Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Usually it’s very difficult for me to know what to ask for. This is a lovely ritual but not necessarily always an easy practice.
This week, thanks to the insane Shiva Nata we did all week at Rally (Rally!) and at the Shivanautical Academy Training the week before, I have more ideas and wishes than I know what to do with.
And they’re all equally beautiful and exciting.
So. I’m going to choose a few for this week and assume fractal flowers.*
* Through interacting with these five items, I’m actually sneakily and secretly working on ALL of them.
Thing 1: a throne! Or at least a really kooky and ridiculous chair.
Here’s what I want:
Having the Shopkeeper Hat and related rituals has changed everything for me.
The Toy Shop is happy, I’m happy, everyone is happy!
And all sorts of fun little customs have come into being. Because the hat is just that fabulous.
But maybe there should also be some sort of spatial orientation element for this time in which Buying Things From The Toy Shop Can Happen.
What if there were a crazy chair for me to sit in during Shopkeeper Hat time?! Maybe with a pocket to hold my shopkeeper clipboard. Or I could hide it underneath.
So now I need the most ridiculous, outlandish or noticeable chair ever. Also it would be cool if it were super high or super low or otherwise oddly set up.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know yet!
Maybe someone I know has one or makes something like this or knows a guy who knows a guy.
Maybe it will just find us.
I am putting out the ask. And also, of course, the meta-ask, which is for me to feel comfortable having this new development.
My commitment.
To stay connected to the qualities of what I want:
Play! Freedom. Experimentation. Structure. Form. Creativity. Presence. Flow. Zaniness. Possibility.
I might also make a tiny toy representation of a kooky chair-throne, as a symbol.
Thing 2: Sleep!
Here’s what I want:
Napping and snoozing and early to bed.
Ways this could work:
Long walks. Sleepy tea. Ten breaths. Yoga nidra. Doing Hello, Resting & Recovery in the same way that I do Hello, Day or Hello, Month.
My commitment.
To sit in the rainbow hammock. To close my eyes. To hug Scootch.
Thing 3: replacing the video clip on the Shiva Nata site
Here’s what I want:
The sample “see what this looks like” 30 second video on the Shiva Nata site is about five years old.
It desperately needs to be updated.
I’ve been putting it off due to BEING CRAZY BUSY, but have finally reached the point where the incongruence (there is this thing from then that does not match the culture of what is now) is physically painful to me.
So it has to change. And soon.
This is slightly stressing me out because it means finding a location (the Playground not being right for a variety of reasons that I’m not going to go into at the moment). And finding someone who can do it.
I’d also like to shoot a series of tiny super-short video clips about some of the items in the Toy Shop.
So this is a complicated ask. I’m asking for courage and right timing. I’m asking for a person who can help me. And I’m asking for the right place to do it in. And for me to resolve any residual personal stuck related to this.
Ways this could work:
There might be someone in Portland, Seattle or the general area who could do this.
One option: we could do it as a trade for a Rally? Have people apply?
I can also ask around in the roller derby world.
If you are thinking ohmygod this is meeeeeeeee, can you email the First Mate with details and information about why this would be perfect for you/us? Thank you!
My commitment.
To do the work. To plant the seeds. To throw it into the pot. To process the process.
Yes.
Thing 4: To un-whisper.
Here’s what I want:
We have been super-quietly shhhhhhh whisper-brunching Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage (password: haulaway).
And it’s time to move from whisper-brunch into actual brunch.
Which means writing about it and writing the actual page instead of the whisper page.
Oh, and I would also really like for the last person to sign up for the Great Ducking Out 2011, so we can close that up and open registration for — oh, wow — 2012. Thank you!
Ways this could work:
Using Shiva Nata and systems and the OOD.
With lots of love and support from the various allies of this Program.
My commitment.
To skip some stones.
To ask ten times why.
To pay attention to what I need in order to make this the most amazing eight day adventure (and beyond) that has ever happened, which I am already convinced it will be.
To celebrate its existence joyfully and unapologetically. Possibly by eating toast.
To throw confetti for everyone who is coming. Hooray!
Thing 5: a toaster!
Here’s what I want:
The Playground needs a toaster for the Galley.
Preferably the pop-up kind because wheeeee! toast!
But a toaster-oven type of thing could work as well.
It would be fun if it were a bright cheery color, but not a dealbreaker.
Ways this could work:
Someone might have one and want to donate it.
We might find one somewhere.
Maybe Freecycle or something.
Or we could discover the perfect one and it would just work out.
(Suggestions are welcome if you happen to have thoughts about special toasters that I should get to know).
My commitment.
To stay receptive to finding what I want in unusual ways and/or places.
To be appreciative of the process. To welcome the toaster warmly into the Playground.
To eat toast!
Which I will do right now. For luck!
Also, when we do get a toaster someone needs to get us this. Bonjour!
Thing 6: support for Jen!
Here’s what I want:
Jen Louden, who is an amazing teacher and also my lovely friend and colleague and companion-in-silly-dances, is running a program called Teach Now.
She wants loving attention and right people for her sweet thing, and I want that for her too.
Ways this could work:
I’m going to tell you about it and you can take a look!
My commitment.
To love Jen and wish all the best GWISHES (goal-wishes) for her and for her program. Yay!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for peacefulness in this time of pain, for anyone who wants it.
And while I can’t know about those people and their experience, it was very helpful for me to have asked that for myself.
Then I wanted a gumball machine for the Playground, and I have since handed that project over to the First Mate. We’ll probably go with something on eBay if nothing else turns up.
The next ask was about making separations, and that went reasonably well.
There was a request about restocking the Toy Shop, which I’m beginning to do. Slowly, slowly.
And I wanted the superpower of implementation, and YES YES YES YES! It showed up at Rally. Rally!
Also, I’ve made several VPA requests for more costumes for the Playground’s Costumery. And guess what?
On Friday the Oregon Children’s Theater had a giant costume sale. With whiskey. Because what is better than costumes and whiskey AT THE SAME TIME?! Nothing.
I went with Chuck and Marisa and Tereza, and it was incredible.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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these gwishes are beautiful 🙂
i like the toaster and the costumes and yay for sleep!
Mmm I want to think more about the essence of what I want this week. I have been knowing what I want but it has been hard to have the same OOD for a long time with progress not always being visible
1. Visibility of progress
the situation – I work a lot and I work carefully. Somehow it does not come across to the person who is responsible for letting me graduate one day. I figured out I cannot work more but I would like to feel happy about what I did.
the essences – playfulness, joy, souvereignty, capability, confidence, safety
ways it could work – making graphs and tables. playing around with it. writing. keeping my eyes open.
2. Something fun and frolicky
the situation – I’d like to have something fun to look forward to that is not work-related. I don’t know what it is but I’d love some clues.
the essences – wonder, alignment, playfulness, care
ways it could work – perhaps a long walk to think about it. perhaps a story map? perhaps some colors and a coloring book.
3. Moving
the situation – my body wants it. But it seems hard to set in motion while also traveling lots.
essences – fun fun fun and feeling present, alive.
ways it could work – dance it out in the living room? keeping my eyes open.
4. a simple answer
the situation – i am commuting between two cities, staying in a guest house most weeks. this can be hard to explain. i’d like to find a simple answer that feels good.
essence – souvereignty, safety, comfort, care
ways it could work – i don’t know yet.
5. Well wishes!
Ow that felt good to write down.
all the best wishes for the playground and the wishes in this space!
This Week’s Big Thing: the Things that Must Be Done This Week
Here’s what I want: To get them done without feeling like I have to sacrifice sleep, whining too much (leading to hating on self), or silently seething about lack of consistent support.
WTCW:
* Treat them as my first priority every day, no matter how easy/alluring the Need To Do Soons But Not This Weeks
* Resort to filing or inventory (aka easy actions that please Putting Things in Order Me and don’t make me hate myself) to distract perfectionism monster posse
* Last week I checked off several things that had been on the get-to list for over a year. So there is proof that I do get to things, so I don’t need to fret about the things I’m deferring until later this winter. E-mail this note to myself so that I’ll reread it when You’ll Never Get to It Monster starts its cha-cha.
My commitment: To send this note to myself. To be compassionate rather than cranky with people who don’t get or respect the lack of time (think Slightly Younger Me). To stay in contact with Slightly Future Me about the probable outcomes (as opposed to the Worst Possible Outcomes, which is what I’m wired to anticipate and gets in the way of both the sleep thing and the asking for help thing).
Oh Yay VPA!
so I have two VPAs this week.
Just two.
One: Ease and grace and sweetness and connection in The Big Thing.
WTCW: one foot in front of the other. Listening. Talking. Open heart open heart open heart.
My commitment: to be willing to be surprised. To know what but not how. To not get the two confused. To keep moving. To dance SN.
Two: The justright people! I have my 30 Day Pleasure Practice on the website (http://bodyofpleasure.com/body-practice) and it is very sweet and lovely and popular and I get happy notes, yay!
and I realized there was SO MUCH MORE that I had to make another two pieces. So Journey 2 is the Homesteading Journey, and it is up! Yay up! Yay building a long-term relationship with your body! Yay resources. I’m very excited about this.
And my VPA is for the right 20 people to sign up. I want people who will enjoy and participate in the process, and give me good and sweet feedback so the program is even stronger next time. I would love to see it filled before the first email goes out on September 25, or at the latest before the first group call on October 6. it’s at http://bodyofpleasure.com/lived-pleasure, and it’s going to be awesome.
WTCW: I can talk about it here. I can talk about it at the various places where I hang out. I can write about it in the end of the 30 day project emails. And I can talk about it everywhere else, because it is so exciting.
My commitment: to carry my excitement with me wherever I go! I have already added it to the 30 day emails. I will talk about it lots. Yay!
These past couple of days have actually shifted my entire life arc, in an amazing way. But this means that some of my Friday Chicken has morphed into immediacy and now? WHOA! New asks!
Thing #1: Furniture!
I need a dresser (per prior VPA but even more now), and a new futon frame, and a 2nd desk, and could really use a catproof jewelry thing! And maybe something to hold my rather excessive perfume collection out of cat-harm’s way…
Ways this could work:
Sudden Freecycle joy when the lovelyman is around this coming weekend so he can help lift and carry. IKEA sale. Other furniture store sale I could hear about.
My Commitment:
To keep looking. To ask on Freecycle. To wander/meander a bit more than usual. To let the Universe direct me as though I’m trying to hit a pinata.
Thing #2: Organization inspiration
I would very much like to have some flashes of “Oh! I could reorganize this space THIS way and have more room/better space!”
Ways this could work:
The Universe could send me lightning. Shiva Nata. New people in my space could present alternatives I had not perceived/imagined.
My Commitment:
To ask a lot of gentle, loving questions to myself about where and why. To rethink decisions made months ago. To fill my space with joy, delight and anticipation regardless.
Thing #3: Plant hangers
Since I will soon have my step-kittens rampaging delightfully in the house, I would like lovely, non-plastic plant hangers to keep my plants out of their way. I have two freestanding metal hangers, but no method by which I can hang the plants off their hook.
Ways this could work:
I could have a new brainstorm – one that actually works – around the finger-knitting I’ve been doing. There could be something new and marvelous and non-plastic at the Botanical Gardens store. Someone might want to get rid of their old macrame ones. Or best, I might stumble across a gorgeous glass-sculpture one I can ask for for Xmas from my relatives.
My Commitment:
To ask for loving advice or suggestions from all corners of my life. To make the time to go to the Botanical Garden store. To examine my finger-knitting a bit more closely.
Thing #4: To summon up the bravery to plan for future problems.
After watching numbers of my friends go through long-term relationship problems, I’m well aware of the pitfalls, and I can already see where there might be issues with the lovelyman. I want the bravery to sit down with him and plot/plan how we’re gonna solve them ahead of time.
Ways this could work:
Deep breathing. Remembering that this is the loving thing to do, rather than doing it after we’re annoyed w/each other. Sheer stubbornness. The Universe could also give me a natural segue.
My Commitment:
To always be aware that fear does not define my boundary. To remember that he wants it to work as much as I do. To be filled with the love.
Finally…
Thing #5: A Door to close.
My writing/working space does not have a door. It’s in the living room. Last time my working space was in an area that was public to others with whom I was living, I kept getting interrupted and that deeply affected the quality and quantity of my writing. I don’t want to restrict anyone’s movement, so I want a psychological door which is a physical barrier to the demarcated workspace while still allowing full access to the rooms we share.
Ways this could work:
I could come up with a rule. I could come up with some physical barrier that doesn’t seem too weird for the space. We could both make the commitment for psychic space. The cats could miraculously be a non-issue.
My Commitment:
To be loving to myself and my writing. To remember that the high priority of my writing does not have to conflict with the high priority of my relationship. To solicit his ideas, so that he’s invested in it as well.
Happy happy thank you! I hope you’re all dervishing happily, wherever you are.
Wow. So much sparkly awesomeness today. Yay!
And Hi 🙂
What I want:
1) For more unraveling to occur around my headache patterns. Have one again today and I’m feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.
2) For ease, lightness, simplicity, love, and play to continue to infuse all the wedding day preparations – 11 days and counting!
How these things might happen:
1) I have no idea. Perhaps through something either totally mundane or something utterly magical and unexpected.
2) Perhaps through getting out of the way and allowing things to just keep flowing!
My commitments:
1) to continue asking for help from both internal and external allies; to be open to new ideas and approaches; to continue interacting with all the anxiety, fear, dread, and hopelessness that is tied to the headaches.
2) to practice trusting that it is ok for things to flow and be filled with ease – even in situations that generally aren’t filled with such things. Also, to continue noticing how much ease there *is* and how brilliantly the two of us are working together to create this event.
My best to everyone and to the collective VPA’s!
Update from last week: I wanted courage to ship. I didnt’ ever find the courage but I shipped anyway. Now I’d like the ship to find some ports where people give me money in exchange for the goods and services available on the ship.
This Week:
I want magic changes to my personality that make me better able to interact with humans and boys and not be this way. Or maybe the boy that I sort of like could maybe figure out that I sort of like him and take a little step. Or there could be some space this coming weekend for us to get to know each other without all the other people around.
Right now I’m very much feeling the need for good Systems. I think I’ve gotten a lot better at identifying and giving myself what I need. (Thanks, Book of Me!)
In the morning, I need: my 45 minute walk to school (ambulation therapy!), which only happens when I wake up early enough. Otherwise I take the train, which is ew. I also need: at least 20 minutes of yoga. Time to write and reflect in quietness a little bit. A simple but real sit-down breakfast with the spouse-person. Shower and grooming. Oh, a little bit of homework time would also be lovely! Because I HATE doing homework at night.
Post-work evening time needs: a good 30 minute walk with the spouse-person. Dinner at home. time to write and draw. (important!) No homework because ideally I would get everything done during the day. (….right?). Time for my Projects (they are happening!) Lots of writing time. Lots!
So, how the heck to accomplish these, all of which are so vital, in my mornings and evenings without them being eaten up by time monsters or pushed away by socializing type activities that I actually hate or pressure to do stupid homework shit that I’ve procrastinated? Is it even possible?
So, yes. Getting to bed early enough. Figuring out a realistic plan (realistic = something that I’m not going to hate) for how blocks of time can fit in one morning or one evening. Time and spaciousness and permission, allowing the structure to take root organically and not beating myself up if it doesn’t happen perfectly tomorrow.
That’s what I’m committing too.
Everyone’s ways of talking about their gwishes are inspiring me today. What good words! After reading this week’s stuff about qualities and essences, I realized my previous goals were a little pushy-shovey-GETITDONE-y. So taking a step back and looking at the bigger pattern underlying the stucks. (By which I guess I mean I am exclusively going to make VPAs about my state of mind this week?)
THIS WEEK I WANT:
(1) To bring the quality of *engagement* into my life. To meet things and work with them instead of avoiding them and being in a state of nauseous, overwhelmed torpor, never actually getting to enjoy resting and never getting anything done.
How this could happen:
Not really sure of anything concrete. Just…magic?
Shorten my to-do lists (but then how will I catch up?!).
Make 15 minutes for exercise which will somehow help the other things.
Maybe I’ll get encouraged and then it will snowball?
Get enough sleep!! That will help.
My commitment:
To write an invocation to engagement every morning?
To do seemingly insignificant/off-topic, useful things like the dishes or hundreds to break the procrastination spell.
Into the pot?
(2) To get some abundance going. To be able to sense it even when I’m feeling crazy pinched about time, money, priorities, you name it.
How?
Ugh who knows. Maybe I’ll try to imagine what my budget would look like if I was making as little money as I thought I’d be making at this time in my life.
Finding more free things to do. Related: getting the ovaries up to ask people to hang out in ways that are cheap instead of expensive.
Maybe this means actually *making more money*? I have no time to do that right now, but maybe there’s something hitherto unconsidered I could do for extra cash! Like look for editing jobs?
Something else magical. I will just feel it or dream it.
My commitment:
Into the pot.
Say thank you for my good luck in life so far.
(3) Making our house a home, part II. We’ve got it mostly outfitted, but there’s still a whole room that needs deciding-about and setting up, we don’t have enough lamps, and we’re a little demoralized from mold outbreaks, burglary and the associated costs, and unexpectedly enormous bills.
How this could happen?
We find some money to devote to picture frames, lamps, whatnot.
We could finally get real about what’s going to happen in the second bedroom. (Maybe my desk should be in there?)
We could make some home-ly rituals? (I suppose they could involve locking up at night and emptying the dehumidifier, even though those are chores…)
We could clean more regularly and take better care of the place.
We could buy and install that security system.
My commitment:
To say thank you every day that the actual cohabitating has been blissful as hell. Against my expectations! Yay!
To keep listening to NPR and eating oatmeal on weekend mornings.
To devote some time to this on Saturday.
To be open to more ideas about home-ifying it and making it more comfortable and settled.
GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!
I have a question for any/all of you –
What happens/what do you do when you don’t really make any progress on your VPAs from last week? Maybe because you don’t follow through on your commitment *cough* or don’t have the time, or don’t make the time etc.?
Thanks 🙂
It seems like everyone’s Ask is something I need to ask for too. Can I just say “ditto”?
What I need most this week is help. Specific help with specific things is much needed and I also need to know who to ask.
Ways this could work:
It could just appear!
I could recognize it when it does appear.
I could remember about the helping hands at the ends of my arms!
I could ask other people.
My commitment is to be open to help from unlikely sources. To appreciate it.
@Loon: Sometimes you re-ask. Sometimes you re-think what you asked for. Also, Havi wrote about “When VPAs don’t work” — I don’t remember exactly when but it was earlier this year.
Dear Loon
when it doesn’t work – it can be interesting because then you see the wish so clearly and you see you had good intentions but things were not working sufficiently well for it to happen.
and then you just sort of think about it.
and you think what do you want now that it didn’t work the way you wanted it and you think some more about what COULD happen.
well that’s what i do 🙂
Thing I Want:
I’ve been having a lot of achy soreness lately with really bad headaches. I want this to go away, or at the very least not make me cranky and irritable towards other people who do not deserve me throwing shoes at them because I hurt.
Ways this could work:
I’m wondering if the headaches are because of the old prescription in my glasses. I have a new pair of contacts in today. I could drink lots of water and stretch and try being more physically active. Maybe this is like exercise withdrawal? Stopped ironman training after the race and now my body craves it? Maybe my monsters are right, so I should schedule a doctor’s appointment?
My Commitment:
Move today – either running or my own little yoga session with stretching? Stretch throughout the day like my ergo-assess reminders tell me to do.
Also, I will schedule a doctor’s appointment if I am still feeling not good by Friday.
Ahoy!
Me gwish for you, me bonny Pirate Queen, is to have a merry and grog-filled International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Now if yer’ll excuse me, I’ll be off pillagin’ like a malmsey-nosed maggot.
Booty!
@loon, I just renew the ad, tweaking to make it more effective.
VPA time! Hooray!
Thing 1: I’d like to continue to integrate last week’s many learnings at Rally and in Portland into my being.
Ways this could work: I could write more about it. I could keep up my stretching and very short Shiva Nata sessions I’ve been doing since Rally ended. I could continue to pay attention to my systems and rituals, and be open to their constant evolution.
My commitment: To be okay with some things slipping away, as things do. To bring Rally into my life on my own terms, in my own way. To remember the wonder of it all.
Thing 2: I have quite a bit of work to do this week, which seems like it could be hard, as I’m technically on vacation. But the work is definitely very fun work. Still, I’d like to know it will get done as it needs to.
Ways this could work: I could do small chunks in between other activities like friend/family time and exercise/nature time. This has been working well so far. I could focus on the immediate task at hand instead of the big picture.
My commitment: To interact with my monsters as they reveal themselves. To be nice to myself about this.
Updates from last time: I asked for information on my meditation-induced back ache. This definitely happened in an unexpected way. Larisa pointed out that one needn’t sit cross-legged to meditate. So now I’m doing it with a back rest or simply lying on the floor, and the back is happy again. I also asked for grounding and presence, and that really, really happened. Joy!
Kisses and sparkle-dust to everyone’s gwishes!
Thanks, seagirl, Hannah and Vicki 🙂 I’ll look around for Havi’s “when VPAs don’t work” post.
Man, I totally considered buying the Playground a toaster as a present when we were there in May and then couldn’t decide if that would be okay and didn’t ask and so just didn’t and of course now I wish we had. I hope the perfect toaster finds its way to the Playground!