Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 394th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Costume changes. Naming superpowers. A really good cover story.
Next time I might…
Come up with a fun back-up option, one that is so fun that I actually am kind of excited when the first thing falls through.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of brave and hopeful yes, and here were the days:
Radiance. A brave and hopeful yes. A much needed sea change. Yes Just Is. Big magic. Take pleasure. Fierce Glow.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
I Did What I Came Here To Do, Time To Rest.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I am tired and I want to retire. A breath for this.
- Right ankle still talking. A breath for trusting the ground.
- Somehow it already feels like months since the beautiful boy left and I miss his hand curled in my hair. A breath for time.
- Missed buses that were not my bus, both literal and figurative. A breath for trust, trust and more trust.
- Moving out is hard and slow and weird and uncomfortable. A breath for my new home, may we find each other soon.
- A year away from forty, I’m finally getting hit with that “biological clock” bullshit that people have been telling me about for years, but it’s nothing like what they described. It’s not that my body wants a baby, I still have zero interest in giving birth or the things that follow that, that all still sounds like the worst thing ever. Nope, my body wants sex, and it wants it now and a thousand times a day, it’s the only thing I can think about. And “want” is the wrong word. Wanting is fun. This is not fun. And now I’m ovulating, so it’s even worse. I am seriously attracted to the most unbelievably unlikely people (points for diplomatic phrasing!), at all times, in all circumstances, regardless of gender or how much nose hair they have or even if I actively dislike them. I don’t really know what to compare it to so I’m going to say it’s kind of like being a sixteen year old boy who’s had a few drinks, and is like, “yeahhhhhhhhh I’d go for some of that” about anyone. It’s the worst, and the person I actually want to unleash this on is in stupid Utah. Anyway, tune in next time to find out if I solved this by sequestering myself (REMAIN INDOORS!) and giving up all hobbies other than orgasms, or if I make some Regrettable Life Choices. Can I just say as well that while it pisses me off to no end that my brain and focus have been hijacked by biology, it pisses me off even more that no one ever talks about this phenomenon, and I am here to tell you that it is in fact a thing, and that I have entirely lost both my good judgment and peace of mind, and I am not happy about it. A breath for how ridiculous this is, and for undoing the rigging in popular culture.
- Everything in my life is reconfiguring right now, and this is probably-definitely all good, and I’m noticing that I’m a little impatient to see how it all is going to land. In the meantime, waiting on intel, from a number of sources. And waiting for my own yes. And not sure what to do about the Queen of The Doves, and need to keep getting quiet and turning inward until I get an answer on that too. A breath for trust in right timing, and remembering that All Is Well.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I pulled through the Days of Fatigue. And while normally I revel in napping, I am delighted that this week I did not require any naps, nor did I pass out in the early evening. This is marvelous. A breath of appreciation for passage through.
- I bravely said my hopeful yes to things I want, and I want to remember what a beautiful thing that is, whether I get them or not. There is so much power in this vulnerable honesty and permission to want. A breath for me.
- My ankle got a little better each day, and I was actually able to dance Thursday and Friday, which was just big joy. A breath for healing, and for Now Is Not Then (remember two years ago when I was out of commission for months with my ankle, and last year when the same thing happened with my knee?). What a great experience to enjoy speedy healing. A breath of appreciation and thankfulness.
- Dance compliments, from very-beginning beginners (“Ohmygod you actually follow what I do and it feels so amazing!”) and more advanced dancers (“You let me get away with ANYTHING and then make me look good doing it, you are a dream to dance with!”) and very advanced dancers, with whom nothing needs to be said, just a shared sigh-smile of yes, that was incredible. Feeling big delight about this, especially as I had been down in the dumps about not training because of my ankle. And such a sweet intense dance to this song. A breath for the magic that is connection, music, and the indescribable language that is dance.
- The sidewalk is fixed. A lovely tuliptree has been planted next to where the maple was. I dispatched an entire platoon of iguanas (projects that scare me) with the help of the Iguana Liberation Front, an organization I invented. Someone finally took the couch. Things are happening and moving, and it is so very good. A breath of love.
- Each night I plant superpowers for tomorrow-me and then watch them come into themselves, it is kind of miraculous. A breath for creative play.
- Companionship and community. Wise friends. Processing my yeses and not-yet-yeses with the loving creative people at my Secret Sword Society. A breath of deep gratitude.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of longer days, popcorn on the stove, new boots arrived (I ordered them in November, but, you know, slow fashion) and they are luscious and wild and everything I wanted. Smiles with Marjorie. Secret Rally day with Marisa. Getting stuff done. The far-away boy texts me about kissing my ankle to make it better, and I get all melty. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Took steps this week on the Wild Wild Nest, the Studio Op, Wild Montage, and The Fountaining. Incremental movement and much percolating on The Namer Names and A Beautiful Inventory. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune, and I received all of this IN SPADES.
I also wanted Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade! So let’s re-seed those because they seem important.
Powers I want.
I want the powers of Fierce Glow, I Fill Up On Glorious Appreciation, At Home In Myself, and Perfect Simple Solutions Land.
The Salve of Fierce Glow
I draw a honeycomb hexagon on the palm of my hand with a finger, and then words:
Striking / Wild / Sexy
Fearless / Tough / Powerful
This alluring luminous salve goes deep and returns you to your forgotten power, it transcends rules. With this salve, you can once again access your own wells.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Tenth Rite Yowl
Their latest album is This Letter How Tiny, and it turns out this band is just one guy.
TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!
We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
_o_ & <3 !
Thankyou co-chickens for this safe (monsters: “Is it really? Is it honestly safe? Are you protecting yourself enough? You say too much! You reveal too much!”) space.
The Hard
~ Suffering
~ Aloneness
~ inability to tell anyone exactly what’s going on
The Magic
~ somehow still Glowing and Attracting Love here and there
~ tiny sparks of beautiful, raw, honest connection
~ in my strenuous efforts to alleviate said suffering, I seem to radiate health and vitality, which is kind of weird yet also much appreciated
~ pulling away from those who–whilst meaning no harm, actually do great harm to my sensitive soul–has been Amazingly Good for me, even with the subsequent guilt and angst and grief and loss
This Fluent space helps me be more Me. Thankyou Havi, sweet little Selma duck, Chickeners, and all that support this space.
[unlurking briefly] Yes on the bioclock bs. I actually had a dream last night about being pregnant (again, although never have been in real life) and babysitting. It’s getting ridiculous. And yes on the unstoppable needs. That happened to me about 5 years ago; think I’m over the hump now. !
Lastly, been wanting to comment that your phrase, “Now Is Not Then” flits through my head quite often and I can’t always immediately trace it back to its source. The mantra-like way it shows up in most of your posts (I read every one and have for years now) must have some kind of effect on me. So I hope you know your helpful words and ideas continue on in us lurkers!
The hard stuff:
-I am missing someone I love, who has been out of town on business in what seems like a fairly unsovereign situation from where I’m sitting.
-Oh my goodness, colonoscopy. Not for wimps, that’s all I’ll say about that.
-I ended up missing something I’d been happily anticipating, and even though it was the right decision, I still feel some sorrow.
The good stuff:
…I am taking tender loving care of myself.
…I am undoing the cultural rigging around a certain annual event so thoroughly and easily, and when I look back at past years, I am *amazed* at how far I have come.
…The beautiful, glorious world of the Fluent Self. I love being a part of this community. I *love* it. <3 <3 <3
Now to try out that salve…
<3 <3 <3
Dimanche shalom!
What worked? Bringing the cider, aspirin, and echinacea. Detours and breaks.
Next time I might pack a second steno, and limit myself to one fit-in-my-purse book.
Hard, frustrating…
* Still the sinus yuck.
* Didn’t remember hairbrush or nail clippers or toothpaste. Derp.
* Technical issues galore.
* Scheduling mishegossery galore.
* Lack of fluency/facility with the languages my relatives speak.
* Literal rock in the way — expensively so — in the yard.
* Close friend having to plan for surgery and contend with dishonest support staff.
* Feeling insulted/underappreciated by [c].
* Recognizing Past Me in [c]. Ooof!
Good, encouraging, delightful…
* Sold a poem!
* At breakfast this morning, my not-fancy hotel put a fresh rose in the bowl of ice with the yogurts at the breakfast buffet and gave a bouquet of roses to a woman who’d stayed here all week as she has each year for years for the tournament. So low-key and so awesome.
* Friendly colleagues and tournament staff
* Watching people good at what they do is so much fun!
* The weather on Friday was perfect for driving west.
* Blue suede boots to the rescue!
* Chatting with other guests.
* I am treasured by the people who matter most to me.
* Learned how to use the recording feature on my tablet.
Last week I had the superpower of Not Panicking.
This week I want the power of Getting Back on the Bike.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Blue! Suede! Boots! To the rescue! There is nothing like the right boots.
When it comes to biological clock craziness I realized when my son was born (almost 14 years ago now) that underneath the computer-programmer-analytical-cool exterior I work so hard to maintain is basically a cavewoman. Being pregnant (I felt) reduced me to this primitive thing, driven by hormones and instincts. My response to the out-of-controlness was to take meticulous notes and graph (!!) the data, looking for patterns and a way to understand when Max would want to nurse, sleep etc! In hindsight it might have been useful to have an experienced guide, someone to help me navigate that unfamiliar and scary rhythm of nature.
Mmm THANK YOU for that, that’s reassuring, here’s to experienced guides and talking about the unfamiliar and scary!
The Hard:
Feeling of pinched nerve is back. A breath for calming my body, remembering that it will pass, and remembering “this, too.”
Misunderstanding why someone wanted my number and then realizing they thought it meant “please grope me.”
Learning guitar is hard. Really really hard.
Probably not invited. Staying home tonight.
The Good:
Seeing the boy.
Remembering that now is not then.
Probably not invited. Staying home tonight.
Somehow it feels like everything is the Hard. I know this isn’t true because I have wonderful wonderful people in my life and such support. It’s not enough currently.
Going to inhale that Fierce Glow salve as much as possible.
Just going to leave some heart-shaped stones here and hope that something beautiful breathes its way into my heart.
Hello, chicken space
yes, a few breaths for how hard it was to feel increasingly fuzz brained every day last week, and still have so much to do
and for Not Having Control over big, important, ongoing thing
and for how very very tricky it is to build systems that work, from the [space resources time energy] we have
and [X]
and especially [Silent Retreat]…
yes, and also breaths for the restoring things!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven’t been a big user of salves, because of not-learning-to-care-for-my-body until recently…
but I think it is time to try the salve this week
I am applying some Fierce Glow
……….
***WOW***
I feel luminous
that is magical
thank you
HEYYYOOOO, CHICKEN ON A RAFT
What’s been working?
+I’m playing with a Daily Chicken practice and I love it SO MUCH. My everyday Entry Ritual had gotten Super Complicated and this new one is magnificently simple, and also aligns really beautifully with the Weekly Chicken.
+I am rocking the absolute shit out of Op: Rock Steady. Fuck YES.
+I am back in a good eating rhythm, which I like. This had become hard, and now it is less hard.
+Making space for Code Orange. SO MUCH YES.
I might try…
+More Rock, less Plant.
+More Steady to balance Rock.
+experimenting with Touch Down Synchronization. I might also NOT try this, and that is also okay.
Breathing for mysteries, for tangles, for enigmas.
+Breathing for the Mystery of What Is That Sound My Car Is Making? Breathing for the solution, wherein my car ceases making That Sound, with as little cost to me as possible in terms of dollars and time and energy.
+Breathing for the Mystery of O Foot Please Stop Hurting. Breathing healing to my foot, lots of it, and lots more, and lots more.
+Breathing for the Mystery of X+Y. It is very strange to me that I say “I want X, and I do not want X+Y, so please only give me X with no Y. No, NOT ANY Y, not even a little bit of Y, not even really good Y, I do not want any Y in my X, AT ALL, EVER” and in response I get “How about this X, which is really good even though it has some Y?” and “I think you will like this X, and you can just skip the Y when it comes up” or “Oh, I didn’t realize it was NEVER EVER OKAY TO MENTION Y TO YOU” (I did not say that either! I said no X+Y! Specifically no X+Y! Ideally there would be no Y at all anyway, but since there is sometimes Y, and X is an area where I can enforce some boundaries, I declare my X to be a strictly No Y Zone!) And then when this happens, I feel like I cannot ask anybody for X, and that’s COMPLETELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS, because I have every right to X and I shouldn’t have to worry about Y and I feel like people who love and respect me should understand this!!!! Breathing, stomping, breathing, stomping, breathing some more.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Poofball. Yes? No? Maybe so? A mystery. Breathing for all possibilities.
+Breathing for the Mysterious Lightswitch, which was so easily to flip, and yet is difficult to keep flipped. Breathing for the Me Who Guards the Lightswitch. Breathing for the Me Who Is Safe.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Whyyyyy do I Still Sort of Have Crushes on Agents Bluejay and Yellowjay? Like, come onnnnnnn. D:
+Breathing for the Mystery of Banana Peel, which is surely on the upswing, and yet still SO FUCKING HARD. Breathing patience. Breathing healing. Breathing soft spaciousness. Yes.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Redbeez. I don’t even remember why I called it that. So there’s another layer of Mystery. Oy. Breathing. Yes. Breathing.
Breathing for donuts, for delights, for things that sparkle and glow!
+Breathing for Agent Blulight, new auditionee for Pegasus Blue. Feeling good about this move. Yes.
+Breathing so much joy for Op: Rock Steady, and for integrating it with a visit from Agent Zebra from Op: Quark Ivy, and for all the ways it is enriching my life so much.
+Breathing for the collaboration with Agent Birdseed. Yes! Love!
+Breathing for the me who [super Valentine’s Day treated myself 😀 :D]
+Breathing for Agent Catboot, who showed up last night and badassed the fuck out of Pterodactyl Zone. What?!?! WOW!!! Also, sidebar, breathing for the me who can’t stop using Pterodactyl references for that, because of the extreme hilarity factor, even though we have established that the Pterodactyl Days are over (or at least wildly transmogrified).
+Breathing for my foot which is feeling BETTER, even if not COMPLETELY OKAY yet. Yes. Foot. Hello. Yes.
+Breathing for all the really excellent books I have been reading lately. OHMYGOD I LOVE BOOKS SO MUCH.
+Breathing for [Agent Zucchini]. Breathing. Breathing. Still breathing.
Superpowers I Totally Have:
Superpower of Yes This Joy Is Allowed and Welcomed
Superpower of I Make Good Choices
Superpower of Time Is On My Side
Superpower of Rock Steady with an extra side order of Steady because we’ve totally got the Rock down, MMMHHHH.
Superpower of I Feel This In My Kneecaps!
Superpower of I Welcome Love to Me
Superpower of Fuzzy Blankets Forever
Yes, yes, yes. Another great week! Even better than last! Yes!
This week we have an impressive Fake Band double header, featuring Meta Ball Pit and Unicorn Muffdive. Put your hands together! YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Mmmmmmm hello chicken!
Hm hm hm hm hm.
I really love how safe it is here. Just kinda hanging out after being in a different online space and feeling unsettled about something there, but now I’m here and here is very nice!
I like the shade of blue here. I’m noticing I find it very calming. Oh and I’m so excited for stone skipping not-a-course to start! Wheee.
Hmmmm what else. Everything is fine, nothing is wrong. Mmm big hug to me.
<3 <3
mmmmmmm yes yes yes yes to all that x10000