Sleep is another one of those voyages I sometimes forget to prepare for.
Though rigorous internal scientific studies have shown that whenever I commit to any form of conscious entry, everything goes better.
Interestingly enough, the monsters have reviewed these studies and found them remarkably convincing.
Lately I’ve been doing some stone skipping before bed, as a way to practice the thing I am currently obsessing over:
Enter as you wish to be in it. Exit as you wish to continue.
Hello, sleep.
Of course, if I’m really exhausted, my bedtime ritual is just naming the moment:
SLEEP. ENTRY. DOOR.
But if I’m in the mood for writing, I’ll scribble on one or two of the following:
- What do I want from this time/experience of sleeping?
- What will help me have the sweetest sleep tonight?
- What am I releasing?
- What am I beginning?
- How do I want to feel when I wake up?
- Which part of me do I want at the front of the V when I wake up?
- What do I want to remember when I wake up?
And if none of these appeal to me, I pick a card from the Playground stone skipping deck…
Last week.
Last week I put up three new forum boards in my Kitchen Table program.
One of them is dedicated to sleep and dreams. To be honest, I was pretty sure no one would post there aside from me, but it’s been flooded with various threads about this.
We’re all practicing.
We’re practicing Morning Begins At Night (an awesome Andrey-ism).
And setting things up to be caring and supportive. Generally treating sleep like it’s the best present ever for slightly-future-you.
Which it kind of is.
And we can play here too.
Comment zen for the collective blanket fort…
You can use any of these stone-skipping questions. You can share if you like. You can deposit stories about how changing one aspect of approaching sleep changes other things.
Or not! You can always declare silent retreat, if you don’t feel like saying anything.
As always: we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a practice.
We take responsibility for what’s ours, we let everyone else have what’s theirs, and we don’t tell each other what to do or how to feel.
I am declaring a secret napping room in here today. If you don’t have time, you can send a secret self to nap for you while you’re doing other things.
If you’d like to decorate the secret napping room or donate imaginary pillows, that would be lovely.
Love and a sleepy happy wave to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
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My one and only sleeping ritual is reading carefully selected, non-thought inducing fiction. Mostly by a british author or a really good european thriller.
I’ve been reading the fluent self blog for a while and I have one burning question:
I find the concepts, rituals, etc. truly facinating, but is it healthy to live so much inside one’s head?
I journal a lot,I do morning pages and write almost every waking moment. I’ve used many of the techniques here and I do shiva nata too but sometimes I wonder if all this prevents me from naturally looking outside of myself…
This past weekend I went to the mountains, digital sabbatical one might say, I didn’t write, I didn’t think about “my stuff”, and I felt great.
How does one balance this?
Other fluent self readers have any thoughts?
I would like to decorate the secret napping room with a cat. I find sharing a nap with a cat adds a whole new level of coziness to the experience. Note: unlike most real cats, this one won’t hang around if the napper is not a cat person. 🙂
Yeah…I sometimes (ab)use mindfulness practices in a way that’s like, “THINK! MAKE SOME KIND OF MEASURABLE IMPROVEMENT! HAVE A NEW IDEA! PUSHPUSHPUSH!” And distraction seems to be a good treatment for my trying-to-“use”-mindfulness-instead-of-being-mindful rut. (Oh, how I wish for actual Shiva Nata classes in Chicago…)
I mean: I think everybody needs breaks from every kind of work, even mindfulness work. You don’t have to be working on yourself all the time…
Once again, you’ve just posted exactly what I needed to read…
Hmm, my blog link isn’t working… *testing*
“Which part of me do I want at the front of the V when I wake up?” – Brilliant question! Never occurred to me to ask something like that. Thank you. Very timely, indeed.
Still, some part of me (a monster) thinks that there are some environmental variables totally out of my control, whether I practice conscious entry or not. I mean, how can I possibly influence external noise in the morning and/or changes in temperature, esp. in summer? Both of which are likely to mess up with my sleep.
I’ve committed to practising conscious entry some more, following the awesome hints and tips from here and from the latest teleclass, in hopes they will perhaps change their opinion, eventually. 😉
Hi Isolde, I think it’s Havi’s people vary principle. I use only what works for me, I try some of the rituals for a few days and if they don’t work for me they get the boot. Others help me to make my day better and focus on my long term goals and so they stay.
Also, for me, if I’m on vacation, then I cut out some of the rituals I normally do (for instance, at home I always do hello day, but on vacation when my want is for relaxation and spending time by the pool/outside, i don’t feel the need to commit myself to writing it down).
As for me, I’ve been wanting to do a closing ritual for the day, but then I realized that I already have one. Husband and I read in bed. Turn off light. Talk a bit. Kiss good night. Go to sleep.
Sending a secret self to nap for me in the secret napping room! That’s brilliant. Exactly what I need right now.
I’m exhausted, needing at least 10 hours of sleep each night to be barely functional during the day (and often needing to nap on top of that) – as if my CFS had taken a turn for the worse. Of course, this had to happen in the middle of a very busy period, so I can’t get to nap as often as I’d need to. I’m totally sending a secret self to nap for me right now; I have a feeling that will help. I also have a feeling I’ll do that often in the next few days.
Oh! I was really wondering how I’d get through the class I’m teaching on Saturday, considering there’s no way I’ll be able to get a good (and long enough) night sleep the night before. Now, I know Sleepy Me will secretly be napping while I’ll be teaching, so she won’t be at the front of the V during class. Perfect!
Thank you for this, Havi!
@Isolde,
I love what you brought up and I second what Melissa said about the ‘people vary’ principle.
Also, my slightly-bastardized understanding of something that Havi says often: “practice as much mindfulness as you can stand.” I totally get what you mean by feeling like you’re too inside your head. I am the greatest fan of navel-gazing, but sometimes I am just so sick of thinking about myself, my processes, talking to monsters, talking to walls, journaling and figuring out layers and layers of my mind. Sometimes I’m really tired of being engaged.
Sometimes I just want to punch something or kick something. Be absorbed in something that has nothing to do with me and my issues. Sometimes I just want to sit down with a stiff drink, watch reality TV while eating ice cream and ‘turn off’ for a little bit. Sometimes this is exactly what I need to cool down my perpetually overheated brain.
Taking as much mindfulness as I can stand. To me, this is about ‘interacting with ourselves’ becoming another ‘should’. Sometimes I don’t wanna. Sometimes I want to shut off. I don’t have everything figure out yet and maybe some day I’ll reach that place of Understanding and Peace that I’ll be totally okay living in my head 100% of the time. Today is not that day and that’s okay.
Actually, I realized that ‘not interacting with my stuff on purpose because my brain needs to shut down for a little bit’ maybe just be another twisted form of mindfulness. Damn!
disclaimer: this is totally my bastardized understanding of things.
I like
“which part of the V would I like to be when I wake up?”
🙂
gonna practice tonight and report back
oh and i did make this earlier this week – all about sleeeeeeep glorious sleep
http://pinterest.com/hannah_savannah/sleep-in-a-nook/
I have an interesting relationship with sleep.
To start, I adore sleeping in and snoozing once I do wake. I’ve started a “second sleep” thing (going back to bed for 5 hrs after an hour up) on days I don’t have to do anything, and it makes the dreams crazy-fertile.
But at the same time, I have a terrible dislike of napping. If I get less than 5 hours of sleep during a nap I feel gross and nauseated when I wake up. It lasts for what feels like the rest of the day. If I must take a nap then I take Dramamine before I go to bed – gets rid of the nausea but I still feel largely gross and body-weird.
So I can I once wondered if there would be a way to train my brain to take a “shallow dive,” instead of the immersive trip to what seems like the bottom of the Sirena Deep.
All of this said, I think “Nesting” the selves that want to take a full-on sleep would be a terrific policy. I have a bunch of nests in the Blue Temple, and I can decorate them to my selveses’ desire 🙂
@Isolde Funnily enough, Havi did an Ask, Havi post on this ages and ages and ages ago… http://fluentself.com//blog/ask-havi/introspection-overdose/
And I also second what Simone said above:
‘Taking as much mindfulness as I can stand. To me, this is about ‘interacting with ourselves’ becoming another ‘should’. Sometimes I don’t wanna. Sometimes I want to shut off. I don’t have everything figure out yet and maybe some day I’ll reach that place of Understanding and Peace that I’ll be totally okay living in my head 100% of the time. Today is not that day and that’s okay.
Actually, I realized that ‘not interacting with my stuff on purpose because my brain needs to shut down for a little bit’ maybe just be another twisted form of mindfulness. Damn!’
I can sometimes get caught up in the need to figure everything out noooooowwww! space, which is the monsters talking… and for me that’s a general sign to pause (paws!), call upon the quality of trust (that I am okay right now, even if I haven’t figured it all out, and also trust that there is time), and do something outside-my-head-y. Like jump up and down on the spot and go for a short walk, or do an errand or… anything that connects me back into my body and the physical world, basically. Obviously, people vary and all, so this is just what works for me and might not at all work for you.
And… this also makes me think of something Havi says, which is what’s the question under the question? Like, are there any monsters lurking saying things like GAAAAHHH! NOT ENOUGH TIME!!! or WE NEED TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT ON DESTUCKIFYING OR DOOOOOOOOM!! And then I’d work from there. Or maybe drop the monsters off at the imaginary monstergarten for a break, and come back to them later? (Another ingenious technique of Havi’s that I find super-useful for getting some s..p…a…c…i…o…u…s…n…e…s…s…)
Hope something in there is helpful! If not, feel free to ignore it all!
<3
Oh Sleep, I love you!
This is what I need to remember to sleep well and fully:
1. put on socks before bed when it’s cold and preheat the room. You can’t sleep with cold feet.
2. Have a hat that covers your ears, but a non-flannel pillowcase so your face stays cool.
3. Find all the lights and darken them. And have an eye shade handy.
4. Stretch a little and maybe write some things.
5. Don’t have too much wine or you’ll wake up at 3:30 am.
6. If you neaten the kitchen and prep the coffee it will feel like Christmas when you wake up.
Havi, thanks for this. I used to have going-to-sleep rituals but have left them by the wayside somewhere and have not been able to re-establish them. Because now is not then and what used to work for me doesn’t any more.
So this has given me food for thought, and the hope that I can do something different and effective.
@Isolde: I second everything that has been said here in response to your question. I just want to add that for me the purpose of introspection and self work is to make my life and my relationships better.
I took a nap this afternoon, and thought of all of you. It was lovely.
@seagirl — I love your list, especially #6. So very true.
Wait, I forgot about the nap room! I’m sending some pillows and some lovely down comforters and quilts, and also some teddy bears. And some “pink noise” to counteract whatever outside noise filter in and to keep the quiet from feeling oppressive.
I slept for 10 hours last night. Heaven.
Life is funny, I don’t know why/how I didn’t see this post before, but found it randomly now that I can totally use the nap room!!
So I’m sending my Sleepy Self there while Office Me gets the work done.
Also taking note of the presents for Tomorrow Morning Me, love all the ideas and agree: sleep is in the list of best presents for Future Me 🙂
Almost forgot, I’m sending glasses of water too for the nap room for my Sleepy Self and anyone who gets thirsty between naps 😉