Courage Is Coming / Courage Is Here / Courage Restored
At the door to the month of Courage, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done,
and took an exit in the form of saying a goodbye
This exit has been asking me to be brave enough to take it
for a long time now
I even have a sliver of memory from last-year me,
when she was channeling the names of the months,
there was a moment of hesitation at this one, tears welling up,
she must have known, as I do, that this exit is the only right move,
not to mention the only move left,
but still hoping things wouldn’t come to this,
and that a door of Courage could somehow
lead to other things
But here’s what I know
The door of Courage is a yes to what is truly important
For example…
wild self-treasuring,
integrity,
a commitment to take up more space,
devotion to Pleasure & Freedom,
Awakening
Anyway, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done and then immediately
threw up six times
as if my body was saying
“no no no we cannot digest this, what is life without this person’s love”
and I agreed to let the fear leave my body in this form, and
practiced feeling the ground
rolling a ball under the sole of each foot,
awakening to sensation
And then we cried so hard, me and my body,
we cried so hard that we gave ourselves laryngitis,
but that doesn’t make the door of courage any less right,
the tears were in part because it is so very right,
and because I have agreed to feel
Sensation
Then I did another scary thing and wrote an application for a thing I want,
and felt too nervous to press send,
so I had to pause and urgently call in some superpowers
But when I opened my notebook to name the superpowers,
my phone fell out and there was a text from
someone in the category of
[people who are always on the verge of moving to Texas but not actually moving to Texas]
I somehow know three different people in this category,
though actually many more if you substitute other things for Texas
but sometimes I hang out in this category too, because it is comfortable and familiar
Fiercely.
Anyway, I told him about the application,
and he said:
“Sweet. I’m so excited for you!
I hope I get to watch you dance once day,
you will look so fiercely flawless!”
Ohmygod yes please to the superpowers of FIERCELY FLAWLESS,
let’s start the list with that,
what a perfect seed…
Calling in the superpowers of Courage Restored!
FIERCELY FLAWLESS
I Am The Cat and the Star Queen
Crown Is On / Magic Is On / I am On
Alert, Awake, Aware
I Am An Aerialist and I Live In The Air
I Am A Panther and I Am Of The Ground
Ease of Releasing / Wu to the Wei (I let stuff happen and it is right)
It’s A Dry Heat
Saved By Boundaries, Again!
This Is So Much Easier Than I Thought It Would Be
Surprise Good News, Surprise Good Everything
Secret Allies On My Side
Immense Self Treasuring
Gloriously Indifferent aka Effortless Not Caring
Taking Time Out (triple meaning!)
Full Queenliness
Fierce & Fearless, Powerful & Striking
THE SEAS PART FOR MY MAGNIFICENCE
What does the month of Courage hold for me…
A long meandering road trip into the Badlands,
with my friend Lady K of The Jewels who loves the road too
And then I don’t know,
that’s part of why it is so courageous
to let myself find out
Out under the stars
training hard
writing and righting
channeling my next adventures
Resolution (double meaning)
My dance teacher gave me the best dance homework ever:
Turn the entire world into a hotel room that you dance around in,
alone in the dark, wild and free, and do this until
EVERYONE THINKS YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND
Yes, let’s do that,
this is also a good resolution for the month of Courage,
and a next step
Who am I when Courage is restored?
Let’s find out
What is my wish for this month.
May we all find resources of courage, strength, power and certainty,
so much more than we knew possible,
may we love ourselves with total abandon,
glowing powerful boundaries,
fully present in our declaration that we are ready for
something better,
tending our own fires,
celebrating the wild sparks,
seeding wonder and delight all around us,
fiercely advocating for what is right
(in our internal world and out in the world),
saying our clear yes
staying with this intensely courageous practice of
self-cherishing and self-treasuring
I am hearth and flame, keeper and admirer,
yes to blazing and yes to steadiness
yes to life
Invitation: Communal wish space! Come play with me…
You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…
You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.
Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.
We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.
Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!
♡
Follow
Absolutely Yes!
“May we all find resources of courage, strength, power and certainty,
so much more than we knew possible,
may we love ourselves with total abandon,
glowing powerful boundaries,
fully present in our declaration that we are ready for
something better…
saying our clear yes
staying with this intensely courageous practice of
self-cherishing and self-treasuring”
Whew! Heart-sigh.
Yes! Heart-sigh indeed! <3
Yes, this!
Oh Havi, you named the ghosts and the tears and the well with such heartful precision that some tears that I needed to cry fell and I thank you.
In this month I am wish/asking (wisking?) for the superpowers of “my heart knows the way” and trust. And “anchor to fly.” And sending glowing gratitude for the superpower of perfect timing and listening to what I “just know”, who has been graciously appearing for me this summer.
* <3 *
I am making space for Courage.
Oh yes so much yes to this.
“and the realization that my wild love is reserved for the kind of people who can show up for it with whole self and whole heart, and are worthy, and just because I haven’t met these people yet is no reason to keep pining over a ghost / no point in crying over a dry well, I mean I will cry as much as I want but I can also recognize that the well is no more, and then stop fucking going there to see if there is suddenly water in it for me because there isn’t.”
And the lightbulb just lit up over my head as I saw that part of COURAGE is rage, and another part is co[e]ur – the heart.
Oh. SO many !!!! and sparkle points for elspeth’s comment, and this whole blog post! I had such a big jolt of recognition when you described the well.
I am placing a quiet wish here for some ideas of the way of least resistance for a thing that I am dealing with. 🙂
<3 <3 <3
"crying over a dry well" – hugs to you and hugs to me, now-Me and little-Me (who's been crying and raging over that dry well for years \0/ )
is it wrong to be terrified of being courageous? i so want to… be… to Be.
“There is no right or wrong”
~ Yoda; Buddha; God (via “Conversations with God”); any number of Teachers and Guides along the paths to enlightenment.
Blessings to you ~ <3
?
Whoops that was supposed to be a <3 . So. Interesting.
“I am the fire that I tend to
I am hearth and flame, keeper and admirer,
yes to blazing and yes to steadiness
yes to life”
Whoa. So many sparks. Thank you for these words, this beautiful wish. I am wishing it too.
*\o/*
Fiery!
All my life I’ve been in denial about it, but I’m a fire sign three times over — how can I ignore the signs any longer?
Be the fire, burn it all!
YES!!!
Owing to House Move (No 37 ever; No 29 as an adult) last week I didn’t get to read this post til today… and of course, All Timings Are Right Timings. Thank you Havi so much, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today <3. I'm with you – goodbye, dry well! Time to cross the desert on an adventure to find deep, replenshingly full wells. Much love xxx
Mmmmm yes!!!
I wish we recognised our own ferocity and the power of that more <3
Love this & you, Havi. I’ve missed reading your blog, which seems one of the few safe digital spaces left. Can we please get that workshop on “Wild Self Love In Scary Times / The Yoga Of Strong Force Fields For Reading The News & Standing Up To Nazis” ?? This is my wholehearted yes! So needed <3
I’d like to add my own whole-hearted YES to this workshop. <3
Yes! too – to “Wild Self Love In Scary Times / The Yoga Of Strong Force Fields For Reading The News & Standing Up To Nazis”. I think you’ve really already named this workshop, Havi 🙂
Also having the Yes to this.
Yes to the workshop (and yes to missing the blog, too, but sparklepoints for doing what you need to do). I’ve never traveled to one of your “events”, but this just might be important to spur me to fight that travel reluctance (unless you happen to think that Edmonton, Alberta is a good place for a workshop!). And, in the spirit of “all timing is right timing”, I just squeaked in before the deadline and ordered the Collected Works. Realizing that the “this is not my yes” principle has just saved me from doing a Thing that seems so logical, but felt so wrong, I wanted to honour the source of that wisdom and model for how I want to live. Plus, I love the idea of gathered posts to peruse.
I’d be down for a workshop in LA! Could help plan/schedule/coordinate…
I am also giving a whole hearted yes! to Wild Self Love in Scary Times.
OH this is just so perfect today of all the days. I am courageous and I am on fire with the rightness of timings. I. AM, Courageous! Yes to not going back to dry wells and, YES to wild love and fierceness in the face of the world telling me that dry wells are to be expected! And that healing water doesnt exist that will cool the passion of my heart and lovingly flow its healing balm of nourishment over me and the pain and fear of a trembling open heart.
YEAH! MAY IT BE SO AND EVEN BETTER. <3
I just purchased the ebook and you are so right about Clue Filled.
This:
if insights about you aren’t kind towards you
they’re not really insights
And I unexpectedly flooded with tears. I want to comment on all of it all at once–I want to read it all at once!–but I NEED to wade through it slowly, softly, pausing often, letting the clues fill my being.
I’m finding my life space filled with flooding so often these days that just yesterday I found myself wondering, “Where’s the anger, the rage?” (As you do.)
And then I read this post. Elspeth! Heart Rage! *takes a deep breath* This is why I’m flooding.
And oh Havi, the Well! My heart aches just reading it, and how we know the Well so… well (sorry! *grins cheekily*). I’m so grateful to Past Me for walking away from many dry wells, even though my heart broke as I walked. One Well in particular I cannot help but keep in my body, in my heart. Not because the well was dry–au contraire, t’was deliciously lush with pure clean water–but I so often couldn’t find the Well and I’d fret and seek instructions, a map, a way to find my way back to the well… Yet the Well liked being Hidden. But water will never taste as good again…
WE KNOW THE WELL OF OH WELL SO WELL <3