I want to try something with you.
But first I feel drawn to tell you two stories on my mind right now, both from the world of dance, which is where I am when I’m not writing, and also the place where writer-me goes to study voice, trust, patience, lusciousness, and process.
A different way of thinking about imitation.
At a training with Brandi Tobias, world champion dancer.
She watched the room and said, “Okay people, I need you to dance the same pattern again, but this time do your best imitation of how a world champion dancer would dance this pattern.
We did it again. It was better. A remarkable amount of better. The room felt different too, tingly and alive.
She sighed. “I don’t know whether I like this exercise or not. I love watching you guys dance so much better, but honestly it pisses me off to no end that you seem to think you need permission to have confidence in your movement.”
Changing the definition.
I have always thought, without out really thinking about it, that imitation is just never good — it’s not being true to yourself, wanting something that isn’t yours, and so on.
Certainly as a writer, one of my greatest frustrations is when people try to write in my voice instead of being inspired to turn inward and find theirs. Sincerest form of flattery means nothing to me. Things that resonate with truth mean everything to me.
But what if I rewrite the word? What if imitation can also mean granting ourselves permission to glow? In that case, imitation becomes the sincerest form of trying on a glow to see how it transforms a moment…
If that’s true, then people can let go of the need to imitate my voice and instead imitate the trust that it takes to share of yourself in your own way, glow your own glow. Oh, the tingly real magic of that.
Nothing to prove.
At a seminar with Brad Whelan on the Art of Winning (dance competitions).
He told a story about a time he danced very well in a competition and would have made finals (in the top division) but for one point marked down by one judge, who happened to be a good friend of his. So he asked her what he could do differently.
She said, “You were great. It’s just, you were dancing like you were trying to make finals, you weren’t dancing like you thought belonged there.”
That was his turning point, he stopped trying to prove he was good enough and started dancing like he knew he was, and now he always makes finals.
Right now.
One of the things I love about dance — and by “love”, I mean it drives me up the wall, is that yes, you need technique, and yes, you have to develop artistry, but so much of it, maybe even most of it, is just trusting that you are allowed to stop doubting yourself.
Which is not the easiest thing to learn how to do.
But think about the power of this:
Not waiting for Oh Someday In The Distant Future When It’s Been Proven That I’m Amazing And Therefore I’m Finally Allowed To Act Like I Am Relaxed, Positive and Sure Of Myself In Everything I Do.
Just deciding that right now, in this moment, I get to have fun, I get to glow, I get to feel what it’s like to be wildly confident, because that feeling is a good thing for my body to be able to feel.
The superpower of yeah let’s do this.
I’m taking this concept and repurposing it for my L.I.S.T. — my to-do list which is also an acronym for Luscious Intrigue of Secret Treasure.
Let’s imagine that the World Champion of Crossing Shit Off The List (something I generally believe to be overrated but I could really use some of that magic today) is here with us right now.
She says, “Okay people, let’s play with one thing on our list, and let’s do it like we are world champions of crossing shit off, we have all the superpowers needed for this. What does this look like? One thing. How are we going to approach? With style! You’ve got the glow. You’ve got permission (always) to glow. Let’s see how this feels.”
Here are the superpowers we get to have today.
We get to have them because we just do, and also we are imitating them to remind ourselves of what that might feel like….
The superpowers of:
Wonder Focus. I’ve Got This. I Ask The Right Questions. Relaxed and Positive! I Trust Myself More Than I Ever Have Before. World Champion Crosser-Offer! Everything I Do Counts, No Matter What The Monsters Think. Fractal Flowers, baby.
Let’s play in the comments!
Here’s how this is going to work….
- We decide we have the superpowers and we have the glow, or at least we’re imitating them to see what that feels like and how it changes the moment.
- We name some of the things on our L.I.S.T. of things that want to be crossed off or otherwise released.
- We choose one thing to investigate and see what might help move it forward.
- We award ourselves absolutely thrilling over-the-top amounts of sparklepoints for anything and everything!
And then we can check back in, throw some sparklepoints around and apply more superpowers as needed. You can also just say hi, share appreciation and enthusiasm, and of course make up acronyms, because that is the best.
As in all things, permission and legitimacy!
Life is busy and challenging, the game is super rigged, things pretty much always take an entirely different amount of time than anticipated, everything counts. Endless respect (and a billion sparklepoints) to us for getting through the day, however it happens. Everything else is a bonus.
I’ll start. Here are a bunch of things on my L.I.S.T. of missions and ops
+ Second Breakfast Will Make Me Feel Better
+ Operation Belle Isle: price-check flight to DTW
+ + Provisions: secret things from the market
+ Check Baby Check aka we have no presentable shoes for cool weather, can we replace clogs?
+ Operation BAPOT: just list the questions I have
+ Not Actually A Wagon, aka what intel can I share with L?
+ Contact Agent Waffles about the Oversight
+ Two Geniuses Walk Into A Bar aka what can be salvaged
Applying superpowers now in salve form, and starting in 3, 2, 1.
Ready to do this like I know how to do it!
I JUST DID A SCARY THING AND IT WAS FINE!!!!! The Oversight turned out to not be an Oversight, and I win for actually investigating and asking questions instead of hiding! World Champion of Let’s Do This!
????
Alas, Unicode emoji are not a thing that is happening. But that was buff-arm-flexing-in-solidarity up there.
SOLIDARITY!!!
WORLD CHAMPION!!!
I’m here! My sparklepoints are aqua and magenta today!
Here’s my L.I.S.T for now:
1. Exit stage left, even!
2. Aquire the mysterious Stuff in a Spraycan
3. Garment district!
4. “Same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to win a million dollars!”
5. Channel my Inner Miranda
Permission to already be awesome — it’s a little bit like exiting the middle, I think. That’s another of my favorite Fluent Self posts.
Okay, here I go!
[Acquire acquire acquire acquire acquire] 😀
Ooooh these are really good! I support these missions!!!!
Progress is in progress! In related news, I am *certain* that the wall of orange buckets saying LET’S DO THIS that I encountered while acquiring the Stuff was a Clew for me.
OOoooh! I haven’t had anything but metallic jeweltone sparklepoints since I quit The ProfOrg which gave me orange and green ones. And maybe the 40 foot fountains which were hot, sparkly silver.
40 foot fountains! Sounds glorrrrrrious! <3
*delight*
Hello LIST, love inspires serendipitous trust.
1. A convention of jims
2. A replenishing glass of burgundy
3. Islands have boundaries and do can I!
4. CARDS, clandestine alchemy remains delightfully secret
5. Super secret power of sleep to the rescue
AMEN! What a beautiful LIST
<3 <3 <3
Misanthropic chicken is trying on the costume of being Merry Martha the fairy godmother. She has started by imbibing a little sherry to help with the merry.
Merry Martha would be EXCITED to be granted this challenge! No wonder this situation needs FAIRY MAGIC and that mere mortals would look at it all and just weep! Whoo hoo!
Merry Martha would have little birdies and woodland creatures chirping MERRILY alongside her. (Look up the amy adams in enchanted songs).
Merry Martha would tell her god daughter to sit down on the stool and not to worry, and ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to judge this orphan child for having been caught in the rigging. (Merry Martha has ZERO TOLERANCE for any of the stories that the Wicked Duchess Stepmother and her ugly stepsisters Judgiana and Condematia rig up around her.)
Merry Martha is going to work on sparklifying the cinder laden hearth for a while.
Twit tweet toowooo!
Pandora station of magic: Broadway Allstars
OVER EMOTING IS IMPORTANT
Darling, it’s not *over* emoting. It’s just emoting. Reject the idea that being ‘cool’ is important and valuable. Emote! CLAIM YOUR ENERGETIC SPACE!
This is what Brandi was saying I think. At least it is what I’m saying. And I am a merry fairy.
HELL YEAH! And yes, that is what Brandi was saying. She is seriously the queen of Claiming Her Energetic Space. <3
It is endlessly fascinating to me how deeply I have absorbed/had imposed the notion that me taking up space is somehow an imposition on the world, in so many forms of ‘space’.
A friend of mine wrote this morning ‘be a one person counter-plot to the patriarchy’. I love that. Claiming space is doing that. I love the idea that I can give myself permission, nay CLAIM the permission to feel emotional feelings singing broadway ballads, or that you can glow your world champion dancer glow, and that these are actions that are countering the patriarchy, undoing the rigging, writing the new story. YEAH!!
Clueful lyric confusion of the day (so far): …and love will make the flowers grow.
Love the seeds. Just as they are. Because they exist, not because they will bring X into your life. Just because. Unconditional. Always. Flowers may spring, you may/may not be here to see it. Either way, seed them, love them. That is all.
Yay, Claire! I heart this so much!
When people say that it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, they believe that both permission and forgiveness are given from external sources. If you, no, WHEN you give yourself permission, you claim your power and you don’t need either permission or forgiveness from others. And when you forgive yourself, you undo the rigging that puts power/authority in the hands of others to give or withhold forgiveness.
So yay, you, for taking that power into your own hands!
ROCK ON!!!
short list here:
GO TO SLEEP!
In 3… 2… 1…
oh yeah.
Best list ever!!!! <3
Hmmm… haven’t made a LIST in ages. So here it comes:
– I am only here for the magic
– Going to the Zoo with B
– Knowing that Isa is always right
– Playing tetris with pineapples
And… I kinda wanted to share this as well:
I also knew a wonderful dancer once. A person so fierce, warm and full of good humour that I am currently unable of putting it into words. She was teaching a bunch of very confused teenagers how to move, breathe and listen.
And laugh!
Of ourselves, of everything around us.
… “Don’t afraid of the floor, pretend it’s George Clooney (or anyone else perfect for this role) keeping you safe” …
Real Life Skills, taught by a High School teacher. The kind of amazingly useful skills it’s so easy to forget, and sometimes so hard to rember. To this day she’s still one of my heros.
“One of the things I love about dance (…) is just trusting that you are allowed to stop doubting yourself.” Quote Havi <3
– really reminded me of her. … And all the times I was totally freaking out in front of the barre/mirror because being free was the most terrifing yet beautiful notion ever.
The world is full of brilliant dancers (also meaning people who aren't dancers in the literal sense), unrigging whatever game or rulebook or whatever you want to call it. Thank you all for being here.
(yes, being free really is terrifying and beautiful) <3
<3
Update on the then scariest thingy: Going to the Zoo with B turned into a cake-making mission. – who knew?
But DID IT anyhow. It was a weird cake, that probably defied all the rules of what a cake usually is (like sweet and nice looking and… all the other cakey somethings). But it was home made, with love and care. Almost too much care. And now it’s done.
Now it’s done.
———
… and I still love proxying.
Mmmmmmm <3 <3 <3 love this
Oh, this is crazy perfect and ridiculously good timing!
Today I was training new [people who do what I do] on [, which included them sitting in on a session to see this process *live*. I wasn’t nervous, as I’m beautifully skilled in “it’s okay for us all to be human, which includes being clumsy and fallible, and no, everything does not have to be picture perfect movie-smooth.” I’m comfortable with it as I see them as my peers, just less experienced in *this* particular aspect, in which I happen to have more experience.
And it flowed. Some things were unexpected, but I could just go, “Oh, look at this unexpected thing,” handle it, and continue. None of it fazed me, nor did I expect it to. We then had a great debrief afterwards, and it was just this really lovely energy while we unpacked what stood out to them.
And then AFTERWARDS, when I was home, my mind was just lazily reviewing bits and pieces of the day, when I went, “Omgoodness, I just acted like the comfortable expert (ugh, such negative associations with that word!) who rolled with everything” and it was like oh my, should I have been more concerned/uptight, more “professional”, more “expert/experienced” and less “peer”?!
It was like I had to go through this self-doubt after feeling really at ease with what I was doing, with what needed to be done, and with holding the space for growth and learning AND living the value of respect for the talented professionals they are. I felt like I had to go umm, it’s okay; you don’t have to be perfect, and that includes not having to be perfectly imperfect! Damn!
And then tonight I read this post, and find myself sighing with contentment as I recognise I was sitting comfortably in my “We can do this, because we know we’re skilled enough to do it well, regardless of what falls out of the sky”, and then later this semi-freakout of “OMG you were COMFORTABLE! What is WRONG with you?!!”
And now I can relax again *grins foolishly*
You can let yourself be a Champion, honey *smiles*
Heartfelt thanks for everything that is offered here.
By the way, skipping stones arrived and wow! Divine in so many ways and I’ve already used them twice and can see myself using them a lot. More Gratitude.
Ugh, I knew I should have read the comments before posting *fails to belong yet again*
(This happens to me too — an experience of being at home in my skills and in my vulnerability, followed by massive doubt about the whole thing, my monsters just have to poke at the comfort like it’s bubble wrap and they can’t stop popping bubbles. It’s hard to just let Unexpected Ease become the new reality, the cycle of ease-followed-by-extreme-doubt seems to be universal to everyone who teaches, as far as I know!)
-o-
WOW, YES, THIS!!! <3 Wow. Thank you so much for describing that, Magic. I just have been having a similar experience, I interviewed for a job last week, and gave a 20 minute talk on how I would do the job, it was GREAT and I was totally present in myself and confident and rolled with the punches of some really, really difficult questions… and then afterward my monsters were like "Shame on you! You should not have been so confident, you were unprofessional and idealistic and pretending and you will have no idea what the heck to do once you get there."
BTW, I am imagining that [what you do] was a live hot-glass-blowing demonstration and you made a beautiful vase :o)
<3 <3 <3
Today I choose the SuperPowers of Walking Like A Blade, Fresh & Focused, and I Know the Next Step to Take. All while being Beautifully Supported during the month of April and Roots, and the Moon of Holy Wells.
I have been Wishing much because either the desire is not easy to hear, or more rarely, everything is so Congruent that Wishing is not quite necessary. But now things are moving:
-more access to Holy Wells, more luscious well-tending
-success for my event on Sunday
-resolution to the Joan Jett situation
-movement and clarity of intel on Blue Lapis. understaning of the fractal pattern here with the Treehouse and HMS the Proud Mary.
-BIG progress of Op Natasha, Op Levanah and Op Scarlet Fevre.
-ease for the massive car repair I’m paying today. #ouch
-releasing all the things I couldn’t sign up for and buy, and pats for doing what is practical and sustainable
-the first glimmers of Operation Empress, which is part of Secure the Keep. intrigued
-Operation Eden is unfolding
– and of course, sustained praxis alwys, and always growing
I love these superpowers! And I feel very tingly about Secure The Keep, whatever it means for you, those words have such a powerful reverberation, there is clearly something important stirring there…
Lately I have been using the Superpowers of
– Picking the First Home Repair Contractor I Like (avoiding the huge iguana colony involved with deciding among an apparently *infinite* number of them)
– Saving Up CWUs and Doing Them All At Once (this is a specialized iguana liberation method for small projects; monsters think this is silly and doesn’t fit my normal iguana interactions, but they can go play with balloons so they have been known to pipe down after the full set of CWUs are clearly identified for a given project or discrete portion thereof)
My financial advisor Finchley has pointed out that least for the last couple of weeks these have been working fairly well! For example, the cost of one of the expensive jobs got reduced by the company, they had miscalculated and the savings will just about pay for one of the other expensive jobs by another company. Sparklepoints are sparkling!
YEAH!!!! <3
I started the day with a mental L.I.S.T. of three hard things. One dissolved itself in an unexpected friendly encounter. One resolved itself without my input. One is left. So I am gearing up for that.
Here’s a wish for Ease, Channeling Confidence, and Trusting The Floor.