Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: fountaining solutions.
Here’s what I want:
There’s a medium-sized knot of stuckness (or: perceived stuckness) in one corner of the big project that I’m currently working on.
I want things to start sorting themselves out — in a variety of unexpected, creative and playful ways.
The perfect simple solutions start whooshing (yes, there is a FOUNTAIN of them, and no, I do not know what that means but I feel strongly about it).
And I start seeing opportunities that I couldn’t see before.
Ways this could work:
Do some Shiva Nata for the epiphanies. And use it lovingly destroy what is not working.
Getting more clarity on what I want, and what the elements are. I’m pretty clear on what I don’t want, which is pretty much exactly what’s happening right now.
I can do more of this thing I’ve been playing with, basically a really intense version of preparing for the voyage. Going Deep Into Entry.
And possibly also finding a way to say that which doesn’t scream p0rn.
I’ll play with…
Investigating what I know.
About fountains (maybe even this fountain?).
But also about the entire situation.
Thing 2: Toozday!
Here’s what I want:
So you know that I sponsor a roller derby team. And not any team, but the most fabulous and bad-ass team ever, the Guns N Rollers! Who are currently having kind of a rough time of things.
Anyway, I run workshops for them at the Playground twice a month: agility, coordination, destuckifying.
We just moved these practices to Toozdays.
I want to work on mental game. I want breakthroughs. I want people to show up ready and excited. I want it to be AMAZING.
Ways this could work:
Same as with the first ask.
I’ll play with…
Costumes costumes costumes.
Thing 3: More use of the as-yet-unnamed Entry techniques.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been playing around with this really intense way of setting things up, and it’s working so well that it’s kind of scaring me.
I want more of this.
Ways this could work:
Running an experiment in which I give this more time than I think I need, and tracking the results.
Finding and planting reminders.
I’ll play with…
Using these techniques on one thing each day.
Thing 4: Moving the Toy Shop.
Here’s what I want:
We’re moving the Toy Shop from the original Playground (now the Caboose!) to the new and gigantic Playground.
Ways this could work:
Maybe some people will volunteer to help!
I’ll play with…
Remembering how changing space changes other things as well.
Thing 5: We need a music stand!
Here’s what I want:
A music stand or a cookbook stand? For the new PLUM (Playground User Manual).
Ways this could work:
The just-right thing can show up.
Or maybe we’ll find it at City Liquidators.
Or maybe one of our readers has something that will work.
I’ll play with…
Asking here.
Thing 5: [Silent retreat.]
Here’s what I want:
I’m going on silent retreat for this one.
Ways this could work:
With grace and ease.
I’ll play with…
Listening to Can’t Trust A Heart by the Snake Charmers over and over again.
But also: trusting my heart.
And yoga, of course. Yoga will help.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted just the right phrase to call a TIME OUT, and really I wanted to remember that I am allowed to do this. Working on it. It’s going better.
Then I wanted to play more with doing things In Grand Fashion, and that happened too, though not as much as I would have liked. So I’m re-asking.
My next ask was about making things fun, and that definitely happened. There was so much giggling this week. And I had lovely help from Chuck.
Then I asked for more cloth, and you guys sent lots of it, so THANK YOU for that.
Oh, and we got the just-right rolling stool for the massage room, which is something I asked for two weeks ago. Yay VPAs!
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Follow
Gwishing for:
1. Superpowers of knowing what to do next.
2. Conversation or some other interaction with the part of me that thinks playing Bejeweled is the most rewarding kind of me-time and that I should sacrifice sleep to earn another 1.8 million score. *sigh* From brain-fog to brain-numb… really, what do I find in the brain-numb and how can I give it to myself in a more workable way?
3. Cracks in the swirling darkness to appear for two people I care about who are stuck there so they can breathe easier.
4. Lots of things crossed off my to do list again. By getting them done most likely.
5. An unexpected windfall or some other easy money solution to the I-have-not-got-any situation I am in right now.
Go go gadget VPA/gwish fairies!!!!
Sharing my VPA for the first time:
1. Clarifying the best/right position to look for so i can earn an income sharing my talents and rooted in my strengths.
Ways it could work:
Believing this right position exists
Creating a list of what this position could look like
Share this list with supportive friends
I’ll play with:
Asking for help
2. Body love and acceptance
Ways it could work:
Mirror time
Relaxing the critic in my head
Getting active in a fun way
I’ll play with:
all the ways it could work until one (or all) stick
Whew. Last week blew by. I asked for revisions to get done for novel (yay!) and a new metaphor for promotion (now “irrigation”, Super Yay!!) Self-care, however, went completely down the drain. So asking for that again.
This week, I would love:
#1: Closing loops on critiques. I have a big fat critique for a dear friend that I’ve been lagging on, plus five (?) partial critiques for students. Must get done.
How this could work: I could create containers. They could take less time than I think. I could enter the work consciously and leave consciously.
My commitment: creating space. And some kind of Critique Costume would be nice.
#2: Garden Map for Time
I’d like to have more “renewable energy sources” (routines) in place, for things that right now I am floundering and doing when I panic. I would like to envision my “garden” of time in my metaphor, and have a better way of tracking yield.
How this could work: crayons will mysteriously be involved. Possibly stickers and stamps. And of course, Permaculture will be obsessively researched.
My commitment: To play with it.
#3: Irrigation Plan!
Approaching promotion-as-irrigation, I’m going to look at how I can move from pattern to detail, and use the metaphor to promote my fiction writing & my non-fiction writing coaching/editing/services.
How this could work: No idea. Suspect crayons, again.
My commitment: Crayonage!
Thanks, guys! Have a great week!
Havi, I so dig it when you recommend music. I mean, I did not know Sexy Robot before we met, and now… Well! YES. So thank you.
I’m coming to Crossing the Line in October, which I keep thinking fondly of as Biggie Week. And for Thing #1, I would like to get an appointment with Wally.
Ways this could work? Well, I could call Wally up. It’s a plan! Gonna do it.
Thing #2: I’d really like to see Guns N Rollers sometime. I don’t know how that could work. Just putting it out there. Leaving a note for future self.
Thing #3: I’m going to London and Paris this month. I wish it to be ravishing. I want to have an amazing time and I do not want to experience Paris Disappointment Syndrome. How could this happen? I do not see how it could not happen. If we all get there and home again alive, I will have an utterly ravishing experience.
And as always, I want to be led in all things by a mysterious and utterly trustworthy inner knowing. This is happening more and more.
Love to all!
I want…
(1) To CATCH THE HELL UP. Progress has been made, but more must be made! I have this calcified nest of iguanas at work and this way-late paper that needs writing and I have to change my clothes over for the seasons and I’m supposed to have started this part-time job and OH. MAN.
WTCW:
I DON’T KNOW AHHH. Probably just chipping away at it, slowly.
Play with: reducing my to-do list for the day to like, two things? Something’s gonna come to me?
(2) Space revitalization! For good energy to like, explode out of my office redecoration and for the right inspiration to strike about the closet-laundry room-office combo.
WTCW: It’s just gonna…happen?
Play with: Moving the furniture around. Cleaning everything out.
(3) To feel connected and accountable to responsibilities that are virtual. I kind of tend to let that slide.
Man, I don’t know. Put em at the top of the to-do list?
(4) To make peace with my student loans. Apparently I’m going to be paying $2 for every dollar I borrowed, unless I devote a third of my take-home pay to my loans for the next ten years.
WTCW: Some kind of middle path? My side job? Zen acceptance? A raise?
Best wishes to other VPAers!
Hello, week. Hello, April. Must you already be moving so fast?
*deep breath*
A thing: discovering/devising new exercise habits that fit my current mindspace and budget. I’m feeling resistant to driving to anything. I’m feeling resistant to monthly fees and long-term contracts. I’m feeling resistant to classes that require group chants or cheers, or where everyone is twenty years younger and forty pounds lighter than I am.
But I’m also attracted to ellipticals with cable tv, and instructors who can guide me on form, and pools. Plus I’m less inclined to bail out early when in a class or watching a show.
WTCW:
* I could remember that I have four more classes at the Pilates studio I’m trying out. I don’t have to decide anything until I complete them.
* I could negotiate with the money monster in terms of my desire to compensate trained individuals for their skill and attention. (negotiator on behalf of my health and vanity hasn’t been convincing — money monster keeps making DIY noises at that one)
* I could research more gyms, and try out their deals
* I could start a notebook or calendar — one fun and convenient enough to use every day. (Or look at more online thingies, although I’m feeling resistant to them too.)
* I could create a “walk-to-x” program of my own?
This week, I’ll play with:
* errand + walk combinations
* thinking about (and maybe sketching out) some class + self-guided scenarios that money monstah might regard as more reasonable
* fashioning some sort of anger/frustration-workout loop, but a healthy one? (I’ve historically been most diligent about going to class/gym when things were terribly wrong in some other aspect of my life.)
Oy. This be a tangle of things. Giving myself permission to tug at one strand at a time. Oy.
Wishing everyone answers to their VPAs, both posted and silent.
Yay VPA day!
Thing 1: Perfect simple solutions
What I want: to see the perfect simple solution to a bunch of things that I am stymied on.
Ways this could work:
It could just come to me!
I could flail on it. I could walk it out. I could sing.
With ease.
While I’m doing something else.
My commitment:
To remain open.
To let ideas flow.
Thing 2: Finializing things (finalizing them and adding a finial, an ornamental doodad that says “well done!”).
What I want: To stop “making progress” on certain things and finish them off – in grand fashion! – with a doodad on top.
Ways this could work:
Riding the Wild Donkey (thanks, Goddess Leonie, for this term)
Exploring Cape Bojador!
With help.
Alone. During the night. Uninterrupted.
In the spaces of the day, between other activities.
My commitment:
To open the windows.
To find some great finials.
Thing 3: Lunch
What I want: for lunch with this lovely woman to be fun!
Ways this could work:
I could connect with the essense of fun.
My commitment:
To be present.
Thing 4: Resolution to that one painful thing.
What I want: to not let it go on hurting.
Ways this could work: I don’t know.
My commitment:
to go on not knowing and to be okay with that.
To do the alignment exercise.
To seek the good.
Update from last time:
I wanted things to happen smoothly, in the right order, and without complications. Mostly they did!
I asked for my trip to Chicago to be “a real break and a rest and an inspiration” and it was.
I said that I needed rest, nourishment, and exercise in proper proportions… it sort of happened but not really.
Sending support to everyone for your VPAs.
VPA DAY. Hurrah! Also hurrah for all the New Playground progress. I have secret and planted gwishes to come visit one day :).
Thing 1: Pre-processing the meeting
I have been stuck in trying to communicate with my supervisor for at least 6 months, but probably more like a year. It’s gone from bad to worse and a lot of it had to do with my ‘gah i am not good enough monster’ and her responding to that.
What I want – I want to do stone-skipping and other (new) techniques to figure out where I stand on this. What I really want is to restore the balance in that relationship and make sure there is no more blaming and bullying from her side.
Ways it could work – stone skipping ! safety first. perhaps input from the brain trust. bring an alligator to the meeting. or Little Lion.
I’ll play with – the safety first concept. it’s new and scary but appealing.
Thing 2: Perfect Simple Solutions
For the following: the finishing of the “scrapbook”. The organizing of the stuff. The preparing of the travel/exchange options. This is more about: imagining good things again. Opening the Book of Options.
Ways it could work – Practicing wanting what I want. Oodling. Connecting to the ‘deva’ or spirit of solutions (not problems).
I’ll play with – asking for help. safety. excitement. qualities. Rewriting the story.
VPA Update
Last time, I wanted to be ok with where I am . That ran me into a lot of resistence. But I also did noticing. And ‘doing it anyway’ and took two days just to process. And I am getting somewhere. The new reality of ‘actually i am ok no matter what’ is starting to become more believable in my head.
I said wanted a time plan , but what I really wanted was puzzling with the steps that need to happen in my Ph.D. thesis – and Corie was so nice to help me figure that out (and it saved me a lot of time and stuckness).
I wanted more internal decorating and it tied into the first ask. I also planted extra gwishes for having a functioning bike and a nice haircut and that totally gave me permission later in the week to make that happen!
Update on last week’s VPAs:
I did end up with resolution on a few things. Progress!!
And, I had a little mini-rally of play time and poking at things, and it was wonderful!
This week:
Thing one: Ease and flow for the wee.
This month has far too much going on at the day job. And it’s likely that quite a lot of it will have fall out into my lap. With potentially stressful complications.
I’ll play with: Force field practice time! Work is just like the Danger Room for the Xmen! Conversations with the me that survived until May. Being a secret agent. Costumes.
Thing the second: To keep finding time to work on my own projects.
Because other than the money, they’re so much more important than the silly day job.
I’ll play with: Letting myself really focus on what I’m doing, so that things take no more time than needed. Being like water, flowing into the little spaces available. hmm….
Thing the third: No more snow. Please? I know we need the water, but other places seem to do ok with that rain thing. Deep breath. Sorry, but I just had to get that out. Not what I wanted to wake up to!
Hello, Week. Hello, Chickeneers.
What I want: Sleep. Loads of it.
Ways this could work: I could remind myself how sleep is the thing that oils all my wheels, and makes me so gloriously functional and myself. I could keep in mind a goal bedtime, and a goal waking time. Exercise!
I’ll play with: Remembering that this is the very most important thing.
What I want #2: Exercise. More of it. To help with the sleep, and also for general body happiness.
Ways this could work: I could take my exercise costume with me to work, making it easy to go to the gym on the way home. I could remember that exercise actually makes everything better, so it’s not a time-stealer.
I’ll play with: Delighting in how great it feels.
Happy week to all!
Howdy, chickeneers!
Last week, all I wanted was to list the gwishes, and that happened! Hooray late night date with crayons. Some of the gwishes turned out to be smaller projects than I thought; others, once mapped out, gave me a better understanding of what I need to make them happen. So that was awesome. Hooray 🙂
This week…
vpa 1: Clarity on the justice project
So many moving parts on this one. The fact that I woke up from a dream about it this morning (warning a friend about the deadline!) is an interesting clue.
Ways this could work:
Work on the parts I can control: the budget finalization, the internal clearance forms, the budget approval.
Hmm, “internal clearance”…even though this has a straight and boring connotation, I also think I could get more clarity on this project by doing my own wacky version of internal clearance, ha. Clearing out what isn’t mine, returning projections to others; getting clear on my capacity and not promising more than I can deliver. Maybe I can do some stone skippings about this on the Floop.
My commitment:
To trust the guidelines that are already in place.
To practice entry and exit for communications with the project team.
To take more notes and add this to the Book of Me page about federal grants, for sure.
vpa 2: Hello, blog
I haven’t written in my blog for so long! Not since before the Floop. I think I have a clear simple solution for this (processing the process about what I’ve written about on the Floop) but now I need to actually do it.
Ways this can work:
This week could drop the perfect pocket of time on me, even though that sounds ahahahahaha impossible right now.
I could take notes and let that be the first step.
I could choose a new challenge (Shiva Nata? Bookwork? Other projects in progress?) to document there, to dedicate special content to it.
I could use the Deguiltified Chicken Board! Oh yes, I nearly forgot about this one.
My commitment:
To honor my capacity, even if that means this doesn’t happen in quite the way I’ve envisioned.
vpa 3: Party prep!
Party. My house. Sunday. Yay but also ugh.
Ways this can work:
Make a list!
Work backwards from what “done” looks like?
Let it be simple.
My commitment:
To find a way to show up at the party with my whole self: not exhausted, not resentful. Just happy and hostessing, you know?
.
And a few gwishes: for piano time, for quilting time, for a surprise ball time, for the soaking pool time, for ease with L’s departure, for planning for Greg’s class on Thursday (!!) to go with ease and surety. Yes.
xo!
VPA.
I am on work-and-life sabbatical.
Body and mind unsound.
I wish this sabbatical to be full of: learning, pattern-disentangling-of-the-most-epic-kind, conscious deepening and Permission To Not To Have To.
I would also like to ask for the neverendingpain to be punctuated by Not Pain. Joy and equanimity would be nice substitutes.
When I re-emerge, I want to be whole-er, stronger, deeper and more full of love.
Those are my asks.
What I want:
To revise my story so that I find it genuinely good, so that the committee sees my talent and accepts me as a fiction writer, and so that this story will one day be publishable. Clarity and creativity.
Ways this could work:
Work on it each day, so I’m thinking about it and sleeping on it. Use Shiva Nata. If time, have Katie read it.
I’ll play with:
Intentions and prayers.
What I want:
For the rest of the semester to go smoothly without too much stress or neglecting of things that shouldn’t be neglected.
Ease. Creativity. Intelligence. Diligence. Health. Joy.
Ways this could work/I’ll play with:
Coloring. Meditation. Sleep. Prioritizing. Diligence. Yellow.
What I want:
To come up with a story, due in less than three weeks. To write it. To be brilliant and creative and lyrical.
Ways this could work:
Research. Inspiration.
Update on past VPAs:
I wrote my story last week and it went very well. I’m super pleased. And, I’ve found a roommate for next year!
Updates from last time:
More Joy in the house: SO far so good, keep this up.
Deeper AM practice: working on this. the practice remains consistent. I need to add Forcefields tomorrow, see how that goes.
As for yoga, I went to class. I went to class AGAIN. I’m also doing 30 minutes in the evening a few times a week. Yoga at 6 am still sucks so bad that i dont liek ti…BUT I discovered there are things I can do at 6am that dont suck. Cat stretch, leg stretches, gentle twists, the kundalini root chakra grind…I can do all of that at 6am without wanting to vomit.
I want to welcome April, Month of Catkins! My gwishes:
-more yoga, especially Ballet Sculpt class
-the writing is goign so well! More please
-be beautiful, have adventures
-more art
-start work on Scary Project
-deeper knowledge of my Superpowers and using them in the moment i need them,
-especially Knowing When to Pick a Battle
-more clarity about Passion and DReams
-a hot sweaty throwdown with Pablo Schreiber ( i know it’s very unlikely, but dreaming is free)
-good news and EEEEEASSSSEEE around my medical stuff
Tuesday VPAs! More time to get last week’s VPAs done so I don’t feel like a slacker!
Eye health continues to improve and there was actual running last week!
Clients are still coming in and flowing out in the natural order.
I wanted energy and drive to take Decisive Action. And I got it in Spades! Let’s keep this up, I think the world appreciates it.
I also wanted whatever it is I’m doing on Match to go well. I’m not sure how we are defining “well” so maybe I’ll be a little more clear. I’d like it to go more well please. Right people and all that.
Here’s What I’d Like For Next Week:
Remembering Gratitude! When I open my bills, I’d like to be joyous for my education, my streets, my opportunities, my lights, my air conditioning! How lucky am I to have these things! I’d like to remember to sing (and make up) the Thank You song! How lucky am I to have helped so many clients and made so much money that I get to send so much to help my neighbors who aren’t as fortunate!
I’ll silent retreat on the rest!
I can’t believe I’m getting to this only in the middle of the week! Hooray for amnesty! 😀
VPA update –
last week I asked for grounding – that didn’t go so very well, aside from one moment where I did some yoga before writing my essay, so pat-on-the-back for that! I figured out why I couldn’t muster up any presence/grounding though: it’s because I stopped the self-care stuff again. So, of course I wasn’t able to feel grounded! I also asked for interaction with job stuckness. Did that, applied for a few jobs and got an interview call! I asked for a folder for tax stuff, and a morning routine. Both of these are tied to self-care, which didn’t happen (no sleep and no inclination to get myself the folder) so an important ask for this week is some self-care detective work. I did get congruent summer clothes though! Hooray for unexpected ask-fulfillment!
Here’s what I want for this week –
Thing 1: A way to release guilt.
Ways this could work:
I really don’t know. I feel very guilty at the moment.
Perhaps noticing what brought on the guilt.
Perhaps working on my boundary-keeping skills. (!!!)
Perhaps apologizing.
I’ll play with:
Being open to things that might help.
Doing some stone-skipping.
Talking to Slightly Future Me.
Remembering that boundaries are important(!).
Thing 2: For the interview to go well.
Yes! I got an interview!
Ways this could work:
Rest before the interview. And EAT! On the day of the interview.
Exercise.
Pick out an outfit with a friend.
Practice interview-y questions so that my answers don’t feel icky.
Yoga, to calm down and ground myself.
I’ll play with:
Releasing expectations.
Talking to the monsters beforehand.
Thing 3: To figure out why I keep dismantling my self-care routines. Maybe this has something to do with the guilt and the releasing and the not knowing how to.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
I’ll play with:
Doing small boundary-setting stuff. Like setting aside time for myself. To think, or walk, or cook, or whatever.
Thing 4: To apply for more jobs.
The interview is for a part time job, of which I will need two, so as to support myself this summer.
Ways this could work:
Following up with Guardians.
Doing some brainstorming.
Looking at newspaper/book/publication places.
I’ll play with:
Asking!
Playing with my resume, writing cover letters that don’t suck.
Putting myself out there.
Love to everyone’s wants and a happy what’s-left-of-the-week!