Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
The title of this post…
Is it just one guy?
Probably. Moving on!
Thing 1: a tiny, designated notebook
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been doing this ritual at the Frolicsome Bar (our facebook page) where I list some of the things I’ve experienced, noticed, perceived, etc over the course of the day.
Then people join me and it’s lovely! (See also: Today I Saw.)
But I cannot always remember things that I’ve experienced. Or sometimes I jot them down for later and forget.
And then I’m constantly finding random cryptic little notes:
Older gentleman at bus stop inquired as to when I’d last eaten ice cream (answer: twelve years ago).
Which is vaguely entertaining but it doesn’t help my practice because I can’t remember what I’ve already posted and things get lost. I need something that supports this ritual, because I like it.
Ways this could work:
Maybe there will be the perfect tiny little notebook at the bookstore near the Playground.
And then I can use the art supplies in the Treasure Room to decorate it.
I’ll probably also need another tiny notebook to use for gwishing, so they don’t get mixed up.
My commitment.
To experiment. To keep trying things until something sticks. To stay connected to the essence of this Things I’ve Experienced Today thing.
It’s a kind of playful mindfulness. Conscious and aware but also light-hearted and full of sparkling possibility. If I stay connected to that, maybe the solution will find me.
Thing 2: a whole list of stuff for the Playground
Here’s what I want:
There are all sorts of things that the Playground needs, and of course I can’t remember most of them at the moment.
But the list definitely includes:
- Wig heads. Wig stands? You know what I mean. Things that you put wigs on.
- Those wobbly bobbly things that hold cards. I don’t know what they’re called.
- A lamp.
- Another mirror.
- Shelves for the Galley.
- A gumball machine! Or something like that. I have this picture in my head but I can’t really describe it yet.
- More costumes.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
I can put out an ask here. I can head out on an Expotition or hit some garage sales.
Just putting it here for now.
My commitment.
To revisit this and find out what is missing.
Thing 3: a new ritual for Morning Begins At Night.
Here’s what I want:
To do something each evening to help set up the morning to come.
Ways this could work:
I’ll probably take this to Shiva Nata and see what it gives me.
My commitment.
To pay attention and ask smart, loving questions. To be patient. To drop the seed and let it land.
Thing 4: love stories for the Great Ducking Out II
Here’s what I want:
Last year’s Great Ducking Out (aka run away from Thanksgiving!) was the most wonderful and amazing thing ever.
So I’m doing it again.
I want love stories from people who came last time. About the food and how much yum. About the fun, silliness, epiphanies, camaraderie or anything else.
And I want to put those stories on the HAT.
Ways this could work:
I can ask here!
If you were at last year’s Great Ducking Out and you have a story to share or a sentence or a description and I could use it, that would be marvelous.
I can also write up my own stories and memories from last year.
And I can put out a more formal request to everyone who came.
My commitment.
To fill up on love. To update the page.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I made a wish about Hawaii, and I am still wishing it.
Then I asked about a really good strapless bra, and I am going to use Larisa’s recommendation for where to go look for one.
I wanted to announce the Crossing, and I didn’t. But mainly because I was sick and didn’t do much of anything last week. So re-asking this one.
Also I wanted to find the good in a tough situation and I did!
I wanted to tell you guys about the Great Ducking Out and I sort of did and sort of didn’t.
And celebration for the Shiva Nata iPhone app — appreciated! Thank you.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Sending support for your VPA’s 🙂
Here are mine:
1. Smooth moving
I am packing up my stuff this weekend – next weekend we shall be driving to redistribute this stuff over various locations. I’d love for this to be a calm process, that leaves me feeling I have what I need but not more.
Ways it could work – taking time. having coffee breaks in between. admiring process. keeping an open mind to easy solutions.
2. A good draft
A deadline has been imposed – I’d like to meet it with some grace.
Ways it could work – taking time in the office. looking at everything with a fresh eye. talk to an audience – write to explain. it could just flow. it could turn out i already did the preparatory work. i’m open to surprises!
1. To preserve and remember all the positive reinforcement I got this weekend. (We had a housewarming party, and after an excruciating hour of waiting, suddenly twenty people showed up at once! And they liked each other! And they seemed genuinely impressed by our apartment! And they ate the food! And then some of them scooped me up at the end to go to another party! And someone said, “You have a lot of friends!”) To remember that this isn’t just a momentary illusion obscuring my actual status as a pariah–this is totally real!
I can write about it here and tell my therapist (and other friends) about it, so that I cement the memories of what happened.
I can follow up with a lot of the people who came about other get-togethers.
I can write thank-you notes to the extremely classy people who brought us presents.
2. To be not only excited about school, but productive about school. To avoid repeating the mistakes I made as an undergrad.
I can make study dates with the aforementioned friends.
I can note down awesome ideas I come across. (In those crafty notebooks I’ve been meaning to re-cover!)
I can write something about this, even if it’s more of a journal and less of a PIECE FOR PUBLICATION.
I can remind myself every morning that I am a student again in addition to an employee.
My commitment: To figure out how much time schoolwork will actually take and then schedule that much time, rather than starting with how much time I’d LIKE it to take and working backwards from there.
3. I want to capitalize on the rediscovery of enjoying time spent at home doing hobby-type things, not just computer noodling.
I think it’s just going to happen, but…
I also think reminding myself here how awesome playing around with watercolors and the piano are.
I can get some sheet music from the library.
I can get a bigger or flatter paintbrush.
I can put a lamp on the table where I do fun stuff so there is enough light.
4. I want to start preparing better for the week and the day to come.
I can pick my clothes ahead of time.
I can set a time to pack my lunch and stuff.
I can pick out jewelry and set it out.
I can reread my VPAs or Hello months.
OK, actually, for all these:
My commitment: to reread my VPAs. That should kick a lot of things into gear!
I love the idea of a tiny designated notebook!
Last week I asked for workmen to do the work, and they didn’t come. However we now have a firm start date the first week of September and they know the deadline.
Things got done but not as much as I hoped. So I am going to ask again for that.
What I want this week:
Thing 1:
To get more things done — to finialize them. Fin-i-al-ize. Combines finish and finalize. Picture an ornate finial.
Thing 2:
I have a sense of possibility; I want to make some of them real.
Thing 3:
Progress on my lengthy to-do list.
Ways these could happen:
Reward myself for effort.
Print out a picture of me in the race car as a reminder of possibility.
I could Sprint.
Or I could Flow.
I could get a tiny dedicated notebook and commit to doing whatever is in the notebook by the end of the day.
I could limit my computer time.
My commitment:
To be curious about what works and what doesn’t.
To be loving toward myself.
To give love and attention to the things that I want to do.
To remember that my activities are my choice.
Oh, and I want to write a glossary for the Book of Me, because I am making up words (like finialize) and terms and titles, and I want to be sure to remember them.
VPA!
Last Time
I wanted my 2-days of birthday party to flow and sparkle despite my father being there. – He was rude and both she and I did get upset; but we talked and were honest and hugged and we’re all good. Minus that evening; it was epic.
Secondly; I launched The Phoenix Mind which is still quietly being tweaked and introduced to places. I’d love some more comments and suggestions yet the quiet launch did actually work out in the end.
This Week
Thing 1: General Flow & Getting-things-done
What I Want:
I’ve got a couple of weeks before I begin my Masters and I’ve a lot of little things to do before I return to University. I keep falling out of the flow and struggling to remember sovereignty.
Ways this could work:
Remember to use my routine/practises I found helpful at University [mostly taken from here! :D]
Shiva nata!
Mindfulness bell
Put on the label of scholar/hard-worker/mutant-x-team-member
My commitment.
To read
To dance
To sing
Thing 2: Blog-post writing inspiration/motivation
What I Want:
I have a couple of blog posts that are almost ready to post; yet I can’t quite edit them to the point where I’m happy with them.
I’d like either to write new ones which i’m happy to post this week instead; or to edit them and reach a point where I can happily post them.
Ways this could work:
Shiva nata
Put on the label of scholar/hard-worker/mutant-x-team-member
Let someone proof-read them?
Take breaks
My commitment.
Trust in a simple solution
Write and read
If I get stuck, move away for a bit
thank you VPA’s for existing. and the fountain and the pot and the gwishes. and thank you havi and the commenter mice for making it a safe and fun place to dream and ask.
updates:
-surprise happened! and the synchronicity of it is a wee bit disturbing. i am trying not to read into the repeated extremely unlikely coincidences, but it is not easy.
-europe tour… it is happening! still a lot of things to do, but will take the plane whether i am ready or not!
-trust the universe. slowly, sceptically, trying.
this week and next, because i will be “on the road”
-thing 1:
dear iPhone, you are gorgeous and super fun, i have wanted you for a while and know how helpful you will be. i promise to take care of you, treat you kindly, get you a warm and comfy cover that is beautiful and keeps you safe. please have patience with me, work properly when i need you to, and keep me in touch with the important and away from shoes and information overload. i don’t want to be one of those people that can’t stop looking at their phones or puts them on the table when having dinner or a coffee with real people. it is not against you that i will keep you in my purse or bag.
i am sure we will be great friends. love.
nat.
-thing 2:
to really meet this particular man. he is at the centre of the coincidences and has been in my dreams for quite some time now. i want to get to know him, and that he gets to know me. i like him already, and deep inside me i know he would like me too if he met me and knew me. i want a chance to show him who i am.
trust and love. more love. lots of love.
-thing 3:
a safe flight and safe and fun journey for the next 5 weeks.
i am confident that it will be.
hugs. nat.
It is so nice to publish a VPA here! Something about having this space helping hold my wish… Thank you for that. Here tis:
What I want:
To respond to my friend Sarah’s marketing challenge (Tell three people expressing dissatisfaction or misery “I can help you with that”). To do this in a way that feels 150% non-icky.
Ways this could work:
I could practice saying this phrase right now so that it doesn’t come out all loud harsh squeaky honking crazy or weird the first time I say it for real
I could practice mentally a few times when I encounter distress, misery, or complaint
I could do the Byron Katie work on thoughts I have around the heart-palpitating riskiness of using this phrase
And I could question how heart-palpitatingly risky this really is. For real? Heart attack? (Done!)
My commitment:
Filling in a Byron Katie worksheet. Right now 🙂
I haven’t VPAd in a while…
What I Want:
There is this person that I like. I’d like some space to get to know him better.
Ways this could work: My friend I’m usually with could give us some space. (And he could stick around and move into that space.) We could talk on Facebook. I could say “I’d like to get to know you better.”
My Commitment: to open my heart. To remember what I want. To remember that the things I want are just outside my comfort zone. To remember that being open and vulnerable is a good thing. To remember that if he says “I don’t like you in that way” it is not the end of the world.
What Else I Want:
My body has gone soft again. But I can feel in it the urge to kick and bike and punch. I can feel in it the desire to shed the layers of pretend protection.
Ways this could work & My commitments: A coupon for double-yew-squared showed up in my mailbox today. And I know it works, and I will sign up again. I will keep reading Geneen Roth books. I will keep eating vegetables. I will walk down the street and ask about boot camp classes.
Thinking about the relationship between “asks” and “goals.” When I look back on last week’s VPA, it reads like a set of goals so I can keep myself accountable — rather than just asking for something. Hmmmm…
If I reframe this (and I know I can do this anyway I want, of course) as an “ask,” I do actually have an ask/goal for this week:
To find ways to be a bit more social AND to venture out more (in the geographical area). So that’s two asks. I will commit to seeking out opportunities and researching places nearby to explore. I will set a goal of doing one thing each weekend that qualifies as “venturing out,” whether that be hanging out with someone, going hiking at a nearby park, or going to a cafe and reading. Baby steps.
***Thing I want***
To finish my writing projects for the month (CampNaNo Novel & AugNo anthology submission)today so that I have time to edit the anthology submission tomorrow and Wednesday. And yes, it’s a glamour publishing thing, but hey I can have a book with one of my short stories in it that has stories from the rest of the community I wrote in this month.
***Ways this could work***
I write on my lunch, at McD’s after work, and on the bus. I could work on the anthology story now. If I don’t let myself get distracted on the interwebs. Also, have a plan of what kind of scenes I need to finish the novel so that it feels complete.
***My Commitment***
I will try to write when I’ve planned to write.
***Thing # 2***
Also, to keep up a daily fiction writing practice when I’m not in a WriMo. I want to come up with a maintainable word count goal and goals of things to improve on/focus on while writing (ie voice, setting, characterization, plotting). I realize that this is a part of a bigger want of improving my writing and another want of wanting to be published and share my writing with others. A step if you will to one day supporting myself with my words. And following as many meanings of that phrase as is possible.
***WTCW***
I commit to it publicly like on my blog or here or just with me and my husband. I create a fiction writing progress notebook/binder/file/planner/sthg to track my goals and word count (this sounds like a book of me, but a writing portion specifically… interesting). I conciously choose to write or pursue my creative pursuits.
***My Commitment***
To write or think about the craft of writing every day for the first week of September. I’m only going to commit for one week at a time here. I’ll experiment with an average word count of 250 words/day or a total of 1750/week. This should be maintainable with other goals in my life.
This week, I would like to be more fully present in my body, to savor it and enjoy it and to feel good in my own skin.
How this can happen:
–Just putting it out here feels like a really good start.
–Whenever I happen to think of it, I can do something simple, physical and sensual: stretch, move, touch things, taste things.
–I can experiment with including more movement in my days. (More Shiva Nata! Yes!)
–I can be more mindful about what I eat and drink. This will probably include limiting foods that aren’t so good for me, but even more, I want to pay attention and appreciate the foods that I choose to bring into my body.
–I can play with making bedtime and sleep a joyful practice and a celebration. (I love this idea!)
My commitment: I will love my body, the best that I can.
Brains!!! More specifically having my brains and energy back and in full working order.
How this could happen:
Magic
Movement – dancing, yoga, shiva nata
Allow myself to do what I have brains and energy for, rather than what I think I should be doing (!)
What can I change?
Getting out of the house and going for a walk
Talk to any stucks about why they don’t want brains + energy
Does it actually matter if I’m doing everything very slowly this week?
My commitment:
Patience. Or what passes for my attempt at it.
Listen to myself. At least try.
Not to force myself.
Could be an intersting experiment this week…
I liked what Dawn said about “asks” vs. “goals” — I’ve been doing VPA’s almost regularly and have been skipping over (what a surprise…) the part about being more conscious of my relationship with the “ask” part. Why is it so hard to just ask? (and why does just writing that question out feel icky?)
If I were being totally honest about what I want and could just ask without all the monsters going crazy, here is what I would say:
– Dear Universe (or whatever) could you please arrange for me to have some really good emotional support this week? Mom has an MRI/CT scan tomorrow to see if the clinical trial medication that has comletely destroyed her quality of life has (a) prevented new tumor growth and/or (b)reduced the size of her existing tumors and then we meet with the nice Dr. on Wednesday to talk about what is next. I’m sad, scared, frustrated, etc. I would like for, at the very least, my brother to come to the Dr.’s appt. so I’m not the only one trying to hear the information and support Mom.
– Dear Universe (or whatever) I would like to not bleed to death during my period (which is now, of course). More specifically, I would like to not be completely immobilized by pain/bleeding/fatigue and worry about even leaving my house because of the bleeding. Please just make it stop. I’m 46. Can’t it just stop?
– Dear Universe (or whatever) please bring me a basket for my old lady bike.
– Dear Universe (or whatever) please tell me what to do next so I can support myself and take care of Mom and not go crazy. Or just send me some money 🙂
xoxo to havi/selma/everyone else.
My VPA: an avatar for my project
Here’s what I want:
After conversing with the Fantastical Guide and some monsters, I have discovered that my project wants an avatar. Something/someone I that I can talk to, share my thoughts and ideas with. A physical presence to be with me and help me while the Fantasical Guide comes into being – I’ll create it while it creates itself. Sort of. As Havi so often says, epiphanies are stupid, but I have a good feeling about this, however hard it is to describe.
Ways this could work:
I’m thinking stuffed animal. Given that this is the Fantastical Guide (also known as The Readers’ Advisory Guide to Fantasy Fiction), I’m thinking some sort of fantastical creature. I’m leaning towards dragon, but I’m open to what comes up.
I can certainly just wander the stuffed animal dept. at Toys R Us, and that is fine, but I am open to other possibilities as well. I, um, just don’t really know what they are.
My commitment.
To talk to my project even though we don’t have an avatar yet.
To keep my eyes open for a perfect, simple solution.
To ask little girl me what she might know about this.
Updates since last time:
I wanted to be able to actually zip up my bridesmaid dress – with me inside, and what do you know, I did! A combination of starting to lose weight again and realizing that the zipper is just finicky and needs finessing – even without a person in the dress. I also wanted clothes for my upcoming hiking trip in Canada, without going broke. So far have found some good stuff, and my husband has a lot of freelance money coming in right now, so it looks good!
I love VPAs.
Oh gosh I need to think a little bit more (oh Havi I am so grateful this space is here).
I need to find a way to squeeze money out of my budget to accelerate repayment of my loans WITHOUT feeling like it’s causing me to be socially isolated (staying true to my priorities) BUT ALSO without being too easy on myself.
How this could happen:
THE EASY ONES
-I could leave early for EVERYTHING so I stop taking cabs unless it is the dead of night and transit isn’t running.
-I could *always* carry my lunch.
-I could reduce the amount I eat dinner out, esp. if I have a conversation with boyfriend about it.
-I could save as much as possible on schoolbooks.
THE NOT-SO-EASY ONES
-I could go out less and magically not feel lonely…?
-I could talk on the phone more.
-I could drink less, skip nonalcoholic beverages in restaurants, and order cheaper stuff. (Will this make me feel insanely squeezed?)
-My friends could secretly want to do cheaper things and be pleased by requests to do so.
-I could get up the confidence to have people over more often without feeling like I have to spend tons of money to compensate for their doing me a “favor.”
-I could suggest free things to do and people could want to do them.
THE SEMI-RIDICULOUS
-I could try to add another income stream to my life (although between job and school, that seems infeasible).
My commitment:
-To keep looking at my budget.
-To consider using the envelope method for discretionary monies.
-To try to quell the panic about interest rates and the scarcity-disappointment feelings.