Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I couldn’t think of what to call this one, so I looked up the chicken from exactly a year ago today.
It was Special Zombie Chicken (which should totally be a band), and didn’t give me any ideas. But it was kind of fun to read.
Maybe that will be our new ritual for the year… the chicken that was.
Anyway. It’s (almost practically) Friday! We’re here! Well done, all of us.
The hard stuff
Endings.
There is so much ambient crap in the air this time of year.
And even for someone like me who doesn’t have a television and avoids news media in most forms.
It’s so pervasive and so… loud.
Both the forced celebratory bits, and then the regrets-and-assessments part of ending the year.
I like pathways, transitions, passages. I like closing what needs to be closed and opening new openings.
But the underlying cultural hum can really get on my nerves.
The usual questions.
So we already know I dislike answering questions about what I do or what I’m doing.
No, as a matter of fact, I do not have plans for the holidays.
Still Jewish. Just like last year. Crazy, I know.
Cue outsider syndrome. And yes, it is completely unfair to both have it and be bored by it at the same time, but that’s kind of how outsider syndrome works.
Anyway, I wasn’t expecting to have a chip on my shoulder about this, and it kind of caught me by surprise.
Carving out time for not-doing: more complicated than it sounds.
My big wish for this week was seclusion, and for the most part we managed to make that happen.
But oh I had no idea how challenging this one would be.
When people are in their stuff.
But they don’t know they’re in their stuff, and they have not developed the ability to take responsibility for their stuff.
There is not much you can do in this situation, other than:
a) give them a hug.
b) meet your frustration with understanding and love.
c) meet their frustration with understanding and love.
This is one of the great challenges of … oh, being alive. I know I’m getting better at it, but man, it’s still a lot of work sometimes.
Working like mad to finish a thing in time!
This was mostly fun, but it was definitely way more work than I like to take on.
The ten day cold that knocked me out after Sacramento meant that I hardly got anything done on all the stuff that needs to get announced for 2011.
So this week involved a lot of cramming. Many rounds of Drunk Pirate Council with the First Mate. And keeping track of all sorts of details while we ran around and made stuff happen.
It was crazy and chaotic and sometimes hilarious, and I’m really glad to be nearly through.
The good stuff
Endings! The good kind.
The group leaders in my Kitchen Table program had our last call of the year together (we meet every month), and it was just so much fun.
If I ran a firm where we all worked in the same building, this is what I’d imagine our New Year’s party would be like.
We giggled and threw things at each other (somehow being on the phone is not as big an impediment to this sort of thing as one might imagine), and generally enjoyed being in each other’s company.
I feel very fortunate to have such a terrific crew of wise, loving people in my life, who have become both friends and helper mice.
Secret play date! Secret play date!
Doing Maryann’s secret play date on Toozday totally saved my week.
I’ve been using the approach of play/art/ten-minute-chunks all week to get stuff done.
And I’m pretty sure it’s the main reason I haven’t gone completely batty from trying to write four HATS and brunch seventeen thousand things all at once.*
* HAT = Havi’s Announcing a Thing. What I call a “sales page”. Brunching = launching. See the Glossary for all the other stuff I say that doesn’t make sense.
Metaphor mouse is my new best friend.
Came up with three brand new metaphors this week.
So fast! Not only is metaphor mouse the most dreamy superhero that ever was, he is also super speedy speedmouse.
I cannot even tell you how much relief this brings me. And my designer, who was waiting on me to tell him what all these things were going to be called.
When people interact with their stuff and find their way through.
Watching people at the Kitchen Table model what it’s like to work through the hard and get to the good.
It’s completely inspiring.
There is nothing I like better than getting to watch people who have really and truly assimilated and internalized something I teach, and are applying it and getting results.
My heart is so full and happy.
Brisk winter walking in crisp winter air.
When it’s not raining.
Love it.
It clears my head.
Plus one day I ran into Elizabeth and Atlas. Hooray!
And yesterday I met the most adorable tiny person all in pink. And her mother, who was also in pink. And that was fun too.
Progress!
I finished the 2011 timetables.
Updated the events page.
Am in the process of announcing the announcements to the shhhhh Havi’s announcing a thing group (if you’re not on the list, you can sign up on the events page).
Movement. Yay. Done! Excitement! Anticipation. Such a wonderful thing to see all these things that I’ve been messing around with for months come into form.
Erev Zombie Yule, y’all.
Tonight! It’s Zombie Yule.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band comes to us via Christine:
Sneaky Snack Pirate.
I love this! I want to be a sneaky snack pirate! I also want some sneaky snacks.
Anyway, they’re doing special Zombie Yule shows all weekend. Except of course that it’s really just one guy.
Also, I should add that I almost called this chicken “revenge of the unicorn”, which really should be a band, and that’s from here, by way of Nathan, who is much-adored by me.
And some of the lovely presents that arrived for the Playground this week.
A secret note from Kim.
Mugs and pfeffernüsse from Hope.
Flowers!
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
postscripting to say: There are now four spots left at the 2011 Kitchen Table. Last chance to apply until next December. Here’s the link to the backdoor page (password: speedymouse). xox
Follow
Wow, What a week!
Hard:
–Lots of scurrying around preparing and hosting dear friends for Winter Solstice/Yule. No, it wasn’t Zombie Yule, but I was beginning to feel like a zombie.
–Perhaps unsurprisingly, I’ve had a couple of days of exhaustion and pain.
–Too busy and astray from my usual routines even to hang out here on the blog. That never happens! I’ve been reading, but not hanging out the way I like to do.
Good:
–Lunar eclipse. Winter Solstice ritual. Magic. Power. Hope.
–An email from my adviser regarding my dissertation proposal that said, in essence, “Now you’re cookin’!” After ten days of silence, I had been part terrified, part resigned to failure, and now it turns out that I’m still in the game, after all. It’s confusing, but also affirming.
–Love. So much love. My family loves me so much. I am so lucky!
I wish you, Havi and Selma and the First Mate and the Schmoppet and everyone reading these words, a glorious and glimmering weekend, wherever you are, whatever you do. Sending ocean waves of love!
First chicken in forever and a day plus three hours, seventeen minutes – no, really, it’s been ages!
The Hard:
– Medical stuff. Suffice to say I received so many X-rays this week I’m a little disappointed I don’t glow in the dark (yet).
The Hard that will eventually turn out to be very Good, I’m sure:
– Choosing to turn down big opportunities because my energy will only stretch so far.
The Good:
– Friends. Friends are amazing.
And so, to bed – but not before wishing a wonderful and delightful holiday season to all those who celebrate it!
Christmas Eve Chicken! (Or Zombie Yule Chicken, depending on how you swing.) Must join in for this one…
The Hard
– Being in the crappy old when the end of the crappy old is in sight (dayjob, I mean you). Totally, like, GAAAH!
– Extreme bad-ass painful stuff, and being in it.
– Having an allergic reaction to cold weather when it has been minus whatever all week. Poorly body!
– General physical bleugh-ness.
– Our bath is still broken, as it has been since moving in to this flat four months, and it is now time to accept that, despite what our nice landlady promises, it ain’t going to be fixed anytime soon. Not before we move in February, anyway.
But still. I want a bath.
The Good
– BIIIIIRTHDAY!!! Yeah!
– Taking a much-needed day off work, and not feeling guilty about it. Yeah!
– Joining the Kitchen Table. Woop!
– Coming out of hiding.
– Hand-making sugar-free rum truffles for Christmas gifts.
– Hot water bottles and bedsocks.
– Somehow finding the strength through kindness to respond differently to one of my most painful patterns ever, in face of the debilitating fear and the belief that it might kill me to do so.
And still alive to tell to tale.
Love to all!
Reba x
Havi, you give me hope that I can get all my stuff done too. 🙂
Hard:
Still having tear-filled breakdowns at random intervals. Feeling numb in between. Can we have balance?
End of the year stuff reminding me that for the past four years I have had hope that next year would be better. Wanting to put on my Doc Martens and stomp hope really good.
Cloudy skies meant that my stumbling outside in nothing but my skull footie pj’s and husband’s shoes meant that all I saw was cloudy skies instead of a beautiful eclipse. Sad.
Worry about how I was going to finance shipping these three quilts to Texas next week and pay for my PO Box fee.
Good:
Finding the financing for the shipping and PO Box fee. Much relief.
Realizing that even though a snake may shed its skin, it is still a snake. It just has gotten rid of the stuff that no longer serves its good.
Friends.
We picked out some great (we hope!) films for Zombie Yule. I am looking forward to seeing The Fall again, it is such a beautiful movie.
I have been making space and my weight bench has actually been available for lifting weights this week, there is amazing floor in both the kitchen and the studio. 🙂
I made space in the studio and gathered materials for encaustic painting.
I found a book which explains what recurring numbers may mean. I finally know why I keep seeing “163” everywhere.
Happy weekend everyone!
This week has been… well, not bad, just not very… up.
The hard:
-Storms! Whaa! I’m deathly afraid of storms. I sit in my room huddled under blankets all day = no movement at all = a normally hyper me wishing she could commit energetical seppuku.
-No movement.
-No sunlight.
-The remembering why we split. I mean, I do, but my mind and body are like, “Yeah, but it was comfy.” That’s great. “Comfy” doesn’t get a vote .What a horrible reason to stay with somebody. (Skipping things like love and a life going in the same direction.)
-The snark. It came with the storms and nom I seem to be just full of sarcastic witisisms. I mean, even if they’re funny, that’s gonna make me unbearable soon.
-The ant bites! Oh god, they’re huge. The Big One is the size of the heel of my palm. I hate you, insects!
-Deciding whether or not to take the plunge and go through the scary to apply at the Kitchen Table. Oh, it felt like I was in elementary school again. So much emergency self-care going on.
-Waiting to find out whether I get accepted.
The easy:
-Eating the chocolate and sugar-coated strawberries I am using as comfort food. So sinful it shouldn’t be legal. Embaressing amounts of moaning and praising going on.
-Playing the video games which are the other half of that therapy. And yay to Twitter for reminding me of a good one! (Thank you @jonathanmead!) Why do we forget the oldie-goodie ones? Just got done playing Super Mario World too…
-Trying new things. Go figure.
-Not spinning in endless circles. When the spinning was noticed, things were done, play was had, equilibrium returned. Yay for Havi and her wonderful techniques full of calm.
-Music. Oh.
-Typing! YAY!!
-Writing! OMG YAY!!
-Feeling guiltless about skipping meals to eat whatever my body says it wants.
-Baths. Ohhhhh….
What I’m working on:
-Icky separation stuff. Remembering that we are separated, for a damn good reason.
-Not freaking out over my sweet little thing because it doesn’t look “professional” yet. (l’sigh) I have an adorable Havi-chibi in my brain chanting ”It’s a process, it’s a process.”
-Better self-care. This week has shown me how manf Emergency techniques I have… and how many natural, easy, daily ones I do not. Boo.
-Finding other/new/better foods to eat. Ruts are evil.
This week was an odd combination of hard and good.
I’m advancing in my work: Good
Every other day I come to a halt because my fear grips me by the throat and tries to take my lunch money: Hard
I have an adorable Havi-chibi in my brain chanting ”It’s a process, it’s a process.”
I’m interrupting this Friday Chicken just to say how much I love this statement and that I totally want one too.
First time commenter here, but just want to say I’ve been reading your blog a couple months now and love it. Also, last night had major issues (see the hard) so I kind of needed to share because still in bad mood.
The Hard:
Brother in law’s birthday party last night… bro in law got drunk, started drawing on the computer screen. We go to kick him off computer, he freaks out, yelling, “it’s just a highlighter.” We’re trying to calm him down when bigger-bro-in-law decides to shove their dad and yell at me, “Melissa shut the eff up and go in your effin room and shut the door.” They were drunk and I was sober and if we hadn’t been dealing with drunk-bro-in-law I would have tried to fight bigger-bro-in-law. he’s two of me plus twentyfive pounds, but you don’t get to talk to me like that especially in my own house. I didn’t know I had that in me. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but at least I know if you get me angry enough I won’t be scared of anything.
work… need to figure out how to escape the cubicle sea or start feeling satisfied with my job. just feeling very dissatisfied lately.
seeing one of my ex’s friends on wednesday. very awkward.
The good:
buddy’s graduation dinner on Wednesday was good. everyone showed up. roast beef sandwiches with wasabe/sake mustard was delicious. Also kind of fun smearing green mustard on your food.
wrapping jake’s present – 15 y/o gets an ipod and bunch of dollar tree stuff in one giant box. 🙂 will be hillarious.
playing wii mario cart with zack… 3 y/o driving a car. he can win the race (and has) but thinks it’s funny to crash repeatedely. awesome to see him laugh like that.
writing a new story… finally got the creative juices flowing last month & not going to let them stop now.
swimming & weights & bike machine
Zombie Yule Chicken!!!
This week’s hard:
– Schedule Tetris was harder than usual because of shifting priorities and availabilities and obligations.
– The price of silver is killing me. I’ve been having to reorder components and I’m paying four times what I paid earlier this year.
This week’s good:
– Ridiculous pride in how the pieces in my new line are turning out; sold four of them in the first two days I had them.
– While not as crazyawesome as last year, last weekend’s Last Minute Market was still very good to me.
– The helper mouse I VPAed for earlier this year worked out very well.
– Shopping was painless this year. Amazing. Perfect gifts presented themselves at the right moment, and I was done. Still can’t believe it.
– Had lots of fun catching other shoppers’ eyes and commenting to and laughing with each other over the general madness and the insanity of some of the other shoppers.
– It’s the advent of Birthday Week!
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Happy Friday, all y’all…
Hard
* Not finishing various things on time.
* Feeling inept, inexperienced, and insecure about so much.
* People I love disliking my city, and not comprehending how much it hurts me when they slag it.
* People I love having to deal with tense and difficult situations.
* The effort of tamping down my temper around talky singers and screamy tots. I know they aren’t trying to drive me crazy, but that hasn’t stopped me from wishing that jabbing them with horse tranquilizer was legal.
Good
* Feeling loved.
* Flowers. Cards. Chocolate-covered orange peels. Hugs from my favorite bakers.
* Sanity checks — including Do Mi Stauber’s Facing the Text (a guide for indexers), which I’d ordered after connecting her chickens to the name I’d seen in another reference text. Yay for community!
* Found the tube of lipstick I’d been beating myself up for misplacing right after I bought it.
* Looking fabulous wearing said lipstick. 🙂
Wishing everyone what they need to get through/past the hard, and cheers for the good.
@Lori Happy Birthday Week, fellow Birthday Weeker! x
@Havi: It was such a lovely surprise to run into you. 🙂
@Lori: Happy birthday week!
Hard:
I have forgotten, because it is overshadowed by yesterday’s good thing:
Good:
I made nisu! (It’s a Finnish sweetbread.) And the second batch was a success! My family’s Christmas tradition was to have nisu/cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning with hot chocolate and I have missed that tradition immensely. It makes me so happy to have my very own batch that I made with my very own hands. And now the house smells like Christmas. Also, bread is so fun to make!
There is other good, including time with friends but, as you can see, I am distracted by my bread.
Cheers for everyone’s good and support for any hard. xoxo
Happy Birthday, Reba & Lori!
The hard:
“When people are in their stuff, but they don’t know they’re in their stuff, and they have not developed the ability to take responsibility for their stuff.”
The more I figure out *my* stuff, the more I find myself tripping over people who haven’t.
Realizing how much I’m not being listened to or even given the opportunity to speak (by which I mean someone else has to stop talking for a frakkin’ moment, sigh).
My response to a playful/idle/passive-aggressive threat to withhold some of my gifts until next xmas: Go ahead, keep ’em all. On the one hand, yay, I’m not driven by a need for things, but on the other, not a good way to diffuse the issue. (Do some yoga today, Claire.)
The good:
Played with Legos yesterday.
Finished my wrapping early & no one requested (usually with no good way to say no) that I wrap anything for them.
It’s sunny with a blue sky for the first time all week today.
Looking forward to Dr. Who xmas special tomorrow night. Yay!
Saw some super cool holiday lights that are actually shaped like icicles but light up in several permutations of colors.
This week has been pretty good to me.
The hard:
-The tired. Still. Crashing out for entire afternoons.
-Working Christmas Eve.
-Not getting entirely caught up with uni work.
The good:
– Getting to leave work early today, and the good atmosphere all week.
– Time spent with friends.
– The delicious pizza I just ate.
– Wrapping my gifts in the most awesome paper/ribbon combination.
– Yoga.
– Getting almost caught up with uni work and my tutor being really nice about it.
– Beautiful sunrises on the way to work.
– Decorating the Christmas tree!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone, and if you’re Christmassing, have a brilliant Christmas. Baubles!
Hello everyone! Interesting week…
The hard:
Home from my dad, lots of rest, but still sick! Yuck yuck!
Shift from expansiveness to oh no, Deadlines of Doom.
Really bad news about my dad’s health after I thought all was well. Grieving. Don’t really know what to do with myself.
The good:
Getting to help my dad with his Beloved Thing, and family telling me it’s the most important thing that can be done right now. And I have the skills to do it. Yay!
Sweetheart telling me not to be hard on myself and let myself recover. She’s needing to tell me this every half an hour.
Getting ready to work with my lovely guinea pig clients, who are now Test Kitchen Tasters since I ran them through metaphor mouse (yay, metaphor mouse). Loving that they’re excited about my program!! Ready to cook up some yummy concoctions for them!
And Mechaieh found me here and bought my indexing book! How cool is that? Hi Mechaieh!
Working on:
Observing the Deadlines of Doom feeling, very very familiar. Where does that shift come from? How can I change this pattern and just do my work?
Caring for ourselves during hardish Christmas season.
Patience. With myself as I’m sick, with myself as I grieve.
And a note:
I hope those of us who celebrate the dominant-culture holiday can try as much as possible not to participate in making people feel invisible. Don’t assume everyone’s celebrating Christmas. Enjoy our celebrations to the hilt–in private. Be aware.
Oy, the complications. You said it, lady. The stuff. The outsider syndrome. The not-getting-it-all-done.
But the feelings of comfort and joy, the peace on Earth, goodwill to man part, yeah, I like that.
So, thank you, Havi, for all you’ve done for me this year (a lot) and I hope you have so much happiness you have to store some of it outside. (But that’s OK, ’cause it’s weatherproof!)
Much good this week!
+ semester is over!!
+ doctoral class is over!!
+ my new iPad was delivered this morning – Merry Christmas to me!
+ seeing friends that I haven’t seen in over a year!
+ 2 long weekends free of alarms
Happy Holidays!!
Ahhhh, Friday Chicken!
The Hard Stuff:
Not much. Except remembering not to eat too many cookies. And remembering to let other people have their stuff. I come from a long line of very controlling “problem solvers” and we are not very good at just letting it go. And I am trying to remember how ironic it is when I run around *frantically* trying to convince my mother to “relax.”
The GOOD Stuff:
Playing with my adorable 2 year old niece. Who is so smart and cute and adventurous and well-behaved!!
Making a plan to keep me cheery while on travel, doing it, and it WORKING! Imagine that!
A WONDERFUL simplified Christmas. For the first time in …oh, ever…I don’t feel overwhelmed or guilty about the amount of presents. I am so proud of my parents and family. It was amazing.
And I’m going to get to Rally!! Not sure on the details yet, but I am sooo sooo excited!
Second chicken – yay!
The Hard :
Woke up with whiplash PAIN last Sunday unable to get my head off the pillow without using my only good arm to pick it up. Made it three times as hard to get out of bed! Pain made it impossible to work on art, which I had really been looking forward to doing. I truly know what “a PAIN in the NECK” is, now!
The Good:
Somehow I was approved by insurance for six (SIX!) visits to physical therapist to help with numerous injuries from splat on my face. Went to two this week, and they really helped. Still whiplash pain, but manageable, and I actually got to do some artwork!
Cut by my eye healing nicely – maybe with a little help from Mederma, I’ll have a barely noticeable scar. (Although at my age, it just adds character!)
Lovely solstice ceremony with candles and music giving peaceful environs, even with Pain in the Neck.
Received lovely artwork from Pixie Campbell (www.pixiecampell.typepad.com) which I ordered before the accident – luscious and beautiful!
The REALLY Good: There was a lovely little handfelted owl sitting in its own crocheted nest, waiting for me to come claim it today! AND it was made by my dear, dear friend! His name is Wilcox, and he will surely help me heal, as well as inspire me onward in my art making!
Whatever your weekend holds, have a lovely one, everyone!
the hard:
trying to remember that the hard is all in my mind. but still, it’s been in my mind for so long and I feel like I haven’t been really truly happy in quite some time. and even when I’m doing the things that I need to do to have a life of what I value, there is still a big space that is not happy.
the good:
my family is healthy. my nieces & nephews love Christmas. the children of my friends are having the magic of christmas this morning.
We finally figured out what to get the uncle who has everything – donations to charities that support causes he believes in.
My new living space. I still love it.
5 pounds gone. 40 to go.
Up early this morning for coffee and pumpkin oatmeal and a walk.
I am healthy. I have choices.
I’m going to choose to be on the lookout today for all the ways the universe is conspiring for my benefit. first clue: my coffee came out perfectly, I didn’t oversleep, and my new hat is awesome.
The Hard
Having the boy tell me things that were bothering him and reacting in my HSP way. He said it and was done and I got all stomach icky and had to sit with it until it dissipated. Still not in a place where I can explain it without it sounding accusatory. This may turn into a VPA.
I’m not real sure about the people we’re staying with. They’re not bad people, but they’re not my right people either. It’s an interesting experience, possibly in a Chinese way.
Knowing that the boy goes back in a couple of weeks and the tumult related to that.
The Good
Spending the Holidays on the beach in CR.
Spending 4 days in a treehouse in the rain forest, playing (tree)house and hiking and swimming and cooking with amazingly fresh produce from the farm.
Making progress on the businessifying of TSC. In baby steps.
Awareness, just in general.
The hard
Not much at all.
Bit weirded out by feedback from a friend around the bullying thing. Unsure of who I am letting into my space right now and recognising the need to pay attention to this.
The creative downer – reconnecting with my desire to make a short film, followed by frustration that it simply isn’t possible to do everything at once.
A silent fear that this idea could go off the boil or be forgot!
The good
Christmas with my love. Nobody else but us two chickens. FAbulous!!!
A mad Christmas meal – chaotic, badly timed, with pans aburning. At the same time loving it. Making a home together. Cooking last night and today – but in our own bonkers way! Ha!
Making some delicious food in spite of our tendencies to chaos.
Opportunities to work on patience and trust and basically speaking kindly to myself regarding the bad.
Feeling safe and loved inside.
Feeling contented and valued. Waa rooooo right??
Feeling blessed, lucky, fortunate.
And even relishin a little of the bully stuff when I take the time to think about it. Because this time I am meeting this familiar material with a different feeling sense in my body ( I feel safe inside) and a stronger sense of my self. Sensing a profound possibility for growth.
Sooo many good books to read for Christmas!
Swirly creativity hopes that go pop pop pop!
Getting on writing producty stuff. Slowly, slowly, trust, trust, trust.
Soldiering on regardless and still enjoying the process. Yayyy!
Love to allllll!
xxx
The Good: reenacting the Sound of Music with my sister and her two children. More fun that people should be allowed to have.
Sushi for dinner.
Giving and receiving from people I love.
Remembering that even if I miss him and wish I could just hang out with him, he doesn’t love me so I must stay away.
Being home again.
…and to all people peace.