This is week 431 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
I had a giant project that couldn’t possibly done in time (it needed two weeks and I had two days), so I imagined that there is a version of me who could handle this.
Specifically, the me who is really good at letting rough things be rough.
Yes, my mind went to some lovely dirty places there too. But what I actually mean is this: I assumed there is a version of me who is so completely grounded in Trust Love that she can let a rough draft be enough, trusting there will be time to polish later. Then I let her tell me what to do.
We got two weeks of work done in two days and yes, it was rough, and also so good.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Learned something I didn’t want to know. Breathing for comfort.
- Big miscommunication with someone I don’t know very well that resulted in inadvertent and very unnecessary hurt feelings, as well as all kinds of conclusion-jumping. Breathing for clarity, trust-love and sovereign communication, as well as for everything resolving itself under the surface.
- Learned about a big wish-desire, and it scares me so much that I can’t even think about it. Breathing patience. Breathing trust in proxy magic.
- The Everything Is Hopeless Why Even Bother monsters were still around, not just about the big wish but about everything. Breathing for comfort and Safety First.
- I am ready to be out of the Tantrum Prevention business, and I suspect this means taking more action on my part than just stating that I’m done. Also really ready for an actual vacation, the kind that doesn’t involve spending most of the day troubleshooting. Breathing for this.
- So. Much. Rigged. Game. Cultural. Bullshit. Breathing for this.
- Creepy dudes being creepy. Breathing badass panther prowess and DNFW.
- Tired of being on the edge, tired of the ongoing museum situation/crisis, tired of options getting narrower and narrower at every turn. I’ve been without a home base for 183 days now, which is mostly a super fun adventure, but I am so ready to have the option of sanctuary and foundation and a place to land when I want it. I genuinely don’t mind not having a place like that right now because it isn’t my yes, but I mind a lot not having the resources to make that an easy choice if it happens to feel right. Having the OPTION is my yes, and right now I don’t. Breathing for solutions and ease and the superpower of Surprise Good News.
- Working a million hours a day instead of going for beautiful walks and stretching and napping. Missing dance and movement and training. Breathing for my body.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- I AM SLEEPING AGAIN! ALL NIGHT LONG! Apparently the answer was as easy as Get Out Of Los Angeles because as soon I landed back in the motorhome, I was sleeping ten hours a night instead of three. I have no idea why I would sleep better in a noisy supermarket parking lot or some random truck stop than in my friend’s beautiful peaceful apartment on the edge of a hill with pretty trees, but for whatever reason, my body remembered how to sleep, and I am so happy about this. Breathing thankfulness.
- When new friend was upset with me and jumping to conclusions and saying hurtful things, I did not make shit about me, I did not take it personally, I one hundred percent understood how misunderstandings worked. And I was able to respond with love and presence, grace and ease, and friend was able to back up and do the same. Breathing thank you for self-fluency and the past twelve years of training.
- Sweetness and joy and love and levels of connection that are pure magic. Breathing thank you.
- Hey did I mention that I got two weeks of work done in two days, thanks to Incoming Me being the world’s biggest badass and telling me exactly what to do and how to do it? Breathing for Rally magic.
- Oh, and finally (like, after many, many, many months of agonizing over this) figured out what I want to do about the museum and what I want in its place, and how I want that to work and what I want to look like, and set it all into motion. Breathing joy and gratitude and sparks of love for this.
- Pretty scenery in Arizona and Nevada, and now I am in Bishop, California, where it is no longer too hot, and where the leaves are pretty colors and I can wear layers again, and there is a dusting of snow on the mountains. Breathing for this is where I want to be.
- The Cowboy and I generally want very different things and then a few of the same things, but right now we have remarkably similar visions in some ways. Breathing and smiling.
- Had so much fun spending two days on the road dreaming up ideas and excitement for someday wishes, and inventing fun, creative and playful names for all of it. Breathing joy.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of clues everywhere, loving friends, surprise nachos, walking to the movie theater with my favorite human, having the exact right thing to wear. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers.
Last week I was stranded at LAX all day and asked for extreme levels of believing that something that looks like bad news (missing my flight?) is actually What Unexpected Good Fortune.
This was a marvelous superpower to ask for! First of all, it did turn out to be good fortune because the cowboy wouldn’t have been able to pick me in Phoenix because of massive delays due to a road accident involving a twenty car pile-up.
I think I had an easier time this week finding the good and not assuming [Doom], even when challenges arose, as they do. So I am glad to have met this superpower.
This week I am asking for the power of Effortlessly Grounded in Panther Powers as well as People Rejoice With Me, and all the powers of the beautiful wind-blowing spirit emoji blessing my trajectory and my sails with love. May it be so.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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So much wisdom (okay and a little innuendo *grins*) around “letting rough things be rough”. Whilst I didn’t have that phrase in mind, I think I’ve been operating (at least in part) on this.
(Now forgive me while I kind of squeeze three weeks of chicken into one, but right now this is what I need.)
Three (or is it two? Time is so distorted for me at present) weeks ago, I had no power and water for five days, and got cold and sick and triggered (because clearly if you’re that cold for that long, no one loves you! *grins foolishly if a little sadly at the self that *knows* this to be true).
Last week ago, my mother was in the last stages of dying and her spouse and I shared vigil until she died.
This week, we frantically (and in a state of shock and reeling) arranged the funeral, and of course my sweet body expressed it all and developed a severe chest and sinus infection (resulting in the much dreaded antibiotics which were not avoided by netipots, salt water, ginger, garlic, and the like). Yesterday, we cremated Mum. This week was filled with intense emotion, overstretching, illness, miscommunication as many of us run around frantically, confusedly, sensitively and find Old Stuff to trip over.
And today, although my body is ragged and I feel horridly sick, I also feel peaceful. Miscommunications were beautifully addressed (thankyou me for wishing Havi’s wise wish of distortions etc being dissolved in love if not laughter–they were exactly dissolved in such a way *smiles with love and gratitude*), deep love was expressed everywhere, even when I outright (but gently) declared in my eulogy that Mum and I had a turbulent relationship all the way up until she was diagnosed in June. I had far too much to say, so kept it simple and simply spoke of turbulence ending in peace and connection, and described the gift of climbing into bed with her many times in her last five days and how this brought comfort to both of us *tears*
I’ve learned so much these past three weeks, though I couldn’t for the life of me identify them right now, much less articulate them. Thankyou Me who is so Deeply Sensitive it Hurts–it hurts so much, yet it also brings so many gifts, both to myself and those around me.
Peace and Gentleness to all who need it, including you, Mum (and how insanely precious is it that I call you Mum again after all these years?). Thankyou Weeks that Were.
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3
This Person Rejoices With You for having found perfect solutions and set them into motion, for Bad Things being Lucky Things, for the restorative powers of sleep.
::*blows sparklepoints onto the wind, enough for everyone*::
THANK YOU! Rejoicing and wind sparklepoints appreciated! <3
The Chicken has landed! Hello, Chicken.
Last week, I asked for the superpower of INSTANT RECESS. I think it showed up as an ability to take things a bit more lightly, even when choosing to do things I didn’t feeeeeeeeeeel like doing. That was helpful!
Next week, I would like the superpowers of Making Myself At Home and Warm Welcoming. (Wow, my monsters are uncomfortable with this one, but let it ride. I am practicing trust, and letting love help.)
*lighting candle*
*smiles* I’m sending Warm Welcoming to your monsters as well!
And lighting candles alongside you.
Decided to take a break from writing poetry – i’ve been immersed in it for 3.5 years straight. And except for photography (which I do almost every day), “writing poetry” seems to preclude other creative efforts.
I’m feeling unmoored again, and it’s delightful. No more “I am a poet now, so I really should be doing X, Y, and Z.”
My heart was acting up 3 days in a row, and I… listened. I slept in. I lolled around. I’ve been reading (inter-library loan) books voraciously. Lots of thinking. Enjoying afternoon light, curled up on my bed.
May repot 1 or more of potager plants so they can be inside companions as the seasons turn colder.
Watching art-house & other movies (also library loans) with Spouse lately. Jumping off point for political discussions.
So glad to hear there is clarity about the museum!
I discovered that my monastic gardening retreat was also a Rally (Rally!) and spent a good portion of the last few days conducting and conducting. It was exactly what was needed so thank you Internet derailments, and the superpower of Bad Luck is Just Good Luck You Haven’t Met Yet.
There has been a lot of both hard and good this week. I am learning to recognise that people being unable to hear me is entirely about them and not at all about me. Breathing deep understanding.
I have a lot of quests/wishes (I tried to swipe the word ‘wishes’ and got ‘quests’ instead and decided to keep it) in motion right now. Asking for massive superpowers of Trust and What If This Is Easy?
<3 to all
“quests/wishes” !!!! Love this. <3
Samedi shalom!
Hard and trying:
1. Systems so rigged and toxic. God is good, but good God.
2. Me In My Stuff.
3. Colleagues In Their Stuff.
4. Dancers In Their Stuff.
5. Stomach, argh.
6. Lungs, argh.
7. Nose, argh.
8. Cubs, argh.
Good or gratifying:
1. Cubs can still win.
2. Helpful feedback.
3. Stuff = signal from the universe to simplify and to respect limits.
4. The NCMA bunnies fill me with so much glowing glee every time I glimpse them.
5. Fluffing shiny boingy foil-furred spiders and watching other dancers play with them.
6. Big sister donated to the Humane Society of NOLA in memory of the darling doggie.
7. Bank bonus has posted.
8. Tasty free lunch yesterday, with steak and broccolini and iced tea.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
6.
Fair winds! (ha, the auto comment thing has just pointed out to me that that’s half the title of my latest blog post! hurrah for coincidence!)
The hard:
– extreme fatigue. I am not even sure how I got here, and very shortly I am going to have to keep on going again.
– infestation of brain slugs, ugh.
– Exeter burning. I never set foot in the Royal Clarence Hotel, but its outside is very much a part of my mental picture of Exeter, and now it’s going, or gone, I suppose, that lovely old building.
– the flip side of I Have Been Here Before is Nothing Is New
– period pain.
The good:
– admin rights, ha!
– the moment you plan a grand adventure you are on a grand adventure; the moment you tell someone else about a grand adventure you are doubly on it.
– catching up with my best friend; talking owls and psalm chants and all sorts.
– a conversation that might have been difficult and wasn’t.
What worked:
– Queen of Hearts nail varnish, and Red Velvet lipstick
– watching the Youtube video first
– collage
Havi! The gallery! It is absolutely beautiful.
The new gallery is ***amazing***. Magical adventurous enticing starlight sizzle. So much love. <3 <3 <3
Hello chickeneers. {{{blowing kisses for any who want}}}
Hard this week:
– Paralysis (metaphorical).
– Pain (not metaphorical).
– Discovering such deep, tangled, messy piles of lack-of-confidence in my ability to Do The Things. These piles need to be cleared, but they are so big and smelly I have not wanted to go near them.
– Cultural goings-on are immensely distressing. How to bear witness and do what I can to help, without being engulfed by worry?
Good this week:
– Fall down seven times, stand up eight. That phrase popped into my head this morning, and lifted my spirits. Sometimes (not always, but sometimes), it is just simply getting up again that is enough to turn the tide.
– So many resources available to me, internal and external; even when I forget they are there, they are! So immensely grateful.
– For me, my specific circumstances, my pain is a crystal clear direct reflection of how well I am taking care of myself. Am I moving enough? Am I drinking enough water? Am I sleeping enough? Am I eating well? Am I doing things to bring me light and joy and pleasure, rather than bogging down in worry? Thank you, my Body, for being such a patient and persistent communicator.
– There is always enough Love. As soon as I tune in to that, everything gets better.
<3 <3 <3
Oh I love this, Carina! May I also thank my sweet body for being such a persistent communicator.
And yes, Havi your gallery is exquisite. I find my self relishing its beauty AND experience loss and grief. (AND noticing how big waves of loss and grief pick up all sorts of other peripheral losses like shells and sand and seaweed until the wave becomes so big it *dumps* (Australian term for half drowns) you. A breath for Grief AND for Gallery Magic.
The Gallery is beautiful, life-affirming magic I didn’t know I needed until, just today – awash in golden afternoon light, spending time with Drabhu, my favorite tree-friend – I found a Stone i’d never seen before, and I heard it whisper.
I early-voted yesterday. I’m clearing out old debris from the skin of the life i’m shedding. I slither and swim, anew.
What if you hadn’t gone to Idaho?
<3 for your whispering new stone and your favorite tree-friend!
Good wishes for you, this lovely museum, and your new directions in creativity. I still find solace in your Emergency Calm techniques. Even today, as I browsed your galleries here, your art and imagination helped me sort through a bumpy transition of my own: the overwhelming “crap” I’ve been busy picking out of my hair has been confetti all along. Who knew. 🙂