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Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

This week of rallying it up at Rally (Rally!) has completely thrown me off. I am astonished that it’s Sunday again already.

Thing 1: more action at the Frolicsome Bar.

Here’s what I want:

The Frolicsome Bar (FB) is what I call our facebook page for The Fluent Self.

It is so much more fun than I thought it would be. Ah, memories of past VPAs where I asked to get over all the internal crap that was getting in the way of setting it up to begin with…

We have 918 people there (neat!) and some lovely things happen there.

But I’d like to use it more, and have other people use it more, and have more people there. How about 82 for now to bring it to an even thousand while I figure this thing out?

Ways this could work:

Not sure.

I can do some interviewing of myself (or Slightly Future Me) to brainstorm things that might be useful or interesting to post there.

We can just experiment.

Maybe I’ll ask the people at my Kitchen Table program who are wise and creative in many ways.

My commitment.

To pay attention to what comes up when I think about this.

To not force anything. To mess around with this in a way that is curious and playful.

Thing 2: bus pass!

Here’s what I want:

I’ve been totally putting this off and I’m not sure why.

Maybe one of those things where I’m building it up to be way more complicated than it is. Or thinking that it will force me into making decisions about my plans that I don’t want to make.

Also, I kind of loathe the bus.

But it needs to happen.

Ways this could work:

Giving my internal patterns detective the job.

Doing Shiva Nata on it to find out where the stuck is and what needs to happen.

Giving myself permission to put this up here even though all my monsters are thoroughly disapproving — Are you crazy? Do you really want people to know that you can’t even get a bus pass without running into all your crap?!

I am going to make a safe room for them and another one for the part of me who is in resistance. And we will get information that will help us take the next step, whatever it is.

My commitment.

To not push.

To not apologize.

It might turn out that there’s a really good reason for this. And maybe I don’t even have to know what it is.

I’m going to acknowledge pain and stuck when I encounter it, and then sneak around the edges.

Thing 3: receptivity

Here’s what I want:

Receiving things. Not something I’m very good at.

Especially when it comes to help, support, compliments, appreciation.

I’d like some insights on this and how it could begin to change.

Ways this could work:

I don’t know.

Planting the seed here and hoping to fractal flower the hell out of it this week.

My commitment.

As someone I adore says, “patience is a virtue but being patient kind of blows.”

I’m going to have to be patient with this one but I’m hating that right now, so instead my focus is going to be on noticing. I will notice things and track them and write down what I find.

Thing 4: planning a pirate queen holiday

Here’s what I want:

Oh oh oh oh oh I want a vacation so bad I can taste it.

And now it needs to happen before it becomes Emergency Vacation time.

Nervous laughter.

Ways this could work:

I’m determined to find out!

Maybe I will run away to visit Svevo in the woods.

Maybe I will just go dark for a while.

My commitment.

To combine this work with the receptivity thing and see what comes up.

To interview the me who has done this.

To interview the me who is dead set against this.

To make peace between these various parts of me so that we can all get on board with the mission. Whoooo!

And, of course, more Shiva Nata for insights, realizations and to see what the patterns look like.

Thing 5: we have two more spots for the July Rally!

Here’s what I want:

To find the two people who will be joining us for the amazing thing that is the July Rally. Rally!

Ways this could work:

I will try to remember to tell you guys Rally stories about how incredible the last one was.

My commitment.

To love and love and love some more.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted bright fingerless gloves in a primary color for teaching Shiva Nata. And Liz, who was at Rally #9, offered to make me some. Thank you!

The second want was about teaching Shiva Nata at Derby Daze, and I completely spaced out on this. So I’m going to re-ask and think about this a little differently.

I wanted help spreading the word about my Shiva Nata snack preview sneak picnic freebie call, and there are one hundred and fifty people signed up. So thank you for helping me spread the word, and please keep helping!

And I wanted appreciation and a new pattern related to it. Still working on that one.

But you know what was neat? I do coordination and agility training (cough, Shiva Nata!) for the roller derby girls, and they are so very appreciative of what I do with them. So maybe I just need to look to other sources to find out what’s going on with this pattern. We’ll see!

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.

The Fluent Self