Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 398th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Being a detective and investigating/solving mysteries! This was more fun than problem-solving, and also I learned that it can be done from bed, which is useful when you can’t get out of bed. The best part of being a detective of course is naming the mysteries, and here were some of mine….
The Mystery Of The Missing Hat (Literal)
The Mystery Of The Missing Hat (Metaphorical)
The Mystery Of When (and Whence!) to Fly
The Mystery Of Many Happy Returns
The Mystery Of What Would A Pro Do
The Mystery Of The Fluffy Robe
The Mystery Of When Do We Shower
The Mystery Of The Missing Piece/Peace
The Mystery Of Seattle
Another good thing about mysteries is that they work on the principle of fractal flowers — any clue about one helps solve the rest of them.
I also learned many interesting things while in detective mode, for example, that the mystery of the missing hat is actually the mystery of I Find It So Hard To Take Care Of Myself Unless Some External Source Is Giving Me Permission To Do It…
Next time I might…
Give up sooner.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of maps and passages, and here were the days:
Surprising ease. Entry. Hero of this story. Recovery/New moon. A new start. In my power. Trust more.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Stupidest Curse Ever
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week was miserable in every way, and I have no desire to enumerate all the ways. It was just awful. Goodbye, week. A breath for this.
- My birthday curse kicked in a full day early, and everything I set up beforehand in the hopes of neutralizing the curse just backfired so hard. Like in The Truman Show when everything conspires to keep him from getting off the island. Everything conspired to keep me from doing anything for my birthday other than crying alone in my empty house which was the only thing I didn’t want to be doing. A breath for me.
- So much distress, despair, discomfort. A breath for presence.
- As if the birthday curse wasn’t enough, a streak of five nights in a row of TERRIBLE dances, including one night where I left after ten minutes because it was already so bad that I couldn’t stay in the room anymore. A breath for ease.
- The night before my birthday: nightmares all night long. The night after my birthday: awake until 6am. A breath for rest.
- The time I got stranded in early evening and there were mysteriously no buses scheduled until 5:30am (see: birthday curse) and no cabs available (see: birthday curse), and was screamed at by a very disturbed person. A breath for safety.
- Ugh seriously everything was miserable and I was miserable, and I can’t be in my house because there is loud construction next door featuring banging, drilling, yelling and terrible music! And I don’t have anywhere to go, and it’s all the worst. This week was like wandering through a confusing landscape where the only signs say GTFO but they don’t have any information about how or where. A breath for miracles and doors.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The bnb I ended up hiding in to escape my birthday curse was very cozy and sweet. A breath for safe houses.
- The beautiful far-away cowboy had flowers delivered to my porch for my birthday, with a sweet note, both of which I’m pretty sure broke all of his rules of being a cowboy. It was really lovely, and flowers do in fact make everything better. A breath of love.
- Hey, when things are terrible, I know how to walk away and remove myself from the situation. This is a skill I haven’t always had. A breath of thankfulness.
- Sometimes when all signs point to GTFO, you have to make big changes, and maybe that’s exactly what’s needed. A breath being redirected.
- Many wonderful friends texted kind loving things on my birthday, and even though I was not able to respond because I was a disastrous mess of a puddle of a non-functioning person, it is a very sweet thing to have this outpouring of love and affection, so yay technology, thank you. Extra thank you to the vicar for these comforting words: “hey, now the miserable week is closer to complete, and say what you will about time being a son of a bitch…sometimes its steady mechanics help.” Yes, they do. A breath of thankfulness.
- Repeat from last week: Taking care of myself to the best of my ability, and this counts. A breath for practice.
- I am finding the good inside of the hard. A breath of gratitude for my training.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of my former housemate coming over just to give me a hug, a trip to the spice shop, learning new things, being done with old things. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Steps on the Studio Op, and The Fountaining. Moving the Wild Wild Nest op back into R&D. Operations Jubilation and Wild Montage are ongoing. And The Wild Convening is was a disaster but we are rescheduling. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of Perfect Simple Solutions Reveal Themselves To Me and With The Greatest of Ease, and two of them found me.
Powers I want.
I still want new dance friends to go dancing with: All The Right People To Play With Show Up, or the superpower of Just Right Companionship. And this might need to happen in another city, because it’s not happening here.
(Hilariously, a few hours after writing this, I ran into a dance buddy I don’t see that much who said “hey we should go dancing together way more often, let me know where and when!”)
And mainly I want the superpowers of glowing wild, trusting my panther self, finding good exits.
The Salve of Wild Glow.
This salve returns me to my fierce fearless animal power, the part of me who knows how to stalk and bound and be wonderfully ALIVE.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week we also have a Fake Movie of the Week, via a very entertaining conversation with former housemate about how funny it is that a company would a) choose the name Puritan, and then b) proceed to make sleep products. We imagined that these items would chastise you to be more productive and cast away sloth, which led to an animated film featuring Tom Hanks, it takes place on an island and is called Castaway Sloth
Please meet this week’s band, which produced the sound track to the film of course:
Thinking While Axlewrapped
Thanks to Carolina Sloan for that one. Their latest album is Just Half A Million, and this band is just one guy.
TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!
We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.
And this is the last chance to acquire a pack of stone skipping cards — PASSWORD: sweetdoors — because I’m moving out and won’t have anywhere to store them or the shipping materials, so get them this week! And while you’re at it, sign up for the not-exactly-a-course where we embark on establishing a loving playful practice of self-inquiry, to access previously-hidden gems of internal wisdom and whatever else we might need. Dates coming soon!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Cluck cluck cluck
Whew, what a week! I am glad I called time on it yesterday and am effectively having two Saturdays.
The hard:
– depression, feh. Brain full of slugs.
– sometimes a hundred miles feels a lot further than some other times.
– I don’t think anything else was that awful, but the slugs get into everything.
The good:
– daffodils
– even the people who Don’t Get It are very good about it.
– a very good review
Love to you all.
“…the slugs get into everything.”
Oh, yes, they often do, don’t they?
<3
The Terribly Annoying:
Not having the right tools for the job. I just want to carve spoons. But that involves so many other things that I don’t want to have to buy like mallets and then finding limbs.
I keep wasting time on useless nothingness instead of writing or seeing if I could do a story slam (which would need a story) or doing yoga. Or practicing guitar.
Feeling restless like I need to leave town. But not knowing where to go. And maybe actually wanting to be anchored instead.
People ranting about their job and coworkers. PS no one cares.
The Less Annoying:
I found out you can buy spoon blanks, where someone has done the rough work and you get do to the knife work. Order placed. Thank you universe.
Having the right audience for a writing piece.
New bras.
brb buyin a whole bucket of that salve & dumpin it over my head
Funny thing, I was thinking yesterday that you probably have a birthday this time of year because it stuck at the back of my mind, but I wasn’t sure when.
In any case, happy birthday! I hope all curses are now lifted, and that the rest of the year will shower with a million of sparkly YESes.
The challenges:
– Argh, the last time this type of project delay happened I told myself I won’t take up another one with the same agency again, and then I did, and this time it takes even longer and I’ve wasted so much time on things that could’ve been avoided… Maybe it’s time I’ve learned that lesson. I make the rules in my agency, and the agency that has different rules isn’t a good deal.
– I’ve started watching TV after a decade of only occasional binge, and it’s messing up my sleep and by extension, all my work. It bothers me because I feel like I don’t live according to my priorities, and I’m not sure how to handle that yet. I realize that guilt tripping is a part of the problem.
– Herding cats at my non-profit org. I want to back out, but it will take so much time to train people who will replace me. No idea when I’ll be free.
– Letting people down. Always a bummer.
– I’ve realized I have a difficult conversation pending with a person I promised something, then months later realized I don’t want to do that, and they’re super nice and I don’t want to disappoint them. But I will anyway, because I don’t see myself doing that thing. Sigh.
The celebrations:
+ Resumed working on project X again after months, small steps, but it’s happening!
+ Client seems thrilled, and I feel really proud of the work I did. More reasons to trust in my process next time I’m doubting my abilities.
+ Hmm, trying to find more things to appreciate, but I really don’t know what would it be… So I’m going to appreciate that I was up at 7.30 one day this week, one day is better than zero.
+ Class starts next week! I was worried they would postpone it again, and I agreed to lower pay just so we can start immediately because the uncertainty was driving me crazy. It will be great.
+ Former biz partners saying really nice things about my work and appreciating my unique advantages. Being stubborn in my ways really paid off. Oh, how I wish I could go back to me of 2014/2015 and tell her it will all pay off, that she’ll be able to breathe freely soon.
Superpowers I want: Allowing Actual Rest, Eyes On The Shining Beacon, Gracefully Exiting Unsovereign Agreements. That would be plenty for now!
Correction,
* will shower YOU with a million of sparkly YESes.
O Chicken, my Chicken…
I just received some upsetting and disorienting news. I’m still metabolizing that right now.
There *have* been good things aplenty this week, music and writing and playing and exploring and sunshine and snuggles. Oh, and I declared myself as an agent in the most awesome guild ever!
I now invoke the superpowers of Safety First and Peaceful Pleasures…
*lights candle*
Shabbat shalom!
What worked? Wearing my red shawl to lunch, as it provided a dry surface for me to sit on.
Next time? I am giving up on trying to get to 4:30 yoga classes. Too many variables to contend with between my office and the studio.
Hard, challenging, frustrating:
1. Mishegossen off the charts.
2. Remedies/resolutions not at hand or in sight.
3. Forgetting to water the cutting in the wineglass.
4. Forgetting my keys = a favorite pair of shoes now caked in mud.
5. Life being short does not stop some people from being petty, vindictive, conniving, or just plain inconsiderate.
6. Repairs costing more than I was willing to spend.
7. The I-will-never-get-this-house-clean wahs.
8. Mean streaks + empathy fails + “oh lighten up” *smite*
Good, supportive, delightful:
1. Sharing a dessert from my favorite bakery with a co-worker.
2. Hearing from vendors and friends I’d been wondering about.
3. The sovereignty + shoe-deflecting + stuff-steering-around skills this place has helped me develop. Thank you.
4. I am loved and desired and blessed.
5. Receiving intel that will both simplify and help me prepare for next week.
6. I don’t have to read or process or save everything, and shan’t.
7. The gift amount covered two packages of bike tubes.
8. Coming home with enough light still in the sky to do some gardening.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Here’s to “the steady mechanics of time”, and for the bravery (and creativity!) of solving mysteries from bed, amen.
Hard this week: Perceived *slowness* of forward progress, and accompanying frustration with same.
Good this week: Epiphany! Slow movement is still movement (and, often, healthier movement!), and the only thing stopping me from taking delight in that movement is an already-banished monster who no longer has any say. When I remember that his residual echoes are *just echoes*, and *fading*, finding delight in *my* pace gets easier.
I, too, will take a bucket-load of this week’s salve, thank you…and a few tasty cocktails of it, to boot.
<3
This was an amazing week. I had two weekends during the week. Tuesday felt like a weekend day and so did Thursday. I’m looking forward to Saturday — maybe it will be an ultra-weekend day.
What worked this week: prepping on paper. Gathering some medical papers including the letter about perfect cholesterol numbers (!) and creating handwritten pages of blood sugar numbers *with the important ones highlighted* got the results we hoped for when we saw DrH plus many metaphorical pats on the back from DrH. That canceled the negativity from DrD two weeks ago.
Next time I might: have more printouts and more handwritten notes.
Noting two important things:
1. medical people love paper. Never mind that they are doing everything electronically, they usually won’t look at your device, but if you print something out or if you hand write things they are all over it. And if you highlight things, which makes it easy for them to see the important info, that’s even better.
2. even good doctors overreact to uncontrolled or poorly controlled blood sugar AND that gives them reason to blame diabetes for any and all health problems and then they don’t treat the real problem. So DrH’s positive notes and the copies that he made of my records and then the A1c of 6.8 (right in range) — heh, it’ll be pretty hard for DrD or anyone else to brush off problems.
My sisters both came up yesterday. The sister who needs the transplant is doing well. My other sister has been found to have liver problems; she’s having a biopsy next Friday. This is good and not so good; she hadn’t seen a doctor for more than 20 years until she went for a physical to see if she could donate a kidney, so this problem could have gone undetected for a lot longer.
Mom is staying in bed all the time now. She’s done that before and then decided to start getting up. She’s 87 and one of these days we know that she won’t any more. I need to go see her this weekend.
Sister C’s windshield has been cracked for a long time, and we had it repaired as a surprise for her. MrB has a generous heart and is looking forward to her reaction when she sees it.
I have been asked to participate in a paid focus group about improving health care in my town!
Wow, practically everything I wrote is about medical issues. Here’s a final thought: I’m really glad that medical services are available, even when I’m not glad that we need to use them.
“medical people love paper”.
Yes, yes they do, and I really needed to hear this.
Thank you. <3
Thankyou for Chickens!
The Grim:
~ having a heavy, steel-capped, hob-nailed boot thrown at me, landing square in my open-mouthed face, not having a clue what hit me
~ being shunted around at work, leaving me feeling disconnected and devalued, even though I know tis for practical reasons not personal
~ receiving further bad news from work that really shook me
The Gifts:
~ staying cool and grounded and assertive throughout the boot-throwing scene, despite the shock—and being genuinely impressed with this woman who clearly knows how to carry herself! Self-respect rules!
~ having amazing colleagues draw close around me at what is happening; despite it being Hard, tis a treasured gift to be so valued and held
~ a tricky project coming to fruition is perfect timing and creating Ease and Freedom and Space
Invoking the Spirit of Peace and Centredness for all who need or desire it! I do!
hello chicken!
what’s working?
+the Orange Lantern Factory is under new management
+the Banana Tar is back on sentinel
+Rock Steady is rocking steadily and steadying rockfully
+morning yogaface
+i have [entered the Pool of Greenspots] which is a thing i would usually not think that i would have done, but for the moment it seems to be being a good thing to be doing.
i might try:
+keeping a vial of [HTMF] potion on hand (CHECK)
+another round of Costume Party
+Just Noticing when i’m [SLURP], possibly with [mermaid reminders]
+regularly scheduled [Beach Day]
naming the days! i’ve been trying this and wow, it’s pretty awesome.
~~~cloud. into the woods. sunlight/shadows. [days of darkness while i was sick]. towel. silent carrots. i am the love of my life. secret sparkly balloons.~~~
breathing for the hard, the tangles, the mysteries.
+OHMYGOD i got so sick 🙁
+and i had to miss a workshop that was really important to me and my life and everything i care about
+as well as missing rehearsal
+i am not clear what to do about [SLURP]
+usual (why is this usual?!?!) [Bogey Maid] stuff
+especially with regard to [Mane Event]
+all the weird fucking gender stuff, come ON human beings
+that dream where i was making out with Agent Parfait and it was GREAT and then i woke up and it didn’t really happen 🙁
+the stupid book that was great for 330 pages and then suddenly became TERRIBLE and i almost threw it across the fucking room
breathing for the delights, the donuts, the sweet wonderful things.
+Mission: Whichwoods was overwhelmingly successful; Agent Tiger was [magnificent and ecstatic], overall win.
+polenta leek soup, oh my GOD http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2015/02/vegan-polenta-kale-soup-miso-recipe.html
+took myself on a sweet little date yesterday with a book and chinese food and [Vortex Shenanigans] and all of the yaying
+talked to Agent M last night and it was really good, which is always amazing when that happens
+Op: Rock Steady is rocking SO HARD YAAAAAAAAAY and also going SO STEADILY, also YAAAAAAAAY
+Op: Bee Pee. Fuck yeah. <3
+going around smiling at myself as much as possible. yes. this is a good idea.
+all the soft fuzzy blankets of this world <3
+when all else fails, there is always the option of feeding people to a giant plant 🙂
WOW this week was hard. Okay! Breathing for that. Love for me.
And a big round of applause for our fake band of the week: Mischief Butterflies & The Rogue Bus Element! Whooooooo!!!!
morning yogaface! steadying rockfully! <3
Clucking in with love and hugs and hearts and pebbles for all.
Hard Things:
– My therapist is gone next week and I’m pretty sure I’m not out of the woods yet in terms of my mental health. Going to rely extra heavily on all the people in my life this week.
– Skin-picking is a problem (lots of anxiety last week did not help at all).
– Money things are making me worry because I feel like my sense of abundance and scarcity are way off.
– I have this weird muscle spasm in my right arm that nobody else can see but that I can feel and it’s really painful. I want to see a doctor about it but what I really want is a doctor I can build a real relationship with and I don’t know how to find that in this city.
– My Frubble is moving in with me and my parents next week and I’m looking forward to living with her but all the things that need to happen for her to move in with me and my parents next week are feeling pretty overwhelming. Plus I’m going to miss her apartment; it’s so central and so convenient and it’s been great to have a place to escape my parents’ home when I’ve needed to. A breath for loss.
– I’m still angry about the voicemail my boss at the literary agency left me on Friday and I dunno how that’ll affect my interaction with her when I come into work on Tuesday.
– I have to get up early tomorrow but I don’t want to go to bed yet.
Good Things:
– Frubble & I brought some of her things over to my house in her car today and then celebrated my nibling’s 2nd birthday. I was tired and kinda frustrated about life, but I had fun and I’m pretty hopeful about this whole move.
– Excellent bras and calling cards and makeup! I don’t regret spending my money on any of these at all. 🙂
– I did another Monster Negotiation thing during Morning Pages and I wasn’t dissociated afterwards! I think my Monster and I are actually coming to an understanding.
– Long-term RPG with THYMID and two of our very close friends started a new chapter on Saturday and I’m very excited for where it will go
– I bought tickets to see the theatrical production of Hadestown with a co-volunteer and I’m SO EXCITED I CAN’T EVEN. Hadestown is my absolute favourite music album of all time and the fact that they turned it into an actual folk opera on a STAGE is super exciting. I’ve been wanting to see a stage production of it since I first heard it. I’m sure they’ll make choices I don’t agree with, but I don’t care. IT’S HAPPENING.
– Next week I apply to jobs! Especially to jobs at Company I REALLY Want To Work At. I’m excited.
Here’s hoping this coming week will be a good one. Love to all.
It is Wednesday. I may or may not have bronchitis (or be like 90% of the way to bronchitis). Sleep is my friend… but I have obligations that must be met this week and no later. 🙁 I woke up, felt energized this morning, got dressed, brushed teeth, made tea. Sat down to drink tea… and felt exhausted like it was time to crawl back into bed already… I tried, but the fur babies would not allow me to go back to bed until three hours after I initially woke up…
There was good this week. Students came to class, connected with me and all that. It was nice. But I need to write my thing & it is resisting being written. I know all timing is right timing…. but I’d like it to come a little faster.
<3 <3 <3
It has been one of those weeks that I don't even realize was a week (plus a little bit). Everything has felt hard, even though I know it's all ok.
Upcoming travel and graduation, which is such a weird consensus reality ritual yet also something sweet and bittersweet and joyful and confusing for me, and navigating this time leading up to it is taking so much energy. Plus all the triggers are popping up right now, at pretty much the least helpful moments. Breath for overwhelm and gentleness.
I think this is why I have had a hard time Chickening as usual this week. The Hard and the Sweet are all tangled up and integrated and are practically one.
I ask for the superpower of Remembering Everything Is Play.
Thank you for the salve, too. I'll take some in tea form to my Tea Party (proxy) next week.
x*x*x