Hello, week: we are here.
Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
This is week 428 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
Clues. Like riding the Magic Water road on the way to do tashlich, my favorite magic water ritual.
Next time I might try: not being so attached to the plan? The plan is just the thing that gets me moving, whatever happens next is the adventure. And hey, now I’m in San Francisco and next week Arizona and who knows after that.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I don’t know what happened this week — Sucktober! — but my ability to focus on work or on anything else was absolutely zero, and my confidence is shot. Breathing trust.
- The mystery of the museum (and my total inability to resolve it, combined with a deadline by which it has to be resolved) has me feeling intensely frustrated. Breathing compassion: this frustration is very understandable, and whatever I do next will be the right move, even if I don’t know what it is yet.
- Still experiencing these on-and-off waves of hurt and anger about something that is in the past, and I don’t have anyone I can talk to about it. Breathing comfort, remembering that I always have the companionship of my wisest selves.
- Besieged By Monsters (it’s my new band and it’s just one guy). Comparison comparison comparison comparison, it never leads to anything good, and yet I got sucked all the way down that hole and couldn’t get out for days. Breathing truth, let’s remember truth: no one is better than I am at being me, which is the only thing that matters. And the best thing I can do for myself is not compare.
- How is it that I can hole up in rural Idaho and still find life too loud? Phones and microwaves and mysterious beeping, and why is the world built to be noisy? Big HSP discomfort. Breathing recovery.
- Unexpected things throwing me off. Breathing for delicious space.
- Missing. Breathing for this.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- Spending an hour a day on the balance ops, learning about the me who can smile while wobbling. This is more fun than I thought it would be. Breathing for treasure.
- I invented a new form of dance! Or maybe a kind of drill, I don’t know. I feel very excited about this! Breathing for excitement and exploration.
- I have a really good idea that might change how I feel about the museum, it’s a bold move, but then maybe that’s what is needed. Breathing possibility and a love of doors.
- Love is treasure. Breathing love.
- New friends. Breathing appreciation.
- Being in the pool under the clouds and in the storm and under the vast sky of stars in the cool air. Breathing.
- Have been able to mostly transition from my angry avenging self, the who wants to burn everything down and lash out to hurt anyone who has every hurt me, to my Diana Rigg glamorous 60s Avenger self who solves problems by being calm, powerful, sexy and at ease in any situation. Having that very fabulous mental image has helped so much in making the switch — each time I catch myself in Destruction Mode and remember that I can actually solve this through being wildly glamorous instead. Thank you, proxy! Thank you, costumes! Thank you, play! Breathing joy.
- My charming and brilliant friend Steve released an audiobook of his short stories, narrated by a very entertaining British guy, I am so excited about this (take a look/listen here), not only because I made him talk philosophy and life dreams with me by text while he edited. Breathing happiness for friends and the beautiful amazing thing that is creative self-expression and invention.
- New approach. Idea sparks and stars. Breathing for incoming good.
Superpowers.
Last time I asked for the superpower of wild audacious powerful sexy radiance. I want to experience what it is like to be be in glow-state star-state, unapologetically taking up space and feeling amazing, thank you.
Working on it!
I want more of that, as well as the superpower of completely at ease being myself, because that’s the only job I want. And the advanced version of this, the superpower of I AM A STAR.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
” … each time I catch myself in Destruction Mode and remember that I can actually solve this through being wildly glamorous instead. …” – Havi.
<3!
The Hard:
– making room, (not) taking up space in some many ways. I am a part of this world, and therefore the world has room for me. Sometimes I just forget.
– Misunderstandings and very, very, very old pattrens.
– My reality is valid, thank you for not intruding.
– This is always the perfect timing for a cold.
– Being shut down and off from the possibility of something incredible magicial. And a lot of other things as well. A bit of sadness about this.
The Marvels:
– ¡Hablo! – Who knew 🙂
– The magical words "sin gluten" showing up wherever needed.
– The sun, the sea, the waves and playing.
– My body still knows how to play, a pleasant surprise.
– Recognising… things… I've come far.
– Light, shadow and the box with the lens. Always.
– Listening.
– Being able to trust, even through the hard.
– The sun, the sun, the sun. Seriously thinking about moving to New Zealand during October-March and re-appearing in the Northern Hemisphere for April-September. Kind of like the Arctic Tern. I am not built for semi-too-full-Polar nights (Yay, Norway!), and they're approaching fast.
– Strawberries 🙂
Omgoodness I SO relate to the sunshine bliss and need! I’m in Australia and the sun is finally poking it’s head around the corner after a long winter (and ours are supposedly mild!!!)
Sunshine to all who thrive on it!
Sunshine to all who thrive on it, indeed!
*breathing in the concept of Magic Water*
*listening to the quiet wisdom of not being so attached to the plan*
The Grim
~ tears about not understanding, not knowing what my dear body needs.
~ attending appt with my mother, and hearing the grimmest news possible *heartache*
~ large tree fell on to neighbour’s fence; more energy and resources required that I Just Don’t Have
~ being so severely wiped, and of course subsequent monster field day
~ Failure and Overwhelm
~ old raw spot
The Beautiful
~ even with our pretty horrific history and periods of estrangement, we are just On The Same Page, in Flow, and Connected. Love and Trust abound. Who would EVER have imagined? *deepest gratitude that I will never be able to fully Name in a thousand years*
~ I don’t know if I “forgive” per se, but I do know this: It’s okay. It’s not your job anymore. It was, and you didn’t do it (or you did it so very badly), but it’s not now. And it’s okay. Really. It’s my job now. *tears*
~ insanely blessed with work I love, colleagues who are my Tribe, and (mostly) good strategies for managing the dysfunctional aspects *smiles*
Sweet Gentleness and Safety to all who need it. I certainly do.
Oh. Oh, this resonates. Comfort and safety to you.
Gentleness, safety, moments of joy. <3
Everything is falling apart. I have to remember to breathe.
<3
(sending you some extra breathing spaciousness, if you would like it)
Thank you. Feeling better, breathing better.
<3 you've got this
I have Extremely Good News from last week (that so far I have not shared w anyone but Spouse), but…
Today my heart is literally heavy & hurting, and I am just sitting with these feelings. Not arguing. Not ignoring. Not running away. Not distracting. Just sitting & feeling.
Outside it’s a beautiful day, with lovely feathery clouds. I’ve taken photos. A honeybee said Hello – at length. (I managed to not be alarmed.) My garden has the water it needs.
Breathe.
Hello, y’all.
What’s been working? Acknowledging limits. Such as not going to the bluegrass jam with big sister and her gal. Not going to dance class after tashlich. Not going any damned where tomorrow.
What to play with, perhaps… polishes. ponies. pools.
Hard, infuriating…
1. Carrying on through grief. Without carrying on, so to speak.
2. Gut issues.
3. Postal insurance worthless for something stolen from birthday girl’s lobby. So I’m out at least $67 + time. Grrr.
4. Spouse contending with malfunctioning equipment and absolutely feckless un-support from the vendor.
5. I do not know how to fix _____. I fear it may not be possible to fix ______. How do I live with it without becoming resentful or broken?
6. My website got flagged by an antivirus program but nothing seems to be wrong. Grrr.
7. Fretting about cashflow enough to ice travel/dance/gym plans.
8. Being sick, and working a ten-hour day while sick.
Good, sustaining, etc.
1. The man picked up the doggie’s ashes today, and the animal hospital sent a card with wildflower seeds to plant in her memory.
2. Lovely, loving friends.
3. White roses. Some friends sent them in memory of the girl, and they reminded me just now of my wedding.
4. Taslich combined with paddleboarding.
5. Realizing that I’m not feeling the full yes toward [a] and [b] before I committed any money or time toward them. Even though I was impatient to solidify those plans a week ago. A breath for recognizing what I actually feel.
6. Unexpected ramen date with the spouse.
7. Spending time at some of my favorite places and some new ones with big sis and her gal.
8. Plenty of hot water and clean sheets.
Shabbat shalom.
(hugs and love and comfort for you for your loss)
Toda raba.
<3 <3 <3
Hello, Chicken!
Hard: I’m having trouble getting enough sleep, which has resulted in some foggy days.
Good: I decided I wanted to see a particular musical, and even though it took a bit of effort to make this happen, I *did* it, and I had a wonderful time. I love live theater so much! More, please.
I had the superpower of trusting my voice. I’d like to continue enjoying that, and I would also like to have the superpower of Smooth Movement and Soft Repose. (I think this superpower may come with its own soundtrack, and I look forward to hearing it.)
I’m lighting my candle now, and smiling at all of you…
Trusting my voice!
Oh!
I often find myself under the illusion that there is no-one for me to talk to. But you have just re-reminded me of the companionship of my wisest selves. Thank you!
wow, sunday. i, a minor person, made a stupid mistake at work today that made the super major boss of a huge international company directly reply “what it this?”. thinking about it that way makes me laugh and see how this is just not relevant in the grand scheme of things, just some bullshit corporate advertisement marketing pr blabla. this buys me time off from anxiety that will be back once i have to take responsibility for this.
i tried to channel all of my rage and anxiety into something practical, like a little spring cleaning in fall, and it worked wonders on my apartment and body <3 <3 <3
you talk about balance and i need a whole lot of it. i like to think about it in french, it's smoother that way (balaaaaance) and the sound kinda makes me feel like one of my elegant selves in a glittery bodysuit is gracefully walking on a tightrope. which brings me to janelle monae so, yeah, i'm gonna dance in my room.
also balaaaance sounds a tiny bit like balloons and i like that…
<3 <3 <3 baaaaaaaalloooooooons!
Hello Havi, hello everyone, hello chickens.
The hard:
– fatigue, have been so depleted for so long
– not wanting to write
– seasonal depression
– remains of burnout, not knowing any other way to go about things
The good:
– something changed up a gear in the [magic -> science] op
– a really good sung service, sunlight through the clerestory windows, using my breath to worship, this is symbolic of everything that I have, this is how I want to be, *this is the opposite of burnout*, breath and presence and bringing forth beauty, oh, wow, yes please.
– unexpected lunch with two of my brothers: talking of adventure and wide horizons.
– more compassion and understanding than I’d have dared to expect.
– it gets easier. Or it doesn’t, but I get better at dealing with it.
– feeling tall, like I have a right to exist.
What worked:
– going for a walk, it always does
– remembering and understanding that this is temporary, it’s a cloud over the sun
– eating dinner.
<3 <3 <3 to all.