Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 402nd week in a row we are chickening here together!
What worked this week?
Being conscious and playful with ENTRY for potentially stressful interactions. Thinking about ways I could bring in light-heartedness and find common ground with the person on the other side.
This was so lovely, and not only did it help me stay calm, focused and positive, I also ended up having a completely charming and hilarious conversation with the person on the other side of the live chat function, and how often does that happen when dealing with an institution like a bank?
Next time I might…
Take care of myself first!
Naming the days.
This week was the week of something entirely new, and here were the days:
Focused zeroing in on yes. A beautiful day. Oh wow in a good way. Day of yeses. Day of wild joy. Day of surprise good. I live the ease.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
I Have Apparently Forgotten How To Smile Back At Good Looking Strangers In The Grocery Store
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I want a home. I want a home that is safe, cozy, welcoming and feels like Havi space. I want this so much, and some days it seems closer, and some days it seems impossible. A breath for this.
- This was an intensely busy, discombobulated week, and I was off balance. Arrived for three hours of dance lessons without my dance shoes, for example. Things like that. Also, I forgot that when I do a promotion (like the shop closing), then thousands of people are thinking about me, which I feel in the form of headaches and wobbliness. A breath for the ground.
- Friends and situations who echo the things my monsters say, and contribute to my false but deeply held belief that I am screwing up my life and am exceptionally bad at functioning at an adult at the most basic level. A breath for the question “is this really about me?” and remembering to breathe and let it go because truth is truth, and truth reminds me that Shit Is Not About Me.
- Not wanting to go to bed, not wanting to fall asleep, craving distraction, missing the boy who left seven months ago, wishing I would get over it already but that’s not actually how things work, at least not right now. A breath for comfort.
- Things being complicated, in very unnecessary ways. A check not arriving when anticipated. A password suddenly not working. Internet stopped working at the house completely, inexplicably. Sometimes the world is just sort of off. This week was more like, “hmmmmm, extremely suspicious, are mystery henchmen secretly gaslighting me?” levels of this. A breath for trust, again, and for catching the next wave.
- Logistics, as you know, are my least favorite thing, and that’s my whole life right now. When can X happen, not until Y which depends on factor Z, but in order to learn more about Z, there are ten other considerations, three of which take me back to X. I can get way too sucked into this, which is not good because it’s all moving parts, and so much depends on outside factors. A breath for patience, spaciousness, ease and more trust.
- It is 84 degrees in Portland, which is stupid hot, not to mention deeply distressing. Additionally I am having my yearly “caught by surprise by summer” panic, when the heat stirs up not-good memories from Then, plus I need things I don’t have and don’t have time to look for. Like flip flops that don’t tear up the sensitive skin on the tops of my feet, and a sun dress I like, and a pedicure. A breath for easing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Richard Powers is in town this weekend! He’s a dance historian who is also, I think, one of the most fascinating dance instructors on the planet. Just reading the schedule fills me with such intense excitement, this is dance geek paradise, with such wildly interesting and unlikely workshops such as “Electro Swing One Step and the Charleston Rag” or “Waltz in 5/4, 8/4 and 11/4 timing”. We will also learn The Waverly. I don’t even know what that is but I am too excited to care. A breath of joy and gratitude that I get to take part in this.
- Friends. The Vicar kept me on track this week by saying all the right things. Bourbon on the porch with Agent Emdee. Colleen the Signmaker texting love. Agent Spalding has a knack for asking the right questions, and makes me think harder, which is wonderful. A breath of appreciation.
- Signed the lease with new tenants who move in next month. Two stuck projects started moving. Contractors showed up. It’s a lot of big change, but it is good change. A breath for this.
- Big dance joy at blues dancing, and three lessons with my favorite west coast swing teacher. A breath for learning and implementing.
- While there were some minor panics this week, the hard bits of this week were nothing like last week’s. Totally doable. We’ve got this. A breath for ease.
- I did brave things! I took chances! I said what I want! I said no when it was the right answer! I asked for more intel! This is good. A breath for courage.
- So much more ease this week, so much awareness of what it is like to access the mindset of With The Greatest of Ease/Es, and much joy playing with my current favorite E: Equanimity. A breath of relief and gratitude.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of laughter, walking in the sun, iced tea. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Big movement on the Studio Op and The Fountaining. New thoughts on operation Wild Wild Nest. Operations Jubilation and Wild Montage slow and steady. Looking forward to The Wild Convening when the time is right. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I hereby bestow vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of deep abiding trust. And I got much more of that than anticipated. Sending my worries on holiday to a tropical island was an excellent plan as well.
Powers I want.
I want all the powers of roots and beautifully supported.
The Salve of On The Swing
This salve delivers many interesting superpowers. For example, the superpowers hidden in a pendulum: consistency, timing, measured, always moving through neutral to reach one edge and then another, mesmerizing. The quiet calm feeling of sitting contentedly on a porch swing in the moonlight.
The superpowers of being on a swing in the park on a glorious afternoon: joy and play, breeze and movement, that magically anticipatory moment of beautifully suspended, and then the moment of gravity taking you back….
And of course, let’s not forget the power of claiming space: taking up space in your own swing.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band:
The End Is Trivial
It’s a ska band, their latest album is Math Is All Secrets, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
Last day of the the shop!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
Ave atque vale to the shop, and here’s to the next thing!
Cluck cluck
The hard:
– even when sane, can’t deal with washing machine noise
– what if it is always going to be awful?
– slow recovery. frustration
The good:
– holiday
– gradually recovering balance
– day out
– new fountain pen, dream to write with
– permission to really not do very much at all
– pasta with chilli and anchovies and broccoli
Note to self: ask for the seemingly impossible. It works.
mmmm, ask for the seemingly impossible
DArling Havi, so much love for you.
To the Shop, adieu! I bid you a loving Exit.
On to new things, new doors.
yeah, new things and new doors!
Happy weekend!
A few hard things: being asked to do things I would rather not do and finding it hard to say no, way too much trouble sleeping, fretting about the future.
A few good things: beautiful weather, heartwarming cuddles, glitter gel pens, creature comforts.
My fortune cookie today told me, “You are highly original and creative.” Sounds good to me. <3
fortune cookie knows!
The Hard:
– realizing that so much of my life is navigating existing when so many people are telling me I don’t exist
– going through boxes of old things and feeling all the feelings and wishing I were a different kind of person, one who was better at correspondence, maybe
– missing Past Me so much; she was super in tune with herself and it seems like so much of my stuck came right around when I started identifying as genderqueer and insisting on being recognised as such. Is it actually possible to move forward when this is such a huge part of everything?
– body aches, which I’m pretty sure are tied to the stuck and the sad
The Good:
– my wonderful wonderful therapist who helps me cut to the heart of the matter
– support in things like going through boxes
– so much lovely music and poetry and podcasts
– I am getting in touch with my writing again; maybe that’ll help work through the stuck
Lots of breaths. I very much want all the superpowers of Roots and Beautifully Supported! Also want Comfort With Being Alone and Embracing The Silence.
Much love and hearts and pebbles for all. <3
<3 <3 <3
Bonjour dimanche! Thank you, week that was.
What worked? Sending cards. Dividing Saturday between Playford workshops/ball and naps.
Next time I might cultivate reframing into a reflex. The hip I twanged this morninng might prevent me from dancing this afternoon, but there’s plenty pressing at home and I would save money staying here.
Hard, irritating, infuriating, and such:
1. The “no one cares about accuracy/logistics/reserves but you” monsters got wagonloads of fodder this week.
2. Witnessing others struggle with their monster brigades, and their monsters do-si-do-galumphing with mine. OY.
3. So disappointed and at times heartsick when people I otherwise like exhibit defensiveness/willfulness about political incorrectness, and others cheer them on.
4. Homebound neighbor wanted company, and I wasn’t sufficiently in spirit to provide more than a few minutes.
5. Past Me is at times a smothering, stingful swamp to live with.
6. Cigarette butts in my driveway + garden. Grrrr.
7. Wanting the way more expensive pendant. The monsters are legion.
8. A favorite bracelet broke.
Good, delightful, reassuring, and the like:
1. Successful self-manicure.
2. No frost in the forecast –> peppers transplanted.
3. Harvesting radishes.
4. Stubborn-looking weeds came out super-easily when I tugged on them.
5. Reading about gender-free calling, queer-friendly dance camps, and the like. That an assembly near a beloved’s home is thoughtfully inclusive.
6. My first Playford Ball was fun. I even got to waltz twice!
7. I like how I look in the videos, even with my current lack of experience/fitness.
8. Having time to exercise my research chops.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
yes ohmygod do-si-do-galumphing monsters, and yay waltz yay
I just realized I barely remember this week, it’s all fuzzy because every day was about the same. Let this be an exercise in remembering…
The challenging:
– Difficult Client is not responding to email *again*, and we were supposed to meet this week. I don’t want to call because every conversation we have ends up an hour long, and I don’t have the time or nerves to spend yet another unnecessary hour on useless chit chat.
– Another meeting was postponed.
– It turned out that I could’ve easily had a sabbatical week, which I realized too late, and didn’t use the week for rest and free-form creativity in anticipation of work stuff that didn’t happen. Crap.
– So many hours in front of the computer, my entire body hurts.
– The second thing D said after arriving back home from a week long business trip was bitching about me not doing enough housework. We got into a fight less than 10 hours from him getting off the damn plane. Hurt, frustrated, ashamed.
– Super loud construction work right in front of my house ruining my sleep and work focus. And having to perform parkour to get anywhere.
– I asked someone a favor (to buy something for me in a city they live in), and they decided to do me a different favor (gift me a slightly different thing they’ve had at home), which is cool but it’s not what I asked for, and now I still need to go there myself and buy the thing I wanted. It’s perpetuating my belief that I can only rely on myself and not ask for any favors, because I won’t get what I wanted.
– I try hard not to pay attention to the political situation in my country, but it’s getting ever more horrible every day.
The celebration:
+ He apologized and all was well pretty soon. It’s a start.
+ Made a brave business decision about what I no longer do. So much around me (including you!) has been pointing to releasing what isn’t working, and I’ve committed to it publicly. Now I need to rehearse my No for in person inquiries.
+ It felt great to walk around 10km today after a week of sitting all day long.
+ Naomi used my graphics as an example of “doing it right” in her video, and that was pretty exciting.
+ Did some projects stuff, and things are coming together nicely.
Well, the latter list is quite a bit shorter, but I feel like it wasn’t so hard as it seems now… But next week, that’s going to be intense.
yay brave business decisions and brave no!
I think I’m getting addicted to NO! :))
Nela, I used your advice to photograph Dragon Sea King which I posted on Johanna Basford’s site http://www.johannabasford.com/colouring-gallery#. Please choose Lost Ocean and scroll down until you see one that looks like a sea dragon.
Thank you so much.
You have to “Load More” nine times.