What is needed?
Oh wow, this Monday is so Monday.
It needs an infusion of magic, some tingly-fluttery throb-hum in the energy field, a smattering of something good. I want to breathe deeper, sit up a little more, a general perking-up of mood and body, and I want this to spill over into every aspect of my day.
What if I could even get just the tiniest bit excited about whatever it is I might do next from my seemingly endless list of things instead of wanting to go hide forever….
Secret agent identity today.
I think I’m going to stick with being Adrianna, the Italian heiress who is unwavering in her commitment to vivacious aliveness.
And equally unwavering in her commitment to pouty red lips, decadent desserts, flirting with mysterious strangers, and approaching every single second of life with intention: heart open, receptive to whatever big wild passion and unexpected surprises this moment might hold.
Qualities & Superpowers for today.
- Serendipity
- Grace
- Sovereignty
- I Am A Wild Panther
- Regal As Fuck and also playful at the same time, self-possessed as a cat, or a toddler who has figured out how to kick a ball…
- I Remember That Nothing Is Wrong — and the timing of things I think are
“late” or “behind” actually turns out to be flawless - Help And Support Is All Around Me
- Beautifully Anchored
Clues.
“It’s my life and I do what I want!”
The music at this cafe is very much in support of Adrianna and her mission. Also, a song by The Animals is very appropriate for I Am A Wild Panther.
My (entirely made-up) mission for today.
Let’s see. Let’s say that Adrianna is doing some research on buying a car. Actually, she is probably outsourcing this and flirting with strangers in a cafe.
That’s the mission. Initiate research on [buying a car], outsource it, flirt with strangers.
I’m probably not going to buy a car. That’s a proxy for a bunch of things on the list, but I can pretend I’m buying a car. That way if things get stuck with the actual projects, I can solve for X using the car-buying metaphor.
What happens next?
Monsters say my list is A THOUSAND MILES LONG, so I am going to prove them wrong by naming all the things that I can think related to [acquiring a vehicle] that want doing that could also conceivably be done this week or next.
Then rename them so they sound less scary, finding out who can help, and asking Adrianna what’s next….
Wanna play with me here?
You are welcome to invent your own names, mission, superpowers and so on, or however you like to play.
You can also hide clues here, leave fairy godmother wishes, or wish Adrianna luck, not that she needs it but she likes effusive exclamations of support.
As always we remember that projects are complex beings, and being in project mode tends to bring up all of our stuff, so we go gently with ourselves and practice Safety First. We joyfully refrain from all forms of advice-giving and care-taking because People Vary, and because play is about Agency, Freedom and the very magical thing that is trusting our own process.
xoxox
Follow
<3!!!
(placeholder)
I shall return!
*tosses a gardenia*
ooooo how lavish!
Thank you, G!
Superpowers for today: the Arched Eyebrow, the Knowing Smile, and above all, the Internal Beach. I am carrying my own private beach inside of me.
<*3 (that's a star in a heart)
DISCOVERY! It is very easy to make items on my list seem more appealing and intriguing if I just put them in quotation marks to IMPLY that they mean something else.
For example, return the unused paint primer to Home Depot is a very boring list item, but if I write it like this….
Return the “paint” to “Home Depot”, maybe this afternoon?
Aha! Then I am living a wildly mysterious life and this becomes a slightly sexier secret mission! A smattering of magic, introduced via QUOTATION MARKS. Ta da.
This made me laugh, and omg I have to try that with the “paperwork” I need to do.
Yes, you should really give it a “try”, I’m sure the “paperwork” would love it…. 😉
Woah.
Today I’m “preparing” for the “executive committee meeting”.
YEAH YOU ARE
Hmmm… so today I actually have to “clean the house”, “send photos to grandma”. This aslo brings a whole new aspect to the secret-aget-code-thing. interesting, interesting…
Thanks!
ah yes the “photos” to “grandma”, good luck with that…. 🙂
hahahahahaha
this is awesome!
Today I’m “attending writing group” and “editing” and “planning”
“attending”, yes, very good 🙂
Today, I am “paying bills”. I’m grinning my face off!
This is awesome. And I think the “ta da” is important, too.
Today I am “working out” and “doing” “the prep”, ta da! (and maybe “wink, wink”, ha!)
Yes, way more mysterious and fun. 😉
Well hullo darlings!
Incoming Me revealed her name last week, she is Bianca Jaguar. It’d be a great burlesque name except for everyone in the West pronounces it “jag-wire” which I find soul-crushing.
Bianca Jaguar–who is well-versed in Pantherism as a spiritual path–prioritizes Well-Tending and Luxury. She is all about Putting her Qxygen mask on first, and remembering that Beauty, Style and Daring are not frivolous, but deeply important.
She has no problem staying sober or dressing to feel good, because she never allows her spark to dim.
She is sovereign in her choices. She loves to play.
Bianca knows, there is always the right playmate, even if we haven’t met them yet. I am interested to see how Bianca responds to other aspects of my life, because I am very intrigued with her.
“Beauty, Style and Daring are not frivolous, but deeply important.”
Thank you!!
Yes yes to an infusion of magic! I received some excellent clues today:
A Vest of Bees (B’s?) magically transformed! See, they are not scary because they are my bees and they are hot pink! They reminded me that I am ALSO the Space. I don’t have to look for it, because it is inside me already. There’s space between the bees, even! The vest of bees like the vestibule, and my vestibule is wonderfully lavish with good natural light. The whole place invites one to hang out for as long as is necessary, possibly drink some fancy cucumber water, maybe take a nap on the velvet chaise, admire the lush vegetation and so forth.
Rose Vine (Rose & Vine?) Restoration – a clue that is quickly becoming a mission!
What Has Been Working: Channeling Kit Chandler, a wise-cracking but soft-boiled (possibly gently poached) detective for whom there is no case too complicated. Down these mean streets the detective must go who is not herself mean, and who is neither tarnished (she shines!) nor afraid (because she embarks only when she feels safe, and curious, and excited). She catches a lead and she follows it – the cases that come to her trust that her method works, even if they can’t understand it themselves. She knows that the toughest cases usually solve themselves over bourbon and/or tea at the end of a long day.
*shares flask with Kit*
I was having an unusually viciously hard day. The very worst of my shame stuff got triggered MASSIVELY, thanks to two entirely different life-things that are unrelated to each other but decided to be shoe-throw-y at me on the same day. The stuff that is SO FUCKING OLD it would be boring if it didn’t hurt like fresh hell each time.
The kind of pain where it’s hard to do anything except notice “wow, I feel like utter dirt and this feels really really fucking horrible.” and then just notice the is-ness of that some more. and whimper. and pray for the waves of horrible to pass.
Then I saw that Agent Anne D posted the most Agent Anne D-like genius thing on the Facebook. My summary of it was “Wear ‘I am God’s gift to mankind’ like a coat.”
(because embodying that feels downright impossible-ludicrous-laughable today. But, if it’s a coat I can try on take off any time I want? okay.)
and then I said [my summary of her thing] to Anne D, and she replied by saying “YOU CAN’T TAKE IT OFF.”
followed by “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME”
So. She is emphatically cursey like that and I love her.
Ohhh and then she said “sometiems the world needs a break from our awesome. that’s when we stay in bed. so it can catch its breath and be ready for us again”
Actually I’m going to just straight up copy and paste here,what she wrote, I really don’t think she’d mind:
“….there are things in which you could benefit from, as I’m always saying around here, Going Straight At It, like acting as if you, for example
-are an authority on the cuisine of Puebla
-have no debt, and wouldn’t dream of taking it on
-do not now nor have you ever given a crap what your mother-in-law says about parenting
Or whatever you want.
How do you do that, exactly? Well, if you are Spanish, you keep your spine straight and you sail the hell out with your head high and you do not stop for whispers, imagined or real.
No reason why you can’t do that, too. And marvel as the gap closes.
¡Andale!”
I meditate on those words.
Spine straight.
Sail the hell out
Head high
I do not stop for whispers
Imagined or Real
I mean, is that ALL OF THE MISSIONS EVER or what
yeah, if like Agent Anne D says, “I am god’s motherfucking gift to humankind” cannot be a coat because I can’t fucking take it off and actually maybe it is more like a tattoo? but it is not skin deep either, it is just INSIDE MY BODY
and even now — as I am reclining and readying for bed — my head was high, meaning my neck is long and my back is straight
and I can imagine that my nose is pointing just a bit further up (we have this expression, “high-nosed” in Korean. it means “carrying oneself as though one is an aristocrat” well that is my interpretation of it anyway)
then everything about me — EVERYTHING — is just a superpower that is either already understood or waiting to be understood. and my response to people who don’t GET that and try to make their stuff my stuff is “um, okay, and how is that any of my business.”
and all of my timing is not only perfect but IMPECCABLE and GOD COULD NOT HAVE TIMED IT BETTER and everything that happens to me has several layers of meaning and gift-ness and purpose that reveal themselves to me in time, and even if they do not reveal themselves to me, they still operate as gifts in my timeline-universe
another thing for me, is “if it’s the right love, it’s easy.” Agent Anne D echoed this back to me. so, yeah, easy is how it SHOULD be and if it is not easy, the thing is literally not my problem. i just change directions and expect ease, attune to ease, all of which just means remember — no not even remember because this isn’t a cognitive thing, just EMBODY (for lake of a better word) “I am god’s gift to humankind”
and understand that the world/specific people are allowed to not get it and not flow with me because well gee, I am really fucking special. have you heard, i am GOD’S VERY GIFT TO HUMANKIND
I am actually really good with this a lot of the times in ways that people find surprising. I always assume that I am the most beautiful and interesting person in the room. this is not hard for me. I have even been accused of arrogance (to which I say, I am sorry you do not feel the same way about yourself)
now the mission is
expand that to, “always assume that I am a gift to every situation ever” like, if I’m in a party (a metaphorical party because parties aren’t a thing that I do anymore) just assume I AM THERE FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE PARTY. like, me being there enhances the party. the party glows more because of me. my job is literally to be there and things are better because of it. not the other way around. I am not there to serve the party or hope the party people like me.
etc etc
this fierce… god I hate to say it but I guess the plainest way to say it would be ‘self-love’ but whatever version of that that doesn’t sound so cliched
i’m just gonna go with the longer “wearing ‘i’m god’s gift’ like a coat except not a coat because i can’t take it off”
then your very act of existing is an act of generosity and beauty-making
¡Andale!
ohmigosh
to clarify: that ohmigosh was for your first comment, Grace.
I think I’ll just go read it again. It is like its own blog post.
<3
Today’s clue, via the person who is painting my basement floor, bless her wonderful heart, and thank you to Marisa for helping me find her:
Rule of thumb: take any estimated amount of time you think something will take and just multiply it by four.
This is a very good plan. If I’m wrong, I can be pleasantly surprised. And if I’m right, then I can be pleasantly NOT SURPRISED, yay.
Haha yeah! smiling at this 🙂
Vegan brownies from the Inn Season with chocolate sauce, raspberry sauce and a little ice-cream makes everything better! Happy times in Michigan!
mmmm michigan
A clue for the future:
I really need to call this guy (recommended by my acupuncturist) about a possibly cheaper means of fixing or replacing my wind tunnel (proxy).
But in the last two days I have been busy with other activities, plus enduring/exploring certain annoying features of getting-older-me, and seeing doctors about these features.
I have decided I don’t need to call him until tomorrow afternoon, even though that is not as soon as possible, which is what I SHOULD do (shouted by the do-you-want-to-really-get-sick monster collective). This way my brain will actually be capable of communicating appropriately with the guy since I won’t be trying to remember what to ask him, while keeping track of what else I’m doing that is ALSO extremely important.
If I need a wind tunnel before I talk to him, or before he can look at my broken one, I can go to the library, or Starbucks, or even my basement.
Miraculously this decision has made the last three days seem moderately tolerable instead of incredibly stressed. All timing is and will be right timing!!
Hooray for right wind tunnel timing! <3
mmm, yes I see: the time passing makes the needed communication possible. this is very helpful
“- Regal As Fuck and also playful at the same time, self-possessed as a cat, or a toddler who has figured out how to kick a ball…
– I Remember That Nothing Is Wrong — and the timing of things I think are “late” or “behind” actually turns out to be flawless” – Havi.
YES, THIS. ALWAYS!
<3
I spent all morning reading about food, love and magic yeses. I am slightly in love with Shauna James Ahern, for the the time being. Her writing keeps reminding me that I am only here for the magic, and the fact that I actually am entitled to that very attitude towards my life.
– sometimes that [very sweet essense of being] just drownes in all the noise. In all the musts, shoulds, and whatnots. And I get to relearn breathing, seeing and honest laughter all over again. And again, and again.
Right now my wishes are simple. No, they are based on a notion of ease and simplicity. I think.
– Treasure, safety, trust and connection concerning the following issues: The Recontres – and how to get there, green frogs and once again staying at The End of the World.
– Snouts <3
– I've got the most amazing ninja skills
– Knowing not-my-stuff when I see it
– [all the things that are way too many, so I can't even spell them out with "" or agent code or anything, because the thrill is too much right now]
– Bus stops and soap bubbles
Håper det skjer! 🙂
– meaning "hopefully it will happen".
…snd I just wrote something on the Interwebs, the place where all the kittens live, in Norwegian. I never do that. I don’t do the Interwebs in Norwegian. Never have, if I am not counting reading the news. Or reading the blog of this person i had this crush on like forever. I know this sounds silly, but for me it’s a BIG THING.
Farsken, hva skal jeg gjøre nå? *giggles*
– damn, what am I going to do now?
This was kinda fun.
a whole smattering of <3 <3 <3s for:
Regal as fuck!
Beautifully anchored
and adding to the list:
I know what I want, and I am not confused.
Mmmm that is such a good one. Yes yes yes!
-o-
(pebble for life-love)
“”
she held
in her pocket
a smooth gray stone
its heft
pleased her palm
enough
rubbed her cheek
warm
she carried
in her pocket
a smooth gray stone
separate from
wrappers
receipts
loose change
she kept
in her pocket
a smooth gray stone
as small as a world and as large as alone
“”
-by Mary Silwance
the last line from e.e. cummmings
<3 <3 <3
I could use a smattering of magic for this Wednesday!
*breath of gratitude for you and for this magical space*
*breath of release*
Invoking:
Regal As Fuck
Sail The Hell Out (thank you, Grace!)
All Timing Is Right Timing
*breath of ease*
*breath of courage*
-o-
I have a lot of things that I’m afraid to say right now so I’m leaving a pebble on which is a lipstick kiss and jeté-ing away.