This is week 432 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
Each day before I start work, I ask a question and direct it at three aspects of myself that I don’t know that well yet. Sometimes it is as simple as “tell me what you think I should know”.
It is very grounding, often surprising, and I find that I am more focused.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Mouse in motorhome. Just one guy. Actually it is two mice. They are unbelievably cute and I want them to leave. Breathing for peaceful exits.
- Working way too many hours, too much sitting/concentrating, not enough air and stars. Breathing for this.
- Website was down for just about twenty four hours. Nothing but bad news (and expensive news) while trying to get it back up. Breathing.
- After working ass off on The New Plan for the past few weeks, realizing that we can’t actually make it happen without immediate help to get through crisis. Breathing for clarity and trust-love.
- Having to ask for help, my least favorite thing in the entire world. Breathing comfort and reassurance.
- Catching myself doing so much pre-emptive placating, reassuring and hand-holding, having to remind myself to cut that out because that all falls into the category of caretaking and WUSIT (What Unsovereign Shit Is This). Remembering that I no longer work for Tantrum Prevention Incorporated, but bracing for that anyway, lots of stuff from then. Breathing the reminder that Now Is Not Then, and we are fierce powerful panthers, amen.
- My big wish-desire still scares me way too much. Breathing trust and patience.
- Ugh do not want to get the kind of jobs that I need to get, even though I would be very good at them. Breathing for surprise perfect solutions that are so beautiful I clap my hands in delight.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- Back in the wilderness under the stars, it is so gorgeous here. Breathing thank you.
- Not only am I sleeping again, but also no longer having regular nightmares. Breathing thankfulness.
- Misunderstanding from last week sorted with ease and grace, happy to have friend back in my life. Breath of appreciation.
- Playfulness and joy and silliness and gleeful giddy wonder and grand adventures and big ideas and fun collaborations and so much play. Breathing happiness.
- Getting so much done. Breathing for magic.
- I was brave and asked for help, and am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from people all over the world. Breathing gratitude for this reminder that I am not alone and this work is so deeply loved, thank you.
- Discovered a path from the pain of I Can’t Fix This to the amazing (and surprisingly blissful) superpower of I Am Completely Peaceful And Can Let The Audience Decide. Amazing. Breathing steadiness and grace.
- I like being in one place — for now! I like being here — for now! I like the sun and the long meandering dirt road walks and the dusting of snow on the mountains and the cafe where I work! And watching So You Think You Can Dance and crying because the routines are so incredible. Breathing and smiling.
- Cubs won the world series!!!!! Who ever thought that would happen in our lifetime? Take that, curses and hexes and long runs of bad luck. Breathing so much delight.
- Big dreamy ideas and wishes, getting to know them, getting to know the me who believes they are possible. Breathing joy.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of sleeping in, Agent Sloan offering to go on a secret mission for me, old friends returning, all the best clues, enchiladas with the cowboy, starting a dance crew in my mind. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers.
Last week I asked for the power of Effortlessly Grounded in Panther Powers as well as People Rejoice With Me, and all the powers of the beautiful wind-blowing spirit emoji blessing my trajectory and my sails with love. Totally happened.
Now I am asking for surprise perfect solutions that are so beautiful I clap my hands in delight. I want lots of these! I want to be able to see them and recognize them! I want to rejoice in them! I want to explore new doors with curiosity and delight, and all the best companions.
May it be so.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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As always, sending happiness and enough sparklepoints to fill a motorhome to Havi for her beautiful wishes.
For me, I am trying to remember – and list – the happy things that happened this year, even as 2016 threatens to become a dumpster fire. It is not all bad, even though sometimes it feels that way. I have a (relatively) happy and (relatively) healthy family. I have been able to do and see some wonderful things. I won free(!) coffee(!!) for a year(!!!) from Dunkin’ Donuts.
And, as Havi said, Cubs won.
P.S. If you ever make it to my neck of the woods (Havi or anyone else here) please give me a shoutout on twitter @thatneilguy. Maybe – just maybe – I’ll buy you a cup of coffee. At Dunkin’ Donuts.
YOU WON FREE COFFEE FOR A YEAR!!!! Definitely not a dumpster fire year, totally canceled out by a year of free coffee, that is some good juju right there. <3
I just may take you up on that, Neil, before I head west. The donuts are on me. 🙂
Chicken chicken chicken!
Hard…
–On Thursday, somehow a whole tangled assortment of upheavals, layers of upheavals, just felt like too much, and collapsing on the couch for the evening was *clearly* the best course of action. (And actually, it helped. It also helped that my beloved partners took me seriously when I said I was collapsing, They only did a *little* bit of trying to Fix Things too early, and I was able to appreciate the intent and ignore the content.)
–Oh, hey, *I* know what the trigger was: our move from upstate South Carolina to southern California, which has been quietly looming for a few months, is suddenly beginning to happen. The Wizard is flying out there tomorrow to begin his new job. The plan is to all be out there within a month or so. Whoa.
Good…
–The awesome powers of Agency and Sovereignty, combined with Serendipity and Resources, are allowing me to give and receive treasure. I am *beyond* grateful for this.
–I’m in the midst of a very cozy online course in which I get to explore different journaling styles. Playtime and playmates! Yay.
This week, I had the superpower of Take That Break. Next week, I want the superpower of All The Colors. (I’m not even sure what that means yet. I look forward to finding out.)
Lighting my candle… * <3 *
<3 I am not *too* far from southern california....
<3 I am holding on to that good thought. Lightly, of course.
I am in SoCal, if you ever want to play/rally. 🙂
Yay!
LA Rally on Nov 12. IG me if you want to play. @lirarenee
<3 <3 <3
I AM IN UPSTATE SOUTH CAROLINA!
I know!! I thought you were in Asheville or something, but I took a peek at your website yesterday! Would definitely love to connect for coffee or somesuch, sometime this month, if feasible. If I don’t ping you on Twitter soon, please feel free to ping me!
The hard:
– two ticklish emails
– the right-wing press in this country is absolutely terrifying
The good:
– wearing the mod hat for a fabulous, supportive online community. The email notifications are a joy!
– resisting the urge to cancel a day of annual leave to fit in with somebody else’s spur-of-the-moment meeting
– lunch with Nicky
– women’s madison
What worked:
– fancy knickers
– costume jewellery. In every sense.
Mod hat! Costume jewellery! <3
Hello, chicken!
This week’s hard: Not much!
– a little acupuncture accident
– anxious about starting another round of medical adventures
– annoying realization that a 4-month delay in setting up [thing] was actually caused by incomplete instructions in the user manual, leading me to believe the [thing] wasn’t working (but it was!)
This week’s good:
– acupuncture-induced bruise is a beautiful purple, suitable for matching autumn outfits
– [thing] is now verified as working properly, meaning lower expenses in future
– excited about joining the Friends of the Museum
– lovely leaf-peeping visit with a cousin I don’t see very often
– productive conversations with another cousin who is helping me organize my Magic Bean tracking systems
Love to all the chickeneers!
Extra good: Awesome World Series – competition without dirty tricks, mean-spiritedness, scandal and fake scandal, etc., and both competitors qualifying as deserving good guys.
And a High Probability of Pigs flying no matter who won!
HIGH PROBABILITY!!!!
Oh I could use this right now!
The hard:
-Still dealing with deep sadness from a parting of the ways I did not initiate, even if I sense that in the (long) long term it was the right call
-Four days to do oh, about seven days’ work at Day Job
-Being put in an uncomfortable position regarding a fight I am not a part of
-Lots of time with people who take energy to interface with
-Mice (more than two) in my beloved home getting worse and worse and my kind approach to dealing with them not being practical
The good:
-Friends continue to be wonderfully supportive
-I got a real life field trip to a festival at which my show was performed and received very nicely by a bunch of new people
-I taught a workshop this morning and very much enjoyed myself! We came up with our own concept for a musical based on a mashup of Shakespeare’s “Henry IV” and the Cubs’ World Series win
-UH YEAH I LIVE IN CHICAGO SO THIS WHOLE WEEK WAS PRETTY SWEET
-Halloween was this week! Wonderfully witchy, my favorite
-Excited to get back to (creative) work
What worked:
-Permission to take longer than usual with everything
-Walking
-Not saying anything when it wasn’t my business; setting boundaries about how far I would get involved with drama
Love to you all!
Sometimes it’s hard to sort out hard and good things. Here are some hard, some good, some mixed:
MrB is in the hospital. Today (Saaturday) was the 9th day. The renewed infection plus pneumonia has set back his progress in recovering strength. It’s starting to look like he may never be able to stand on his own feet again, even with assistance.
I have started working on plans to make it possible to have him home. Many details to be worked out and also much labor needed to get the house set up.
Sister C or I will be the kidney donor for sister B, and the logistics of that fold kind of neatly into what needs to happen to have MrB home.
Bro may be leaving. We’ll find out for sure on Thursday. Losing his companionship and his help will be very hard for Me, if it happens. He’s trying to get a lot of stuff done here in case things work out that way.
I have some Big Tasks unrelated to MrB or my sibs that I have to find the energy and concentration to get them done PDQ. Energy and focus have been conspicuously lacking this past week.
I checked off fewer than half of the things that I thought I’d get done this week. Some things took longer than I expected, and I had less time than I counted on, and was too tired to do some of them.
One thing that is an unmixed blessing: my class this fall is one of the best I’ve ever had in nineteen and a half years. It makes a great “anxiety-free zone” in my schedule and inspires me to want to keep on teaching.
Waving and glowing love to everyone.
<3 <3 <3
Love and hopefulness for you and MrB <3 <3 <3
<3
So much both hard and good this week:
The hard:
-Endless pain and body stuff definitely caused by stress and anxiety
-Anxiety attack when trying to Get Out The Vote. A breath for taking exquisite care of myself.
-Finding a new place to live is so hard and bringing up so many monsters and also now that I have decided this I keep noticing more and more WUSIT in my current living situation.
The good:
-All my lovers are beautiful wonderful humans who take care of me and love me and take time out of their days to talk me through my anxiety. A breath for love and family.
-+500 to Self-knowledge this week in so many different areas. This is both hard and good, so I’ll categorize it as good
-Getting invited to a dance party by a cool person I like. Yay!
-The house hosting us while we Get Out The Vote is beautiful and large and surrounded by nature and a bell-ringing church
I have so much hope and worry for this coming week. Remembering to breathe.
i love that you gave “very interior design” such a prominent spot on this beautiful site! it has always been a favourite of mine. makes me imagine deliciously serious and mysterious business cards… spreading ??? whereever you hand them out without explanation.
come to think: i whish for the superpower of *without explanation*.
good things:
– i knew i had to make a change for so many weeks now and i finally chose the tyniest change, but let’s hope it has an impact. here’s to that moment of clearity where you just cancel what needs to be cancelled and make space for what you have been missing for so long [tango].
– not 100% good, but well, at least good to know: if you want to be really good at something this might block you at being really bad at this thing and learning from it. what?
hard things:
– not feeling well in my space, living in a home that is not entirely homely for me.
– i don’t know how to have feelings?
thank you so much for this space and for saying your truth. thank you to everybody who officially befriended this space before the lights went out (and i hope to soon be able to join in a small way). thank you to everyone who comes here to share their thoughts, light a candle, fall in love with a wording and just be present.
i don’t drink coffee, but i feel invited to play with the concept of “free coffee for a year”…