Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…
Hello, week: we are here.
It is a Sunday chicken again because of reasons, though mostly because I am painting (walls, not canvases), and also, of course, because all timing is right timing and we get here when we get here. Hi. It always feels so good to get here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 406th week in a row we are chickening here together!
Or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.
What worked this week?
Finding the good. Not neglecting or negating the hard, just noticing the good that I might be missing while in the hard. Saying thank you to the exquisite purple-and-pink sunset. Saying thank you to roses and to my hands and to windows and doors.
Naming what I see and saying I am here.
Next time I might…
Take care of myself first. Like, step zero. Always.
Naming the days.
I’ve been naming everything lately, it’s astonishing what a difference a name makes. I name each day the night before, and read them together at the week’s end, an incantation of sweet clues
This week was the week of A New Story, and here were the days:
A new door. The wild door. Zen adventuring. I wonder what adventures we should have today! Back to the protocol. Joyful and illusory. Empty the cup to fill the cup.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
The Story In My Head Is Probably Wrong But What If It Isn’t. Except I Know From Being Alive That It Probably Is.
If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Twenty years ago, living in a very not-good situation in north tel aviv, I had a dream about opening a box of snakes. My troubled roommate had boxes of plastic snakes that filled up the room that I wanted to move into, and in my dream one of these boxes held real snakes. My wise therapist pointed out that there probably isn’t a more apt metaphor for the process of therapy: internal exploration involves uncovering things you are deeply afraid to find. I mean, I think we can choose better metaphors, more helpful ones. I like to think of the healing work we do here in the context of renovating, yes it raises a lot of dust but you open windows and let the light in, and sweep with love and tenderness, and then you have beautiful space for you to inhabit. And of course: Safety First. Anyway, this week was all about that internal renovation process (and, in an interesting parallel, this was also happening in my actual basement where my broom and I were engaged with decades of accumulated grime). And I gotta say, Meirav had a point. Parts of this week were a lot like encountering a box of snakes. And the work of this week was in discovering where my power is, what I can release, what I can befriend. A breath of safety and comfort, of respect for uncovering: how powerful it is, and also how painful.
- The foot I hurt last week is still unhappy and I am limping. Also when I do not dance, I go into touch deficit, something I forgot about until it is too late. A breath.
- On the move, and also extremely busy, staying at three different places while working on the basement project, and I somehow never have socks. A breath for ease.
- Hahahaha a thousand cobwebs in my hair and no working shower. A breath for ingenuity and creative solutions, which fortunately is one of my superpowers.
- The beautiful faraway boy left in October. We have briefly trysted twice since then, and (illusory plans are illusory), he says he is coming again tomorrow though this promise lives for me in the category of things I will believe when I see. Anyway, I have been holding fast to Trust Love, and also to trusting that time is the great healer, because it is. The process of moving through loss is not linear, sometimes this means sudden comfort and ease, sometimes unbearable waves of missing. I guess my assumption — and also my fear? — has been that my heartache and longing would just fade over time as I get swept away in my life without him. But instead I am experiencing deep anguish, I have never missed anyone even remotely like this, and some days I try to imagine letting him disappear from view and it is absolutely agonizing. My heart hurts in raw vulnerable ways I do not even know how to describe. A breath.
- Painting is tiresome and it takes forever and I wish so much I had someone to paint with me. A breath for companionship and for new stories.
- I want to live in a culture where there is no such twisted thing as holidays for the haves instead of the have-nots. Oh, the rigged game. I would like mother’s day to gracefully dissolve, everyone who is thankful for the beautiful blessing of having or being a loving mother can name a day to celebrate and be celebrated. It would make this day not only more meaningful for those who have this, but kinder for everyone else (and easier for us to partake in the celebrations of others). Just like how it is truly a lovely thing to fill up on thankfulness for the treasure of be able to walk, but less so if everyone were to collectively post photos of their legs saying “Happy Walking Day! Being able to walk is the best! Thanks for the most walkable legs in the world!”. I appreciate how some people do take a moment for those people who are heartbroken because they desperately wish they could walk or miss walking every moment of every day, or to respect those people who know from their own experience that legs aren’t necessary for their joy, and also: a moment is not enough. No need to downplay gratitude, it’s just that the collective outpouring can be overwhelming and less than welcoming. In the meantime, I am wishing a comfort-filled self-mothering day to everyone who is doing the hard work of learning to care for themselves and their selves. And of course, big love, gratitude and appreciation for all who mother, and your unseen work, may you be whole-heartedly celebrated and wildly appreciated every day of the year because that is how it should be, and on any specific days you like, and may all mothers feel hugely appreciated and empowered to joyfully join in the dismantling of this holiday and all similar holidays, that is my wish, probably an unpopular one so I will just take a breath. A breath for living in a world that does not reflect the kindness I want to see, and a breath for creating spaces of big kindness, in myself and around myself, and a breath for being seen, heard and loved, amen.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- My wonderful uncle refers to all plans as illusory plans. As in “I have illusory plans to come visit for the weekend” or “the illusory plan is to fly on the 19th”. I gleefully adopted this, and just this week miraculously stopped hating the fact that yes, plans are illusory. More than that. After four decades of near constantly surprise and frustration at how everything seems to take way longer than I think it should, I have somehow mysteriously reached a point of peacefulness with this. Not resignation, not resistance. It’s more like, “yup, there go projects being projects, taking as much time as they take, which seems to be considerably longer than I had been able to imagine, and that’s okay, because there is time and I can work with this, and my illusory plans were in fact illusory which is how things go!” A breath for freedom.
- On Wednesday I started sleeping again. Not just a little but through the night. A breath for how good this is.
- The new tenants who rented the house are so very lovely, and I am absolutely overjoyed that the right people and the house found each other. A breath of thankfulness.
- A thing going “wrong” (illusory plans) led to me meeting a marvelous new friend and now I want her to be my imaginary mom. A breath for rewriting the stories: there was no bad news, I just got beautifully redirected.
- Yes, I asked for a new story and was given endless opportunities to stop telling the ones I am telling, and this is hard but it is important. I am so completely wrong about so many things, and this is good! A breath of sparklepoints for me, a breath for gathering power.
- As I mentioned last week, I have been having some trouble adventuring even though I am a grand adventuress. Maybe because I am not away on an adventure like I thought I would be by March or even April? Maybe because some aspects of wandering mode are bringing up hard memories from Then. I asked to meet the part of me who knows how to be a zen adventurer, and it turns out that she is the best, and a serious badass and also extremely devoted to self-care (who knew?), and together we are having fewer meltdowns. A breath of appreciation for play.
- Went blues dancing after three weeks away from dance, and just melted right into it, feeling so at home in the music and the dance. It was a small dance, and no one let me sit down, and we danced until they turned the music off, dancing in a corner while they swept the floor, dancing dancing dancing. A breath of big wild joy.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of sitting in a hot pool under the stars, really good soup, unexpected ease. Watching a project come together and marveling over it. Painting a door changes everything! Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for “ready for the wild adventure”, and I received this!
Powers I want.
The powers of appreciating all the good in my life.
The Salve of New Stories.
These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
New stories are new possibilities. This salve is made of sweet release, trust, creativity, receptivity and clear-seeing, but the base is curiosity and peacefulness.
Side effects include remembering the truth of Shit Is Not About Me, and forgetting how to jump to conclusions.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band:
The Attic Island
Their latest album is Only In Overalls, and this band is just one guy.
Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!
Announcement time….
More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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thank you so for that piece about Walking Day
For me it is a Monday chicken, which must be exactly the right time for a chicken.
The Hard:
A worn out body that I didn’t listen to enough and so on Friday it slayed me with unwavering nausea until I finally took to bed at 1pm and did not get up until the next morning. Next time I will listen closer and heed.
Anxiety over visiting for Walking Day. Why oh why do I do that to myself? There isn’t anything bad there.
Friends whose minds are small and whose edges I bump into sometimes. A breath for loving someone exactly where they are and remembering that their stuff is not mine, nor mine theirs.
The Good:
Seeing the Dear Boy who walks in and sits right next to me and turns to me and we smile and talk and then at some point, when backs are turned, he leans over to give me a kiss. Surprise kiss! The best.
Having the Dear Boy follow me out to my car, and toss a tiny pebble at it across the parking lot to say “wait, I’m here” and having him lean down to kiss me through the open window. More kisses! Ah.
A tiny cat who curled up at the end of my bed when I was sick, and stayed there.
Having a week with some space in it.
Tiny cats are the best <3
My cat (not so tiny) curled up against me for all my not-feeling-great moments. Very comforting
Love the acknowledging of illusory plans. I’ve briefly had this understanding about a year ago, and then forgot about it and it’s a good time to remember it again. Thank you.
What worked: Meditation and PEAT in the morning. It always works, I just need to remember it (especially when I’m under pressure to hurry up).
Next time I might: Anticipate that things take more time. Hah. That’s not the first time I’ve said this.
The hard:
– I’m trying to change the pattern of not asking for help by asking for help, and then the help arrives too late, or is not what I asked for. So this week I’ve waited and waited for someone to finish a portion of a project I usually do on my own so I can Do Less, but it took them way too long (the person *forgot* about the deadline we have), and they clearly didn’t read my very detailed instructions because things were off. In turn, I’ve worked on a Saturday to finish it on time, which is still too late, but there’s a chance we might get it printed by Friday. Frustrated by people who say they’ll do a thing, then it takes emailing and phoning them to let them know they’re running late, and in the end I still have to fix stuff and write a long bullet-pointed list of notes for “next time”, all the while feeling like a bitch for having such high standards.
– The saga continues. {Silent retreat}
– Waking up late means I don’t work as much as I’ve planned, and (illusory) plans run late, so I need to postpone a project by yet another week.
– Still not doing the daily art stuff.
– Today we went to the mountain to have a barbecue in nature, but it rained and the forecast was worse, so we ended up in our front yard. I wanted to get away from my home, not entertain guests…
– Didn’t follow my rule of maximum 3 meetings per week, and now I’m depleted. It’s hard to say no to people I love who I haven’t seen in a long time.
The good:
+ I’ve done some great work this week, and I’m proud of it, no matter what X thinks.
+ Gave another firm NO to an offer that isn’t my 100% yes, and stated clearly without guilt or shame why this isn’t for me, and what opportunities I’d prefer.
+ Finally figured out that I’ve been wasting so much time on something that isn’t enjoyable and isn’t producing results (even though other people said it does), and decided I won’t be doing more of that (so I can Do Less, or at least Do Less of things I don’t enjoy). I feel relieved and elated that it’s no longer a thing I do. Now I can just be me.
+ Got bored with TV again. I suppose it *was* just a phase like Wiser Me said.
+ Wrote so much stuff I currently love and can’t wait to publish.
+ Threw out a bunch of papers I’ve had lying around in folders. Yay for clarity in every way, shape and form.
Superpower I’ve had this week: Curious Questioning
Superpowers I’d like: Eyes On The Shining Beacon, Luscious Leisure
Eyes On The Shining Beacon!
Luscious Leisure!
Marvelous superpowers. <3
Hi, fellow adventurers!
Wow, The Story In My Head Is Probably Wrong But What If It Isn’t == *exactly*
My neighbor asked me a difficult question, which unintentionally brought up a lot of guilt. Guilt was accompanied by ‘What The Hell Are You Thinking, You Are Fooling Yourself’ and ‘You Have Not Done Enough, You Will Never Do Enough, You Are Not Enough’ and ‘You Do Not Deserve To Be Happy’ and etc. I could not see a way out of this for a day and a half, and it was very wearisome and Hard. Then I realized *all* my experiences right now are interacting with a massive amount of stress from something else Hard and completely unrelated. Then I dove head-first into Realize/Release about THAT Hard, without enough Pause For Safety. Meanwhile Time goes by as a big parade float with my monsters sitting atop, throwing candy.
Yuck.
Time for ALL THE SAFETY.
Oh, I’ve also been having dreams about being reprimanded. Haha, GIANT CLUE.
The monsters are not quite ready to let go, so I think I will make a bargain. How about you can play in this nice shady playground, while I finish Chickening and do a few other Necessary Things. In exchange, I promise to come back and give you my full attention at noon. I promise to Listen to ANYTHING you have to say at that time, and we can go for a walk together.
Here, before I leave we can do a few minutes of stretching. Ahhhhhhhhhh
SO MUCH appreciation for this place <3
Invoking a compass:
PATIENCE
NOTICING
SAFETY
TRUST
CLARITY
PRESENCE
FLOW
TENACITY
a long, deep breath/sigh of solidarity for the dismantling/dissolving of our culture of twisted “holidays”, and for acknowledging its pervasive existence and effects
while reading the post i misread something as “the power of opening up the good spaces in my life”, which is a power i would really like to have (how do i open up, then enlarge good spaces?)
thank you for this space, which is a delicate/strong anchor that makes me less lost.
-o-
Ooh, opening up good spaces sounds ENTIRELY LOVELY.
yes please to this power! may it be so! and for what it’s worth, I have seen you open up and enlarge many good spaces (this now sounds very dirty when I reread it but you know what I mean) over the past years and appreciate that about you <3
Sending many loving breaths to you, along with a wish that I could be there, painting by your side.
For me, last week was shaped by the joyous adventure of singing with an orchestra, which I love to do.
I have been having so many lovely moments lately. I want to appreciate them all, and build those muscles, so when the troubles come (as the monsters assure me they will) perhaps I can astonish everyone by finding loveliness there, too. <3
Goodbye, old week. Hello, new week.
ahhh yes the monsters of “sure it’s good now but don’t get used to it because the troubles are coming, mark my words”, yes, yes, yes, here’s to astonishing them and the world with finding loveliness! <3
I would SO VERY help you with the painting if I were not All The Way Over Here.
The hard:
My brain blew up & I had to come back off the road much earlier than planned.
My roommates (it is their house in which I live, & it is at their sufferance) who do not understand Illusory Plans, are less than thrilled about my coming back into their space so early.
It is getting to the time of year when it is Too Hot, & I am Too Hot All The Time, & Nothing is Comfortable, & Everything is Horrible. Which makes it hard to enjoy the times when it is Not Too Hot, because soon it will be Too Hot. I need to sit with these monsters but I do not know how.
The good:
I just got a job doing exactly the kind of fiddly work I really enjoy, working for a friend who does NOT like exactly that sort of fiddly work, which means more money for me, less ugh for them, & perhaps the beginnings of a business doing this for many people who do not like fiddly paperwork. (I get to enter receipts into a spreadsheet! & then maybe scan them & organize them for later reference! Such joy! This is not sarcasm!)
I have the bestest cats in the entire. World. The best.
I am figuring out new ways to be in the house less of the time without breaking my brain, which, it turns out, is pretty fragile when my Things are not in their Places.
Also, now I want Really Good Soup.
I will chicken more later but right now I need to go this:
My energy is chronically low (haha). I’ve been anemic, I’ve had horrible fibroid issues that made it worse, etc etc etc. But I have SO MANY things I want to do and blah the low energy is a real problem. And what’s worse is, it’s a self-inflicted wound. Because I can’t seem to stay sober til lunch. Seriously, I am not able to resist getting high every morning, EVERY morning, before 10 am. I have hidden my things, left notes, made and charged magic spells and sigils and etc etc. I know it is the core piece of Best practices, I know it makes the world of difference when I am manage to remain White Flowers (sober) until the evening. I have not been able to remain White Flowers in many months.
I have put Excellent Welltending as a primary task. And over the winter I saw that I needed to just go out less, and stay home more. Well, now it’s spring, and this weekend was a fun thing with my awesome women friends, and I had to decline because of lack of spoons. And it doesn’t feel like accommodating my energy level. It feels like getting cheated out of something important because I sucked into something less mportant and not healthy. Making a bad choice instead of a good one.
I’ve approached this all kind of ways and it is still not budging, and actually getting worse. Hugs, pets and Sage Advice are very welcome.
unconditional love and presence and hugs <3
Also, Monday chicken! Cluck!
what worked last week: Charting Space/Time. Open all the tabs. Michaels. Just do it! Setting up Taurus goals. Writing and more writing
Next time: White Flowers, earlier bedtime
the sucks:
-Mothers Day. I have no idea why I woke up in such a foul mood–missing my mom? up too late?–but nice weather, my kids and husband being sweet could not shift it. I stewed for hours
-no White Flowers and the dysfunction around it, the lack of organization, forward movement, the fogg, the sad when I cannot live up to my promises to myself.
-continuing X when I know it’s the wrong answer
-all the things that I think need to be taken back down to the ground, back to step zero. Why? why never any progress?
-I really feel lots of stuff under the surface, very roily and unsettled, unhappy, dissatisfied. I know that means change and transformation, but I feel so stuck and unisipired and lacking in passion.
-I wanted to go to Red Tent on Saturday but was lacking spoons, so I stayed homw and yes I gopt rest, but mostly I feel like I missed a very good thing for no very good reason
-all of which leads me to think I am singing in a lower octave than I should
-don’t kniw how I look lately. not cherishing myself
so much good though:
-I cleared out a number of projects and have more room to move
-the flickers living in my dead aspen tree
-my apple trees have weathered 3 snow storms since blooming and they appear to be okay.
-garden things I did last fall paying off this spring
-lots of little moments of synchronicity and support. Good Surprises! This is working out perfectly!
-wonderful new projects! things I could not have imagined last year, are happening. Good things are landing.
-Making it UGLY! I am readin a book about making ugly crafts as a way to jump start creativity. Sicne I started this book I have: started crocheting again after 40 years, contemplated making dolls, batik, collage boxes & bottles, and did some painting. Also research and writing for my blog and for the nxt gathering I’m going to.
-being okay with trying to mellow out the spending. The car repairs jacked my card up. I am happy when I can pay some down, or forego adding axpense.
-I am getting more into Shamanism. interesting things coming from this, including more creativity
-husband & I being in a good space. feeling loved
-integrating Deeper Practice and newfound wisdom
This chicken is a chicken with many, many feelings
and many, many shiftings
just trying to be quiet enough to listen
and noisy enough to be heard.
What’s working?
+Doing things when I’m going to do them.
+Feet First/Feelings First.
+holding Space for the Ground
+turning up the volume on Idea Party
I might try…
+more experimenting with Chickenheart Collaboration
+[C S D]
[Colorset 5A: butter, pale rose, charcoal, berry, gold, bright green, periwinkle, pink, yellowgold]
Breathing for mysteries, enigmas, tangles.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Telephone Booths [fuck all that!].
+Breathing for the Mystery of Sparrow Nest. Breathing patience, miracles, hope, listening.
+Breathing for the Mystery of There’s Never Enough Time. Breathing into the equal-and-opposite Mystery of There’s Always Plenty of Time.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Banana Peel. Still not very…uh…peeling. :-/
+Breathing for the Mystery of Ship Root Unit(y). Breathing for the me who wants to set it on fire and run as far away as possible. Breathing for the me who needs it and can’t let it go. Breathing for the me that has Feelings and Shame and Guilt about the whole thing. Breathing, breathing, breathing.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Havaca Invasion at Undisclosed Time. MOO. 😛
+Breathing for the Mystery of Ceremonial Carnivory. Just, why?!
+Breathing for the Mystery of Q Fest. I know the answer to this. I just don’t want this to be the answer. I want a very very different answer, and I want it to be a hello answer instead of a goodbye answer.
Breathing for delights, donuts, deliciousness.
+Breathing for the chocolate chip walnut cookies which I have just now baked myself because today was the kind of day that required a lot of cookies just for me.
+Breathing for Pegasus Blue, which, in spite of all odds, really is going quite well.
+Breathing for the Me who is awesoming so hard. Breathing for the Me who is recognizing the How About Now and unwilling to waver on the I Know I Needs.
+Breathing for looking out the window and seeing WATER.
+Breathing for the APD Phenomenon I inadvertently created, and how delightful that performance was.
+Breathing for this soft amazing yarn I have acquired and am now using to make a blanket FOR ME.
+Breathing for the badassery of the Bluesuit Agency
+Breathing for the Me who is So Excited about the Upper Junebug Confabulations!
Pouring Salve of New Stories all over myself. Washing my hair with it. Scrubbing my skin with it. Letting it seep in through my pores. Breathing it in. Mmmmm, yes, yes, yes.
And our Fake Band of the Week is: Torus Attraction! 😀
I support this and am excited about how hard you are awesoming and also about how you are making things FOR YOU, yes, glorious!
Colorset 5A is beautiful!
There was a lot of goods and a lot of hards this week and I won’t go into all of them because it would take a couple of hours, especially because, as Havi used to say in her Item posts, I am apparently under a strict compulsion to write at least 10 pages on any topic… so this is me, practicing brevity.
Hard stuff around MrB’s health and my lack of sleep. Good stuff because I didn’t give up/let go of the Thing I’ve Been Looking Forward To even thoughI don’t quite believe in it yet.
What worked this week: writing about and processing the hard and the monster talk; giving myself permission; and having ice cream.
Next time I might: go into Extreme Self Care mode sooner and bring more variety to it.
Appreciation to all the chickeneers! Hugs for the hard, yay for the good, and high fives for all the wisdom.
<3 for you and also big resonance with bringing variety to extreme self care mode, mmmmm
I think I would like to help paint walls, doors, whatever. I’ve wanted to paint stuff for many years but men in my life always want/need to do it very particularly – the opposite of the playful stuff I would have done.
Spouse has been coughing for days (& also working from home, yegads). Only realized this past weekend that the sound of his coughing makes my body try to cough internally, out of empathy (like how other ppl yawning => me yawn). So it’s not just annoying because it’s noisy, but it’s actually kind of exhausting.
Thought of Havi among others on Walking Day, a painful day… all my life really. I like your idea for reforming it.
Speaking of unpopular ideas, I was born in the 1960s, when children were “seen & not heard”. Back then, parental pressure to make Walking Day and the other one not just pleasant, but a referendum on their worth as people, made me feel keenly the injustice in there being no Child Day.
Perhaps I need to pick a day to celebrate my own worth. Pity there’s no one (nor the culture at large) to celebrate with me.
celebration for your worth and all of our worth!! totally!!!
Lundi shalom!
What worked? Asking for the footrub. Going to the dance.
Next time? Resist the pies on sale. Two manifestations of mold = lesson learned.
Hard:
1. Impasses.
2. Foot in mouth.
3. Cramps.
4. Weariness.
5. Misjudging capacity.
6. Envy.
7. Cactus wilt.
8. Bureaucracies.
Good:
1. Footrub!
2. Making friends and colleagues laugh out loud.
3. Hearing from blood and honorary family members.
4. New-to-me dress fits as though it had been made specifically for me. Found it yesterday at Goodwill for less than $8.
5. Porcupine tea.
6. Now Is Not Then. Big Picture Grace.
7. Honeysuckle strong in the air.
8. The dog came back.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Tuesday Chicken!
That Salve of New Stories is exactly what I need! I’ve been telling myself a lot of old stories and a lot of old stories have been telling me without my help. Time for some new things.
And thank you for reminding me in this space about how lovely dance is! I’ve been wanting to start dancing again but finding all sorts of unhelpful reasons not to. Time to throw out the things that aren’t 100% Yes and do the things that are.
Hard this week:
– deep in depression and all the stories it carries
– a lot of unnecessary hurt and not trusting that I Am Loved
Good this week:
– taking steps toward healing how I eat
– lots and lots of open, honest conversation, much needed
I want the superpowers of Ready For Incoming Sweetness & Trusting My Sleek Wild Self.
Many hearts to all on this chicken.
Wednesday chicken! Why not?
Noticings:
– feelings about work. Feeling guilty about Not Being In The Process Of Actively Doing Something All The Time. I think this is mostly a false comparison and left over from temping, when people stopped paying me when the work was done, but I have never coped well with peaks and troughs, particularly the troughs. And I seem to be a little thin-skinned about it.
– thinking a lot this week about how to be an introvert and also an activist.
– pretending to be someone who really appreciates food is working well.
– flow is flowing, yay flow.
– the evenings are longer and I have the spoons to wash up the spoons and then cook (literal and not literal)
– I am very interested in plants at the moment. Much love to March-me who was very sad and lethargic but who still planted things. They are all coming up now and some are flowering, and they are fantastic.
<3 for plants! And for the spoons to wash the spoons, ohmygod yes. And for Wednesday chicken, I feel so less-self-recriminatory, if that is a word, about posting a couple days "late" when everyone else just chickens when it works for them, it is very good for my monsters to see this!
I don’t even do it once a week, let alone on the same day. Usually it’ll be somewhere between 5-20 days. 😀 I do “whatever stretch of time it’s been since my last chicken”, which is why I start with “What’s been working?” and “I might try…” instead of “What worked this week?” and “Next time I might…” so it doesn’t feel like it has to fit any specific time frame.
that is lovely!
Thursday chicken!!! It’s a never-late-might-even-be-early chicken! 😉
Painting alone is a sucky job, and cobwebs in the hair *at all*, much less no shower to dissolve them with, is my idea of hell, so hearts and stones to you Havi love.
Hard:
– Struggling to get back on the wagon with two habits that are *extremely* helpful and Self-caring when I engage with them as a regular practice. Haven’t yet figured out my resistance yet.
– Messiness at home, mine, annoying me.
– Social life…umm, what’s that? Yes, I need some. Just a little.
Good and even better:
– god I love this home, it’s beautiful even when it’s messy
– Maintaining *other* habits that are also really Self-caring, so this is wonderful. And started another something new re: Self care, an investment that still has my monsters a bit freaked out but is paying big big dividends already, both as a direct result and as fractal flowers for *everything* else.
– Experiencing some of the magic of awareness and *practice*, of setting the Internal Scientists loose in the lab and paying attention to the noticings. Rewriting old stories as I come across them is magical – and hard – work, so I will take buckets and buckets of that Salve, thank you! And pots and pots of it in tea form, too. And to celebrate, a Salve Cocktail or two as well. Thank you Fluent Self, Havi, this community. I don’t think it can be said often enough what an incredible space this is.
– Many, many things are very, very good, and I am grateful.
Buckets and buckets and pockets and pockets! <3 <3 <3