It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Asking for what I needed.
It is generally not nearly as scary as I think it is going to be.
Next time I might…
Pause and breathe.
And ask sooner.
Also I would like to remember that the amount I panic before a trip is directly proportional to how great the trip is! Operation Tranquility Recovery has been seriously magical and even the parts I thought would be a pain have turned out to hold pleasure for me.
So. Yes. I want to remember this, because I did a lot of pre-trip panicking on this one.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Grief. I am sad about my mom. Pain. A breath for permission.
- Worry. A breath for comfort.
- Things are changing. So much change. I have been asking for answers and now I am getting some and they are kind of scaring me. A breath for ease.
- Doubt. A breath for patience, sweetness and courage.
- Things that are unknown. A breath for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
- Forgetting truth-love, forgetting to take care of myself, forgetting that this is my job. A breath for remembering.
- And in the ongoing theme, the continued encounters with all the ways I relinquish my sovereignty, compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself. Sovereignty challenges everywhere. Yet again, a breath for trust and more trust and even more trust after that. And for practicing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic: I LOVE IT! A breath for needing something very specific but not knowing what that is and then getting the exact right thing.
- Embarking, departing, sailing away. A breath for a Grand Adventure and new horizons.
- Beauty is healing. My adventuring-companion and I spent four days in spectacularly beautiful places in Oregon, Nevada and California. A breath for majesty and for transformative moments of quiet knowing.
- Sparks and sweetness. , and this is A breath of thank you.
- Water makes everything better. Thank you, Lucky Lola, who provided a shower after four days of being on the road. Thank you, beautiful Pacific ocean. Thank you, all the varied superpowers of releasing. A breath for releasing.
- Incoming me is brilliant and full of the best advice. A breath for knowing that I am never alone, because slightly future me is always looking out for me.
- Everything is okay. Traveling with The Boy I Like turned out to be fun, sweet and easy. Lots of things have been turning out fun, sweet and easy. And even when they aren’t, Nothing Is Wrong, and I can make new choices, and there are still people who love me and care about me. A breath for everything being okay, and for remembering.
- Thankfulness. Heart full of love. Tiny miracles everywhere. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
I am away on Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic, which means that I’m writing, writing and writing, while trusting the fractal flowers. Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.
This practice called a set of four questions.
Superpowers…
Powers I had this week…
I had the power of Trusting The Voyage, and the power of sweet sleep.
Superpowers I want.
The superpower of Joyful Full-Hearted Adventuring While Treasuring Myself.
The Salve of Joyful Full-Hearted Adventuring!
This salve contains many qualities, including:
Courage. Amnesty. Wonder. Delight. Presence. Spaciousness. Vitality. Readiness.
It is a warming salve, the tiniest bit spicy.
It makes you want to try things, without attachment to possible results. This salve makes the act of experimenting seem like its own bold sexy reward.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is called Reserve Your Bird, they play klezmer versions of Guns N Roses songs, and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.
So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.
I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Mmmmmmmmmm, joyful full-hearted adventures that are sweet, fun and easy. Yum 🙂 xxx
This week, let’s revue……………..
Hard, mysterious, enigmatic, etc
* my mum fell and broke her hip. She’s recovering well but it’s been an intense few weeks.
* tummy bugs and the way they like to make sure they don’t leave anyone out, make sure everyone has a turn. They really care, you know??
* my country’s government. Especially the prime minister. FFS. I can’t even…. gah! Quick, change the topic.
* laundry, dishes, toys everywhere aaarrrgghh
* on the one hand I feel deeply okay with myself. On the other hand, wow, my sense of myself as a competent person, in oh-so-very-many-arenas, appears to have been very severely eroded. No wonder so many things have felt so very daunting.
* there is no such thing as a live-in life coach to hold my hand and sit with me and smile and nod encouragingly while I do things and give myself evidence that I *am* competent and cheer for me over small achievements. And I would really dig one right now. Or a loving lover to perform the same function. Even a bestie. That’d be nice wouldn’t it….
* my cousin got married and the wedding was beautiful and their relationship is a joy to behold and oh the high contrast stings.
* I am needing to begin processing my process in words again and I am out of the habit. Example: I try and *think* through the question What Do I Want and of course run into the white noise machine but because I am out of the habit of Processing The Process I forget that instead of running off to solitaire or candy crush quick numb quick numb lalalala gherkins while being extremely pissed off and frustrated about it all, I could TALK to the white noise machine instead and keep moving through. Forgetting and remembering and forgetting and forgetting. Anyway, remembering. Sometimes it’s annoying to realise all the things you forgot.
Sigh. STUFF, huh? Yes. Yes.
Good and fun and sweet things of this week…..
* Wunderkind, my little girl, is passionately in love with me with the wholehearted, laser-beam intensity of devotion that only a toddler can feel. It has its draining elements but the sweet bits are pretty damn sweet.
* Little Lad is making sense of things that have obviously not made sense before. It makes me feel like he might take a lot longer than his peers to get to a functional independent future, but that he might get there after all. (Oh dear angel crew please help me help him help us hold us let him be safe amen).
* more energy in my body, most days. At least, while the bad days are still discouringly bad, the good days are encouragingly closer to ‘normal’, and much more frequent than they have been the last few months.
* swotting on Holistic Management. OH MY GOD HOW I LOVE AN ELEGANT SYSTEM!!
* Project L is still waiting for me. It is the best business model I could hope for. <3
* my 'bikram' (not actually bikram) practice has been showing me a lot of things I needed to see, about my stuff and about its stuff, and this is good. Clear seeing is good. I know how I want to interact with it from here on in and this is really good.
* self-fluency. The ongoing investigations of a lovesick detective. This meta-relationship with myself is the muse that will keep me inspired and curious and *alive* for the rest of my life. For all the shit, oh man, the alive-ness. I'll take it. Thanks Havi, for all that you do. x
* oh, everything. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right, good, useful, changing.
Cluck, cluck, chicken out. xoxo
Oh the tummy bug. My then one year old niece felled 13 of us with it one Christmas. Such a good sharer!
They’re the democratisers of the viral world!
Thank you, Claire, for the image of the white noise machine. That’s going to be useful.
<3
Claire <3 <3 <3
Another Friday
The Hard:
This herniated disc and pinched nerves weakened nonfunctioning arm stuff.
Doctors.
Work stopped because of pain, now I feel behind.
Computer hard drive died.
The panic every morning when I get up as my body seizes and I try to calm it down while making coffee and getting the cat fed.
The blessedly good
Pharmacists who say “oh dear there there and I hope you feel better”.
Physical therapists who say “here is your spine visualize the jelly donut that is your disk.”
Rice bags in the microwave.
Remembering that it will calm down.
Computer back ups and computer guys.
Health insurance.
Finding a pain management regimen that seems to work.
Writing is hard, but I can create other stuff which helps me and entertains people so my soul can still feel useful.
Yay Ocean! Yay Shower! Yay water everywhere, just when we need it! Ta-da!
Friday!
Hard:
– Still shaky from [the thing that is not betrayal].
– [Silent Retreat]
– Our neighbors removed their hedge right before an epic windstorm and now there’s no protection for so many things, wind among them.
– All I want is time to write, but I’m watching myself make choice after choice away from that.
– Longing for a life that doesn’t require TV medication.
– The question of when.
Good:
– Game night wirh good friends. And a new game I enjoy!
– Trying a weird new thing that is slipping into my life with so much joy and safety and perfection. I know the path, and this is it.
Hello everyone!! Cluck!
What worked this week: Conscious Entry. I Embarked the shit out of things, it was great. Also, Sleep. Oh Sleep. After many months of working on this, I can sleep just fine most nites without tea or herbs. This is HUGE. Wearing my Crown and taking excellent loving care of myself.
the sucks:
-oy the weather. the weather. Tuesday our high was 2. TWO.
-associated sucks of weather
-bunches of lil things I have not done, so many things on my to-do not touched.
-wasting so much time in time-suck bullshit that I love so much
-not loving the right-after-work-online-timesuck. so not functional, so not a thing I want to do, and yet…
-all the chores that fall to me alone, and the suck when I don’t do them
-I was trapped in the garage today because the door froze. this is not even a proxy!
-wanting to go to tango class and never ever making it, and then planning on it tonite and evidently tango is only one Friday a month and arrgh
-I watched a video of otters mating and thought, why does everyone get laid but ME??????????????
-fighting with the 8yearold who insisted on wearing booty shorts today when the weather has warmed up to 24. Havin to tell her, I don’t care how you feel, th other moms will judge ME if you run around like that. At least it was the truth
-so many habits I cannot break or shift. abreath for feeling really ineffective
but so much sparkle:
-husband and I getting along well
-I’m on the schedule to present at pantheacon! yea!
-I Embarked on Operation Etoile D’Or. Hooray
– I was given a task, of editing StupendousAwseome project. Now, it will take time and I was committed to Operation Etoile D’Or, but when I Embarked I said one of the qualities I wanted was that “this will support everything and everything will support it.” Guidance assures me that doing this project will help OED’O, and that u should not worry about taking the time to do it. a breath for fractal flowers
– I am going to be invited to join a Secret Team of Ninja Nuns. shhh. it’s a secret
– My Girl and some New Invisible Friends wanted me to do something, and I did it and it’s being awesome so far.
-making time to move and dance and do Paul Grilley’s yin yog dvd or some dancing. I love when I take care of myself.
-coming into a closer relationship with Desire.
Oh, I love that salve! Sunday MrB and I are leaving for a week-long adventure, and I want it to be joyful and heart-ful and for the joy to be heart-felt and… fun and sweet and… I’ll use that salve in every form!
This week has been one of resistance and discovery, and I’m in a better place physically and mentally because of it.
The hard:
–deciding whether to go or stay (job I’m doing)
–committing to things before I remember that I’m still deciding whether to go or stay
–worrying about my worth as a person
–worrying about my very EXISTENCE (wtf brain, why)
The good:
–meditation has been good for me
–doing pushups every morning reminds me that there is strength in me
–Have been Choreographing* every day, almost. I gave myself amnesty yesterday because it was a bad day and I ran out of all my forks.
Hard, exasperating, etc.:
* stomach cramps
* lung crud
* makeup eek
Good, confidence-boosting, etc.:
* pulling together supper for my sweetie
* a well-timed snickerdoodle
* spending time with 13th-century books
Warm wishes to all y’all.
The hard:
– depression. Winter is not summer
– the Ched Evans thing (ugh.)
– writing not happening, and the hard associated with trying to let that not happen
– trying to find a graceful way to extricate myself from a bad idea
– family miscommunications
– reading through fog
The good:
– I got a real, proper ranty blog post down for the first time in months
– a miraculous uncrowded train
– going out to my silversmithing class, which I thought I was too tired for, but actually bashing a bit of wire with a hammer was exactly what I needed
– my bike knows how to balance, and I am learning how to trust it to do that
– Pilates. Apart from anything else, it’s an excuse to lie on the floor at work.
– Wednesday lunchtime over the road. Building in the rituals.
– having a good idea, and it being recognised and acted upon.
– how very excited all sorts of surprising people were about the comet lander.
What worked:
– rituals. See above.
– re-reading book by former rector; very wise and accepting
Interesting:
– the sudden realisation that the fact that I am an adult means that I can spend my money on whatever I like and I do not have to worry about whether other people approve. Sovereignty cake!
Sovereignty cake!!
Quick chicken on a quiet Sunday morning…
Hard stuff:
–Face breaking out, argh
–Difficulty setting boundaries on occasion
–Beginning to get nervous about an audition this coming Monday (the salve will surely help; thank you!)
Good stuff:
–suddenly lots of work assignments, and the promise of more to come
–cozy times with family
–good artist date
I now invoke the superpower of Creative Play… <3
Super power of creative play…bing!!
Yes, yes, yes to the PACIFIC! <3
The hard of this week:
– Finding out that the trip to Bolivia my husband and I started planning last month, and were so looking forward to, was cancelled this time around. A breath for hopes and letting go.
– Being in a work-for-pay situation with family. Definitely not my favorite. A breath for sovereignty.
– Some body stuff. A breath for the unknown.
– Unsteady rhythm with work. A breath for trusting and support.
– Watching Mad Men and seeing how the women and men are with each other. Ugh. A breath for mutual respect.
The good, exciting, and miraculous:
– We're gonna try to go to Bolivia again! A breath for Us.
– Our birthdays are happening within 8 days of each other. A breath for celebration.
– Solidified plans for taking a train to the Mitten for family Thanksgiving. Beyond ecstatic that we're not driving. A breath for luxury.
– Our precious feline who rubs his face up against my nose, naps on my desk while I work, and meows when he wants to play. I just love him more all the time. A breath for furry souls. Love him!