Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
This week I had about a million Very Personal Ads come up, and of course this morning I can’t seem to remember any of them.
Let’s see…
Hello, wishes.
Thing 1: Congruence.
Here’s what I want:
It occurred to me this week that the website for the Playground is all wrong.
The Playground is a center where people come from all over the world to work on projects, solve problems and get things done.
It’s an extraordinary place.
It’s time for the online space that represents it to become more harmonious. More congruent with what it is supposed to be reflecting. To come into present time.
Ways this could work:
I may not have time to do anything with it this week because I’ll be at Rally (Rally!), and who knows what my mysterious project will turn out to entail.
But I will be at the Playground and immersed in Playground. So I’m hoping that will point me in the right direction.
There will also be ridiculous amounts of Shiva Nata, so I am going to throw this into the pot, and ask for some hot, buttered epiphanies related to this project and to congruence in general.
What if it could be simple? And entertaining? I’m ready to find out.
My commitment.
To plant this without knowing how it’s going to happen, and without having an agenda.
To be genuinely curious about what could happen.
To consult slightly future me.
Thing 2: Staff page.
Here’s what I want:
This might be for the Playground site and it might be for this one. I don’t know.
But a page about the people who work and play in my business. To give a feel for how our company runs and what it’s like.
Ways this could work:
Again, this might not be something I’ll be able to play with this week.
But it feels important.
Maybe I can connect to the essence of this. I could do some processing and writing about what it means to have a crew.
My commitment.
To have fun with this. To let it be silly, lighthearted and Playground-ey.
Thing 3: SHIVANAUTICON!
Here’s what I want:
Preparing the ground for the grand announcing.
And sharing the process.
Here’s where we’re at right now.
- I have 49 pages of notes in my Anthology.
- We brought in Metaphor Mouse as a consultant.
- We’re this close to signing with the desired location, and we have three back-ups if it falls through.
- More than a hundred people have already signed up to be notified when we announce this. Hi, guys!
So things are moving.
Oh, and we have a new logo! It’s fabulous.
Seriously, go look at the gorgeous page. I’m so excited about this! Shivanauticon!!!!
And now it’s time for next steps. In the hard and in the soft.
Ways this could work:
I can play with this at Rally (Rally!).
Dance on it, flail on it, meditate on it, sleep on it, cross-train on it, and keep it with me at all times.
And of course, a giant field of fractal flowers.
Also I think it will be useful to tell people to sign up for the announcing even if they’re 100% sure there’s no way they can make it to Portland, because we might be able to offer a video option.
My commitment.
To stay connected to what I know.
To remember to laugh.
Thing 4: Reflecting.
Here’s what I want:
Many and varied individual parts coming together in a variety of combinations.
Venn diagrams and kaleidoscopes.
Reflecting and reflections.
I’m sorry that I can’t be more specific on that. It’s hard to describe.
Ways this could work:
Playing with my First Partner In Crime.
Creating a collage but not calling it that. Secret code words!
Lots of madcap shivanauttery, of course.
Paying special attention to mirrors and surfaces. Surfaces!
My commitment.
To hum.
Because humming is the aural form of shining.
Shining and reflecting are cousins. Humming is the way in. For me. Right now.
This is one of the many crazy things I learned at the September Rally, and it is changing everything.
Thing 5: Rally! (Rally!)
Here’s what I want:
This week is Rally #15.
It’s also the second year of the Great Ducking Out, which is the special Run away from Thanksgiving extra-long Rally.
This is pretty much my favorite thing in the entire world.
I want it to be absolutely glorrrrrrrrious!
And I want to discover whatever it is that I need to discover.
Ways this could work:
Breathing.
Declaring silent retreat whenever I need to.
Sending out the link to the secret Playground ENTRY page.
Planting the seeds.
Writing it out.
My commitment.
This one is being whispered in my heart.
I love you, Rally!
See you tomorrow.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I’ve been doing a lot of processing on my complicated decision, and am feeling better about the situation.
Then I wanted to be able to work on a bunch of things at once, which totally happened in a much easier way than expected. Yay, proxies!
I wanted to play with doing things every fifteen mini-newts, and completely forgot about this! But the point of doing that was to have more mini marathon-trainings (shhh, not actually marathon-trainings at all), and I actually have been doing that. Interesting. I will revisit this!
Also I asked for recovery, which has been happening nicely.
And I wanted to whisper-brunch the HEY THIS IS COMING page for Shivanauticon, and that happened! Plus we have the logo. So yay, progress.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
I came out this week.
And the response has been 100% positive.
And all I want is for that to continue, and for the process to be that smooth going forward.
♥
*Hugs* Noelle. More happy and encouraging thoughts are coming your way.
This feels like a really lame and selfish followup to Noelle’s ask but then much of what I want/need feels selfish and lame compared to the bigger and more fundamental needs of others. So I’m already blessed that my basics are covered and I have the luxury to make frivolous asks. Here we go….
What I want:
A glorious new website to rise from the ashes of the great website implosion of 2011. In a timely fashion. I’m slightly ill about the thought of my site being down for an extended time.
Ways this could work:
I don’t see a way other than doing the work, resurrecting the salvageable bits, rewriting the stuff that needs to be re-written. Unless there are website gnomes who will do this for me. I’m looking at this as an opportunity to do all the things I’ve been wanting to do but avoiding or making excuses.
My commitment:
Activate my network, use the resources I have available, meditate on the stuck bits, dance when I lose focus. And do the work. the writing, the picture finding, the worksheets, etc. Being open to advices from others.
Happy gwishing to all!
YAY congrats Noëlle! That’s wonderful!
UPDATE on VPAs from last week: No real progress on any of them, and thing #2 actually got worse.
Therefore, this week’s VPAs are the same as last, but rephrased somewhat:
Thing #1 – To Be Ready for the Lovelyman’s Arrival.
It is now 13-14 days until the designated arrival (*mini-AAAAAGH* then *EEEYAAY!*). I want to have the will to keep getting things ready despite my freaking out and with gentle regard to, yet surpassing of, my hip pain.
Ways This Could Work:
– I could discover magic hiding places for stuff.
– I could find some help.
– My 2nd VPA could help my 1st.
My Commitment:
– To keep allowing myself the small pieces that lead to the large. (Fractal flowers!)
– To allow myself the space to rest in between efforts.
– To gently work within the body using stretches and pressing my back against a nice cold wall.
– To keep enjoying the goosebumps and *squee* moments.
Thing #2 – To Fix My Magically Misaligning Hips.
I’m still being held hostage by the pain in my hips. I would like the pain to stop, please.
Ways This Could Work:
– I could be given the key to fixing it without needing a doctor.
– I could finally find my chiro blocks.
– I could get a windfall that would allow me to afford to go to a doctor/chiro.
My Commitment:
– To continue to release resentment surrounding my current non-insured state.
– To look for a better tool to use.
– To not overextend myself.
Thing #3 – To Get My Work Mojo Back.
While there has been faint improvement, I’m still distracted and not doing the level of work I was when I started.
Ways This Could Work:
– My original excitement about the project could come out of hiding.
– It could be fractal flowered.
– I could get the marvelous lightningstrike.
My Commitment:
– To go back to exploring the neat outlines of the project.
– To go back to the places in the project that used to be inspiring.
– To talk to the creative self.
And one more for this week:
Thing #4 – To Get My Replacement Credit Card Before Wednesday.
My card was compromised and $$ stolen, so I had to cancel my old one and get a new one sent. I don’t have it yet and need it before Wednesday, or else my holiday will be wildly different than planned.
Ways This Could Work:
– It just could.
My Commitment:
– To breathe.
– To look for the possible reasons why it might not.
* * *
Sending tons of well-wishes to everyone and best of luck for your VPAs!! Also, happy holiday or Ducking Out!
I’m in a kind of/sort of resting place internally right now, so have no VPA to add at the moment — but my heart goes out to you, Havi — I’ve been thinking of you a lot
and the words “hot, buttered epiphany” keep running through my head (?wtf?), which always makes me giggle, and often makes me wonder if I’ll be Shivanauting before long…
anyway, I wanted to thank you for the space (here and in person) that you provide for people — a place of Belonging – so beautiful, so needed! I adore who you are, as well as what you give!
And I am sending heart vibes out to you, Noelle Anthony and Deanna (who commented before me) – adding my wishes for their VPAs to flow.
Noelle Anthony, I am so glad your coming out has gone smoothly!!
Wow! Congratulations Noelle. Good luck with everything.
Progress Report on Last Week: (which I may also have mentioned in the chicken), my awesome professor did agree to write me a letter of rec, score! just asking was hard for me. And I have seen more mini-progress, in fact, I’d almost say I’m done with the first draft of the novel… of course it’s not actually novel length yet, more novella length, but there’s a whole other plot line and a ton of description to add in so awesome-sauce.
Also, on a really old VPA that’s been rattling around in my brain & heart, I finally found the perfect way to tell my grandparents I am applying to grad school and they were happy for me! *Yay* No shoes thrown 🙂
So, uh yeah, thing I want this week:
*Thing # 1*
-What I want: To find all the resources that I need for my awesome essay I need to do.
-WTCW: I work on it today, and read the resource I do have. Also, I have a photocopy card, so I can make all the copies that I want/need for making my essay. Because I am not a real student yet and can’t check things out of the library. I can also take 20 minutes a day for the rest of the week to write on it/read for it/etc.
-My Commitment: To go to the library today (with computer charger & charged phone) and work on it for the afternoon. I can also take 20 minutes a day for the rest of the week to write on it/read for it/etc.
*Thing # 2*
-What I want: Thanksgiving to be fun and thankful-like. For my house not to be broken by the plethora of kidlets who will be here. No drama from the turkey-day please.
-WTCW: You know my husbands really awesome with stuff like this, so I know he’ll do good. If I don’t stress about things like I tend to. I can clean the house on turkey day morning before people show up because I feel like (certain) people judge my messy house. I paint the awesome I am thankful for poster thing my husband wants to make.
My Commitment: To remember that this is supposed to be fun and about family.
on everything I also commit to taking time to play – even if it’s just crunching leaves or frost and running around like a crazy person on my toes in my toeshoes (err… not toe shoes in the ballet sense, but my vibrams). And maybe, play in the park on the monkey bars at some point… maybe with all the kidlets on turkey day?
Wishing you all so much luck with your VPAs.
Mine is a very earthly one, I must admit;-)
I am asking to find the perfect winter coat. I want it to be really warm and windproof but I don’t want it to make me look as though I am walking around in a sleeping bag, so I am asking for a minimum amount of elegance.
I wear dresses 6 days out of 7 so I want it to be just below knee length so that it covers the dresses. I don’t want it to be of any dreary colour like 99% of the coats that are currently in the shops. I could do with a light grey and maybe a broad seam of a different colour or some kind of ornament.
I am also asking to find a second pair of boots. I usually wear one pair of shoes until they fall apart and then buy new ones. But I feel I could do with a second pair of boots this winter, it also needs to be slightly warmer than the one I am currently wearing.
And I don’t want to spend excessive amounts of money on both.
How this can happen:
I can drop in at my favourite 2nd hand place tomorrow and discover THE coat or THE pair of boots.
I have a few other things to do in town the next few days and I could just see the perfect coat or the perfect pair of boots in a shop window. And then they could have it in my size.
Thanks to a conversation with a friend, I realized why I have such trouble writing VPAs for the week. I can never decide what I want enough to make a commitment to it for the week. It makes it all heavy and ugh .. when what I really want is to notice what I want and enjoy the wanting of it!
So, re. my ask for a sumi bamboo brush, I did enjoy wanting one, though I was not inspired to acquire one, and during the week, it occurred to me that even though I don’t have a brush that works, I can play with scripting with my fingers in the meantime.
What I want: I want to visit the Galapagos Islands and see a blue-footed booby! Not that this is new. I have wanted this for ages. I just like to remember how much I want it.
How this could work: Serendipitously and ridiculously easily, in right and perfect timing.
My commitment: I will enjoy the wanting of it. I will go and look at picture of the cute little blue-footed birds and smile. I might also figure out the essence and see if there is a way to bring a piece of it into my life right now.
What I want: I want to investigate my relationship to waiting.
How this could work: I could talk to someone about it. I could journal after Shiva Nata. I could watch for clues. I could look for other places in my life where I am waiting.
My commitment: To be curious and lighthearted and open.
Last week I asked for pacing and I feel that I achieved it. I made it to the end of the week with some energy intact.
This week’s ask is for commitment. I’ve been having a lot of digestive issues and joint pain (my left thumb, wtf?) and I strongly suspect it is related to letting things slip back into my diet that I am intolerant of, specifically dairy and some soy. Thus, I want to commit to 4 days of just eating what I know is good for my body. I’m picking 4 days since today is Sunday and I know I will be having a gluten-free, but not dairy-free, chocolate dessert on Thanksgiving.
How this could work: I know what I need to do food-wise and I can make sure that I pack adequate snacks so that I’m not tempted by the office or vending machine goodies. I need to remind myself that I’m just trying this for 4 days, not necessarily the rest of my life. Obviously, if the issues go away I will be more likely to do it for much longer as the thumb pain has truly become annoying!
My commitment: To listen to my body
ohhh, Sunday on Sunday!
first, a bit of gratitude, because I missed the chickens.
For a long and luxurious four day weekend, and getting to read A Whole Book! (_Lunch in Paris_, both fun and mouth-watering, yay.) And for low drama and knowing how to take care of myself and possibilities and an encounter with pink! 🙂
And now for the VPA portion:
gwish: clarity about direction and belonging. I have been wanting this for a while. I keep thinking it is resolved and then…not. so ACTUAL clarity would be lovely.
pink! gwishing to notice and learn about pink. And, relatedly, gwishing for short skirts that look good on me to magically appear.
finally gwishing for my new website, http://ebbmassagestudio.com, to make the right connections, and especially for Tideworks days to find their right people.
Congratulations, Noelle! Congratulations, congratulations!
And best wishes to you, Havi, and to everyone with VPAs.
I’ve had such good fortune arise from my time spent noodling over VPAs, I don’t understand why I’m not here every week? Fear of being greedy? Fear of getting what I want? Fear, free-floating and generalized variety?
A matter to be sorted out on another day. Today, the sun shines and the air is crisp and I have a small bud of hope in my heart. And so…
What I want:
To let the book out of me this week.
Ways it could work:
This Magical Incubator could work the way I’m hoping it will. Other than that…I don’t know.
My commitment:
To be okay with *not* knowing. To be okay with wherever I’m at. To try different things. To flail or focus, as necessary. To listen. To breathe. To roll around on the floor and wear no shoes. To keep myself warm and dry and comfy and well-fed. To treat myself as I would an honored guest, not the whipping boy.
Thank you for this beautiful space, this beautiful day, and this beautiful magic.
Just got back from an absolutely life-changing weekend of hypnosis training (again.)
My VPA? To carry this energy into Rally. And to see what other kinds of insane transformations happen. There’s really no straining necessary. No nervousness, nothing like that. All I’m doing is looking madly forward, but in a way where I know that everything is just going to be perfect (without knowing in advance what ‘perfect’ will look like.)
Oh yeah. I like my brain on hypnosis training. I think I’m still in a light trance. Woooooooooo.
This week? I feel like I’m at ebb tide again, in between the coming in and the going out. I have a new bike which brings me great joy. I didn’t even know to place an ad for that and then there it was!
I will continue my open ended blank ad for A Boy and trust in the Universe.
I will throw my pennies into the fountain for everyone’s wishes and gwishes and ads.
VPA!
What I want:
I’m suddenly in a new place, again. Living in someone else’s house, caring for my Mom on a schedule (at the rehab center) that I have no influence over, and feeling every little microscopic ounce of sovereignty drip slowly out of me. I just want to scream “I count!! I have a life!!” and I want to believe it.
WTCW:
– I could wake up tomorrow knowing how to handle all this gracefully and in ways that serve BOTH myself and my Mom.
– Some angels (or whatever) could take over and make it all ok.
– It could magically not be as bad as I think it is going to be.
– I could look back at my Book of Me entries re: Hospital Doom-Time and maybe add to them along the lines of Hospital Doom-Time when you’re in another State and have No Home….?
– Writing will help, for sure.
– Comfort food could magically become super healthy.
– INstead of ignoring my Shiva Nata iPhone app telling me it’s time to do Shiva Nata, I could actually do Shiva Nata….
– My amazing therapist/ex-Methodist minister/spiritual goddess could help me figure out ways to support myself and help me to see that she isn’t doing the work, it was always inside me.
My committment:
– I will entertain the notion that this isn’t going to be the suckiest time ever and be open to ways to find the sparkle and joy.
– I will look at past entries in Book of Me and update.
– I will check in with myself each day – just to be sure of me.
– I will stop gorging myself with comfort food.
Happy Thanksgiving or anti-Thanksgiving, ya’ll. 🙂
(p.s. — i’m confused about comment luv??)
What I want: Physically I feel a little like my bike chain slipped off its track. I have a cold and I feel generally out of whack. I think the traveling and being out of my normal routines caught up with me. So I want my bike chain back in the groove. Balance. Ebb and flow. Rhythm.
How it could happen: Naturally. With support and curiosity. I could feel like slowing down, listening, being attentive. And it could feel really peaceful and soothing, like watching the waves go in and out and for that to sound fun and entertaining rather than dull or like a sacrifice.
My commitment: To pause. To notice the patterns at play, especially my relationship with conscious contraction and rest and rhythm. To notice what I want and need, and to notice where that differs from what I think I should want and need. Morning dance party. Not to force anything.
What I want: To create space for things to grow and bloom. I was thinking internal space here but maybe there are also ways to create concrete space even though the “things” are more like ideas and plans. I want the next phase of movement and progress to feel conscious and steady and sustainable, and so creating space and room for passages seems like the first step.
How it could happen: Creatively. Through the ebb and flow of the first ask. With ease. I could release things I’m holding onto that I don’t need anymore which could free up space. I could discover new space I didn’t know I had, like a secret hidden cabinet. I could discover routes I’ve never taken, like a shortcut through a garden path.
My commitment: Shiva Nata. To pay attention to transitions. Extra white space time. To do the things I know will bring me to flow (even though they are often seemingly counter-intuitive).
VPA 1: This community…
This community, created by Havi on this blog, is SO important for me… my heart leaps whenever I see a new post, and when I come back to a post and there are new comments…
I wish — I gwish — I want — to have in my life more of this kind of community.
I have no idea how this could work, or what I ought to commit to for it to happen, but I ask for the ability to recognize the kind of people who come to this site, and the ability to connect with them.
VPA 2: The Book of Me…
I have been working on the Book of Me quite a lot, and my Ask is for the book to be full of things I need to know and remember, and that I WILL remember to use it and the insights in it.
There is more stuff I want to as for, of course, but instead of listing them all, I am going to throw them into the pot.
Good wishes to all.
Here’s what I want:
…to feel taken care of, nourished and rested
Ways this could work:
… Rest and more rest. Vegetables. Water. Quiet time with myself. Reading the back posts on here. Giving myself a goddamn break – just because I feel like crap now, does not mean I will feel like that forever.
My commitment:
… yoga in the morning and I’d like to try this consulting of a ‘slightly future me’. And I will rest, and say no when I want to.
xoxo
I love humming. It’s very much an aspect of who I am, and how I move through my days.
Last week’s ask went well. Good enough was good enough; perfection was not necessary.
This week, I plan to do a lot of dreaming and scheming about the direction I’d like my work to take in the coming year. Many tiny, sweet ideas are bubbling. Into the pot!
Also, my family and I will be taking a weekend trip to a rustic pioneer cabin in a secluded state forest. I’m asking for this to be a good experience for all of us! I’ll do my part to help it happen by taking care of my own needs and desires, and by playing with everything I’ve been learning about conscious entry. My commitment: to be kind, and to allow others to take responsibility for their own experience.
Re: The Shivanauticon page… “Spaces are (sadly) limited. Due to reality”. LOL!!!
My first VPA! Yay!
I hope everyone else commenting gets exactly what they want this week!
THING ONE:
What I want:
To find someone to do part-time child care in my home. Someone with the hours I need, who will drive the children locally when needed.
How this could work:
~ I could ask the staff at the neighborhood school for another lead.
~ Someone could answer one of the ads I posted in the local colleges.
~ The woman who was suggested to me can say YES! and take the job. (oh please, oh please!)
My commitment:
~To call the woman who was suggested to me again TONIGHT.
~To ask everyone I know if they know anyone interested in taking a child care position.
~To brainstorm other ways this could work.
~To not panic, and trust that I will find someone soon.
THING TWO:
What I want:
More patience and kindness towards my daughters
How this could work:
~Guided relaxation with patience/kindness affirmations.
~Practicing counting to three before I speak or respond to them.
~Lowering the stress in other areas of my life, and practicing self-nuturing.
My commitment:
~Practicing guided relaxation with patience/kindness affirmations
~Actively practicing self-nurturing to lower my overall stress levels.
Hmmm. Pondering what I want this week.
What I want: A fun, restful long weekend.
How this could work: I could do some thinking on how I’d like it to go before it actually happens. I could see if there’s room for together time, alone time, business time, and body time.
My commitment: To try to remember the elements over which I have control. To look for the good in things. To go to our neighborhood cafe.
Sending love to everybody’s VPAs this week!
Aaah what a lovely collection of thoughts here today!
Noëlle your coming-out post brought a little tear to my eye! Heartwarming story, beautifully written – and congratulations 🙂
Briana, I love that metaphor of “white space time”. Thinking of web sites and posters and how much difference the white space makes… oooh yes such a good way of putting it, thanks for that phrase.
Mary – and Havi – that “spaces are limited due to reality” tickled my funny bone too! So true!
Sending good vibes for everyone’s asks and wishes.
I do have some wishes of my own but they don’t want to be on the net 🙂
*** VPA update!***
My dinner party went well. I made a dreaded phone call. I think I even saw a story ending.
**** VPA 1: Support ***
I don’t know exactly what I mean. I mean everything has been hard and I’ve been supporting and cheering people along forever. I want a quiet quiet quiet week with some support for me.
Ways it could work – unsure. I could practice asking for help.
My commitment – to look for subtle forms of support. To support myself the best I can. To take time to sit with what it is that is happening. To be easy on myself.
*** VPA 2: Perfect Simple Solutions in Work ***
I am putting it out there. I want solution for my work. I want rest and sleep and solutions and a way out. That’s all I want.
Ways it could work – letting other people do parts of it. music. focus. concentration.cut out difficult thoughts. to keep it simple simple. To aim for the MPU – minimum publishable unit.
My commitment – look for flow. keep it simple and easy. don’t be a hero here. go Jamie Oliver on the situation.
Noelle: Thanks for sharing – I find that enormously courageous and inspiring
My first public VPA! Little lurker-mouse is just sticking her head out of the mousehole…
What I’d like this week:
Thing 1 – To find out more about asking in general, and specifically about asking for help, and for this to maybe be a teensy bit easier
Thing 2 – To celebrate the great things that have happened recently, to not push them aside in the rush to do the next thing or measure them up against other things or other people’s things
Thing 3 – To make progress in some way on The Thing