Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Wow, this week, you guys. What a week of high contrast, for me at least. The dark bits very dark, the light flooding in. I am so grateful for this chicken space to just let it all go, where we can integrate the wisdom and say whoosh-goodbye to everything that is done.

Thank you, week!

This is the 401st week in a row we are chickening here together!

or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What worked this week?

Asking the right questions, like what do I know about dilemmas and what if this dilemma is not in fact a dilemma!

What else worked? Having an (imaginary) secret agent make lists for me and give me one step at a time. I get overwhelmed and have trouble prioritizing things, but she doesn’t…

Next time I might…

Ohmygod, don’t click. Why do I click on things. It is never good. Or, it so rarely good. I keep thinking of the rats in experiments who push for food pellets, except in this case 90% of the time it’s poison, so pushing is not advised.

Naming the days.

I’ve been naming everything lately, it’s incredible what a difference a name makes. I name each day the night before, then string them together at the week’s end, like an incantation of sweet clues.

This week was the week of finding the ease, and here were the days:

Bells know. Extreme self-treasuring. Finding the ease. Interesting adventure! Surprise joy. Relaxed and positive. Sweetness comes in.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Could Leave Bed To Acquire Food But Would Have To Leave Bed So….

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Being in the hard pattern that is hard. A breath for how hard it is.
  2. My secret dance op in Seattle was frustrating and isolating and not worth the work of getting there. It was a very effective op in terms of teaching me about what not to do (don’t follow half-yeses!), and also in terms of getting me to be someone who can take better care of herself, and I hope the learning gets easier. A breath for me.
  3. Visiting the [Egyptian Straits], or the dark and narrow places, the downs, choose a geographical metaphor for the place that is constricted and when I am there I cannot see its beauty nor remember what is good. A breath for ease, trust, moving through, getting my passport stamped and being on my way again.
  4. Craving closeness, sweetness, affection, warmth. Everyone in my life is suddenly distant. It is my job to access these qualities on my own, and this is right, and at the same time, I long to be in the arms of the beautiful faraway cowboy who (monsters say) just wants to forget me. A breath for trust, again.
  5. Zero energy and too much pain and no motivation to get out of bed. A breath for acknowledgment, permission, and remembering that Now Is Not Then: needing a Bed Day or three is a perfectly reasonable reaction to [life stuff], and not a diagnosis.
  6. I am so endlessly fascinated by the Rigged Game, how it is so powerful in convincing us that it is not rigged. For example, I have been alive for four decades, so it’s kind of weird that I am still surprised EVERY SINGLE TIME
    something takes significantly longer than I think it should, even though this happens so many times a day that it is the only normal I know. Also I have officially reached the limit of my ability to live out of suitcases stacked in a tiny packed basement storage room, I spend a disproportionate amount of my time desperately searching for things I need and not finding them, and it is the worst. A breath for spaciousness, in a variety of forms.
  7. So many dilemmas! A breath for sweet, simple, surprise solutions.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Secret Agent Cheerio Worth stepped in, with good cheer, of course, and made everything better. Well, Agent Cheerio Worth and the Bed Day Fairy! Which sounds like a children’s book that I want to read. The point is that even in the dark places, the self-fluency training of the past decade is strong enough that my creative playful spark is still there, even in the dark, and I am able to find ways to access presence and play and wise guidance. A breath of joy for this.
  2. A long talk with Agent Spalding (who is real, by the way) led me to the most marvelous epiphany! Which is so funny, because I had just asked for Ease and Es. And then received exactly that in the form of epiphanies that deliver ease. How beautiful is that? The epiphany, which is hard to explain, as any good epiphany is, because it sounds so obvious, is that I am not in fact an irresponsible fuck-up. And, moreover, the story about how I am an irresponsible fuck-up is not even my story, it’s a story my mother would tell about me when she was worried about me, and it isn’t true. And she probably only told it because she thought saying the fear might prevent it from happening. Guess what! I don’t need to carry this story which is not mine and is not true. I am shedding stories in the story shed, and this is big work, and maybe that’s what required so much bed rest. A breath of appreciation for the magical thing that is perspective, and how it leads to easing and releasing.
  3. I’m not an irresponsible fuck-up! I’m someone who has interesting adventures! These are not the same thing! And interesting adventures naturally lead to recovering in bed, and recovering in bed is a healthy form of self-treasuring and of integrating the work of the interesting adventure! Anyway, to quote the arborist on an entirely different topic, “either I’m a fool or brilliant, who knows and who cares”. A breath of boundless joy for all of this.
  4. Lots of good dance stuff this week. Two absolutely mind-blowing workshops with Benji Schwimmer (can we all take a few minutes and watch him back in 2002!). A fantastic night of blues dancing to an amazing live band, who did a seven minute version of TEMPTATION, while I was lucky enough to be paired with one of my very favorite dance partners. We just destroyed that song. And the west coast swing dance night which is pretty hit or miss (mostly miss) was surprise big magic. A breath for wild panther prowess.
  5. Got rhyme put in my handbag while at the blues dance. Except I didn’t learn that excellent turn of phrase until the next morning, so I wasn’t able to describe it as well, but basically yes, someone wrote a poem about me and left it in my (open) dance bag. I don’t feel particularly piqued about having a secret admirer but it is charming to be someone who has rhyme written about them, and given all the monster stories this week of Everyone Is Over You, that was a good reminder that no, in fact, people write poetry for me, so there. A breath for being seen.
  6. Being in the hard pattern that is hard means I am gathering so much intel about how it works, and how to change it! This is good. Really really good. A breath for changing the video game while I am in it.
  7. So far this week all of my dilemmas have been solved by realizing there is in fact no dilemma. A breath of relief and gratitude!
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of all big smiles, coming up with a new plan and a place to live, being wonderfully wrong about things, cheese. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Hey so Operation Bell View Switch was not a total disaster, and now I never need to do it again!

Small but vital steps on the Studio Op and The Fountaining. Thinking hard about operation Wild Wild Nest. Operations Jubilation and Wild Montage still ongoing. No news on The Wild Convening but I trust things are moving underground. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I hereby bestow vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of taking exquisite care of myself, more than I think I need, and doing this first. And I got exactly that, which is kind of miraculous, and also might be why I just let myself catch up on a few years of sleep this week.

I also had the surprise power of Nothing To Solve, because my dilemmas turned out not to be dilemmas at all, which was so good, more of that please.

Powers I want.

I want all the powers of deep abiding trust. I want to trust my instincts, trust the earth, trust change, trust in All Is Well.

And, related, I want to send my worries on a two week vacation to a tropical island. They are welcome to stay longer of course, but let’s start with that. And no popping back in on the pretext of having forgotten a parasol!

The Salve of Nothing To Solve

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This salve smells delicious, like springtime and hopefulness, excitement and newness. It is wonderfully soothing. It frees up so much energy that was previously tied up in problem-solving and agonizing over pros and cons that you have to go frolic!

Side effects include happy sighs, feeling invigorated, laughing to yourself.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

just-one-guy

This week’s band comes to us by way of Agent Spalding:

Dirty Commie Claptrap

It’s a ska band, their latest album is Reincarnated Mermaids, and this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear VERY SOON, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time. And if you’re not on the list, get on the list because I might tell them first…

And last chance to acquire a pack of stone skipping cards because I’m moving out and won’t have anywhere to store them or the shipping materials, so get them this week! And while you’re at it, sign up for the not-exactly-a-course where we embark on establishing a loving playful practice of self-inquiry, to access previously-hidden gems of internal wisdom and whatever else we might need. Dates coming soon!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self