Thank you, strong tired legs who walked today, and told me when enough was enough.
Thank you, past me from a few years ago, who learned the wise truths of Not Pushing, so that when my legs loved me by saying this is enough, I could love them back and say of course of course you are right.
Thank you, walking. What a beautiful miracle is that.
Thank you, Richard, who is taking care of the chocolate shop (and everything else) so that I can write, so that I can take long walks and clear my head, the gift of this is so big that I don’t even know to take it in.
Thank you, ocean. Wise beautiful Pacific ocean, with all its unfathomable superpowers of Vastness and Majesty and endless Possibility, with its incomparable ability to deliver truth directly to my heart, sometimes in the form of a smackdown.
Thank you, me of however many years ago in Berlin who suffered through the most terrifying ear infection, in the process becoming someone who can hear what the ocean wants to tell me.
Thank you, lungs, and each amazing breath of life.
Thank you, pauses and red lights.
Thank you for smiles that I get to share with people who pass by. Thank you for these quiet harmonious interactions, and for the healing in that. That’s what they are, for me, each and every time.
Thank you for a long hard (ongoing) practice of glowing healthy boundaries, this helps me trust myself to smile, knowing that I do not owe anyone anything, that I do not ever need to engage. Safety first!
Thank you for the knowledge, however hard-earned, that I get to choose Safety First!
Thank you, pink sunset clouds.
Thank you for this glance at my reflection where I didn’t need to think negative thoughts about what isn’t or what used to be, and instead thought, There’s Havi, hello!
Thank you, messy curly hair which somehow looks fantastic despite the desperate haphazard middle-of-the-night haircut I bestowed upon myself with a pair of scissors over the bathroom sink a couple weeks ago. Somehow my hair is forgiving of this and so much more, and if that’s not a glorious miracle, I don’t know what is.
Thank you, mind, which is choosing to focus on this, and not the stray white strands, or whatever aspects of me are currently harder for me to remember to like.
Thank you for this beautiful boy who smiles at me every single time he looks at me, who is so full of joy for my existence, who pulls me in tightly and whispers, I like being around you!
Thank you for this sweetness.
Thank you, every time a path or a door has opened for me. Thank you, times they have closed and I have been Redirected. Thank you, hard-won ability to say, Oh hey look a Redirection.
Thank you, what’s left of my sparkling pink nail polish from my morning with Lucky Lola.
Thank you, world of connectings and internet, that allows me to meet people like her, and like you, how crazy is it that we get to do this, that I get to share a breath or a hand-on-heart sigh of life and aliveness with people I haven’t met yet but somehow already like.
Thank you, years of processing things with my monsters so that even though the thing I just said might sound incredibly cheesy, I’m not going to delete it.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, from the depths of my thank-you heart. I never say this but I’m going to say it: blessed. That’s how I feel. That’s what I know.
There are still challenges, still hard things to decide, sort out, figure out, as it goes with life. And, as always, I know that each of these things will turn into a retroactive thank-you, they will ripen into thank-you.
I will be glad for the growth they are giving me, even as right now I make a face.
Thank you.
Thank you for being here with me, some of you for as long as nine years, and an equal amount of thank you if this is your first time here. It means a lot.
And if you feel drawn to deposit any thank-yous of your own in the comments, whether internally or externally directed, I would love the company.
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Thank you, Havi, for making this space. I remember when I fount it thinking it was the strangest place I’d come across, until I sat and watched for a while and then it turned into one of the best places.
Thank you, Doctor Z. for saying “this has gone on long enough and you shouldn’t suffer anymore” and then telling me that I was brave and strong while I looked at the trees and breathed and you used your magic powers to help me.
Thank you, me who refuses to be a compliant little patient and makes sure the right person is at the front of the V.
Thank you, Other Humans who recognize the pain and do not say “the human body has the amazing ability to heal itself” because that stops being helpful after a while. No one says to a woman at the border of Belize “oh, you don’t need pain relief for your journey to the other side, it will all be over if you just wait 10 hours or however many hours it takes you to clear customs.”
And thank you, Past Me, for sticking with things so that we could still be here today, cricked neck and all, to receive the blessings that exist everywhere.
<3 big heart of love for you
Thank you to this moment, comfortable and quiet.
Thank you, amazing hot fudge sundae that I enjoyed in Chattanooga when I was ten. You were humongous and creamy and hot and cold, and you gave me so much pleasure.
Thank you, mind. You hold so many memories and thoughts and associations, and you encourage me to play with them however I choose. Oh, thank you for that!
Thank you, Havi, for creating this sanctuary and tending it so sweetly. Thank you, everyone who reads these words. Thank you, me.
so many sparkling peebles of jo y for this! yes for it all.
Havi, thank you for conjuring up this amazing playspace and for creatine and fostering a culture that is enormously, subversively healing and nourishing, that i can routinely come here and feel safe and sovereign, so i can land into my life.
thank you for all the work and play you do, to keep this lil treasure up and running.
Thank you for acknowledging the hard whilst in the middle of it. Not trying to make it feel better — just feeling it, as long as it needs to be felt. Breathing into it. Sometimes I have to cry about it. But I keep breathing.
Thank you for holding out until I found P because she is exactly the person I needed to have in my life for the last 5 months.
Thank you for dreams that tell me amazing things I didn’t know about what’s transforming in me below the surface.
Thank you for continuing to reach out to people I like.
Thank you for boundless curiosity. Play. Wonder. Whimsy. Joy.
And thank you, Havi, for sharing your life with us.
Amen
Thank you Havi for creating this space. The only one who’s e-mail I would NEVER delete without reading, the only site where I cannot miss ONE thing because each thing has something in it I need to read.
Thank you, Havi, por being you and being here. For sharing you light. For showing me how I could take care of myself. My entire life changed so much, for the better, after I discovered the Fluent Self. I am forever grateful.
Thank you. <3
Thank you for providing this place to show how to lovingly interact with myself and life. Thank you for saying that your legs loved you enough to say Enough, because I needed to hear it that way. Thank you for being so mysterious with how you describe things that I find the concepts unfolding as I go deeper into the process with myself. Thank you for being so consistent with your practice, which I also need to see. Thank you for being vulnerable without being cheesy because sometimes I feel chessy that I have all these practices that no one else around me seems to need. Thank you.
Thank you, Courage. Thank you, Playfulness. Thank you All of the Superpowers That Ever Could Be, forever and ever, amen. And thank you, Havi, for creating this magical space and reminding me that the superpowers are always there, and there is enough. Huge love and an infinity of sparklepoints to you – and to everyone who helps make this space what it is.
Thank you for all your words that have been so timely for me.
Thank you, body, which said “Enough is enough” and forced me into bed. Thank you, me who listened.
Ripen into thank you, this brought to mind the first bite of a nectarine so ripe you can smell the deliciousness, the best fruit and possibly the best taste in the whole world. Thank you nectarines, for reminding me there are true pure deep moments of absolute joy, most easily found by taking a bite of a nectarine that is amazingly ripe and firm and sweet.
Thank you lungs, I don’t know why asthma is a thing that exists but you are still doing an amazing job despite. Thanks for reminding me how good air tastes.
Thanks to my babe, for being my best friend. The world isn’t ready for how awesome we are together.
Thank you Havi, this site helped bring me out of depression last year. Just having the words for monsters and patterns and the book of me and my dammit list made this ongoing journey of good mental health that much easier to navigate. Thanks for showing me that people can radiate honest compassion and love like sunshine. Thanks for giving me confidence there is more to the future than a nine to five job at a desk until I’m sixty.
Thank you me, I can’t believe you are finally believing in yourself. It feels really good. It makes me want to spend the day in the sun and eatting nectarines.
I love this nectarine image: yes, absolute joy! Thank you, nectarines! Thank you, image!
“There are still challenges, still hard things to decide, sort out, figure out, as it goes with life. And, as always, I know that each of these things will turn into a retroactive thank-you, they will ripen into thank-you.”
This. This “ripening into thank you.” So much better than “One day you’ll laugh at this” (still waiting on some of that to be “funny”); better than “Time heals all wounds” (still fading some of those scars, thanks).
But ripening into thank you, to one day look back and say “Wow, that was sure a flaming ball of suck, but hey, here and here — useful bits. Grrr — thank you, useful bits, I’m glad I have you because now I know differently.”
amen to all of that <3