Hello, Friday: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 385th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Not having access to internet.
Oh glorious quiet headspace.
I mean, I spend very little time online anyway, but this was just the best.
And I was by the sea and so this is the chicken of the sea, a little canned joke for anyone in the loop.
Next time I might…
Let things take time.
Ha, yes, well.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
It’s All Better In The Sun, Ocean Girl.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week is Hannuka and I am away. Missing the ritual of being home with R and making latkes and lighting candles and feeling cozy and cheery and full of song. And after ten years of living together we are parting ways, so who knows when next this happens? A breath for treasuring ritual.
- Hahahaha how did I not anticipate the total exhaustion that would result from a three day dance retreat with dancing until six a.m.? Hahahahah how did I not anticipate the DOUBLE exhaustion that would result from doing this during moon retreat. Wondering if/when I am going to become someone who takes better care of herself. A breath for the monsters who worry, and a breath for highly sensitive but also high-sensation-seeking me who loves adventure so much that sometimes she overdoes things.
- Learning how to treasure myself. Like all secret missions and grand adventures, this is not always easy. A breath for simple solutions and ease-filled resolution.
- Big questions. A breath for turning inward and letting them be asked.
- Big answers and wild epiphanies that are shaking things up. A breath for trusting.
- [Silent retreat]. And also I don’t want Operation Ruby Jewel to end, and it ends this weekend. A breath for love-more, trust-more, and yes, everything ends, and yes, all is well.
- I want-need a cozy nest to land in on my return, and I am still waiting to find out what and where that might be. A breath for perfect simple solutions revealing themselves in right timing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- All the challenging work I did in November on developing and embodying the superpower of Glow More is totally paying off, because I am glowing so hard and so clear and with such grace and ease. This feels like a miracle, and it is, but also I want to remember how hard I worked on this. A breath of wonder and delight and LIGHT, of course.
- Even if I am missing the usual hannuka celebrations, I am still enjoying all the superpowers of this holiday: Dedication and Rededicating, Lights and Lightness, Miracles of All Sizes, Delicious Fried Food. A breath for awe, and light.
- Dance magic all week long again. A breath of cascading joy-sparks.
- Operation Ruby Jewel! A breath for this big magic.
- Lusciousness. Love. Sweetness. Escape. Hope. Wonder. Delight. Pleasure. A breath for all this smiling.
- There are doors to what I want. This is good. A breath for this!
- Treasure in my life in the form of outrageous sunsets, long walks, sunshine, dance training, live music, entertaining karaoke (not me!), sleeping in, luxurious napping, delicious food, being beautifully cared for, and writing in a window seat. A hand-on-heart breath of wonder for the good in my life
- Thankfulness. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Operation Ruby Jewel is in progress and it is big magic. All other ops are simmering on the back burner until I return. Panther Time and the Melting Chocolate mission are still in play. When I return, we will see how I feel about the Fountaining op, Sweet Honey and Shed Shed Shed. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, like a Fairground Stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the superpower of easy positive relaxed sexy confidence, and it is here!
Powers I want.
Treasure Breath. That is, living by the words of poet Fred LaMotte:
“Don’t imagine that breathing is something you do just to stay alive. Breath has a secret purpose. Each inhalation whispers the most beautiful name to every cell in your body.”
The Salve of Sitting by The Sea.
I spent most of this week sitting by the sea, and it was absolutely wonderful. This salve brings both the sensation/sense-memory of this as well as the superpowers.
When I rub it into my skin, I feel:
Expansiveness, Shelter, Awe, Wonder, Possibility, Calm, Mesmerized By Greatness, Wondrous Depth, Holy Holiness. And of course deep thrilling inspiration.
December is the month of Treasure More, and self-treasuring, and sitting by the sea is like an encapsulating image for both of these. This salve makes this process easier, it allows for a slowing down, deliberate movement, deliberate resting, opening to horizons and expansiveness, noticing the beautiful shifting patterns of the light, both inside of you and in your environment. It invites you to repattern, and to breathe like you have never breathed before.
This is another glow salve, and a secret sovereignty salve, and it goes deep. Enjoy.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Hilariously Inaccurate Predictions
Their latest album is Suddenly Picnic, and actually this band is just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT!
The gorgeous and extremely magical 2016 calendars are ready — The Year Of Doors! — and I believe there are not too many left. You can find yours here. The password: sweetdoors
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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Sitting by the sea is the best thing ever.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday. Hello, Friday. I am so glad you are here.
New moon! Can’t see it, but it’s there.
The hard:
– continuing to Not Enjoy a thing that usually I enjoy a lot
– feeling the disconnect between the calendar that I am trying to live by and everyone else’s
– feeling vaguely ill
– really really not wanting to wake up before seven, and having to
– whyyyyyyy did I book myself up for every weekend between Advent Sunday and Christmas? Why?
– the visiting cat was sick in our back yard
The good:
– the thing that I was Not Enjoying is at least over
– and I am actually looking forward to the thing that is similar but not identical to the thing that I was not enjoying (this is because it is running on my calendar, yay)
– Anne is coming to stay tonight!
– beginning the new moon with a whole trayful of ops that I might or might not work on
– pinking shears! never not fun!
– important discussion on an important question
I am going to try:
– making a necklace for introverty days
– sleeping in the next three days
Sitting by the sea salve is one of the best salves.
The Hard:
Wanting to run away. Finding myself planning a trip to the mountains for tonight and realizing that it is running away. Remembering that not running is the better choice even though it is the more comfortable one.
Confusing feelings about a person. Something akin to love, but not “I want to date you” love. But also “why are you dating that person?” love. It’s a kind of “I love you” love which is the most confusing kind. Needing to make room for more kinds of love. Sternum cracking.
Finding all my journals from high school and 20’s. So much recorded misery and pain during a time that hopefully was not all just misery and pain.
End of year tax stuff and money stuff and shame stuff.
The Good:
Remembering not to run away.
Loving is good and important. An open heart is good and important. My backbend practice will make it stronger.
Throwing away all the journals (deep into the back of the giant recycling dumpster). Grateful to now know that feelings are fleeting. A breath for Then Me, and a breath for the new space made.
Clarity on the taxes, phone calls made to new helpers, an appointment today with a new helper where I finally feel able to say “this is my deepest shame, my debt, my lack of planning, my business that does not grow – please help me dive into the thick of it so I can make it to the other side.”
Grateful for this space and fellow chickeneers.
i had Throwing Away Journals day once with many similar breaths <3 <3
Oooh, sea! Ahhh, sitting! Salvacation? […plays…]
What worked? The leftover pat of butter on the radishes.
What next? Dial back on [c].
Hard…
1. Rose cuttings not looking good.
2. Wrong call on a trade. Minor error but major monster bait.
3. Cancer afflicting/affecting friends.
4. Heartbreak, too.
5. Deadline yarghs.
6. Negotiation aughs.
7. Sushi joint nearest my office overcharging me.
8. Skin ouches.
Good…
1. Gums in better shape than expected.
2. Pleasant meeting with contractor.
3. Fun outing with team.
4. Cards and gel pens and sealing wax.
5. Nothing at Goodwill fitting = scratching the itch without teeing off monsters.
6. Everything fit the large Priority Mail box I had on hand. Having that box on hand, and being reminded of the other cards and gifts I sent this year because I had used it as a substitute cutting mat. Having plenty of packing tape to patch the splits in the cardboard.
7. I have plenty of Christmas pepper seeds. So maybe I plant some around two of the rose stems, as I did with one already, and then I’ll feel less foolish about continuing to water them.
8. Mild weather = not having to faff with stockings or tights.
With bouquets of good wishes to all y’all…
Hi Mechaieh!! I’ve been looking for alternatives to cigarette breaks at work. Salvacations sound perfect for that!
My calendar arrived this week, and it is beautiful! I like the size, too. This year I will be on the move, and this is a good size for me to pack it in my back and take it out wherever I am working.
Happy chicken!
Hello and Friday Salutations!
Hard this week:
A lot of monster futzle about time management, flaweductivity and not deserving. Breath for this.
Another breath for this.
Eating patterns flying out the window when Something Comes Up, which is frustratingly often
[silent retreat]
so many craft ideas but time/energy for none
Good this week:
Public speaking workshop, the instructor pointed me out as an example of confident tone and posture!! Seeing some other women in the class who had patriarchal-female-self-doubt body language, knowing EXACTLY how that feels & hoping maybe just maybe all the work I’ve been doing for myself could help them too somehow.
Beloved Person saying I’m getting over little bumps in the road quicker these past few months. (Now if only I could notice these things about myself more and trust that voice enough to feel good about it…)
Ridiculous sunrises while waiting for the bus
I started a blog! I’ve been thinking about it for ages and suddenly it was time. SO excited, so many possibilities and a new processing ritual/space
<3 <3 to all.
I’m not sure if I have ever noticed before how much the flow of breath is like the flow of the ocean waves. Thank you, salve.
I am lighting a candle and sending love to Chickeneers and Beloved Lurkers everywhere. It’s good to be here with you. Shalom. <3
What’s up, chicken?
What worked this week?
+the Starship Captain trick. Will it keep working? Who knows. But it’s worked this week, so, that’s pretty sweet.
+continuing the Coconut Festival. Flavoring it with peppermints. Holding the rhythm steady.
+having a [M1] failsafe. I only needed it once, but, damn was I glad to have it that one time!
+doing Space Waffles as a sometimes.
Going forward I might…
+play with the Portal to the FPlant with Curious Mind. What might happen if I try this? What might happen if I try that? What would this feel like? How would this taste? Where will that sit in my body? Where else can I travel?
+play with the Agent Nectar Principle some more
+treat [WrTi] as [ValTi] more often. (Log hours? Colorblox? Coconut-style?)
Breathing! For the mysteries, the tangles, the enigmas…
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Empty Screen. Why are you empty? What would you like to be filled with? What is your story? What would you like to eat for a snack?
+Breathing for Agent Plant and the Mystery of the Abandoned Ship. What is it about this ship? Why isn’t there a better ship? What would it be like if there were no ship at all? What might be there instead? Why is it so coily and tentacly and tangly? Yeesh.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Banana Peel, on and on and on. Breathing for the background noise around it. Breathing for the intricate passageways of it. Breathing for the inexplicable optimysticism. Breathing again.
+Breathing for the Tangles at Fort Riverside, for the Portal of Tidguss, for the Butterfly Collections, for the Grime Reaper, all of the above. Breathing for Agent Auctoria’s retirement fund. Breathing into the space for a new [R’gator].
+Breathing for the Mystery of Ciudad Applejack. Do I go? Do I not go? Do I of course I go? How can this be? How can I breathe this into being? Can I? Who can?
+Breathing for the Humanitarian Glump. Wow! Where did you come from? You are a very strange monster.
+Breathing for the I/O Scenario. Breathing for the mystery. Breathing for the me who wishes things were Different. Breathing for the secret agent me who kind of doesn’t wish things were Different. All of this is allowed. All of this is okay.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Wow Nut. Wow nut! Wow nut! Wow nut!
Breathing for the rainbows, the donuts, the delights…
+Breathing for the Rainbow of the Great Hedgehog Excursion with Agent Barometer. Wow that was fun! Hooray!
+Breathing for the Purple Garden of Ever-Expansive Superpowering. WHEE!! Everything is so much better this way!
+Breathing for the Rhythms of Coconuts and the Flavors of Peppermints. Yes!
+Breathing for the yeses, and the yeses, and the even more yeses.
+Breathing for the Adventure of Secret Agent Party Bees! 18 layers of enshroudedness! Magnificent! Whispering gleefully into the grass.
+Breathing for the Pterodactyl Retreat. Yes. Good move. Yes.
+Breathing for the Magic Seitan Superpower. YES. FUCKING FUCK YES.
+Breathing for the riveting success of the Space Unicorn Lemonade Stand. YESSSSS I AM A ROCK STAR AWWW YESSSS. 😀
I am bestowing a shazillion sparklepoints upon myself. I am invoking the Superpower of Best Of, and the Superpower of Perfect Portal Playgrounds, and the Superpower of [BelChOTU]. I am putting several droplets of Heart Full Potion in my water bottle every time I fill it up. YEAH!!
And my fake band of the week is… [drumroll!] The Falafel Bludgers!
I feel like I’m always looking for the right (“right”) words to use when I chicken… and tonight I’m saying no to that. Tonight it’s just me, and whatever words come.
The Challenging:
-Feeling like an alien on an alien planet. Feeling like I do not fit in, and am very simply not built for the atmosphere here. I keep putting on a mask and trying to be just like everyone else, but the mask keeps slipping and it takes all my energy to keep it on straight. Deep belly breath for the pain and confusion and frustration that comes with this.
-Too much noise. Too much stimulation. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to live alone and not need to defend or explain my need for alone-ness, quiet, muted. There is as much beauty in these things as anything else (at least to me).
-Horrible, heart-breaking stories in the news. People doing malicious, atrocious things to each other, to animals (oh – the dogs. God, why the dogs?!?!), and to our precious Mama Earth.
-Me reading the news even though I know exactly what it will do to me. [Breath and presence and release and forgiveness for myself and everyone else here]
The Delight-Full
-Hearing Apocalyptica play ‘Nothing Else Matters’ by Metallica on the cello (HOLY SHIT – AMAZING). Realizing / remembering that I have always had a thing for rock / metal songs played on orchestral (is that a word?!) instruments. Be still my heart (YAY – a scoop of pure delight!)
-An egg nog latte. ‘Nuff said.
-A warm and crazy soft Sherpa-lined hoodie on a nice cool morning. #heavenFound
-Noticing that I played Ode to Joy better tonight than last night.
-Hip bumps and giggles with The Little Dude on the way to dinner tonight.
Leaving a gently glowing pile of sparkles for anyone who’d like some… wishing you a fabulous chicken, and day (whatever day it is)!
The hard:
Breaths for the boogar-making, bone-aching bug that is trying to be the bossa my body.
Breaths for the boogars moving from my noggin to my chest.
Breaths for the tiny me that I notice reverts to shame and hiding and people pleasing when I do not feel well.
Breaths for the frauding person charging on my Kohl’s card.
Breaths for the monster angst ludicrous fear popcorn about telling The Beloved about said fraud because they think he is going to lose. his. shit. And we already feel puny and desperate to please just because of the puny feelings.
Breaths for feeling behind at work, like I am not catching up and its all choking me out.
The good:
Remembering that the best part of sick is vaporizing mentholyptus in the humidifier! Well, the second best part, the first best part is thinking, phew! Hooray that is over!
Nice slow walk with dogs with a neighbor whom I have missed so.
The past few days being nice enough to leave the doors open! Hooray temperate Georgia December!
WARM EGGNOG!! Noodling around for something not coffee, not tea, not juice and thought – warm eggnog? Then YES! WARM EGGNOG IS AWESOME FOR THE PUNY FEELING! Well, if they like the naaag to begin with. Otherwise, prolly not.
The ease and small (not large) hassle of reporting fraud to Kohl’s folks and to Credit bureaus.
A gajilbiolsmillion sparklepoints for starting off telling the beloved about it using “A strange thing happened!” and not relaying the event in shame and his awesome reaction of asking a zillion questions (that I knew were coming AND had answers to so I did not freeze and feel cornered) and then saying, “well then, lets keep an eye out and I should call on my cards too!”
Hugh sigh of relief – and tiny “ding” about the realization that monsters use his voice at me. Well of course they do, its a handy voice to use and elicits a response for sure!
Note to self – book of me stuff under the “things to remember when I feel puny” tab
*Your Taking All Things Personally and Its My Fault dial hits 11
*Your People Pleaser goes wild
*Get out the vaporizer first thing!
*There is kimchi in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator!
*All the extra feelings are Understandable and Normal – no need to hustle, feel puny AND respond from shame. Being sick happens!
Ola Chickeners! Very happy to have reached Friday (Saturday) this week.
The Hard:
-Neighbours and their building work. Every. Day.
-The (complex benefits situation) Tribunal is happening next week and there has been more mis-communication and stress to do with this. Up to 11.
-No energy at all last weekend & early in the week meant I could not escape from above, plus I had to miss my Favourite Sunday Thing
The Lovely:
-Energy to escape for an afternoon to one of my best-loved places!
-Escaping helped boost my energy & many Ops have been completed since!
-I’ve almost finished the Get One Thing Done course and am making progress at last on a writing project!
I haven’t sat by the sea since I moved away from my house by the sea in February, thank you for the salve that fills me with salty silence and calm swooshing waves…
My fake band this week is inspired by my neighbours: Awaken to Noise. They play improv percussion using drums, cymbals and found metal objects with shouted acapella vocals. They’re promoting their latest album ‘Riot in your Street’ with spontaneous performances in urban areas. But when you look out your window to see what the F* is going on….it turns out it’s JUST ONE GUY!!
And I forgot to say, love, hearts and sparklepoints to everyone! <3<3<3
My first ever chicken!
The hard:
– getting confirmation that my job is going to turn into something so very no that …. I can’t even put it into words. Deciding to quit. The monster party that resulted.
– not having the words to explain why being unemployed is preferable to being there anymore.
– realising that I’ve actually had a really shitty year.
– wanting to support Mum who’s also having a sucky time, and not feeling quite strong enough and having the [they want to control because they care, I haven’t thought of a proper name for them yet] monsters come out
– feeling bad for my colleagues who are also in a shitty situation and not being able to help
The good:
– acknowledging that I’ve had a really shitty year and that I need to take care of myself
– being assertive and asking what will be happening with my job now instead of waiting and wondering for possibly as much as 3 months
– realising that the [omg I’m going to be unemployed] monster party is really more just a casual coffee date and I’m handling this so much better than I might have a few years ago. A billion sparkle points for me!
– I’m putting my crown on and asking for, nay, demanding what I want and need!
– I ended up really enjoying the team Christmas lunch, which I’d been dreading for weeks.
– (ironically?) I’ve been much more social at work. The [youre going to say something stupid] monster and the [you’re running out of time] monster have been battling it out, and the latter has been winning.
– i thought Husband would freak out at the idea of me being unemployed for even a few weeks, but he was fine. It was just the monsters talking.
– being determined to put some of my stories online and laying the groundwork for that.
– realising how much I’ve learned in the last year
?
that was meant to be a heart <3 deep slow breath for acknowledging the shitty, for Assertivity and Asking instead of Waiting and Wondering
Billions of sparklepoints for the courage to leave a job that suddenly became no. I can so understand all the thoughts about unemployment, I was in the same situation once. Two months into unemployment something suddenly came up that resulted in me getting pretty much a dream job and that would neve have happened if I had not quit. May the same happen to you, may unemployment become a blossoming time!
Thank you both so much! Blossoming is a beautiful metaphor mouse for not being employed.
xx Katie.
Happy Sunday and cluck!
What worked this week: listening for True Yes, continuing declining invites, conducting and Flailing. Getting quiet, fractaling.
The sucks:
-bone tired. even the continuous doing-less can’t replace everything
-all the great advice i dont take
-white flowers, the ongoing thing
-i was happy to go to my daughter’s choir concert, but seriously, i could have used the sleep
-no latkes
-the Game is Rigged
-anger, all the things i have not accomplished
but so much sparkle:
-the semester winding down, thank heavens
-listening to the husband re: doing less. we are purchasing most of Xmas online. takes lots of pressure off.
-more rest and Well-tending, less resistance to doing it
-Hogwarts. 2 of my major classes winding down, evaluating and seeing the growth
-clews!
-sweetness with the sweetie.
-practice. increased carrying capacity.
-good things all around, very grateful
love you all!
Hello, Monday!
Delights:
* fairy lights and candles and glimmering shimmering bodies of water. smiling, glowing loving prolonged eyecontact just because. sparkliness making everything better. presence making everything treasure.
* sleep
* the comfort, in both meanings, of having my own kitchen and bathroom again
* a non-annoying meditation app making it easier to stick to practice
Mysteries:
* how I still and again gravitate towards [a very unhealthy habit]. Why do I feel I need it?
* conflicted about all the staying in bed that has been happening. sometimes it is about self-care but sometimes maybe it hurts me or is maybe a way of saying I am hurting and how do we tell the difference? how do I navigate this without resorting to get-off-your-ass attitude? would permission help? why is this so hard?
* all this dancing in the flames, being deep and fully in process and beautiful beautiful wild all-consuming crisis (I do love to call it crisis and the word doesn’t have the negative connotation it might for many people.. me and the concept of crisis gave history.) also means a lot of unpredictability and vulnerability which I do recognize as beautiful and powerful, and which are also sometimes a huge pain in the arse to navigate while functioning at a working-class job and trying to build new relationships as a still-newbie in this city. a breath for all these painful but good lessons in boundaries. a breath for feeling see-through and exposed and like an asshole-magnet. may this reveal itself to be a perfect set-up for finding allies who truly respect me. or, actually, to learn about/ embody the QUALITY of respect.
Goodbye and thank you, week!
Thank you, Havi (and everyone else) for this space.
-o-o-o-