very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Thing 1: my Rally project!

Here’s what I want:

I have this very insistent idea for a project that I want to work on at Rally (Rally!), which starts tomorrow. Yay! Rally!

But of course Rally always has its own magic, and more often than not the project that wants to be rallied is not the one you thought it was.

So I want to be receptive to this taking many possible forms, and I’d also like to plant some seeds about how much I care about this particular piece of project.

Ways this could work:

I am doing it right now.

The rest I’ll give to Shiva Nata and Rally (Rally!) and let it unfold.

My commitment.

To remember the fractal flowers. To find tiny signs. To love this project and let it know that it is loved, whether it wants to meet me now or later.

Thing 2: progress on a thing!

Here’s what I want:

I’m working on this new version? incarnation? re-imagining? of an old thing we used to do.

And it’s fun! And also kind of driving me crazy.

I guess it’s time to figure out what that’s about.

Ways this could work:

Let’s see.

Maybe slightly future me has some insights. I can do some stone skipping too.

And of course I can flail on it.

My commitment.

What if all the rules I’ve made up about why this can’t happen now are wrong? What if they’re monster rules?

I’m going to pay attention, build some safe rooms and do a little gentle poking about at the edges.

Thing 3: RELEASE

Here’s what I want:

This is the quality I’ve been working with over the past few days, and I’m ready to go a bit deeper.

Safety first, of course. As always. And with sovereignty. But that’s what I’m working on.

Ways this could work:

I’m putting it here.

I’m going to ask smart, loving, curious questions and keep messing around with it.

Release from blame. Release from old rules, ideas, ways of being. Releasing internal restrictions and external projections.

And releasing the need to do things in the old, familiar-but-not-working-anymore way.

I’m also going to use the Things I Saw Today ritual that I’ve been doing at the Frolicsome Bar as a way of bringing more attention to different parts of my day.

My commitment.

To notice — without thinking that the thing I currently happen to be noticing defines who I am.

To lovingly notice. If I can. And to give myself time if I can’t.

Thing 4: to write about dread

Here’s what I want:

So. I have all these things to say about dread.

It’s time to write some of them down.

Ways this could work:

At Rally?

At a cafe?

I don’t know.

My commitment.

To do lots of Shiva Nata until all the pieces come together.

To not put a deadline on this. Some things need to percolate, and my job here is not to force it but to discover what’s there.

Small snort from monsters and a request that I be a bit more bitchy because they miss mean-me.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Okay. I wanted systems help, and it showed up in a very different form than what I was expecting. So now I need more systems help, but it’s not what I thought.

This is going to require some flexibility. I’m hoping that this work I’m doing with RELEASE will help.

Then I wanted a holiday before Rally started. And I got it! Three whole days of it! Thank you, VPAs.

I was working on a practice of releasing judgment, and it was absolutely fascinating.

Some parts were very easy for me: “Huh, I just made a judgment and it’s not necessarily true, helpful or relevant, so I’m going to separate from it.”

Some parts were not easy at all. Apparently I really do think that ordering hot chocolate in a bar is an Unforgivable Sin, as it turned out.

Anyway, most of my harshest judgments are aesthetic and/or alcohol-related, and it was fairly entertaining noticing some of the patterns at play there. I’m definitely keeping some of them — no point in releasing all of it… 🙂

I was a bartender for five years and some habits just don’t die. Also I’m pretty sure that even the Dalai Lama makes fun of people who make unacceptable drink orders. Okay, he doesn’t. But he just beamed at me anyway.

And I wanted two weeks of Shiva Nata posts and I’ve written two — most recently this one about how you are never done.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.

Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!

Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.

xox

The Fluent Self