Hello, week: we are here.
Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
This is week 427 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
Words work for me.
I cannot even tell you how transformative it was to discover that editing anagrams to IGNITED!
For the first time in my life I was able to approach a massive editing project with excitement rather than dread. The truth is, I actually kind of like editing, but I never want to start. Sort of like how I never want to wash a gigantic pile of dishes but then I get into warm water zen state.
Except now I have the superpower of Excited and Ignited about editing, and this is very good.
I want to be more active and intentional with using word-magic.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The hard weekend that was hard. Breathing love.
- The aftermath of the hard weekend: I’d think I was finally okay and then get hit again with even more waves of big emotion and turmoil. Breathing safety.
- Vestibular hyperacusis: massive panic attacks and physical trauma triggered by very loud sounds. Breathing safety for Then and also for now.
- Patterns. I worked my ass off on an editing project, and finished all 23,600 words in one long intense day, thinking it would feel so good to be done, except then: whoosh straight into old monster patterns. Zero ability to celebrate the accomplishment and directly into panicking about everything I wasn’t dealing with while focused on the mission at hand. As if not a moment can be spared because I have to immediately go solve the next impossible mystery. It’s like I get to the top of the mountain and all my energy and attention has been focused on getting me to the top, and I am so thoroughly convinced that I will feel amazing when I get there, able to chill out and rest and enjoy the spectacular view. But that never actually happens because getting there reminds me of all the things I haven’t been taking care of while climbing the mountain, and I just want to throw up. Breathing compassion, it’s just a pattern, it’s part of the rigged game, it’s completely understandable. Noticing the pattern changes the pattern.
- The mystery/challenge that still doesn’t have a solution, and circumstances (plus an unanticipated piece of hard news) are forcing the deadline, and I still don’t know what the answer is or how to go about resolving this. Breathing.
- I don’t want to the museum to close because I’ve loved working there for the past eleven years, but I also don’t see a sustainable way to fund it, and I just don’t have energy required to design the exhibits and figure out fundraising. No, that’s not it, because it’s not just about energy, it’s about focus and intention. I need to be immersed in a creative state to be the best possible museum curator, and I can’t do that when I’m not being paid, and when there aren’t funds for the museum to run, and I don’t know what to do about this situation. Breathing trust, whatever the answer is, may I find peace with this.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- The healing powers of water. Many peaceful hours in the pool letting go of things that are asking me to let them go. Breathing for the fantastic good fortune of house-sitting a place in the middle of nowhere with hot pools for me to play in.
- Being out under the milky way at night, my only view is stars, this is all I have wanted for months and months, and now it is here and it is so very good. Breathing appreciation.
- The situation that was so completely unbearably agonizingly painful a week ago is easing, there are still waves of big emotion around it, but each new day I have so much more intel, more awareness, more spaciousness, more peacefulness. I see the treasure and the blessing in going through it. I am okay. This is big movement in a positive direction, more than anticipated, each day easier, and next week easier than that, and so on. Breathing for perspective, and for love.
- Speaking of love, well, love is a very good thing. Love and sweetness, my week was full to the brim with these. Breathing for the treasure in this.
- Finished editing 23,600 words! Made enormous project on two other writing projects! Breathing celebration.
- In a rich vein of wild creative output, writing up a storm, full of ideas, perspective and insight. This is what it is like to be in a quiet place where I can play, after this intense year of noisy environments and chaos. Breathing joy.
- Last week I asked for a metaphor that would help me navigate a tough situation, and I found the most perfect one ever, almost by accident. Breathing appreciation.
- Lots of little mysteries and challenges have been resolving themselves quietly behind the scenes, without my input and without any worry on my part, this is good. Breathing thank you.
- Increased awareness of [patterns], small shifts, new choices, watching the kaleidoscope change based on how I react and how I change my approach. Breathing for this.
- Big excitement, big hope, big anticipation, bigness! Idea sparks and stars. Breathing for incoming good.
Superpowers.
Last time I asked for the superpower of Amazing Ease, Grace and Steadiness, so that this wobbly situation becomes something that is no big deal. This seemed like the most audacious thing in the world to ask for but here I am. I also specified “grace like not falling on my face, or at least doing it in style like I meant it”, and this week’s proxy involved being Diana Rigg from The Avengers, who is basically the embodiment of that. Perfect.
Now I would like the superpower of wild audacious powerful sexy radiance. I want to experience what it is like to be be in glow-state star-state, unapologetically taking up space and feeling amazing, thank you.
Announcement time….
Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
This has been the week of Putting Out Fire With Gasoline and it does not feel as if it is letting up.
But there was also SUDDEN DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE WIN. So I have to remember to remember that.
Sending Havi a brand new red pen for editing. And an umbrella and bowler hat so she can also be the other half of The Avengers whenever she wants.
Haha I do like both halves of The Avengers! <3
Well, hello there, chicken! Time for me to pause, and breathe, and ask myself, “what the heck *did* happen this week, anyway?”
Hard: ongoing uncertainty about some *rather* significant potential life changes. At this point, I don’t even know when I’ll know, let alone what will happen. It’s awkward, and it’s draining.
Good: noticing that I have really upped my self-care game, and I am noticing the effects, and it feels good. In not entirely unrelated news, I found a *fabulous* bag today, reasonably priced, ready and willing to have adventures with me, and yes, I bought it!
It’s good to be here. *lights candle*
Mmmmmm yes to all this. <3
Hello, y’all. Hello, weekend.
Hard: My dog is dead. I am bereft.
Good: She had a great 15 years. She got to enjoy turkey wontons and asparagus stubs Sunday night, and to stick her snout into pepper bushes and zinnia thickets one last time before the last ride to the vet. Who provided exactly the right amount of information and sympathy and competence, and I am so grateful for that.
Warm wishes, and shabbat shalom.
((((mechaieh))))
Oh love I am so sorry <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Hard:
Lots of Unexpected Exciting We Have To Do This Thing Now moments with the roommate, some of which we really did Have to Do (thus tiring both physically & emotionally), some of which we could maybe do later (which required on-the-fly negotiation with said roommate who is So Opposite me in so many ways). A breath for space.
Good:
Survived the Exciting. Negotiations with roommate all went well. Applied Luscious Self-Care in the form of baths & cocoa. A breath for holy crap, that all worked, what even.
Hard:
Missing a bunch of friends back in Colorado who are mostly all getting together for a Thing this weekend. Which I could go to, but I am down here, & I am kiiiinda broke, & also I want to do a bunch of things here which I can’t do if I’m there and and and… A breath for there will be other times.
Good:
So many of the Things I want to do here are Things that I have been putting off forEVer because I didn’t have space to do them — either physical (nowhere safe to work on projects) or emotional (hard to plan large furniture redo project when worried about getting gaslighted or possibly kicked out).
Now that all of that is not true anymore I am doing So Much Congruencing! My workbench has a new shelf! That holds ingredients! & is PURPLE! My boring painted-flat-black shelves with all the chips & messed-up spots along the bottom — the ones that are the perfect right size to hold stuff but are did-I-mention boring & occasionally wobbly — are shortly going to be non-wobbly & did-I-mention PURPLE? With sort-of-mango-coloured swirls?
Plus smaller projects like sewing & sorting & arranging & digging out my kitchen stuff which has been packed up since 2011(!!) getting my clothing actually CLEAN & & & …
IT IS ALL VERY EXCITING & I will visit Colorado again in a while but now I am in a safe place & I want to actually put down roots!
NEW PURPLE SHELF! Non-wobbliness!
Happy Sunday and cluck! I thinkwe have finally moved Quarters and are in the Autumn Lodge, cozy and built for exploration, festivity and magick.
what worked this week: again, letting my bdy have the final say, which was sit on the couch, util i am pretty tired of sitting on the couch. Also asking for the clues to land
the sucks are relatively few:
-as we peel; away layers of cluttre and dysfucntion we find…deeper level foundational dysfuinction. sigh
-keep missing tje plumber sigh, hints at my phone being not fully functional.
-i am lising ground on Opeation Scary sequin. a rest, or a loss of starch?
-speraking of losing tarch lately, it’s endemic
-no wriitng either, no art, ugh
-praxis by rote. a breath for having faith
-realizing i really don’t want [X] for a long time i thought the problem was [x didnt want me]. i have new intel now and it’s not encouraging
-another horrid medical test this week. boo
-omg everything takes sooo freaky long to do
-so much loss of starch
but so much that is nice:
-gorgeous weather
-house guest
-fun things coming up but
-i have been declinign invites te past few weeks because i want to get stuff done in the house,. the husband is apprewciative
-doing things i like at home, keeping up with praxis, enjoying the house.