bit to find the right thing. Nope. First post. Front page.
Hi, my name is Rachel and I have Day 4 Syndrome…
Here is what I know. This too shall pass.
Oh, I love the clarity with which you articulate this, Havi, and the loving compassion with which you create systems for meeting Day 4.
Hooray for kissing the dragons! 🙂
Love, Hiro
Thank you Havi for giving a name to the feeling I have.
This totally explains why, less than a week away from launching a new site, I want to take out all the developers with a high-powered assault weapon and replace them with robots. Smart robots, of course. And if I’m working from home, I end up with my nose planted in a jar of “ease, please” aardvark potion. So I don’t actually get around to buying the weapon or even resorting to physical violence. I just slay them with my wit.
Oh my goodness, all the various times I have tried a declutter marathon and bogged down, they must have been Day 4 episodes.
This was just in time! I just started a new declutter push, using Metaphor Mouse and a Very Personal Ad.
(My living room, instead of feeling like an uncontrolled-piles dragon’s Hoard in a dark, gloomy cave, will be a cheerful, bright Workshop with a work area/office and an entertainment/relaxation/meeting-the-customers area. The dragon will have a new job as tools-and-equipment assistant but will no longer be allowed to run a Hoard as a museum no one else can visit.
(VPA initial commitments are to do evening call-in work sessions with my declutter buddies on Thursdays before Thanksgiving starting tonight. And at least an hour one other night a week.)
Since I now understand there is a Day 4 Week coming that I can get through (not a Day 4 masquerading as a wall), I will be better prepared for it this time.
Laine, I love the AWOL idea, thanks! I’m going to specifically skip workday 4 in week 4, which is a holiday, anyway — will use Wednesday or Tuesday for decluttering that week.
I don’t expect to have a ready-for-customers Workshop before Thanksgiving. But, I need to have AC/furnace repairmen in the house in December. So, I’ll use today’s questions on the other project I’m obviously stuck in Day 4 on right now: deciding which repairs I want to afford this year, and which to postpone; which repair company to use; and signing a repair contract.
Thanks, Havi!