It is Friday and we are here.
Did Friday come extra-fast this week or is this just the repercussions of the last chicken taking its sweet time to show up? I’m not sure.
{a breath for Friday, and for being here when we get here.}
What worked this week?
Trusting my instincts.
That is everything.
I don’t know why I forget this, but when I remember to pause and check in with myself, the intel is there.
Next time I might…
Say what I want in advance.
I’d been feeling pretty good about life without plastic and without generating trash, it’s been easier than I had expected to establish good habits, carrying cloth napkins and wooden cutlery in my bag.
Then we went out to eat with friends, and everyone received a glass of water with a straw in it. For some reason, this was, haha, the straw that broke a camel’s back?
What I meant to say is that as soon as the straws appeared, I just kind of went underwater. It was just this moment. It totally floored me, for reasons I can’t even explain. I wasn’t really there. I wasn’t hungry any longer, I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation happening around me. Just sitting there, stunned, thinking about how astonishing the whole thing is.
Why do we need a flimsy, plastic, disposable, single use item in order to drink water? Why would I even want to mediate the life-giving experience of water by experiencing it through a tube made from petroleum?
The straw is pre-opened too with only the top covered, so it doesn’t even matter if you refuse it. It goes into the ground whether you use it or not. I know it’s almost more of a symbol than anything else, and yet, there it is. This straw. I felt genuine grief and physical pain over this straw.
I hope very soon we will look back on plastic straws like doctors recommending brands of cigarettes. Only with more horror.
What’s even worse is that the straw is a freebie when it should really be the most expensive part of the meal. We should be paying earth rent on every straw.
Anyway, there is = more I want to say, but for now this: Any time I am not eating in the camper, I will — immediately upon entering the establishment in question — warmly and politely give advance notice that I don’t want any plastic. No straws, please.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The straw thing. Seriously. Still really feeling that and I don’t even know how to explain how or why it touched me so deeply. A breath for knowing that anything can be a door to making important changes, and if deep sorrow is my door right now, then that’s my door.
- Body is exhausted and on the verge of sick. A breath for rest and how much I need it.
- Inexplicable moodiness that was not hormones. Like, I felt IMPOSSIBLY SAD about having overcooked a rice dish. A breath for this.
- Prior to being in the dance world, I didn’t really have friends whose politics are very different than mine. Suddenly I am friends, both in the social media sense and in real life, with people whom I genuinely like, who also hold opinions that range from problematic to distressing to wildly bigoted. In the past, it would have been easy for me to just automatically cut ties, because it is not my job to explain to people, no matter how nice they are otherwise, how systemic racism or homophobia work. And now these are people I dance with. So now I find myself taking a breath and trying to find the kindest, clearest words for explaining what is okay and what is not okay. Or taking a breath and deciding that I am not going to read anything this person writes any more, but yeah, they’re in my life in some form. This is taxing, uncomfortable, disorienting, I am having a hard time with it. A breath for learning new ways of navigating the world, and for tough decisions.
- Santa Barbara. My god. I was just there two weeks ago. And the reactions, even worse. “We’re sorry this accident has happened, and we’re sorry for the inconvenience to the community.” WHAT. However many thousands of gallons of oil spilled, and that’s the apology? Let me edit that for you: We’re DEVASTATED this TRAVESTY has happened, and we’re TERRIBLY sorry for the TRAGEDY WE CAUSED to the community/WORLD”. That is the minimum acceptable level of remorse for this press conference bullshit. Inconvenient oil spill? Inconvenient? A breath for the ocean, for the coast, for Santa Barbara, for grace, for healing, for whatever is needed most.
- Not enough outdoors time even though that’s the whole point of Operation True Yes. We are out in these beautiful places and yet somehow much of this week was spent in suburban parking lots and pizza places. Also way too many early morning wake-up calls and not nearly enough sleep. A breath for knowing what I want, and making it not just a priority but my biggest priority.
- So I can only assume this is normal sabbatical crisis stuff, but my desire to do any work at all ever is zero, possibly below zero. Like, to the point that the only things I want to do in life are in the category of “nap, eat an omelet, nap again, go for a walk”. A breath for trusting that This Too Is Right.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- My traveling companion is sweet and warm and kind-hearted and present with me, in all of my moods and moments. A breath for this, and for how much intense joy I feel when he smiles at me.
- Back in the gorgeous red hills. Walking in the evening with the beautiful boy. A breath for this.
- I made chili powder! It came out a thrilling vibrant red, with such smell and freshness and luscious ALIVENESS. I am never buying any from the store again. What joy. A breath for color and for making.
- Lots of cooking and baking this week, some experiments more successful than others, but this is what I wanted to be doing. A breath for making things with love.
- Being on Shmita is definitely one of the most fascinating, challenging, eye-opening things I have ever done. I am finally beginning to understand why I resisted this for so long. A breath for emptying, releasing, letting go, opening up.
- Much more clarity about what is yes and what is no. A breath for quiet trust.
- It is very easy for me to look at all the things that aren’t working (or, really, things I perceive are not working), and yet look at the beautiful flowers in the magical hills, this amazing adventure, this love in my heart, this body which walks and breathes, the seven years of this website, this boy who squeezes my hand, miracles of all sizes everywhere I look. A breath for remembering.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Texting with Agent Annabelle. Reading everyone’s wonderful wishes on the Very Personal Ads. Loving the community here and the people in the fluent self orbit. Found my missing sunglasses. I am a grand adventuress. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
This was a week of research and investigating, and percolating. Also I finally used up that box of gluten-free pasta and made a delicious casserole, so there. Thank you, Mission of Less, and fractal flowers, thank you Shmita, thank you Switch/Swoop. Wham Boom.
Superpowers I had this week…
I had the superpower of staying in bed, the superpower of Leaving In The Moment That I Am Done, and the superpower of speaking truth.
Powers I want.
I want more Fearless Boundary-Setting. And some Deep Intense Self-Trust. And how about some more I Joyfully Avoid Things That Are Unnecessary.
The Salve of Last Straws.
This salve facilitates all moments of saying — and knowing — Enough Is Enough.
When I wear this salve, I feel steady, peaceful, glowing, beautifully anchored in life.
And then, swiftly and surprisingly easily, behind the scenes, everything begins to shift to accommodate this.
Toxic relationships dissolve, patterns unravel, new shapes and forms configure and reconfigure to meet this.
I am done with everything that does not serve me. These things are already done, they’re over, they’re leaving.
This salve is remarkably placid. No whirlwinds necessary. When I wear this salve, I remember that all my feelings are legitimate, and also I can make changes without a lot of emotion attached to it.
It isn’t always an angry shouting of THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, sometimes it is a quiet knowing, with steady breath and deep peacefulness. This salve is very good for that, though it can last-straw any situation with whatever happens to be needed in the moment.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is Existential Crisis Cookies, and it’s actually just one guy.
And my upcoming Biopic…
Not My Area. The Havi Brooks Story.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, aka the thing that keeps me from falling apart.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. You are welcome to take a breath, share something from your week, leave warmth or hearts, whatever works for you. My format doesn’t have to be yours. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
<3
Frustrating:
*teeth
*traffic
Encouraging, restorative, etc.:
* progress on [a]
* bartender replacing flutes of flat wine with sparkling
Shabbat shalom. Warm wishes to all y’all.
Hello Chicken!
Totally on fire this week! (the good kind!) Feeling pretty awesome, doing awesome things, yay.
Breathing for tangles.
+Breathing for the Hairy Negotiation Squad. Whew. Let’s see what’s next, there.
+Breathing for the Scarlet biCycle. Hello. You’re here, I’m here, we’re here.
+Breathing for IDGONuff Monster. Hello! Perhaps we can learn from each other.
+Breathing for the Fountain of [Eek!] I know about you! We can do this.
+Breathing for Banana Peel. And deep sigh.
+Breathing for the complex relationship or lack thereof with Agent Rose and Agent Helmet. So it is. So it goes.
+Breathing for the Stroppy Kite. It is just a thing. It is okay, this thing, letting me know where the fences are.
+Breathing for Operation Q. Hard! Good! Hard! Good! Phew!
Breathing for donuts!
+Breathing for Project P[lum]! YAY! YAY! ALL OF THE YAYING!!!!!
+Breathing for the PowerLine! Whew!
+Breathing for singing! YAY SINGING ALWAYS!!!!
+Breathing for Operation Nocu! This is fun!
+Breathing for Past Me who prepped noodles so I can start lunch as soon as I finish writing time!
+Breathing for my awesome new blanket which is the softest fluffiest coziest stripey blankety that ever was and I love it SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH!!!!
+Breathing for the newly leveled-up calibration of my internal sensors!
+Breathing for all the Idea Parties in the House right now! WHOOOO!!!!
Superpowers!
Superpower of Transmutable Energy!
Superpower of I Totally Got This! + Superpower of I Am So Ready!
Superpower of This Is Me/This Is Not Me
Superpower of Yes Please!
And my fake band of the week is…(drumroll please!)…The Beige Elves! Get down with your beige selves, Beige Elves.
The hard:
– ALL THE STUFF coming up to the surface
– trying to work out how to forgive myself for damage I have done to myself. Is there a liturgy for this?
– I get to see all the people with whom I used to work twice a year, when they all come up to HQ. And so I am trying to catch up with seventy people all in the same day. And then we did a mail-out on top of that, and mail-outs equal chat chat chat. I love these people, but my eyes were rolling around in my head by the end of it all.
– extraordinarily worried about what other people think of me, culminating in EPIC CAPSLOCK TWITTER RANT about how people are allowed to swear in front of me
– my hormones don’t usually affect my mood much, but Wednesday was appalling. Crying all over the place.
– lulu.com falling over just as I wanted to order the next book in a series that had just left me on a massive cliffhanger.
The good:
– nothing is wrong.
– I have almost a whole week off work.
– salade nicoise om nom nom nom
– Nicky is coming over tomorrow to watch Eurovision!
– I am reliably informed that there is no awkwardness.
– tiny fluffy cygnets, one riding on the back of one of its parents!
What worked:
– retreat retreat retreat
– reading Fathomless Riches. Richard Coles says that everything will be all right, and he should know.
– slowing right down
Happy Friday and cluck!
SO much going on! This post resonates with me a lot. It’s a long learning curve, but I am excising so many toxic and BS things out of my space, and my thoughts. It can be scary. I have long hated the default stupid BS straw in everything. What I find overwhelming, is when you start to make better choices, all these other things pop up. I am working on one or 2 small adjustments, but your experiments are really inspiring me.
what worked this week: praxis, more sleep.
next time i’ll try: more praxis, more sleep, more energy drops
sucks:
-oldest kid’s dropping grades. a breath for feeling like this is my fault
-so many Ops unfinished
-the big ball I dropped. a breath for frustration
-the lack of workout in weeks. a breath for interference and low energy
-I broke one of my fave mugs, a handmade one. boo
– re-entry from festival was not easy for me, very hard on my kid
– omg would you STOP fucking smoking in my house??? I can smell it, despite all the aftershave you spray to cover it up.
but soooo much sparkle and extra gifts!
-Beltania was wonderful. a beautiful time with friends old and new
-all kinds of wishes coming true! for community, women’s community.
-I Embarked on Beltania and it was soooo good. I wanted my workshops to NOT suck and I was Prepared. So proud of myself
– I knew I couldn’t do a full dance course this summer, and my teacher is doing small afternoon classes on one technique thru June, that I can afford. this gets me back in class gently and preps me for the next set of lessons in the fall
-tentative acceptance into Wizard Grad school
-a sweet tiny baby hint. shhhh! don’t scare the lil caper! a breath for Operation First Love
-I kinda like the new “things I do not tolerate” and how they fractal into big new tides of congruence. no processed food = more cooking. no toxic content = feeling better and having more time. my body gets the deciding vote = more dance, play and pleasure
– I am treating myself to a WellTending luxury that I hope to put into heavy well-tending rotation: I am going to see a holistic esthetician. I have to get over LOTS of monsters to even write such a white-lady-problem statement as this, but this is something I wanted for a long time, that the monsters assured me would cost me my soul and all my friends, and I am forcing myself NOT to proxy it, at least today. I am going to a holistic esthetician tomoroow for a consult and facial.
love you all! have a lovely long weekend!
Leni, facials are the best! I find it helps if I remind my monsters of all the tangible, scientific health benefits. You lie down in a dimly-lit room with mellow music for an hour, so it helps your body de-stress – lower blood pressure and heart rate, slow deep breathing, lowered cortisol levels. And there’s almost always some massage to increase circulation, boost dopamine, and soothe tight muscles. It’s a great way to take care of your mental and physical health! 🙂
wow, thanks!
Happy Chicken!
The Hard:
1. Got really sick for several days. And whenever I get sick I go into monster thoughts about how I’m making it up and it’s a sign of my awfulness and I’ll never be well again and…
2. Deep in a vulnerable process that needs calm and quiet, which school is not.
3. I really want to make a change, and so all my stuff is up.
4. People smoking right by the no smoking signs, meaning that the grand total number of places I can be outside has shrunk from one to zero.
5. Middle of the night drive back from Everett with the most upset baby.
The Good:
1. All kinds of stuff is moving even if that movement has pain in it.
2. I got to go to Bellingham and see Esme and be in nature and swim naked in a river, which felt like something very necessary. Also goslings and wild rabbits and a heron and ducks… Very good trip.
3. Had a nice talk with my brother.
The Hard:
Agreeing to a date when really my heart is elsewhere. And being Elsewhere yesterday and having a lovely time there. But knowing it’s probably just for visiting and not living.
The Good:
Figuring out a food thing and practicing pausing.
I now own a tent. Which brings me one step closer to escape.
A long weekend that is all mine. Except for a few hours for the aforementioned date. But still, glorious.
Lovely clients and work.
Messages from people I love.
Hello, Chickeneers!
Hardness:
1. I found myself faced with doing a thing that made me nervous.
2. Some money that I really expected to arrive this week has not arrived yet.
3. Monthly female stuff and associated inconvenience.
Goodness:
1. Some money that I hoped *might* arrive this week did in fact arrive!
2. I got to watch my daughter perform a vocal solo so beautifully, expressively, and joyfully, it thrilled me down to my toes.
3. I have been encouraged to buy myself some new clothes! Oh, my. So many possibilities…
I now invoke the superpower of Calm, Cool Confidence. I think it will go beautifully with the Salve of Last Straws. <3
Wow, I’ve never given myself the chance to even think about the straws. It truly is a barbaric custom. I will try to remember to ask the waiter not to bring a straw with my drink.
Hmmm, the hard?
– Realized my icky inner feeling was about being sick with doing purposeful work all the frickin
time and I just want to chill and
do aimless stuff, and I don’t.
– Late on this one project, things getting postponed all the time, resistance and frustration.
– I wanted to go for a walk but my beau didn’t so we went for a coffee (even though I don’t drink coffee and think that particular place is horrible) and later I got deep into work and didn’t go by myself either. And the next day it started to rain and hasn’t stopped. Boo.
– Too many things going on all the time and I have a bad case of FOMO. I need to remind myself that I’m allowed to forfeit all the “opportunities” that aren’t “hell yes!” for me.
– I’ve been trying to go to sleep earlier for about a year now and I just can’t. It’s almost 1 am and I’m reading blogs and tweeting and other things that are not sleeping.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve already tried alarms and whatnot.
– Getting annoyed with stupid little things. I then realize that there’s a deeper issue with the thing that annoyed me and it turns into a moment of overwhelming sadness. It’s difficult around other people who do not understand why I’m like this.
The good:
+ Project wrapped up and paid, yay!
+ Can’t stop writing and I’m loving it!
+ [silent retreat] on the hilarious thing involving me, my beau and a trimmer.
+ Fun times with sci fi nerds. A place where my jokes are not the most hermetic and terrible for a change.
Superpowers I had?
Not Feeling Bad About Saying No. Sure it was no big thing, but it’s a start. More of this, please!
Greetings, Chickeners!
The Hard:
– Impending financial doooom. ‘Tis distressful. I do not like it.
– Still no job. (See: doooom.)
– Feeling like a bad friend because I’m so worried about my own problems that I’m not able to be fully present with my friends and support them while they’re dealing with their problems.
– Feeling artistically isolated. I need more artist friends, who are the kind of artist I am. Also online artist communities that are better suited to me. Are there kind, functional artist communities that aren’t mean and competitive and judgmental? Where are these places?
– Construction next door keeping me awake all night.
The Good:
– I have a job interview next week! I have a lot of Conflicted Wanting and Ludicrous Fear Popcorn around this that I’ll need to work on. But there are definitely a lot of good things about this job. Keeping fingers crossed that they hire me, and that the job turns out to be as nice as I hope it is.
– The upside to unemployment is that my entire life is made of Introvert Recovery Time right now. It’s wonderful, and exactly what I needed.
I used to have a homemade poster that said, “I don’t want it all; I just want the good stuff.”
Of course I don’t just get the good stuff. I also get stuff I don’t want:
– An injury to MrB that makes me cringe to think of it — and he didn’t even feel it because of having severe neuropathy. The nursing home administrator followed up about it, and that gave me a chance to talk about something else that concerned me more, even though in that situation my husband was not harmed. The injury was just one of those things; the other thing is totally preventable and could easily have resulted in a serious injury.
– The Butler hasn’t been able to come for two weeks and the house is starting to show the effects of his absence. If I were spending more time at home, it would be worse.
– New problems with my feet; the doctor referred me to the podiatrist (but I can’t see him till mid-June).
– Our family doctor is going to retire in September, and it will be hard to find a new doctor, and especially one of his quality.
There was also good stuff:
– A friend recommended someone to do yard work and he has been doing things and he is doing great: knowledgeable, reliable, and affordable. He worked in the past for a landscaping company and he won’t accept some of the shortcuts I’ve suggested. Not quite as fast as my brother but just as thorough. He also does gutters, and he’ll sweep off the garage roof which has a lot of leaf litter on it.
– I’ve been outdoors more because of the yardwork, enjoying my porch.
– Another friend gave me the name and number of someone who can maybe do some of the repair and maintenance work that needs to be done.
– I may be able to give something I don’t want to a charity that will raffle it off as a fundraiser, and pay me for it. (Win-win!)
– I am taking advantage of this time when I don’t have to take care of anyone else. I still have chores and errands and I spend a lot of time with MrB and I am able to do that and give more attention to what works for me and how I can best care for myself.
Aaaah. OK.
What worked this week:
– Actually hanging out with friends, and not only doing homework. Even though my homework involves cool stuff like making movies and drawing and planning installations, it is still nice to do other stuff at times.
– Spirals for inspiration. Going up to the roof to think and dance and spiral away.
– Following intuition.
Next week I might –
– Follow the nice plan I made for myself, so that maybe I get more sleep.
– Take care of having more sugarless stuff around, such as rice milk for my coffee and maybe dates? And maybe try making ice cream at home at some point. I love the vegan options but still don’t want having sugar in my body.
The hard:
1. Working on a project with people who are fun, interesting and supporting BUT not as serious as I am about stuff. Especially one of them, and this influences the other one too when we are together. This somehow worked for a while (around two and a half months, to be exact) but the last two or three weeks were so tiring for me because I wanted the project to be amazing but couldn’t make them (especially that one person) do stuff at the right time or actually pay attention to details. And we still have some stuff left to do and a part of me just wants to scream TO HELL WITH THAT I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THIS PROJECT ANYMORE but I do want us to finish the project because this is actually the first thing I did that can count as an actual animation short, and animation is what I’m studying. And also I do like them and want to be friends with them and I feel like they’re not doing it on purpose (and I did talk to them about it and they understood, but some stuff didn’t really change) and this is my pattern of “I-Put-The-100%-Percent-In-And-Others-Don’t-And-So-I-Have-To-Do-Everything” all over again, and it’s my pattern in maybe the last 10 years or more. Just want to get finish with this already, hopefully still being able to be friends with them later.
2. Realizing how hard it is for me when people ignore me, laugh and don’t let me speak, shout at me or make rude comments. And even though in the ideal world I believe in, this stuff doesn’t happen and if it does, it is condemned, somehow I still allow people to talk to me like that because “that’s how they are”.Sometimes I want to do stuff and other people who do the same stuff don’t respect those same boundaries and I still want to do the stuff and can’t just change them. A breath for searching for the right boundaries.
3. Getting a text from a friend which reminded me strongly of a subject I’ve sort of calmed down about. Being sort of the issue of my life, it hurt, although actually her text has nothing to do with ME. And the fact that she knows it’s the issue of my life made it hurt more, though I wouldn’t want her to refrain from telling me stuff just because I don’t experience the same stuff. A breath for a dream that hasn’t come true for a long time.
The good:
1. It’s Shavuot now, which means cool night activities here in Jerusalem, and also an extra holiday on Sunday which is definitely needed.
2. Finally feeling like I have real friends at school. Hanging out with people from my class, realizing that they actually don’t-not-like-me.
3. Using a technique for one of my school exercises which resulted in doing the exercise perfectly, according to my teacher. I still feel like I know nothing about drawing people and movement and here I had to make an animated person walk with changing angles so I thought the result would be horrible (also because I did it the late night before and finished it the same morning as the lesson was) – but it worked. A breath for learning my way.
4. New teaching hours (I’m a private teacher) appeared almost as soon as I decided that I want them. Reminded me that when the stuff I want is really specific, I usually know how to find it. A breath for that.
5. I’m reading Intuition by Judith Orloff and it’s so exciting for me, because she’s a psychiatrist and yet talks in depth about intuition, and it makes me remember to use my intuition and also want to improve it as much as I can. A breath for restored superpowers.
6. I realized that I want to go abroad this summer, even though it apparently makes no sense – monsters say that as long as I’m not financially independent I can’t do anything in the summer except working and that I’ll get my share of ABROAD if and when I get to go to student exchange on my third year. But then I realized that it kind of does make sense because I can pay for the flight with my dad’s flying points, and staying in a place doesn’t have to be too expensive, and maybe I can also sublet my room, and anyway I just feel that I want it. So I started asking people and searching for information and I think I want to go to Portugal. Also I did a bit of Portuguese on my DuoLingo where I usually study italian, and I think I’m going to like it.
7. Dealing with hard #3 by writing here and seeing the bigger picture, instead of sinking in my usual thoughts and feelings about [X].
Superpowers I had this week:
* I’m doing this even though it makes no sense, just because I feel that it’s right. And it turns out to be right.
* I trust the universe and me according to previous superpower.
* I can do EVERYTHING even when time seems not to be enough.
Superpowers I want:
– To know what my boundaries are before they are crossed, and to stop them from being crosses BEFORE it happens. Being true to me.
– Following my plans when they are super-great-plans, which actually happens sometimes 🙂
– Feeling calm and trustful even when the world around me isn’t. Again, boundaries.
Have a great Saturday and week, chickeners!
Lurky mclurkerson here. I’ve been following your recent travels with interest. The straw story is getting met thinking about thinking more.
Anyway, saw these socks and thought of you (haven’t looked closely into how they’re made, etc.): http://www.blueq.com/socks/
I feel so strongly about all of this. I’m just throwing in pebbles for everything you’ve said, Havi.
As for my Chicken:
Hard:
-not updating my blog or writing poetry this week, not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t muster the energy/enthusiasm/motivation
-despising myself a lot for what feels like no reason but also EVERY reason
Good:
-celebrating my family this weekend
-Trans and Gender Non-Conforming Music Therapy Group — wonderful people, playful atmosphere, and affirmations for identity all over the place
-reminders at above group that my voice isn’t automatically ‘dominating the space’; sometimes me taking the lead is a gift, not an attack
-time to catch up on e-mail and contact people I like