Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
One hundred and six consecutive weeks of VPA-ing.
I am imagining what this space would feel like if it were an actual room, and we had done yoga here together one hundred and six times.
Or sung sea shanties together. Or read our favorite poems.
When I feel that room — which is filled with so much grace and so much belonging, I remember why I love doing this, even though sometimes I forget and totally don’t feel like it.
Very Personal Ads!
Thing 1: the further brunching of the Shiva Nata destuckification series.
Here’s what I want:
I am doing a highly unusual thing! Instead of teaching Shiva Nata at Rallies (Rally!) and retreats, I’m doing a 3 part series of live Shiva Nata classes.
At the Playground. In Portland. In August.
And a special Snack Preview class on Toozday, July 26. Which is ridiculously soon, so there is lots to do to spread the word. I expect this class to be very full, but I’d like that to happen speedily and easily.
* Brunching = “launching”. I borrowed this from Tara the Blonde Chicken because saying “launch” kind of creeps me out.
Ways this could work:
I can use the Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program to help me track the various steps.
And my OOD method, which I can’t link to because I haven’t written about it yet but assume that you’ll know about it eventually.
And use my monster coloring book to destuckify any resistance that comes up.
I can tell the people at the Frolicsome Bar about the classes, and ask for help with this.
Plus there are probably a thousand other ways that I haven’t thought of.
My commitment.
To try and get better at asking for help and support, because that’s what this ask is really about.
To give you guys the link:
–> http://shivanata.com/snack-preview-pdx
To ask you guys to tell everyone you know in Portland or the general pacific northwest. I know there are a ton of people who have tried Shiva Nata or want to, and this is a great way to do it without having to come to a Rally or a training or a Week of Biggification.
Plus, my classes are outrageously fun, challenging, zany and generally marvelous. And Selma will be there. And we have a costume room!
Thing 2: Plum Duff!
Here’s what I want:
Working on another big project that needs to brunch soon.
There are way too many moving pieces and I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed.
So the first part of my ask is for perspective, calming, focus, reassurance, flow.
And the second part of my ask is for BIG CRAZY PROGRESS!
Ways this could work:
For the first part….
Calming techniques. Old Turkish lady yoga. Consult the book of me.
For the second part….
Lots of Shiva Nata. Use the Playground. Use your anthologies.
Actually, shivanauttery will help with the calming too. So yes.
My commitment.
To breathe, pay attention, ask questions, negotiate, re-negotiate, and consult with the (internal) collective of scientists.
To pause (paws!) more often than I think is necessary.
And to dance dance dance.
Thing 3: post-Rally consolidation time
Here’s what I want:
So last week was Rally (Rally!) and it was Rally #11 and it was absolutely amazing.
Now I need to take all this astonishing collection already-done and almost-done and half-done work, and figure out the next steps.
I also need time for emotional/energetic consolidation: to assimilate all the things I learned and experienced.
So I guess this ask is about time, order, patience and allowing things to come into their new form.
Ways this could work:
Not sure.
Probably more shivanautical flailing, obviously.
And some naps.
And some Designated Time. But when? Maybe Wednesday?
And write another Rally Revue?
My commitment.
To take things slow.
To remember that Rally always involves change and that change involves recovery time.
To do things that are sweet, slow and restful. Or to look for things that might be like that. To invoke the flow chart of spaciousness, which always makes me laugh.
Thing 4: secret gwish
Here’s what I want:
I want a slackline. I want to learn to do crazy things on a pole and on rings. I want to do ridiculous things with my body.
But in order to be able to even give some of these a try, I have about a million little anxieties, fears, worries and doubts to interact with.
The grumble thrum monster collective is very clear that NOW IS NOT THE TIME.
So instead of trying to force this, I’m just quietly planting the possibility for this gwish here.
And in the meantime, I’m not going to do anything with it. Just setting the intention that eventually I’ll find out which parts of me feel anxious and what they might be anxious about.
Ways this could work:
This is it. I’m putting it here and I don’t have to do anything else with it yet.
Though if you have bought a slackline kit and like it, I am open to receiving suggestions for brands.
My commitment.
I promise not to force things. My body gets to make all the decisions. We’ll work together.
I am making space for both the wish and for the time it will take to feel comfortable with it.
I am making space for the part of me who is seriously yearning for this and for the part of me who is dreading this. They both get to be here. And there is time to sort this all out.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to work on a very specific project at Rally, and I did!
Then I wanted progress on a new version of a thing in my business. And while I didn’t work on it directly at all, I’m actually feeling really good about it. So I think some of the Rally epiphanies have been at work here.
I also wanted RELEASE, and that was a big theme over the week. More to do there but it feels good.
The last thing I wanted was to do some writing about dread. And I didn’t. So I’m going to re-ask this and see if something else comes up.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
xox
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I can’t tell you how much I love that VPA’s are so dependable, Havi. And today’s gwish? I suddenly remembered that it’s a repeat issue for me.. I want to *finally* get this wee brunch sprout launch thing live. And if I remember right, most of my VPA’s here have been about something similar (which is odd, because I don’t actually sprout-brunch-launch things very often. but it always becomes a BIG DEAL) So. What I want for the rest of the process to go smoothly, quickly, and without angsting over every lption. How this could work I can sit down and really focus on the last few stumbling blocks. I could find someone to ask for help from. I could accept less optimal solutions. What I am willing to commit To use the various calming tools, as needed, to keep my poor overheated brain on track. To stick with and trust the process. To be willing to settle for less than perfect. To be willing to celebrate the awesome that is to come!
I want to understand if it’s possible to turn this *burn* I feel when I embrace the making of the thing I’m making into something that feels a little less toxic. To turn it into pure, calm, massive energy rather than feeling like I’m grabbing the end of a transmission line, which terrifies me, because maybe I think it’s going to kill me? Or bring me to life?
Confusion . . .
And if I can understand it, I’d like to go to that better state.
Slackline kits??? There are slackline kits? I had no idea.
I just use webbing and carabiners (you can get both from REI) and set it up myself… ok, P sets it up and I ‘help.’ 🙂
I’ve only actually tried it half a dozen times and I’m absolutely horrendous at it, but Oh! The fun!!
Ok, My VPA.
What I want:
Clarity. Feels like I spent the past 2 weeks in a fog. I’m finally starting to experience moments of clarity and I’d really like these moments to a) continue occurring and b) expand.
My Commitments:
-to notice, enjoy and celebrate the moments as they occur.
-to continue doing the things that sustained me through the fog (shiva nata, writing, wandering…)
-to spend time listening both to the fog and to what lies beneath the fog.
-to continue asking for help and reaching out to those who can help.
And, a super secret, tiny gwish – to discover some structure that will support me in writing more regularly on my blog. Ssshh! (enough said).
Sending love for all the VPAs.
Last week, I asked for strength, clarity, kindness, and inner peace — and yes, these things did seem to be there for me. One tricky detail: I seem to be reluctant to face some of what the clarity is telling me. Yet, I’m still fairly calm about it all. Which is weird.
What I want: To resolve a stubbornly stuck pattern at one of my work sites.
How this can happen: I can use the extra-powerful tools and techniques in the Dissolve-o-Matic. I can look for that magical point of balance where I give the stuck stuff permission to exist, without being impressed by it. I can bring it into the Dance of Shiva. I can come up with secret safety strategies, and use them.
My commitment: I will be as kind and loving with myself as I can be. I will notice and celebrate all of my baby steps. I will spend a little time each day to remember my superpowers.
Love, luck, and good gwishing to all!
I love the idea of the wishing room. *contented sigh*
Last time I asked for some help in getting through my second week without antidepressants and help with getting through all the family together-ness without falling completely apart.
Mission accomplished! I’m doing pretty well without any meds and I’m taking good care of myself in terms of seeking/asking for alone time and removing myself from the pack when I need to. Plus, my brother surprised us by flying in my sister/niece from Tampa and everything is better when my seester is around….. 🙂
V to the PAs:
Thing One:
Mom is scheduled to start a clinical trial for a new cancer drug this week and I’ve got all sorts of doom and gloom and resentment re: spending every minute at the hospital for a week straight + I’m sooooooooooooooooooo tired of driving her everywhere all the time + I’m just sad.
What I want is for this not to be happening…..but it is. So, what I would like is a new, more positive, easy-going attitude.
WTCW:
– it won’t.
– Something could happen and I would start to feel all powerful and strong and not mind driving all of the sudden.
– Someone could offer to do some of the driving on one or two days.
My committment:
I didn’t really know how I was feeling until I started writing this VPA. Sooooooooooooo, methinks I should do a little more writing/journalling about these feelings of doom and maybe I need to figure out what others feelings are lurking around in here. I’m going to be curious, compassionate, understanding. I’m going to remain open to other things that could happen to maybe ease some of the pressure I’m feeling.
What I Want:
I was struck by this beautiful inspiration on Friday, to open up the doors to my Creative Journal Magic e-Course, for three days.
I want a whole bunch of new people in the course. People as creative and interesting and smart and magical as the people already in the course. People who will benefit from the course like crazy.
Ways This Could Work:
I do have a plan for putting the word out tomorrow.
I hope my brain is less fuzzy tomorrow (was at the beach today and have beach brain – yay!) so I can write this all out legibly and put that plan in place.
People can help me spread the word.
The people who wanted to get into this class and missed the earlier deadline can still be interested.
It can just kind of work and be fairly easy.
My Commitment:
Go to bed early tonight to refresh my poor tired brain.
Do my stuff to put it out there.
Work with whatever resistance and/or monsters show up along the way.
Make this my main priority for the next few days.
I took some slack line lessons years ago from a vaudevillian friend and it was easier and way more fun than I ever imagined. I felt quite graceful and talented, even if the line was only eight inches off the floor. Don’t have any equipment recommendations, but I sure liked slack line.
Last week I wanted money, yoga and vegetables and through the magic of VPAing, I got money, yoga and vegetables. And someone serving me champagne while I floated in a pool. Heaven is an answered VPA that you never placed.
This week I want:
Enough money to close out the things and have enough for the regular bills. Ways this could work: some checks in the mail. Some engagements of right clients. Some work on things. My commitment: time block my work. Plan my engagements. Send the checks to the attach for delivery.
I also want something seekrit that I’m not sure I’m ready for so I’ll place the ad but just keep it private for now.
Also, the glorious last 3 days that have felt like a vacation? I want every weekend this summer to be like this: lounging, yoga x3, swimming, biking, sipping, laughing, reading, sunning. Heaven.
VPAing! i have waited for this all week. and i like how it feels to do it on sunday, because it changes the way the week goes…at least for me.
Thing #1
A safe, loving place where my dogs can stay while i am away. i don’t want to leave them in a hotel, it is too sad and i am sure there is a better way. and it is for 5 weeks. and i love them so much.
ways:
-my cousin could volunteer. she has a house a garden and 2 other dogs that my dogs already know and like. but she has this neighbour that has 2 very aggressive dogs that killed one of hers…so it scares me a bit. and she hasn’t volunteer yet
-my brother could stay at my place and feed them for the 3 weeks he’ll be here
-my other cousin could come every morning and night and feed them
-some mysterious way
commitment:
-send loving thoughts to whoever can care for them, think think other ways, ask without forcing or judging
-trust that it will work out
(somehow everybody loves bonus but they don’t like edna, because she is sort of a hurricane of energy)
Thing #2
finish all my things to do
i don’t feel like it but this may give me the loving kick in my bum to get it together. i need accountability. that is my word of the week. mmmm. yay accountability? argh!
trust and love and bum-hours to sit and finish it.
thing #3
i have dandruff. i don’t want it here. some say it is stress related. i think they are right.
ways:
thing #2 ready
super wonderful shampoo
loving massages to my scalp
commitment
thing #2!
breathe and hope i will find the super wonderful shampoo while i find ways to deal with stress. actually i can ask for stress to go away too. that would be lovely.
please.
love to all.
I have to learn to drive a stick before the end of August, because of a Thing my husband signed us up for. A friend took me out this afternoon to teach me and she says she will take me out again one evening this week. I want this learning to go smoothly and to come easily. I want to be competent when I need to use these skills in August.
My commitment is to do the driving, to avoid over-thinking the process, and to do Shiva Nata on it. Maybe reiki too.
We are going to a wedding on Saturday and there are Things To Do in preparation. I want these things to take care of themselves; that is, I want to do everything that needs to be done but without forcing them and without worrying them, just doing what needs to be done.
My commitment is to focus on the processes and how good it will feel to do them and to have them done.
I have a friend that I write with a lot and we want to get together this week. This could happen if we keep talking to each other, and if I keep some space open on my calendar. If we can’t be in the same physical space, perhaps we can sit down at the same time for writing. My commitment is to keep in touch with her this week and to keep some time open for getting together with her.
I love VPA’s, how they create Intention, give direction, and show me where I am stuck and resistant. Thank you, Havi.
VPA’s for this week:
1) I need to get my taxes done, but every time I look at the stuff I slide into avoidance, or into anxiety and panic mode. VPA for a way through my tax prep with calmness and equanimity. And timeliness. For a refund, which would help in so many ways.
2). For direction about my house and dealing successfully with the #%&@ banks who don’t want to help with refinancing. There has been much head-banging over this one. A tax refund would be heaven sent.
3). For my lovely mare, that we find why she is pulling back, and can help her. An easy solution for her discomfort. Comfort and ease for her. Please. She is kind and brave and deeply loved.
4). For an end to gossip and judgement in a certain corner of my world. For a cultural shift to compassion and understanding. An end to snark.
5) For strength and calm when I see blood dripping on my shoes and do not know who planted the knife. To rise above, to deflect, to find another path, if need be.
I forgot my commitment! And that is so important. So here goes. My Commitments:
1). Taxes. Chunk it down, a piece at a time. Recognize trauma triggers, and practice mindfulness. Rest and self care.
2). House. One step at a time. Get the taxes done, and pray for a refund. Then I will know the next step. Push back. Go to the Senator, if need be. Persistence. Back bone. But also listen for what the Universe may be telling me. It could be time to move on. Remain in that place of ‘I don’t know’, until the answer comes. Live the question, until I live into the answer, as Rilke wrote.
3). My mare. Call the vet tomorrow. Persistence. I know my mare. She is very stoic.
4 & 5). “Throwing of shoes”. (Thank you for that phrase, Havi). Continue on my commitment to Right Speech. Disengage. Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries. Create Walls of Pleasant.
How all this could happen: I practice mediation and cultivate mindfulness. I remember to ground and center my energy. I visualize and set boundaries. I stay with myself, and when I forget, I come back to myself–with compassion, not judgement.
And Havi, thank you for the “Seven Things” practice, which is so very helpful.
Slackline kits – I have a Gibbon kit, bought from a climbing outlet store. I bought it “for my daughter” because I’d wanted one for ages and I looooove it!!! It’s simple to put up once I figured it out and i have tree protection too. Although I can hardly stand up on it yet it’s so much fun.
My VPA this week is simple: a new job, with hours less than 25 a week so I can spend time with my kids. And inspiration to find income streams to make up the difference to what I’m earning now.
My commitment is to keep putting the word out there, being open to whatever wonderful possibilities occur and keep working on my website and blog.
What I would like:
Sureness. To feel sure.
To feel sured up.
In the hard ($$$ and the making of, my health, my people, my porpoise). (You know, my porpoise in life! Listen in to my head, round and round under all the detaily stuff: aaarrggh SO much great stuff to do!!! sshhh there is time, you are not alone… but but but SOOO much!! etc).
In the soft. To remember that sureness starts with me feeling into the bedrock, as well as the water and the details of the shore as it appears today.
(Gah! Connected (again) to the leeeeewer chakras and the fact they have no feeling in them I mean that I have in the past not felt particularly connected to the leeeeewer chakras and therefore assiduously avoided them ever after telling myself that I am obviously defunct in that area and best to stick to wordy talky wordy talky shut the fuck up for a minute please throat.
Ways this could work:
– say thanks to the throat/ego for being so intense and vigilant. There is a day-to-day life that needs to be attended to, you are quite right. Yes. DULY NOTED.
– say thanks to the rest of the system for being so patient.
– draw (?????????????????????MMMMEEEE??????????)
– shiva nata, obviously
– yoga, meditations, assorted related mind/body/spirit woowoo brilliance
– tattoos on the backs of my hands to remind me to separate and be fully present and act from that place
My commitment:
– to return to the practice each time with as little judgement as I can muster. Exit the middle exit the middle exit the middle see the middle and you’ve already left. Again. Still. Yep, this is for life baby. That’s what your imaginary ring means actually, by the way for your information. Oooooh, bing! Love a bing in the middle of a VPA. The answer lies in the ask, etc.
xxx
My very first VPA. Here goes….
Here’s What I Want:
Peace with A.
Ways this Could Work:
I could give her a little more space to be herself.
I could find more time for myself alone (exercise, reading, self-care, etc) so I come back to the family refreshed/renewed.
Ignore teenage rudeness. Pick my battles. Let others take care of their own relationships with her. Space.
My Commitment:
Do yoga. Meditate. Walk. Find time for these things each day.
Read and investigate, especially Yale contacts.
Plan for the return home. Prepare the environment, so reentry into family life is successful,
What has happened since last week: I made a gwish. And what has happened is that I did a video on how to improve your intuition for the 30days of Goddess-course at goddessguidebookcircle. It was not easy but I did it, yay! So I take it as a first baby step towards my gwish:)
What I want today: I want to buy an Iphone and get it with the perfect contract for me. What I do not want: sleezy salespeople making me feel technically illiterate.Yuck!
How could this happen:
I need to find the place inside of me where I really want this phone. Not just because it looks nice (although this is a good reason, too:)
I could journal about my innermost reason to get it. I could talk to friends about it. I could ask a friend to come with me. No fractal flowers in that one:(
My commitment:
Journaling and talking to friends
What I want:
I want to make a decision on what is going to be my first money-making project on my blog.
How this could happen:
I could play with ideas and make lists (like the bike-rack). I could use my own meditation from the video and try to find the best idea by connecting to my gut-feelings. As I type this, I think I might as well start with an extended and polished version of the above mentioned video…
My commitment:
Overtone singing to losen up. Write down those lists, but first find a nice name for it:) Remember the fractal flowers;)
Yay, fractal flowers!
Wow, serendipity. Thursday I decided I wanted to try slacklining because I saw it on wikihow. I know nothing about it, but it looks awesome. I think I will be investing in some webbing and carabiners in the next two weeks so I can play with them post race. Of course my husband will probably think I’m insane, but that’s okay 🙂
**Thing I want**
To figure out how to lower my bounce rate on my blook & webcomic.
**WTCW**
I clean house on the blog. I try to make my blook more visually appealling or are people bouncing because they don’t like my story (or there’s not enough story to be read?)I play around on my blog and just be me and not worry too much about it and just keep putting myself out there?
**My Commitment**
To not get discouraged. Maybe to not really check my stats so much and also to make sure my IP is being counted towards it.
Also, could the want to play on a slackline be a secret desire for balance? right now my life is like super turbulent. … **wonders**
Just experienced a major BING after a new round of Shivanata.
Has anyone ever tried it in the pool? I did yesterday;lying on my back, face down and standing up. Very cool. And wet.
As a result my gwishes are about qualities today. I want to experience more
Courage
Freedom
Love
&
Purpose
in my life.
Ways this could work:
more Shivanata, yin yoga and Focusing
My commitment:
to give myself the time to cultivate and to talk to the monsters that say “What! You doing that again, don’t you have something else more important you should be doing????”