Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 403rd week in a row we are chickening here together!

Or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What worked this week?

Asking. This applies to about six different situations, at least.

It amazed me how many times I nearly didn’t ask because the asking was uncomfortable, and then the person said “oh I’d be glad to!”

Next time I might…

Try to keep in mind that I am not the only one who vastly underestimates how long things take, we all do, because the game is rigged! And shift mindset accordingly.

Naming the days.

I’ve been naming everything lately, it’s astonishing what a difference a name makes. I name each day the night before, and read them together at the week’s end, an incantation of sweet clues

This week was the week of trust love, and here were the days:

Day of earth and pleasure. Get wild and clear. Day of sweetness. Delight in this day. Let’s trust the ground. Beautifully clear. Ready.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Oh Another Patience Test, That’s Hilarious

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Repeat from last week: I want a home. I want a home that is safe, cozy, welcoming and feels like Havi space. I want this so much, and some days it seems closer, and some days it seems impossible. More than this, I want shelves and to be done living in temporary spaces with everything in bags. A breath.
  2. Two big painful misunderstandings with the beautiful faraway cowboy, and then we were able to resolve them but there was still more I wanted to talk through and still feeling hurt and sad, except now he’s gone for a week in the wilderness, which I’m sure feels like “and…saved by the wilderness!” but I’m still here with my feelings, and it sucks. I keep catching myself stew-stirring and then releasing the need to stir the stew. But also there are moments of no, I will stir this stew until I am done stirring. A breath for wanting to be heard and understood.
  3. Huge project stalled due to Unexpected News which is now leading me to question all my choices and plans, and wondering if it’s worth it to focus on patience and trust, or just cut my losses and get out now, and then rethink everything because it turns out I don’t actually have a plan B that I like yet. A breath for presence and listening, so I can turn inward and feel-hear the next indicated step. Also, I want BANTER in my life, where is the banter, not sure why this is related but it feels important.
  4. Not tired at night, very tired by day. Which is very weird but would still be fine if my house wasn’t full of contractors making very loud noise all day. A breath for comfort.
  5. Endless complicated logistics. I just want to go somewhere on holiday and come back and have everything sorted, but it doesn’t work like that, or maybe it does but I don’t know how. A breath for trust and more patience.
  6. Phone got water in it. It works but is really hard to read, and the rice trick everyone swears by is not doing it for me. File under It’s Always Something, like so many other things this week that I can’t even remember anymore. A breath for finding the good.
  7. Dance training has gone off the rails and hopefully is waiting for me somewhere in my future, right now between being exhausted and noisy house repairs, it’s all I can do to sneak in a few minutes of stretching. My poor body really could use a lot more movement but now is not the time. A breath for easing.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. The Richard Powers workshops were enormously inspiring, what an honor to get to study with him. Feeling grateful for Portland’s warm and welcoming alternative waltz community, and for the richness of opportunities in this city. A breath of joy and wonder that I was able to take part in this.
  2. Taking care of myself. This is a good thing and gradually becoming more natural and automatic. I skipped fun activities because I knew that chilling in bed would do me good. I made sure I had good nourishing food. I practiced grace and compassion, and didn’t give myself crap for self-medicating when that was the thing that made the most sense in the moment, even though I hold onto hope for future moments where I maybe make other choices. I chose understanding instead of guilt. A breath of appreciation for all of my Selves, and all the work we’ve done to welcome each other with love, and learn how to rest.
  3. Got an absolutely INCREDIBLE piece of Surprise Good News that was so completely unexpected and brings so much ease into my life. This is also so perfect because all of my weekly wishes lately have been about exactly this. A breath for wonder and joy.
  4. Even though I haven’t been dancing or practicing nearly as much as I would like, had two fun (brief) dance excursions this week and got a taste of what I love about deeply connecting with another human without words. A breath for play and for sweetness.
  5. Ditto on last week: While there were some minor panics this week, the hard bits of this week were nothing like last week’s. Totally doable. We’ve got this. A breath for ease.
  6. I was able to find the good in the hard in so many ways this week, from accepting the unexpected not-what-I-wanted news, to coming to new understandings with the far-away boy through talking things out with patience, warmth, curiosity and love. A breath for practice, because practice is beautiful and important.
  7. Feeling so appreciative of this online space, the people who read and the people who comment. What an special thing we have here, what good people. I wandered to other places online this week and was like, ohmygod what is even happening out there, because I forgot that things aren’t like this. This is actually kind of amazing, the kindness and the vulnerability, the safety, the creativity. I am so fortunate to have this community. A breath of appreciation and awe.
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of really good soup, really good smiles, friends near and far, walks in the park. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Progress on the Studio Op, thoughts on the next phase of The Fountaining. Baby steps on Wild Wild Nest. Operations Jubilation slow and steady, Wild Montage taking a nap. Waiting patiently for the right time for The Wild Convening. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I hereby bestow vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of roots and beautifully supported, which I got in the form of my surprise good news, and also in all the things I learned in dance.

Powers I want.

I want all the powers of trusting the forward movement that I cannot see yet, the seeds underground. I want to relax because I have seeded all the best seeds, and I don’t need to fret about whether or not things will come into fruition. Something wonderful will, because that is how this garden works.

The Salve of Trusting The Garden

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This salve delivers so much calm. It is related to the salve of I’ve Forgotten How To Worry. Wearing this salve will help you smile more, nap more, ask more questions, trust your own answers.

Side effects include appreciation of the tiniest buds, deeper breaths, expansiveness, heart-sighs

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

just-one-guy

This week’s band is from Steve and the album is from Richard:

Reinventing Shellfish

Their latest album is And There’s Nothing You Can Smash To Make It Better, and this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

Announcement time….

More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self