It is Friday Saturday and we are here.
The Chicken was all ready to go yesterday afternoon, but the collective of tiny squirrels who run the blogging software decided to keep giving me an error message so I couldn’t log in.
So I took that as an invitation to take the day off, and now we are here! Also, happy 150th day of Shmita to me!
{a breath for this space, and for being here when we get here.}
What worked this week?
Intentional naps.
We used to do this at Rally. You get stuck on something, so you ask incoming-you to reveal a clue while you sleep, or go eat pie.
And then you take a break — an INTENTIONAL BREAK, so that the monsters don’t throw a fit about how this is selfish and indulgent and a waste of time. You remind them that this is a technique, and an experiment, and, for scientific purposes, this will only work if they aren’t messing with it.
The subconscious/unconscious delivers. Or possibly the nap fairies.
I did this a lot this week: told myself that I was going to do something restful, asked to have some new information on the other side.
It might have even worked too much? Seriously, I had who is Keyser Soze levels of understandings and insights this week, to the point that I was getting whiplash from the speed of my epiphanies. But it worked.
Next time I might…
Remember my job title.
I have trouble with decisions whenever I forget these two pieces of truth:
- I know more about what I want than anyone else knows about that topic!
- I am allowed to want what I want! I might not get what I want, but I’m allowed to want it, and to know what I want and not hide that information from myself in an attempt to keep me safe from criticism.
So. From now on, I plan to just walk around thinking about how I am the top researcher in the world in the field of Havi Studies.
Indeed! And therefore I am an EXPERT at Decision-Receiving* because I have invested so many years of training, study, and research. I know better than anyone what Current Havi might want and need.
And the title of my upcoming Biopic if it were based on this week…
You know what? Maybe later. The Havi Brooks Story.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I have been experimenting with a practice I call Wanting Without Why, which is allowing myself to want something without needing to list the reasons. It is SO HARD. I’m constantly aware of how desperately I want to explain and defend myself! This is a good exercise for the month of Trust More, and it is showing me all my patterns. A breath for easing and releasing, the theme of this year.
- My lover is backpacking in the Sierras for ten days, out of cell range. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday. I miss him terribly. I know he’s okay because I can feel him thinking of me, like a warm flush of heart-glow, but that’s not the same as words. I like words. I was hanging in there with just the warm-glow communication until yesterday evening, and that is when I got to experience entirely new sliding-off-the-rocker levels of missing. A breath for Trust More. Thanks, last-year-me for (literally!) putting that on the calendar.
- Still working on figuring out how to protect, love and tend to my unique pace of learning, and this is not easy stuff. A breath for patience, tenderness, for getting used to being someone who advocates for themselves as a matter of course.
- My body has developed an allergy to trapeze. Not to being on it (or trying to get up on it), but to getting enough sleep to go to class. It just goes on strike the night before. So that’s interesting and useful, and I’m respecting my body and not going, but the allergy part is not fun and the exhaustion is not fun. I don’t feel scared of the class. The instructor is lovely, the pace is good, I feel comfortable just going to part of the class, and advocating for myself as I need, and leaving early. But my body is not having it, and comes up with some sort of crisis that just so happens to be a few hours before the class starts so that I can’t go. Which is fine. Body knows best, body comes first. I am okay with not pushing, I am okay with not going, I am okay with back to bed. But this allergy is exhausting. Come on, babe. Let’s just say what we want without going through this rigamarole. A breath of sweet permission and endless healing.
- Speaking of my trapeze allergy, everyone I talk to about this says something like “oh, well, it’s okay to be scared”, and it is so unbelievably frustrating and I want to punch them. I know I am scared of pretty much everything, but really and truly I’m not scared of this class. This is not trapeze like “she flies through the air with the greatest of ease” or whatever people might be picturing. It’s just a sturdy, round hoop that’s five feet off the ground, with giant mats underneath. It might theoretically be scary if you forget how to get down? I wouldn’t know though, since I can’t pull myself up yet. And, anyway, they also have a practice hoop that is barely off the ground. Fear is not the issue here. And I don’t need to be given permission to be afraid. I give that to myself, all the time, for everything in life. A breath for the part of me who hates perceiving that she is misunderstood, and a breath for getting back to my yes.
- Speaking of exhaustion, my trip to Seattle on Saturday took much longer than anticipated, and I didn’t get back until 3:30am. My body can’t handle stuff like that anymore, and it didn’t like being in a car for eight hours, even if that was broken up by many hours of movement. A breath for me, and for learning this new way of taking care of myself and advocating for myself.
- I have had this idea in my head for the past nearly two years that if I “just took the time” to actually work on dance drills, I’d be able to get certain movements and concepts into my body and see/feel actual progress. Nope. This week I had both the time, energy and commitment to put two hours a day into re-learning the most basic movements, and nothing. I mean, nothing. I’ve been really invested in the fantasy that all I need to do is carve out a few hours here and there, and the slow motion montage will take care of itself. Turns out we are dealing with a much bigger learning curve than I had understood or been able to anticipate, and not feeling ANY change was incredibly frustrating. Oh well. A breath for wax on and wax off, and, yet again, trusting the process.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I am better at taking care of myself and advocating for myself now than I have ever been in my life. A breath for all the healing that is happening, and the superpowers of permission, attentiveness and going back to bed.
- Last week I mentioned the PROTOCOL — when I can’t get a sense of what I want (and when I pretend to myself that I don’t know, but I feel really vague and I can’t feel my feet), I remember that I’m probably disassociating, or there’s some reason I don’t want to let myself know what I want. Anyway, the protocol in that situation is Apply Emergency Extreme Self-Care Immediately and do something really calming for my body. I usually save the protocol for emergencies, but this week I just applied it to everything. I mean, if that’s not Shmita-mindset, what is? A breath for the completely radical practice of sweetness, with all the beautiful surprises it is bringing.
- Given the circumstances (extreme exhaustion, lover has disappeared, perceived failings, monsters everywhere), you’d think I’d be pellet-pushing (twitter, facebook, instagram) or other forms of modern self-medicating, or following whatever old, familiar not-necessarily-healthy pathways. I’ve been staying offline. I’ve been breathing and walking and checking in with small, scared me. A breath of gratitude.
- I was able to access entirely new levels of Kindness this week, both inwardly and outwardly directed. A breath for how beautiful and sweet this is.
- I followed my instinct and the joy spark trails, and went to TRE (thank you, Leocadia) and Feldenkrais, and took care of my body in a variety of ways, and skipped trapeze again, and made time for dance drills, and had three hour naps and gave myself good food. A breath for all of this.
- The semi-secret Bell of Belltown Op in Seattle was full of inspiration and small miracles, and I got to know a dance acquaintance much better than before, and it turns out that she is a bright, kind, interesting, thoughtful person, so now I have a new dance friend. A breath for treasure.
- I am having a much easier time than usual being an ally and fairy godmother to myself — to current me and to all the versions of Tiny Me and Past Me, and to plant clues and gifts for Incoming Me, and all of this feels so good, and so important. A breath of appreciation for all parts and aspects of this awesome commune of wildly eccentric, sensitive, interesting people who are all me, I’m so glad we all get to play together, and so thankful I live in a time and culture where this is a thing I can talk about, albeit mostly only here.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Scrambled eggs and avocado. Frozen almonds dipped in Mayan cocoa. Cool breezes. Month of trust. Clues everywhere. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
The Seattle op happened. Laundry happened. A hundred tiny little pieces moved in seemingly insignificant ways but it happened. Received two big (and very clear) decisions on things that had been weighing on me. Calling this a successful mission, and I now award myself a hundred billion sparklepoints. Wham Boom.
Superpowers I had this week…
I had the superpower of going back in time and changing memories. I also had, briefly, the superpower of Deep Deep Deep Trust That All Is Well.
Powers I want.
Same as last week, please: the superpowers of Beautifully Anchored, Deeply Trusting, and, of course, I am a Powerful Slinky Very Relaxed Panther
The Salve of Beautifully Anchored.
The primary dance I do, west coast swing, is a luscious, creative, playful, improvisational, deliciously gooey dance, and it is very much about anchoring.
My partner me sends me in a direction and I set off in that direction until they stop me, and then I anchor, keeping my energy headed in the original direction, like a boat drifting with the water after the anchor has been set, until I am sent in a new direction. Trusting the process, alive and powerful, delighting in what happens along the way.
This is not about obedience. This is about Agency and Play, within the container or game of “here is the direction of the wind in your sails”.
This salve does the thing that happens in this dance, but to your entire life. You put a dab on your skin (or as much as you want), and then it just happens.
You happily follow a trail, a thread, a scent, a clue, a wish, a desire, a good feeling of YES. You project your energy in this direction until you get redirected by life/source, and instead of an abrupt stop of Uh Oh Something Is Wrong, you just easily and calmly feel into the familiar direction, and then slowly drift your way into this new direction, taking your beautiful sexy time, moving with your breath, shifting course in the most steady and natural way.
This is a salve of Grounding, Magic, Flow, Passion, Creativity, Joy and Safe Passage.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is from Nomi and it’s called Vicarious Trapeze. Their latest album is Quintessentially Upside Down. And it’s actually just one guy.
And the photo was taken in Lubbock, TX by Jesse! Thank you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
p.s. If you want to express appreciation and/or go deeper into Self-Fluency…
Come practice Agency and be a secret agent (ha, agency pun!) of self-fluency, and support this blog and Shmita.
The marvelous Monster Manual gives you the sneaky ways I use to get my self-criticism to take a nap or join the circus or become my ally, so I can stay calm and take care of myself. - Fluent Self Care Packages! Each one is completely unique, a work of art and magic.
ADVENTURE is for someone who wants to embark on something new or needs a new approach.EVERYTHING IS OKAY if you need extra steadiness while working through hard things.MYSTERY: wonderful, mysterious and full of clues.AndTRUST is impossible to describe. It is also a giant box and costs a bit more.Included: either the Monster Manual & Coloring Book (basic version) or the Art of Embarking course, your choice. Price: $77 for Care Package and ebook/course. $88 for the TRUST package/course. I’ll cover shipping in the continental United States, otherwise ask the First Mate for an estimate. Either way, email the First Mate and tell him which one you want! These go fast. - If you’d just like to express appreciation for concepts and qualities that live here, you can always contribute to Barrington’s Discretionary. (Explanation!)
- And of course, love and support in the form of smiles, hearts, warmth, sharing posts, practicing what we do here: any and all of that is always appreciated!
A deep breath of love from my thank-you heart for everyone who reads. ❦
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<3
“Wanting without Why” took my breath away with how perfectly I need it. Yes. Having been working on it, sans name, just recently. Lots of resistance.
Lovely, I can end my Saturday with this chicken and a glass of white wine, here’s to the week and to all chickeneers.
First the hard:
– Acoustic pollution: Why does almost every outdoor get-together of more than two people involve taking a boombox along?
– Having to escape from lovely spot by the river due to above.
– So totally off kilter for hours on Sunday.
– Again no togetherness time and a frustrating talk on the phone.
– So hard to get enough sleep and feel rested when it just won’t cool down.
And the good,there is always good and this is so good.
– Forced myself to go to a restorative session Sunday evening despite being worried I might end up in a puddle of tears but as if touched by a magic wand I felt balanced again after class and had a very a grounded start into the week.
– Went running twice, yoga 3 times, body likes it.
– Supportive e-mail from a friend
– First day back at work was long but went surprisingly smoothly.
– Gave introductory talk to the new people and was not nervous at all.
– The very early morning hours on these hot days
Acoustic pollution! Yes, exactly. And why do all stores, restaurants, cafes, and coffee shops have to have music played at a level that discourages conversation? So people end up shouting instead of talking.
Uuuuuugh yes the heat. I have been applying Extreme Self-Care and spending most of my day either in a cool bath or naked with a wet hand towel over me, but it only does so much, alas. I am SO looking forward to fall!
Today (Saturday) was the last day of Operation Memorial. Being Beautifully Anchored helped — grounding and surrounding myself with love. We had music and tears and hugs and we’re settling into living with what it means.
I received a decision — or maybe better, I *perceived* a decision that had already been made by incoming me, who chose ease and self care. I am going to take the semester off from the college; I asked N today if he could find someone to take my classes this fall.
My younger brother ML is staying with us to help me with MrB — that has been very necessary. Last night, MrB somehow shifted his recliner off the platform, and couldn’t get up from it so I couldn’t replace it on the platform. ML helped him up and then replaced the chair. Earlier this week, MrB’s blood sugar dropped to a dangerous level (22! For those who aren’t familiar with the numbers, anything below 70 is considered low, and around 40, many people are unconscious). He also had hypothermia — that’s what you get from prolonged exposure to extreme cold. Another cause is extreme low blood sugar. ML was able to keep MrB from flipping himself over in his wheelchair because he was making large uncontrolled movements, until the EMTs arrived. His presence has been so appreciated.
Today a friend and I are preparing to “decorate” the home of a friend who has been traveling — by leaving a basket with fruit and cheese, wine, tea, flowers, and a card. I love having friends who think of doing things like that.
<3
Samedi shalom!
What worked? Acknowledging discomfort. Waiting for answers rather than pushing for them.
Next time? Store less. Use and transform more.
Hard, disappointing, and such:
* Home and social lives taking major hits in the course of coping with scheduling clusterfucks.
* Feeling enraged to the point of tears about several situations.
* My darling doggie is aging. As must all things, but oh, how my heart already aches.
* Tickets for [H] zoomed well beyond my budget less than a week after I considered purchasing them.
* Encountering squirrelly-weaselly behavior from an institution to whom I had just given support.
* Losing a ring.
* Nothing is surviving in one of the large planters. It is a problem I’m itching to solve but feel I cannot spare the time for right now.
* Same with things to write, study, bake, make…
Good:
* Now Is Not Then. I have more resources. I have perspective. I am more sovereign, and savvier, too.
* The candidate I backed for mayor is still in the race.
* Having the skills and means to provide care and encouragement to my beloveds, be it in the form of preparing lamb with mushroom gravy or carving out time for an adventure.
* Finally wearing a little black dress I’d bought earlier this year, leading to compliments.
* Wearing earrings from Aunt Louise’s collection with it.
* Reading some of my notes from Anglo-Irish lit class (some 25 years ago): pleasure both in revisiting choice observations by the prof and the fact that I don’t feel like I have to hang onto these notes.
* Just found a packet of thinnings from the garden in the freezer. I wanted something to add to tonight’s light soup. Thank you Past Me!
* There are so many ways to have fun in NYC that I am not really distraught about plans A and B not working out. And I am grateful for friends who respect my need for fiscal prudence without letting it cramp their style.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Things that worked: moving my body; recognising that not everything will get done and that’s OK; choosing not to attend a thing I want to attend because I am too tired
The hard:
–I want to do everything and go to everything! Choosing not to do that is hard. Prioritizing things is SO HARD.
–Immense guilt from not having unpacked boxes or turned August into Month of Decluttering yet. Here’s to trusting that all will happen in its own time and I can be gentle with myself as I get there.
–I’m not good at staying up late anymore and a lot of things happen late at night. A breath for being OK with my limits and being OK with myself when I choose to go past them because of wanting to participate.
The good:
–Queer kinky weekend summer camp where I felt relaxed and held and seen and understood, holy shit, how amazing! Who knows what will come up in the space that’s left when defensiveness and shields fall away? I can’t wait to find out what things I’ve taken with me from the camp that I didn’t even know I took with me.
–I worked at the Food Coop two days in a row, and then had a free personal training session, so there was a lot of moving my body and delicious soreness! I feel like a champion.
–Getting to see people I hadn’t seen in a long time is excellent. Meeting new people who are kindred spirits is excellent, too.
I’m just feeling very grateful this week. I can’t wait to see what intel comes my way in the moments of silence I’m cultivating for myself.
“Who knows what will come up in the space that’s left when defensiveness and shields fall away?” <-- I feel so many sparks about this! Thank you for this, and delight for all this good!
I just got back from a week at the beach! Whoof!
What worked: consciously softening the edges whenever I noticed myself feeling cranky. Also, sovereignty, early and often — wildly confident and wonderfully tranquil sovereignty. Yes.
Hard: money worries and occasional quarrels.
Good: communing with the ocean.
Tomorrow I would like a rest day, and I would like the superpower of Making It So.
Morning Possums!
oh this week! I leveled up in a big way when:
-i picked up my car which just had 1400 of body work (covered by insurance) and less than 8 hours later it was throwing up DIREFUL ENGINE LIGHTS and stalling in the middle of the road
-after a 7am check in at the high school for my eldest kid, which required extra funds of course
-but before a FASTING BLOOD DRAW
-and i got the car to the mechanic, got a loaner and was at my desk by 10:45, all without retreating to my bed for 24 hours. Major adulting achievement levels unlocked.
this was followed by:
-kids calling me at the office yelling and fighting
-husband drfting off to bed hours before the kids are even in the house, then screaming at me when bedtime goes on for 3 hours and i am screaming at the kids, his response is to kick me out of the bedroom and say “blech’ every time he looks at me, follwoed by the silent treatment
-wish i could say i was at my best the next day at work, but no…
-the apology was followed 12 hours later by more hatefulness, which i was able to redirect, but wow Is Now Still Then?
-feels about work, Work and not living in integrity
-soul-catching for hours and hours, til i just want to scream. my hours being eaten away in service of other people
but so much good stuff:
-i handled Hell Tuesday like a boss
-all the bak2skool nonsense is handled, except for the supplies and some clothes
-the garden is speaking to me.
-the weather is lovely
-except for a few times, the girls are getting along
-my daghter’s birthday on friday was a very happy one
-finished writing an essay and (when was the last time you heard this) MAILED it out before the deadline
-2 beautiful Lammas rituals with a dear friend and the kid
-fearlessly retiring clothing that doesnt generate the joy sparks at all. fearlessly buying things i like, that Natasha likes.
-the healing pwoer of dance aka Operation Paloma
-movement on all Ops, i have to admit, it’s slow but it’s there
-solid intel
I need to journal a lot more.
Sometimes the chicken happens on Sunday.
The Hard:
A class reunion that was just meh and sucked energy out of me. Setting a reminder to future me that I don’t need to go to see the people I love because I can see them anyway.
Being around people who are loud about their opinions which they think are facts and knowing that I can’t and don’t want to say what is in my brain so instead I just go to the bathroom. And having some of those people be my people that I love which makes my brain and heart hurt.
Wishing things were different with the Boy. Or wishing I felt differently. A breath for a heart that is lonely and an acknowledgement that maybe it is just clinging to that thought as a life raft so it can stay afloat until an actual boat comes along, or it is strong enough to swim to a shore.
Cortisone is not magic and didn’t cure me. A breath for crying because I need my foot to work and I’m afraid it won’t get better.
The Good:
Knowing when to leave. And leaving. Knowing when to stay home, and staying home.
Getting wonderful feedback from my writing class.
Hello, Chicken!
The Hard:
– Visiting my little cousin who is very sick from the C-word and all my sadness and impotence in the face of that.
– People who don’t like chemo trying to convince me to convince my cousin to take his daughter off it and “just feed her good food,” or whatever other cure they have for their discomfort about the C-word,
– Traveling wears me out.
– There are now mice in the kitchen to match the rats in the yard.
– My kid got sick and was up all night with croup, which is one of the more nerve wracking illnesses she gets, what with all the not breathing.
– I visited a place hoping I’d get a sign, and all I got was annoyance and frustration. (And then someone suggested I take that as a different kind of sign, which was very helpful, but not what I wanted.)
– Last two weeks of classes. If I am capable of handling all that that entails and this trip I just took and the trip coming up and the million trillion things that need attending to, well I don’t know how yet. But I’m trying.
– My love is having a pretty huge life disruption and a) Argh now is not the time! And b) wouldn’t it be nice if I could be steady but I’m not and c) I wish I had someone I could talk to about it without worrying that their anxiety will take over and I’ll have to spend the whole time comforting them.
The Good:
– I had the *most* beautiful ritual where I just released and released and forgave and forgave. It was so beautiful,
– And then (but a week later) another ritual that was also quite beautiful and all about the power of Grandfathers, which is an unexplored power for me, for the most part. I’m excited to do more in this vein.
– I’m, like, doing energy healings for people. And it’s helping them.
– On my trip, the little one actually slept. In her own bed, for every night and nap time. And I slept the whole time she did, meaning I got 8+ hours of sleep a night plus naps during the day for two days. It was amazing.
– Also slept the whole time in the car, so we didn’t have to stop at all, which was nice.
– It was nice to see my cousin and his wife and their little girl, even if the circumstances suck. Also she’s doing well with all her treatments, so hopefully things continue in that vein.
<3 to all.
Hello, fellow Chickeneers!
The hard –
1. The confusion of wanting to be a good friend and help and do the right things, but also being tired of this specific (let’s say negative, due to lack of better word) energy that absolutely drains me out. A breath for keeping boundaries and for reality that doesn’t always make sense.
2. (Maybe as a result for #1) I don’t feel much motivation to do stuff right now, and I know this will change soon, but it’s hard to feel this way when I have long lists and wishes, and feeling guilty about not-doing.
3. I’m flying to Iceland in two weeks and this is amazing in so many senses, but also requires a lot of thinking and planning (it’s probably going to be a road trip, which I’ve never done) and I feel afraid that my trip “won’t be good enough” (good enough for what or whom? no idea) and even thought of cancelling. I think I went just as crazy before my trip to South America, but I wasn’t expecting this for a short trip.
4. Disappointment about my first year in college. I thought the hardest part was to get accepted to this place which is supposed to be the best in my country, but apparently a. “the best in my country” is not so good when it gets to animation, and b. the hardest part is actually being there. Sometimes I can take a breath and not worry too much about it, and sometimes I’m just disappointed and worried and not sure at all that I want three more years of this. A breath for stuff that looks different from the inside.
5. A week and a bit ago I came back from a Vipassana retreat, which was so powerful and actually gave me tools that I can use at home, and I know now is the time to use them, and I want to, but apparently my monsters are saying “Don’t do this thing that doesn’t require too much effort and will probably make you much happier” and when I ask them to explain they just go La La La. We should have a serious conversation about this, and we will, but in the meanwhile it’s confusing.
6. Just-friends-but relationship with [person] is.. confusing (I guess “confusing” is my keyword of the week). And I’m much calmer about it than I used to be, because Vipassana, but still I can’t see any “solution” that makes sense. Maybe there’s just nothing to solve 🙂
The beautiful –
1. Wanting Without Why – one of the best clues I received this week. Some of my best decisions were made without knowing why, but we are a “why” society, and sometimes I don’t want to answer “why” questions anymore. It feels right to remember that I don’t have to.
2. Had some quality time with one of my best friends, one of those special people with whom no amount of time can ever be enough. We used the power of humor and laughed about some things that are actually quite sad if you think about them, and as always, being with her helped me remember optimism.
3. Iceland! I’m going to be in Iceland, and everyone asks why Iceland and I try to explain but actually I think this is another “Wanting Without Why”. It doesn’t matter why, I just know that I want to be there.
4. Got my Sparkle package from the Fluent Self! 😀
5. Clue from “Russians” by sting – “I don’t subscribe to this point of view”. Exactly. There are so many ideas, approaches, points of view that I don’t want to subscribe to, no matter who IS subscribed.
6. Clue from a random car – “Boxing is for everyone”. I’m not particularly interested in boxing, and I wouldn’t have thought of it as something for everyone – quite the opposite. I want to apply this to other things. [Animation, which I study] is for everyone, not just people who are already good at this! Relationships are for everyone, not just people who are [things I think that I am not]!
7. Our (my roommates’ and mine) future in the apartment is unknown, but somehow I’m not as worried about it as I would expect myself to be. I just know it will be OK, somehow.
What worked this week –
Remembering Anicha – impermanence, changing. Everything changes.
Writing in my blog after a long time and remembering that I am a Writer and love being one. Observing What Is. Sleeping. Vegetables.
Next week I might –
Do more of this. And count on the rest to take care of itself.
Howdy, Chickeneers!
The Good –
Having the Salve of the Week on a sheet of paper I move from day to day in my Brain.
3 Questions Before Sedation –
What will you do after retirement? Gallivant for Fun and Profit. I had to explain that it meant doing whatever I wanted because that’s what I would be paid to do.
What is the first thing you’ll do? Nap.
Where is your most favorite place to go? Victoria, British Columbia.
My body knew the answers, and my mouth just said them. I just have to listen and remember.
Lemon ice pops. Cooler weather.
The Hard –
Clear Sailing through the Process. But it is 2/3 done on 8/2. The Harder Part started 8/3 and is Now Past. Sparklepoint Party!
The Big Hard Things on the Gwish List. Good is that The Dude is helping to Investigate.
{IIWII} – a conversation.
The Crew-Thing without a Name that Says “That Counts!” popped out of its door and gave me one sparklepoint when I was reading about the salve on July 24.
“Just one sparklepoint!!!” (I mean, one is so tiny and not very sparkly!)
“It’s a special sparklepoint,” the former monster said shyly, kissing me on my right cheek before popping back through its door. (It said only, “THAT counts??” and “That counts!” before, and that’s the first time I’ve been kissed by a monster.)
Love moving into Trust. Trust that the Anchor is dropped where it needs to be and that my ship is swinging as it should and at the required speed.
What worked – Remembering that That Bad Time in the Process was both in The Past and in The Future, and was Not Now, so I could be where I was in the Now without Fretting or Anxiety or reliving the pain of the Past Process.
Asking! I got the Good Drugs and got to see the Inner Tube Show. I got a Regular Thing Postponed so I could enjoy my Day After. Thanks, Nathan and Maria!
Cluck, cluck, over and out!
Awww! Kissed by a former-monster! So sweet.
And I found out earlier today that its name is Boof.
Boof Smooches!!!!
Am celebrating the month of Trust More by trying a tandem bike. Riding in the back I can’t see, I can’t steer. If I worry and think about my lack of control it is miserable. If I trust the trustworthy person in front, I can pedal and look at the nice scenery. 🙂
<3
Oooh!