Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

This is week 427 of this ritual, and so we chicken.

Or check-in, if you prefer to enunciate.

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Words work for me.

I cannot even tell you how transformative it was to discover that editing anagrams to IGNITED!

For the first time in my life I was able to approach a massive editing project with excitement rather than dread. The truth is, I actually kind of like editing, but I never want to start. Sort of like how I never want to wash a gigantic pile of dishes but then I get into warm water zen state.

Except now I have the superpower of Excited and Ignited about editing, and this is very good.

I want to be more active and intentional with using word-magic.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  • The hard weekend that was hard. Breathing love.
  • The aftermath of the hard weekend: I’d think I was finally okay and then get hit again with even more waves of big emotion and turmoil. Breathing safety.
  • Vestibular hyperacusis: massive panic attacks and physical trauma triggered by very loud sounds. Breathing safety for Then and also for now.
  • Patterns. I worked my ass off on an editing project, and finished all 23,600 words in one long intense day, thinking it would feel so good to be done, except then: whoosh straight into old monster patterns. Zero ability to celebrate the accomplishment and directly into panicking about everything I wasn’t dealing with while focused on the mission at hand. As if not a moment can be spared because I have to immediately go solve the next impossible mystery. It’s like I get to the top of the mountain and all my energy and attention has been focused on getting me to the top, and I am so thoroughly convinced that I will feel amazing when I get there, able to chill out and rest and enjoy the spectacular view. But that never actually happens because getting there reminds me of all the things I haven’t been taking care of while climbing the mountain, and I just want to throw up. Breathing compassion, it’s just a pattern, it’s part of the rigged game, it’s completely understandable. Noticing the pattern changes the pattern.
  • The mystery/challenge that still doesn’t have a solution, and circumstances (plus an unanticipated piece of hard news) are forcing the deadline, and I still don’t know what the answer is or how to go about resolving this. Breathing.
  • I don’t want to the museum to close because I’ve loved working there for the past eleven years, but I also don’t see a sustainable way to fund it, and I just don’t have energy required to design the exhibits and figure out fundraising. No, that’s not it, because it’s not just about energy, it’s about focus and intention. I need to be immersed in a creative state to be the best possible museum curator, and I can’t do that when I’m not being paid, and when there aren’t funds for the museum to run, and I don’t know what to do about this situation. Breathing trust, whatever the answer is, may I find peace with this.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • The healing powers of water. Many peaceful hours in the pool letting go of things that are asking me to let them go. Breathing for the fantastic good fortune of house-sitting a place in the middle of nowhere with hot pools for me to play in.
  • Being out under the milky way at night, my only view is stars, this is all I have wanted for months and months, and now it is here and it is so very good. Breathing appreciation.
  • The situation that was so completely unbearably agonizingly painful a week ago is easing, there are still waves of big emotion around it, but each new day I have so much more intel, more awareness, more spaciousness, more peacefulness. I see the treasure and the blessing in going through it. I am okay. This is big movement in a positive direction, more than anticipated, each day easier, and next week easier than that, and so on. Breathing for perspective, and for love.
  • Speaking of love, well, love is a very good thing. Love and sweetness, my week was full to the brim with these. Breathing for the treasure in this.
  • Finished editing 23,600 words! Made enormous project on two other writing projects! Breathing celebration.
  • In a rich vein of wild creative output, writing up a storm, full of ideas, perspective and insight. This is what it is like to be in a quiet place where I can play, after this intense year of noisy environments and chaos. Breathing joy.
  • Last week I asked for a metaphor that would help me navigate a tough situation, and I found the most perfect one ever, almost by accident. Breathing appreciation.
  • Lots of little mysteries and challenges have been resolving themselves quietly behind the scenes, without my input and without any worry on my part, this is good. Breathing thank you.
  • Increased awareness of [patterns], small shifts, new choices, watching the kaleidoscope change based on how I react and how I change my approach. Breathing for this.
  • Big excitement, big hope, big anticipation, bigness! Idea sparks and stars. Breathing for incoming good.

Superpowers.

Last time I asked for the superpower of Amazing Ease, Grace and Steadiness, so that this wobbly situation becomes something that is no big deal. This seemed like the most audacious thing in the world to ask for but here I am. I also specified “grace like not falling on my face, or at least doing it in style like I meant it”, and this week’s proxy involved being Diana Rigg from The Avengers, who is basically the embodiment of that. Perfect.

Now I would like the superpower of wild audacious powerful sexy radiance. I want to experience what it is like to be be in glow-state star-state, unapologetically taking up space and feeling amazing, thank you.

Announcement time….

Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self