Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: company for parading
Here’s what I want:
No one was able to come with me to the Hat Parade (Hat! Parade! Oh boy! ) so I was very sadface mouse.
But then today was Sunday Parkways (absolutely one of the best things in Portland — more about it here) and so I went on a three hour walk that was practically a parade.
I mean, there was a pirate. And some very fabulous outfits. And unicycles. So basically: parade!
And I want people to come with me for the next ones. Or to tag along with me on other city parades and walks that sound like fun.
Ways this could work:
Maybe giving people more notice. Announcing ahead of time.
Doing something shivanautical? With music?
I don’t know. For now I’m just going to put it out there that I want some lovely people to companionably parade with.
My commitment.
To wear silly hats and blow bubbles and think about the fun that can be had.
Thing 2: who’s coming to the Shiva Nata sneak snack preview picnic call?
Here’s what I want:
Even more people coming to our sneak snack preview picnic call about Shiva Nata, creative flow, neat things related to the September training and general good stuff.
Yes, please!
Ways this could work:
So many of you have already been lovely about spreading the word on Facebook, twitter, the world of blog. Thank you!
Maybe more people will tell other people.
And again, I can ask for help from the Kitchen Table and the Secret Lab.
My commitment.
To wave enthusiastically at everyone who joins us or gets the recording or flails with us in spirit.
Thing 3: help and support with a mini-brunching
Here’s what I want:
There is a thing that I might be announcing this week but all sorts of other little pieces have to fall into place for it to happen. Will it happen? I hope so!
Ways this could work:
With the loving support of the smart people in my Kitchen Table program, who will provide me with insight, feedback, ideas and cheering.
Through regularly interviewing slightly future me to find out what the deal is.
And, of course, through being the fox in the video game.
My commitment.
To pay attention. To not push. To ask intelligent, loving questions. To get as creative as is needed.
Thing 4: do-overs!
Here’s what I want:
So last week I said I wanted two people to sign up for the July Rally (Rally!) and that totally happened. Almost instantaneously. Thank you.
But apparently I wasn’t specific at all about why I wanted what I wanted, because as soon as it happened, two other July Rallions switched to rallies happening later in the year.
So… I want two more people to join us for mad hot projectizing and general magic, fun and wonder in July.
And maybe what I really need to say is that I want a full, happy Rally (Rally!), and for this to happen in a sustainable way with much smoothness and ease.
There. Let’s try like that. 🙂
Ways this could work:
I can pay attention to the needs behind the things I ask for, and what I really am asking for.
I can find other ways of connecting to those qualities hidden inside of the wanting (support? belonging? shelter? sovereignty?) and do things that symbolize this new relationship with receiving them.
Also — in the hard — I can update the page and put up new pictures and generally be more forthcoming about WHY this is so amazing.
My commitment.
To be curious and receptive. To have some fun with this.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
We wanted more action at the Frolicsome Bar (the facebook page for The Fluent Self Inc, Pirate Ship at Large), and that’s definitely been happening. Yay!
Then I was completely stuckified about getting a bus pass, and that sorted itself out easily and gracefully. It was definitely easier than I thought (you can get them at the co-op!).
I was working on receptivity… and I’m still working on it. Not sure if there was progress there but it was definitely a theme this week.
Then planning a pirate queen holiday — I did plan one! Sparklepoints for me! But it’s a tiny one — just one night. And I really want a week off, so I need to re-ask this one too.
As for the two July Rallions, you already know how it worked out! I got what I asked for and I had to ask again. Some interesting systems stuff to think about there, but mainly I’m happy that the VPAs give such a shape to my week. I appreciate that.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Follow
Last week’s ask, that I find ways to be much happier and more grounded while hosting our annual weekend house party than I was last year, has been working out very well. Among other things, I’ve been very savvy about noticing my troublesome patterns when they’ve come up, in a remarkably detached and empowered way. Very cool!
On to this week.
What I want, Thing One: To get back in the swing of revising my dissertation proposal.
How this can happen: Baby steps. A little at a time, to start. Half an hour here, an hour there, calmly and companionably, in the company of family and friends.
My commitment: To make this as playful as possible.
—
What I want, Thing Two: Some new music listening adventures! I’ve been listening to the same old stuff for too long, and have been craving some freshness. I want to find some great new bands and solo artists to explore.
How this can happen: I can play with Pandora, YouTube, Wikipedia, etc., following Internet rabbit holes in search of new music. Better yet, I can ask all of you! If anyone would like to suggest some favorite musicians for me, I’d love to learn about them.
My commitment: To use my superpowers of Open Mind and Open Ears. 🙂
Good gwishing to all of you!
It’s been quite a while since I’ve submitted an ask – things are stuck and have actually spiraled downward in some respects, however there is one thing coming up which might make things move upward again, so here goes —-
I need to have my upcoming doctor’s appointment yield good options for help with the pain and disability I have encountered from my December 2010 splat —
I hope that my suggestions for help will fall on listening ears, and will be taken for what they are – what I KNOW will work for me and my poor battered and bruised body.
I am working with my “shield” as much as I can so that I can remain true to myself, and not be bulldozed by so-called “experts”. This is necessary for me to find the assistance I need to heal my body. I have virtual candle lit fires burning for me from my caring friends, and also myself. I am hopeful this will bring me the support I need to regain health.
In the meantime, I have been witness to many wonderful, almost miraculous, encounters between humans, some of them with me, and some of them happening right in front of me. I look forward to seeing those things continue. There is a coming together of spirits afoot, and it is a beautiful thing to behold.
This was last week’s VPA:
____
wanted:
curiosity instead of this grief. peace instead of this confusion. calm instead of this hell. noticing instead of this weeping. grace instead of this dismay. steadiness instead of this reeling. quiet instead of this wailing and whimpering. duct tape to wrap around myself so I don’t just crack open and spill out and break.
ways this could work: i haven’t the faintest idea. someone could remind me what one does here.
my commitment. to wait 5 minutes. or 1 minute. or 30 seconds. and to then wait again.
________
I am happy to report that the “wait 5 minutes” technique worked and some breathing room came in. the reeling is less. the wailing has quieted to a whimper.
This Week I would like:
1. Resolution with the Numbers. In a way that works for everyone (meaning agree to what we say, and I have enough to give). Signed, sealed and delivered things. I know what I need to do, and have my commitments.
2. A heart that is open to love, and a person that fits the person-sized space that I have in my life. Ways this could work? Someone comes into the circle and there is noticing and then maybe someone reaches out.
3. Sparkle. Sleep. Peace.
Hey Havi (waves madly)!
Going on an extended parade/walk through the hood with you sounds fabulous. I’ll be on the lookout for your next announcement. 🙂
Until then, my VPA:
There seems to be a lot of internal shifting happening right now and I’m not certain how it will affect, in particular, my business.
My ask is for trust – trust that all the work I’m doing in the soft (that’s leading to these internal shifts) will benefit my business as well.
Trust that my business is old enough to take care of *itself* while I’m taking care of *myself* in a new and deeper way.
Trust that what I’m learning through this process will enhance and deepen what I have to offer my clients and students.
My commitments:
-to notice just how well my business is operating on my own without my constant attention and watering.
-to interact with trust in whatever way seems appropriate at the time (shiva nata, meditation, etc).
-to use my Owl Eyes to help me find perspective when the anxieties and worries start feeling overwhelming.
-to notice how much love and awesomeness is entering into my life through my new practices and rituals.
*** VPA time ! ***
I loves the VPA time of the week.
It’s the beginning and it’s a time to open up the big Wishing Cave of Wishes and see what rolls out 🙂
*** The Above VPA’s ***
not sure how I can help.
I can cheer for the mini-brunching !
I can virtually join a virtual hat parade and wear my outrageously large white summer hat around town.
I can try to join the Snack Preview (although I worry about these technologies)
*** My VPA’s ***
– work flow
some sort of work-flow with rally-like qualities (i so so wish i could join a real rally but it’s tooooo far for now). the essence that i am looking for is: containers of time with no internet, support, fun, lightheartedness, blasting through walls, ‘soft’ progress.
– order and organizing
the taxes need to be done. as does some other admin. i am not excited but perhaps i could turn it into fun somehow
– recovery
last week was tough. most of this month was tough
and so i want to take it easy on myself
I read Larissa’s post about Learning to Tolerate Comfort (wise woman!) and that’s what I want to ask for this week:
Thing 1: Physical Comfort.
What I want:
I want to be pain-free and to move easily, so I can walk and write and paint and dig in the dirt this week.
Ways this could happen:
I could pay attention to the way I move and the way I sit and what shoes I wear.
I could avoid anything with a collar.
I could remember my pills.
I could do stretches early in the day.
I could avoid rushing through things.
My commitment:
To be mindful.
To stop often and check if I’m comfortable.
To give myself time.
Thing 2: Mental/Emotional Comfort
What I want:
I want to do things without negative/unwanted feelings like fear or anger or anxiety etc.
Ways this could happen:
Obviously I could make sure my forcefield is in place.
I could construct a blanket fort around what I’m doing so that I can focus on doing that and not the 1001 other things that clamor for love and attention too. Maybe I could make a note about them or even schedule them so they won’t be forgotten even though I am not dealing with them now. .
I can make some hot chocolate as a reminder that I am /c an be/ am allowed to be comfortable.
I can wear warm socks and keep another pair handy just in case, because warm dry socks and hot chocolate symbolize comfort.
If I don’t like the way I feel doing something, I can stop doing it. I can be curious about the source of the feeling, the resistance, the process.
My commitment:
To use my force field
To focus
To be curious and loving
To do things that feel comfortable.
Hugs to kat for all the medical stuff. I’ve been there Way. Too. Much. Way. Too. Often. Please let us know how things go.
Asking.
1. Courage. To get back to a headspace/soulspace where I can hear my essential heartbeat that tells me everything is going to be okay, that I can use the techniques that work (thanks Havi!) and get the insights and that they will NOT mean that my world will fall apart.
Ways this could work…
– Affirmations? urgggh.
– Girlfriends? possibly.
– More product? looking at you emergency calming techniques!
– Shiva nata and monster conversations? Oh, probably. But that’s exactly what I’m avoiding!! Which is why I have the Procrastination Dissolve-o-matic. Which I also avoid. You see my iss-you here? I am tricksy on myself.
Girlfriend solution looks promising. Maybe can do an evening or two of “self-work” rally style, where we just sit at opposite ends of my living room journalling madly, alone, but together.
My commitment: To start with Metaphor Mouse the phrase “self-work” because seriously, blerggh!! Then to write to my girlfriend and ask. Because she’s been brave and honest and vulnerable with me and I would feel safe asking her for some company with me like that too.
That’s all.
@Kat, fires burning for you and vibes for the ability to tell the experts where they can stick their expertise if you need to. All good wishes.
From last time: I did find a new eye doctor who didn’t suck. I think I’m over worrying about putting Project X to rest for a month (I just kind of stopped worrying about it). I didn’t do anything to get ready for Prague so I guess I need to re-formulate that ask.
What I want this week:
Thing 1: Getting Ready for Prague
We leave on Friday and I haven’t done anything for it. I think maybe I am just dreading the travel day? Freedom Gropes from the TSA, crying babies, airport food, three flights…
Ways this could work: I’m getting the feeling that first I need a solution to the Travel Day Ick. Travel like a diva? Big hat, calming essential oil, martini.
My commitment: To explore why I am so stuck and not moving forward.
Thing 2: Ease in Administrating my summer course this week
It officially starts today. There will be many emails from students who did not read the syllabus and therefore can’t figure out how to access the course website. I want to ignore them, but can’t.
Ways this could work: Come up with an email template for how to access the course. Email them all in advance (again). Only checking email once a day like I mentioned to them in my initial email.
My commitment: take a few breaths before answering an email.
Trying this out again…
First Ask:
To spend my “free” time in the evenings doing more self-reflection, writing, and reading. I’ve been watching way too much TV. And we don’t even have a tv or cable. How is that even possible?
I basically want to make time a few evenings a week to just relax by going within. I could do this by scheduling an evening when this will happen, so I can plan for it. I can let it unfold spontaneously because I want/need it. I could retreat to the bedroom a half hour before bed so I have alone time and space. I could create a space in the house that is more conducive to reading/writing.
My commitment is to be okay with how uncomfortable this feels. And to just try it one evening this week.
Second Ask:
To conduct a relaxing yet exhilarating meeting with team at work. I am presenting information, something that is usually anxiety-provoking for me. I want the information to flow easily, and to not let myself be overcome by stress, anxiety, or inadequacies.
This could happen by adequate preparation/practice on my part. By staying relaxed before and during the meeting, maintaining eye contact, etc. By recognizing I’m sharing information — that’s all.
My commitment is to practice a couple times this week (making sure not to OVER practice, as is my tendency), esp practicing speaking off the cuff (the car is good for this). I will also do deep breathing as much as possible this week, and use positive imagery when thinking about the presentation. I will also make a silent pledge to communicate clearly with the team, and to show my enthusiasm for the content.
Havi, every week you give me another reason to visit Portland. I’m nearly itching with anticipation for my next trip!
What I want: Uh, I don’t really know. Okay, maybe I kind of do. Actually: yes! I do know! I would like sleep, please. I would like ease. And I would like a relaxing mini-vacation this weekend. This is all one ask, really.
How this could happen: I could journal a bit about the resistance to sleep, even if I still insist on resisting it. People could be friendly and laid-back on our mini vacation. I could spend more time writing and being in my business, which usually seems to make things magical and better.
My commitment: To be as present as I can be. To keep hope and trust in my front pockets. To make things special when I can.
Hi y’all! Yay for Very Personal Ads!
1. Clarity & Ease
There are a few new situations arising in my life, and at least one that I’ve changed my mind about. I am asking for the clarity to know what I need, and ease in communicating this. I also ask that I have enough clarity and sovereignty in my communications so that the other people involved don’t question my decisions.
Ways This Could Work:
-I could tell instead of ask, without being pushy.
-I could be OK with other people disagreeing with my choices.
-It could magically just be OK.
My Commitment:
To breathe a whole lot before I embark on this.
2. Continued abstinence from my poisons
Today is my 4th day without processed sugars. It’s taken me two years of being in recovery to realize that this is what I needed to abstain from. So far I have been blessed with an absence of physical cravings, and virtually no emotional cravings, but I know that things change. I still have a lot of thoughts about sugar, and I want to just let the thoughts be without the need to act on them
Ways This Could Work:
-The things that have let me get this far. Daily chanting, acupuncture, energy healing, water w/lemon.
-I could continue to enjoy a craving-less existence.
-I could continue to keep myself safe by using my tools when I’m around possibly sticky situations.
My Commitment:
To pray my butt off for the continued willingness to not eat sugar today.
To stay in the moment and not jump ahead to the future.
To keep asking for help.
3. Vacation Plans
I had to cancel my Spain trip, which also involved cancelling the plane ticket from California to New York. I was told that I have until next February to reschedule my ticket, with a medium-sized fee. I am looking to schedule a fun trip to somewhere else within the same price range, but I’m not sure when or where.
Ways This Could Work:
-I could come to Rally. Rally!
-I could go to a Buddhist conference in Florida in 2012. I haven’t gone in almost 10 years, and I’d love to go back.
-I could explore an awesome new place that I might like to live in, check out the non-profit scene, stay in a hostel, and generally bum around. Portland? Hawai’i? San Diego? Someplace I haven’t thought of?
-I could make a new friend who lives far away, and crash on their couch for a while! I would totally do dishes, feed animals, and be an awesome guest.
My Committment:
To not allow myself to rush the decision–a monster wants me to decide NOW even though I have almost a year until I have to pick. To not let other people tell me what I should do with the ticket–not even my mom or my That One Guy. To accept the perfection of whatever ends up happening.
What I want:
Some insight about this Fall– the trip (?), the move (?), to know what my heart is saying.
Ways it could happen:
Opportunities could show up and reveal themselves. I could slow down. Surprise?
My commitment:
To not ask other people to corroborate my hunches, especially people who can’t possibly do that. (You know, THOSE people.) To talk to the right people about it, as courageously as possible. To notice when my mind is veering off into what so-and-so will think. Shiva Nata.
What I want:
A new way of interacting with urgency.
Ways it might happen:
Um, um, um. My mind is still blown by the epiphany that told me this was even possible. I could stumble upon a new way by chance, out of curiosity or experimentation. I could read something or hear something useful.
My commitment:
Shiva Nata. Whenever possible, to see this sense of urgency as helpful rather than pushy. To remember that it’s just trying to get me to pay attention. Like a kid pulling on my sleeve, not for the sake of stretching out my shirt but to SHOW me something. To be open to that something.
Happy wishing to all!
No VPA last week to update on. This may be because I’m happy I’m making progress on certain goals. Little baby steps seem to be getting me there.
VPA for this week –
***Want-Thing *** To ride the wave of work, not be crushed by it. Going into overwhelm about all the things I should do, but I still have that pretty pink slip that is more bureacratic than being laid off.
***Ways this could work *** I could just stop caring. This is bad though, I need a better way.
I find that groove where things just seem to roll off my back and land in the right spot. You know that groove I’m talking about where it just works.
I could journal on it or find another job (of course this will leave me feeling guilty-like).
The wave of work could just magically end with the end of the fiscal year (june 30) and there won’t be a huge crushing wave of work because there is no budget.
*** My commitment *** To write in my journal and maybe try to talk with my monsters. To be nice to other people that are faced with the same crazy wave of work.
Also, I want a magical invisible surfboard… yes this is what I will call whatever thing appears and keeps me from being crushed by the wave of work.
I would like my new apartment and I to find each other, and I would like this to happen in a way that doesn’t stress me out any more than necessary. I know I’m going to have to face some of my fears in this process, and I’d like that to happen in a way that feels empowering rather than just exhausting.
Ways This Could Work:
– I could remember that I don’t need to exhaustively search every apartment in the city to find the one that’s the very best – I just need one that’s good enough. I need to satisfice!
– I could make apartment-hunting a social thing, and invite different friends to come along each time and be my second opinion
– I could appreciate the time I get to spend in the city doing this
– I could look forward to the end result
– I could congratulate myself for facing my fears no matter what the outcome, and remember that it’s okay to not be good at things the first times I do them
So my darlings, we meet again. VPA!
I have had a run of very-effective-VPAing.
Occasionally too effective. I forgot to ask for the right things.
So VPA the first: an additional (supersecretnumber) of income this week. Ahahaha! See I have stopped asking for Number of Clients and started asking for Amount of Money. Because I was getting the clients but not the income!
Ways this could work: I could get more people to coach and fill that schedule. I could get more people to massage and fill that schedule. I could get a fairy godmother with a checkbook.
My commitment: to stay open to all the possible ways this could happen.
VPA the Second: easfulness and speed for the paperworks. Nuff said.
VPA the third: I need a magical way to work on my sweetie without me feeling overworked or her feeling guilty or either of us being tired.
Ways this could work: no clue. But I commit to staying open to all the options.
All the options. Is it just one guy?
what I want:
Spiritual Growth. There is SO MUCH I DON’T KNOW. Can I imagine a life of peace and seeing reality? Yes. And no, all at the same time.
My commitment: To jump on any learning that comes up for me. To meditate every day. To be patient. It will happen.
Ways this could happen: Surprise understanding! That I have any grasp of reality at all is actually surprising.
Some people to interview for my blog: Concious Artists. I am sure there are many.
Ways this could happen: Search on Twitter. Google. Links through other artists I already know and like. People could find me and ask to be interviewed. Yes, they will make it easy for me.
Money: Ah. I don’t even care. I just feel like it’s sortof obligatory in the world. Maybe what i’m asking for is a steady way to provide value to the world that supports my existence.
Ways this could happen: … surprises. I dont know. more surprise understandings. inner knowledge
VPA’s on the fly….
BTW–and my intention is not to give advice in any way here–but–my family’s heritage is Old Hawaii. The Hawaii of the 1930’s-1950’s. The scent of flowers in the air, as one steps off the plane in Honolulu….Childhood memories of Waikiki Beach before it was smothered in concrete.
Of course, avoiding the tourist schtick is a good thing–enough said :-). That my parents moved to Los Angeles to have us, in order that we not grow up to be beach bums, has always been a point of contention in the family. We see their point, and we also contend we were robbed, LOL!
VPA: To leave a certain situation with class and no drama.
My Committment: The High Road, always.
I am thrilled about the Great Ducking Out, year two.