Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 393rd week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Giving my monsters a stopwatch and making a deal….
Monsters estimated that Doing The Base Level Things (bringing up laundry, making up the bed, folding all the clothes, doing dishes) should only take 15-20 minutes if I’m “focused”, and that it’s my fault everything takes longer, because I stop to text people or look at instagram or stare at the walls.
So I suggested an experiment.
I promised to be super focused and let them hold the stopwatch, if they promised not to criticize me or rush me or intervene in any way which could disrupt the integrity of the experiment. We invited the Internal Scientists to document the process.
It took EXACTLY fifty eight minutes.
I was focused and undistracted, no pausing, no resting, no bathroom break. I just did the things and that was the amount of time.
While my monsters still maintain that this is an absurd amount of time, they saw how dedicated I was to the mission and they know I wasn’t “wasting” any time, because they watched. They are amazed amazed amazed, it is awesome.
Naps.
I have known for a long time that a nap is an excellent portal/bridge to all kinds of good healing, but sometimes I don’t want to do it because in [certain situations] going back to bed gets read in my mind as defeat, and I was dealing with a lot of Now Reminds Me Of Then this week.
But choosing bed worked really well for me, when I let myself. And when I didn’t let myself, my body declared a state of emergency and took me there anyway.
Next time I might…
Ask for help sooner.
Yes. I know.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of set free and be set free, and here were the days:
Mysteriously Amazing. I Wow Myself. Be a bell. Second chances. Surprise extra ease. Jewel heart. Recharge.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Nothing Is Wrong, Things Are Just Rearranging In Space.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week in Mysterious Inexplicable Injuries, my right ankle got badly bruised (but how?) and stopped working. Painful, scary and not fun, even if I weren’t a dancer, but yes, this is worse. A breath for my ankle, and for trusting the ground.
- It was goodbye again when the beautiful boy left town, which I knew was coming and somehow thought I could handle it this time and that I’d be fine, and hahahaha that’s hilarious. I miss him. A breath for me.
- Oh, hello, FATIGUE, back so soon? Here to knock me off my feet again, huh. Or maybe there’s another reason you’re here. Did you forget something? Or maybe I forgot something, I forgot how big you and how deep you go, I must have thought I exaggerated your effects in my mind. But no, you just are how you are. I know a lot about depletion, which is useful, and at least this is not unfamiliar territory, it just bumps up the challenge level of everything else. A breath for zero, and for empty also being the place of resetting.
- Not only is replacing the sidewalk expensive as hell, it’s also extremely noisy, and this was the week of migraines and banging sounds and I had to be out of the house, which was very stressful as I was halfway to passing out from exhaustion. A breath for moving through states of upheaval, and, again, for remembering that now is not then.
- Everything I said last week still goes: Wiped-out from all current projects. Emptying the house is big work. Figuring out what’s next is big work. Writing projects are big work. Friends are AWOL. A breath for rest, and for Safety First.
- Overwhelmed and panicked about What Is Next, and the unexpected visits to Spain (this is the code name a friend uses for Severe Pain). A breath for here-now, taking care of myself to the best of my ability, trusting Wise Me who says that this is all normal and understandable given the circumstances and it will pass soon.
- In between. Let’s have a breath.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Big love and sweetness. I am in fact better at these goodbyes. And better at trusting. A breath for taking care of myself, and treasuring myself.
- Month of Sanctuary, yes yes yes, such good timing and so much intel about this. A breath for receiving what is needed.
- Big moments of trust. A breath for seeing clearly, and remembering that Now Is Not Then.
- I have a yes I’m really excited about. Not entirely sure how to make it happen but it’s just so exciting to know what I want, and know that it’s possible. A breath for sweet clarity.
- My wise body has a lot to say, and I have been training myself in listening. And the people in my life support me in listening. “Recharge those batteries, sweet girl”, texts the faraway boy. “Take all the time and sleep you need, I wish you deep restoration”, says Agent Annabelle. “Good for you, I’m sure you needed that”, says my now former housemate when he learns that I’ve spent the week in bed instead of getting the house ready to rent. A breath for practice, and for remembering how much I am loved.
- Moving when and how I can. I mean this both in terms of dance training, and also with my ankle. Oh, and an absolutely dreamy luscious blues dance to this song, sometimes dance is just HEAVEN. A breath for panther powers and slow motion montage.
- Joy in emptying, joy in change (even when scary, also welcome), joy in letting go, joy in holding close, joy in swaying in the dark, joy in taking pleasure, joy in newness, joy in knowing-and-remembering that This Moment Is Right.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of longer days, stars, candles, naps every day, former housemate coming by to make me dinner, writing, talking to Incoming Me, friends showing up to help peel me off the floor. My uncle came for the weekend and we had delicious Ethiopian food with my favorite cousin. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Had an epiphany this week about the Wild Wild Nest. Incremental movement and much percolating on The Namer Names, Wild Montage, The Studio Op, and the Fountaining op. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of Beautifully Clear, and I received this. I also had the power of the right background music.
Powers I want.
I will re-seed the wishes for the powers of Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune. And I want the powers of Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and also A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade!
The Salve of Let’s Get Serious About Joy
This salve, despite its name, does not feel serious at all. It is wonderfully light and bubbly, and when I put it on, it reminds me that my delight is vital and important, and instead of getting all monster-ey about why have I been neglecting my delight, I just delight in giving myself delight.
This salve is made of JOY, and also contains Permission, Sweetness, Pleasure, Wonder, Deepening, Power, Appreciation, Play and Presence.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Borderline Daisy
Their latest album is Just In The Knock Of Time, and it turns out this band is just one guy.
TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!
We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
…I turned my world upside down, & that’s where everything landed.
Which is not actually true, nothing has turned upside down really, but I was reminded of this quote (taken from an email from a dear friend many, many years ago) & it felt very, very right, so it is possible that things will be turning & landing very soon. Fortunately I am pretty used to that sort of thing!
Also I have taken four baths this week, which is close to a personal record. So many baths.
Bonsoir samedi!
What worked? Identifying today’s reading as a No. Even before I banged my head on a cabinet door.
Next time I may choose sleep over preparation, and choose lunch over lectures.
Hard, frustrating, etc.:
* Seawall between me and Toxic Stuff not yet high/thick enough
* Gas/bloat
* Cracked skin not yet mending
* Forgot about the cuttings in the window
* Ideas vs. time
* Not in the groove with my yeses
* Technical skills not up to an ask
Good, encouraging, etc.:
* Tu Fu poem-reading club
* Remembered to bring the plants in
* Poofing up my hair a la Dowager Marchioness of Villafranca
* Library basement packed for Southern Word Black History Month event
* The barbershop has beautiful magazines I wouldn’t encounter otherwise, and the woman who cut my hair today was friendly without forcing me to chat.
* Media credential approved!
* First acceptance of the year!
Warm wishes to all y’all.
hair poofing AND media credential! <3
Hello, chicken. <3
Oh, and hello salve! That is the best salve ever, thank you thank you!
Hard things this week…
…unexpected car repairs, and fairly costly ones at that.
…someone I love is very depressed and despairing, and it's hard to know what to do, how to help. It's an inside job, I know it is, and yet I keep wishing I could wave my magic wand and shift things from the outside.
…someone else I love is far away and very much missed by me.
…oh, propane, you are such a nuisance.
Good things this week…
…I found a leather convertible wristlet/crossbody bag, in peacock green, on clearance. *Just* what I wanted to find, *just* when I wanted to find it. I am really very happy about this!
…I began reading a new-to-me book which is both interesting and *long*. Treasure!
…today has been a day of happy companionable adventures with my daughter. I am so lucky and so grateful.
…a work thing which had been making me perpetually anxious does not seem to be doing so anymore. May it continue to be so!
I now invoke the superpower of Gentle Glowing.
Happy Chicken!
The Good:
Not sick anymore.
Treasuring someone who lets me treasure him, and wears the crown I make him for him birthday and says he will wear it every birthday for the rest of his life. My heart is happy when it loves.
Finding perfect new jeans.
Quiet alone time after so much wonderful socializing.
aw yay happy heart!
And we gather to address the Great Chicken…
This week was extremely long, and I am extremely proud of the amount I cherished myself and noticed my needs.
Challenging:
-A new opportunity is scary
-Being patient with the pace my body/mind wants to go is somehow *also* tiring
-People sometimes treat each other in really, really fucked up ways
-Exhaustion symptom this week = I need tons of reassurance. Feeling like Snoopy (AND Charlie Brown)
http://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1993/07/18
Energizing & soothing:
-Thankfulness for a million beautiful things
-So much love & support
-A win-win solution!
-Very, very useful conversations w/self
For the next 30 minutes I invoke the superpower of The First Draft
Then, At Peace
<3 to all.
oh that comic, ohmygod
Catchup Chicken Since 1/11/16
Good – Free tour of the Chinese Art museum at Sunrider International in Torrance with the GoGreen Club. I saw a koi in Bronco colors! Dark blue and white with an orange streak. Had never seen a koi with dark blue before.
Green yard! Days where I viewed the snow on the mountains. This is my home.
Repaired water heater vent, with able assistance by The Dude. Forty-foot high fountain of sparklepoints, and dinner out.
Taking lead on Major Project. Getting Expert Opinion that we do not have to put Money in to get Money out. It will be the Next Owner’s Problem. Superpowers of Now is Not Then, All Timing is Right Timing and One Step at a Time.
Handing out beta version of Living the Dream monkey business cards. (They can’t be business cards, because I’m retired.)
Year of the Monkey! I am told it will be good for Snakes like The Dude and I.
What Worked – Choosing warmth, especially when doing Church Music Librarian stuff.
I think Putting my Foot Down on a decision the Dude made which I see as a risk his health. We shall see.
Termite insurance (not a proxy).
Hard – Being present with grieving friends.
Note to self – Play music!
Theme of the month – Monkey Wisdom.
Chicken hearts to you!
Oh how much I adore that biopic of the week! Yes yes yes I wrote in my journal, ha ha ha yes.
Also, that salve! I just finished writing about my week and so many of the Hards were punctuated by “Seriously?” so was incredibly excited to see a “serious” antedote of JOY available here! *helps self to a generous serving of salve, baked in pie*
I feel you with the deep fatigue and low energy this week. It seemed like a particularly dark moon. Which is perhaps fitting, as today is the first new moon of this bright year. Happy Lunar New Year and may the fire monkeys bring you many blessings, sweet Havi!
HELLO CHICKEN.
So, gosh, it sure has been a week.
What’s been working?
+R/N-esting is sort of working. It’s working for my foot. It’s working less so for my brains and other body parts that want to move. But it does seem to be working for my foot, slowly but surely.
+I’ve started a new Daily Chicken practice and I like it a lot. It involves lots of Breathing and lots of Feelings and a really good container (here we are now, in containers yeahhhhyeahhhhyeahhhhyeahhh)
+I’m getting so good at [FfffFfffff]. I like the me who does this a lot.
+Just a whole lot of generally being awesome to myself and doing stuff to remember how totally fucking great I am, and actively rejecting the idea that it’s not okay to recognize my own fabulousness instead of just, like, sort of, you know, passively rejecting it 😉
+Op: Hands of Blue (mwahahahahah)
Next time I might…
+Deal with [ewewewewew] sooner rather than later. Because, ew.
Breathing for mysteries. Breathing in, breathing out.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Squooooosh. Why the fuck is my foot so fucked up? Whyyyy? What do People do in this situation? What does a Danni do?
+Breathing for the Mystery of Rogue Agent Spiders. Breathing for the me who saw this coming. Breathing for the me who chose Trust, who waited until it happened to call the game over instead of acting out of fear and letting the Other End of the Switch win the game. Breathing for how all of this is connected to the Lightswitch, and how powerful it is, and how powerful I AM.
+Breathing for the You Are Going To Drop All The Balls Monsters. Oh, dear sweet Balls Monsters! You are welcome to play with our balls if you want to.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Redbeez. Why are you so hard? Breathing patience. Breathing acceptance (mmm.) Breathing flow.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Snow White. Just letting that be what it is.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Mount Sidhe. Why are you so Sisyphean? Oy gevalt.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Banana Peel. Breathing for the I Need My Banana Peel!!! Monster. Breathing for the Monster who wins and the Monster who doesn’t know how to win. Breathing for the Monster-Sitter whose hands are so full trying to keep up with these peely squealy monsters. Breathing. Yes.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Missing Crumpets. Where my crumpets at, y’all? What is preventing me from accessing Crumpetent Crumpets?
Annnnnd breathing for donuts and delights and all manner of sparkly goodness.
+Breathing for the Me who eats ice cream with a fork, because that Me is so fucking awesome I can’t even begin to say.
+Breathing for Op: Rock Steady, for the Me who can Totally Rock This, Steadily, for Agent Emso and Agent Coda and Agent Seemz, for the Rock Star Potions, for all of this. Breathing for the Brave Me who is Rocking The Absolute Shit Out of This. Breathing for the exclamation points and all the other useful punctuation marks for this mission. Yes, yes, FUCK YES.
+Breathing for self-striping yarn, the love of my life at this time <3 <3
+Breathing for singing. Breathing for circles. Breathing for singing in a circle. Breathing for all singing circles. Breathing for all circle singing.
+Breathing for taking myself on dates. Because I am awesome. And I deserve dates. And I am great to go on dates with, which is a thing that I know. Breathing appreciation for the delicious food that I get to eat on my dates with me, and the awesome books that I get to read, and the cool places I get to go check out, and the me who remembers how great this is. YES.
+Breathing for heartbreakingly gorgeous autobiographical graphic novels, in particular (at this moment) Persepolis.
+Breathing for Rainbow Ladders. Breathing for the Me who invented them. Breathing, again, for how totally fucking awesome I am. 🙂
+Breathing for Delight Book. Full of yay. YAY.
I am picking up a great big enormous watering can of Rock Steady, and I am watering all the gardens (rock gardens!) with it.
I am holding a beautiful sweet little Orange in my hand, and I am slowly, mindfully ::giggle:: eating each slice, one nibble at a time.
I am inviting many many hugs to me. Hugs, please. Yes. Thank you.
ANNNDDDD this week’s Fake Band is: Polysquid and the Genderqueer Box Twins! Rockin’ so hard you wouldn’t believe.
hell YEAH to “actively rejecting the idea that it’s not okay to recognize my own fabulousness instead of just, like, sort of, you know, passively rejecting it” and also to taking selves on dates and how totally fucking awesome you are!
Chicken amnesty! I am chickening after I wished! LIKE A FAIRGROUND STRIPPER!
I broke the surface! The book is out! (oh, what the hell! exclamation marks after everything!) People bought it! People liked it! I had the most fantastic review from somebody who *got* it!
I took Wednesday off and had a walk and a bath, and then on Saturday I had a longer walk and a longer bath!
We learned a new mass setting (well, bits of it) on Sunday, and it is gorgeous, and I am noticing how learning the piano is making me look at how chords work!
Red pepper and tiny tomatoes and halloumi! Nom!
And the hard mostly comes from completely failing to switch off and not resting and wanting to DO THE NEXT THING NOW!