What do we do on dark bleak days?

Does it matter which dark bleak days we are talking about?

No, because the protocol is the same
in all cases of dark bleak days
and so we focus on the protocol.

And, at the same time…
of course we acknowledge all forms of darkness and bleak
because acknowledgment is part of the protocol
as is breathing and noticing: what is here?

Remembering the protocol.

You are invited to follow along with me, and of course
change up the order, in any way that suits you,
with additions and subtractions,
as works best for you,
because People Vary and the only important protocol
is whatever works best for you,
this is only one possible example of a protocol,
my process, today.

Noticing.

What does noticing look like? Like this:

Oh yes wow okay look at all this darkness.

Noticing (i)

Here we are in the dark and bleak days of adjusting to this new political reality,
wherever you are in the world, I assume you are reeling
right along with us, on the day-after-election-day
in the not especially united states of Oh Shit What Just Happened.

The unthinkable happened last night, and, possibly,
more unthinkable is coming, who knows,
but there it is: bleakness, apprehension, a tightening,
here we are, dark days.

If you are at all a highly sensitive person, you also may feel all too intensely
the big surging waves of this volatile energy
the pulsating fear-anger-uncertainty of the collective,
and for sure we are all suffering from the Global Hangover effects right now…

And if you aren’t someone who feels everything
your hangover sensations might be more subtle though possibly also more disorienting,
in part because they can be so much harder to pick up on.

Either way, there is a lot going on
out there in the world
and it has a very real impact on how we experience ourselves,
the resonance of our internal worlds,
it is useful to remember this, even when it is painful,
and this is why we pause and notice.

Noticing (ii)

Hello very dark days that come with the changing of the clocks,
when evening arrives with such suddenness,
earlier than anticipated, impossibly early, and seems to stretch on forever,
what do I notice here?

Mainly how profound the impact is
of external on internal.

Noticing the foggy confusion in mind and body, the resistance,
the way I don’t want to get out of bed,
and how at the same time I long to be outdoors
wanting to soak up as much light as possible.

Noticing perceptions of narrowing, tightness (physical and emotional)
that pre-anxiety anxiety from long ago:
what if the light doesn’t come back…

But we do not stop at noticing.

The purpose of noticing is to serve as a door,
it gives us a place to enter.

I practice noticing for two reasons:

1. It forces me to pause and I get to interrupt the habit-patterns of the mind through pausing.
2. I can use this interruption to buy enough time to remember the next step: apply Compassion to everything I notice.

[An important point of clarity here!]

Compassion is not a negation of justified fury,
of course we are still allowed to feel furious as well as deeply sad and troubled.

Compassion includes making space for the fury-sadness to be what it is,
not about tamping down emotion.

What else do we know about Compassion?

Compassion is a surprisingly powerful ingredient,
it should always be directed internally before externally
(put on your own oxygen mask first),
and there are infinite ways to apply it…

What does it mean to add compassion to the noticing? How do we do this?

We do this through acknowledgment and legitimacy:
Everything I am feeling makes sense.
Darkness (physical and existential, felt and symbolic)
does have very real effects on body and mind and body-mind.

All this emotional turmoil and chaos is valid and understandable,
these feelings that I am feeling, all of them, are legitimate things to feel,
they might not be fun, and I can remember that they are not all-powerful.

These feelings do not constitute the wholeness of who I am,
they are a (temporary) experience, and through the act of intentionally acknowledging them,
giving legitimacy to this not-fun moment,
I am agreeing to let these feelings (temporarily) exist — if I can, as I can.

And I am doing this intentionally, as a way of being present with life and aliveness, to the best of my ability.

And we get a hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for doing this.

A hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for being human beings who feel feelings!

Or, if we find ourselves in a state of numbness and absence-of-feeling,
then we get a hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for noticing that,
we acknowledge the good intentions behind those old defense-mechanisms
(yep, there they go, triggering pre-emptive shut-down in times of pain).

Either way, we’re doing the best we can in a difficult moment, and acknowledging this is important.

Pathways.

I am not a helpless compilation of my thoughts and feelings
I am something much bigger than that,
I am the sanctuary which houses my thoughts and feelings
and I am the interior designer of my interior spaces
with the ability to observe my thoughts and feelings, to interact with them,
making space for them to exist,
and making pathways for them to move through me.

Permission, acknowledgment, legitimacy:

Here we are in this hard and painful moment,
it is genuinely crappy and not fun,
we are allowed to be where we are,
we are allowed to not like it one bit.

We name our feelings (hello, rage and pain and apprehension and regret and fear).
We make room for them to exist.
We add compassion and we keep adding compassion.

What comes from compassion?

Compassion allows for spaciousness.
It lets us come closer to ourselves through separating out
from what is not ours.

Examples of making space through compassion:

Oh hey I am experiencing this intense hangover sensation
and I want to blame the glass of wine I had last night
and poor sleep and panicking over election results…

Oh hey I am experiencing panicky fear and
overwhelming numb depression…

But how much of this is global hangover and other people’s stuff,
and how much truly belongs to me?

Ah, okay, five percent is my own emotional chaos-state, and the rest
belongs to the collective,
so I can return it
or let it channel straight into the earth
to be broken down and return to its purest components
it’s just energy

and I am not required to hold the hangover energy of the world
I am not required to take on the sadness of the world,
which does not serve the world and does not serve me.

How else do we add compassion?

What would my body truly find most comforting and reassuring, in this moment,
what is the most nourishing, loving way I can take care of myself in this moment?

How can I best take care of my homes —
my body, my mental and emotional well-being, my physical surroundings,
the kingdom of my internal worlds?

How can I best apply love?

Permission, spaciousness, acceptance, love, self-treasuring. Extreme self-care.
What do I find calming and restful, and can I bring so much intention and kindness to whatever it is.

The poison is also the antidote.

The reason I feel miserable and hopeless in the dark, bleak days is because of how
external factors of [dark and bleak] have altered
both my internal space and how I perceive myself in my space.

When this happens, I am reminded of past [dark and bleak] times,
and current experience of [dark and bleak] is amplified by Then.

At the same time, my body, which knows only right-now,
lives by the lizard-brain / infant-brain logic of
[what I feel right now is probably what I will feel forever]
[how things are in this moment now is how they will be forever]

But once I recognize and remember this relationship between internal and external,
I can apply all the wisdom of Very Interior Design.

Very Interior Design.

I can alter my internal environment through changing something in my external, or vice versa.

And I can use anything at my disposal
and on any level (physical, energy, emotional, mental, spiritual)
to make adjustments to both internal and external,
as well as how I am inside of them,
how I play inside of them and how I perceive myself inside of them.

Power and play.

Today I am interacting with dark-and-bleak through
+ Noticing (also known as Awareness)
+ Legitimacy
+ Compassion
+ Presence
+ Comfort

But also through anything and everything I can muster to
bring new light and perspective to any aspect of my internal and external space.

For example, things like Widdershins and
Change Your Place Change Your Luck,
appreciating flowers,
applying color / adding mantra / skipping stones,
wrapping myself in a cloak of stars,
using words to rename and recharge,
setting off on proxy missions,
all while making space for me to feel what I am feeling
and release what everyone else is feeling.

Back to noticing.

Okay, so my protocol today looks something like this:

+ I Am Noticing (aka presence)
+ Applying Legitimacy (aka add compassion to the noticing)
+ What does Extreme Self Care look like, for me, in this moment right now?
+ How can I use the relationship between External and Internal Space to glow more light?

Whatever I find helpful or useful, I do more of that.
Whatever isn’t working today, I do less of that.

I keep playing with this.
And I trust that play and presence will show me what is next.
This is a form of rallying.

On dark bleak days, I rally.

Yes, I rally in the sense of finding my way through
but also in the sense of going on retreat, making a safe container for
everything I want to work on.

I try to remember that bleakness is — or can be, if I let it,
a sparking point, a catalyst/crucible for my projects and my passions.

And I remind myself that everything that happens during the container of my rally
is a part of the rallying,
even the crappy parts,
I can use them for good when I am ready,
they are not taking me away from my mission,
they are bringing me back to my mission.

What else can we do on dark bleak days.

On dark deep days I prioritize
deep self-nourishing (and second breakfast) above all else.

I refuse to let the global hangover cloud my own clarity:
this hopelessness is not mine, or at least it is not just mine,
and each of us can politely refuse to carry the anxiety of the entire world,
and tend to our own gardens, our places of power and passion.

I am calling on a brand new force field made of
Glowing My Power and Wild Clarity and Imperviousness, yes,
dressing myself in new garments,
a mantle of determination and intensity, a crown of steadiness and grace.

Towards.

Time to channel big wild intense Clarity with passion and a plan.
I am asking for a new mysterious project to find me,
a new Incoming Me to advise me,
preferably a four year project,
like my own form of olympic training or maybe this is what I meant once upon a time
in my wish about the iditarod…

Committed to showing up more and harder,
with steady powerful passion and presence,
integrity and focus,
keeping my own light on, attuned to my wild glow,
taking care of myself to the best of my ability,
keeping my eyes on TOWARDS.

A clue.

Yesterday I received a beautiful clue about
how working towards what I do want and working against what I do not want
is not the same energy.

Is this true? Maybe. I believe there is a time and a place for all of it,
but right now I want to be in A Big Clarity of Towards.

And to do this, I am applying all the protocols of self-fluency.
We take care of ourselves, we explore and investigate (with curiosity and love) the
important questions of life in the best detective agency that has ever been.

Investigations of Curiosity and Love.

For example:

• How can we best take care of ourselves in dark, bleak days?
• How can we access our own ner tamid, light eternal, and other forms of
  beautiful new power sources?
• What do I need right now, in this moment, and how do I give it to myself?
• What needs to be eliminated and what needs to be illuminated?

Asking, listening, taking exquisite care of ourselves, moving towards.

Writing.

I am writing a post today, an exhibit for the gallery, instead of doing any of [the other things]
because the only way I can feel better on this dark bleak day is if
these concepts that constitute my work, the things I practice every day,
can somehow be a source of light and lightness,
whether in the form of comfort, focus, service or even mystery
(maybe the words collected here challenge people and that is okay too)
maybe we can all challenge ourselves to
take another pause, a deeper breath,
channel a moment of attentiveness, and love,
directed inward,
glowing out.

Invitation / how we play here…

We practice Safety First, and remember that safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

We remember that People Vary, my process does not have to be yours, each of us is unique, and this is a good thing, we make room for feeling what we feel and take responsibility for what is ours.

We can share appreciation and !!!! or anything sparked for us while reading.

Here’s how we meet each other and ourselves here: with kindness and appreciation.

♡

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