Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: the writing project that is on my mind
Here’s what I want:
I have an idea (and a page or two of scribbled notes) for a weekly series of blog posts.
About the relationship between biggification and sovereignty. Sovereignty in business.
What I want is a sexy title. Because the thing with sovereignty is that when you know what it is, it’s so hot you can hardly stand it.
But as a word? By itself? It doesn’t have that same zing. I need the zing.
I also want reassurance (mostly from me) that this will be fun, that I’m going to stick with it for however long it takes and that it won’t turn into a big, horrible energy-suck.
And also (mostly from you) that this is an interesting, useful topic for people who do not happen to be me.
Here’s how I want this to work:
The right title could come to me.
Or someone could make a fabulous suggestion in the comments.
Or I could do some Shiva Nata on it and get a mini-epiphany or two.
I can spend time with my gentleman friend going over what types of things I want to cover and what order makes the most sense.
I can agree to let it percolate for a while.
Maybe I’ll just know.
My commitment.
To have fun with this. To take my time. To ask for help. To sleep on it and meditate on it and Shiva-it-up.
Thing 2: a smooth landing from Extremely Necessary Vacation
Here’s what I want:
So my Extremely Necessary Vacation is already over. I’m teaching my first class tomorrow (for the Kitchen Table). Back to life as usual.
Which is totally a good thing, yes?
But what I’d really like is some smooth sailing. A happy landing. An ease of transition.
Here’s how I want this to work:
I want to be able to give myself time (and permission!) to take things slowly.
To resist the urge to throw myself headlong into whatever chaos has developed while being gone.
To be patient with myself.
My commitment.
To work on trusting this thing. To notice what I need. To ask for what I need.
To pay attention to when I start pushing myself.
To be easy on myself about not being able to be easy on myself. Or at least to try.
Thing 3: maintaining connection with my body
Remember two weeks ago when my ask was about spending more time in my body?
Well, Extremely Necessary Vacation has been the best thing for that ever.
I went from barely remembering what it was like to have a daily routine to having it again.
Waking up early, doing 45 minutes of yoga, going for a walk in the morning. Dancing in the evenings. It feels so good.
I find myself going back and forth between “Oh, how I want to be able to keep some of this up” and “There’s no way this is going to work!”
Here’s what I want:
To be able to stay with the memory of how happy I feel when I’m in my body and using it.
To be gentle with myself.
To allow myself small steps.
To sign up for more dance classes.
Ways this could work:
I don’t really know. And I don’t want suggestions or advice.
I just want to put the ask out there and let it do its thing.
My commitment.
To meet myself where I am. To appreciate the good bits and acknowledge the hard ones. To give myself time.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
To update you on what’s happened since last time.
Thing 1: I needed a way to distinguish between short-term events and long-term programs in my navigation. Came up with the answer later that day. Events will remain “events”, and I’ll be putting up a page soon-ish called Biggification 2010.
Excellent.
Thing 2: I needed my stupid FAQ page to write itself already. So I took my own advice and wrote it (it’s here!) while writing a post about what was keeping me from writing it. Totally worked.
And Thing 3 was about clarity. I’ve been getting crazy amounts of that too.
Actually, I have to say that this was probably one of the most astonishingly effective Very Personal Ad pieces ever, because all three things were taken care of almost immediately. Weird!
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
Havi – here is reassurance from one reader that whatever you write on Sovereignty, zing-y word or not, will be useful & insightful. This concept is somehow popping up everywhere for me in various forms at the perfect time, wrapping up so much of my “stuff,” and I’m excited to see what else you do with it. My personal ads will gear towards feeling it, getting it, living it. Good luck!
Havi, I wish you a soft landing and a continued, happy relationship with your body when you return. And the perfect name for your Pirate Queen Biggification blog series, which sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to read it!
My Very Personal Ad today:
I’m creating a program for the new year that will help my Right People with the tools and skills they need to shape their own lives and their businesses in magical ways. To bring the fullness of themselves into the world, to help transform it into what it truly can be.
What I want: Clarity about the shape of the program. The right teaching partner/s. Support for creating it and getting the word out to the folks it’s meant to serve. Support for holding the big vision, while doing the daily work on it.
My commitment: To bring all my knowledge, skill, experience, creativity, enthusiasm and love to this process. To share what I know and to help others find, develop and work skillfully with their own genius, and with all the forces of the universe that are available to help them shine their powerful light in the world.
Wishing you all a clear alignment with your own vision, and your Very Personal Ads!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Refugees: Remembering 9/11 =-.
Sovereignicity? Sovereignification? Whatever you call it, I love the idea!
.-= Riin´s last blog ..Business = busyness =-.
Loving the very personal ads. I have one this week.
I have, as they say, a “friend with benefits.” And I’d very much like to maintain the friendship, but I’m done with the erotic piece of it. We’re having dinner on Wednesday and I want to articulate all of this.
HERE’S WHAT I WANT:
To be clear and kind in what I say. I’d like to not panic in the moment and worry more about being well-liked than about enforcing my boundary. I’d also like to remember that continuing to sleep with someone when you don’t want to isn’t doing them any big favor either.
HERE’S HOW I WANT THIS TO WORK:
I’d like to avoid spending loads of time scripting out a conversation in my head, and pretending that I get to decide what his responses are, and in advance to boot. I’d like to speak from the heart.
MY COMMITMENT:
I’m willing to have an awkward, unhappy conversation that allows for the possibility of a continued friendship. Even though I think awkwardness and unhappiness are apparently sooooo awful that they should be avoided no matter what.
.-= Drew´s last blog ..Learning Communications From Gymnastics =-.
I would just like to add my “Yay!” to the biggification/ sovereignty post vote. I myself am working on being a CEO -most often – in Converse, though I’m branching out to Rocket Dogs. 🙂
That brings me to my half-thought-out title idea. Because I’m also a CEO with silver bangles, a CEO that sings while I work, Chief Haven Officer and a bunch of other things, too. But sovereignty – to me – has a lot to do with standing firmly in my own space and on my own two feet. Being a “CEO with the stripey socks” is true on the physical level but it pointed out the metaphor to me as well. I’m not sure if that helps, but WOW did it make me think – and I love it when people make me think!
.-= Angela´s last blog ..Joy! =-.
Sovereignty – I can provide reassurance on that note.
As soon as you wrote about it and I read about it, my mind went zing! and I wanted more, because it is what’s been going on with me recently and it is a delight to find I’m not in the same boat.
Of course, in addition to that your writing on it will naturally be insightful and full of amazing oomph which is what I show up for all the time.
Rest assured that any writing on sovereignty will be lapped up by me at least. 🙂
.-= Wormy´s last blog ..Clothes! Hats! Men Dressing Up! Oh, Handbags and Hairstyles – it’s all happening here. =-.
Havi, I love what you’re doing — in general, and also specifically with the Very Personal Ads.
So here’s mine: What I want is to get all the stuff in my head written out. The stuff that I’m supposed to be sharing. How I want it to work is (a) for some kind of routine to manifest itself so my days feel more structured and I have/make/find time to write; and (b) for whatever is holding me back to dissolve. My commitment is to be open to input from wherever and to take daily walks to help the process and to remind myself of all the reasons I want to do this.
I love the way just putting this out there is bound to generate movement. Yay.
I like Riin’s “sovereignicity.” Like synchronicity kinda.
Love,
Torrey
I vote for more posts about sovereignty!
In a way I wouldn’t mind what you explored, but that’s certainly a hot one.
A related metaphor which springs to mind is owning your life / being the owner of your life – has that got any zing do you think?
::thinks:: Now I realise this is reminding me of some book, but I can’t remember which one. The author invites the readers to think of themselves as a company and notice what shares they’ve traded to other people and what they got in return (e.g. security, being liked or whatever).
They go on to suggest that you buy all of yourself back. I didn’t like that part of the metaphor – I’d rather have constructed the analogy such that people in partnerships or other close relationships could trade their metaphorical shares to be partly jointly owned and run. But I liked the idea of the initial “who else has shares in you” enquiry.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..International Celebrate Bisexuality Day =-.
Sovereignty is really important, no matter what you call it! So more articles are good, as long as it feels enlivening to write them. I’m thinking about what I call it as I work on it, and “self-trust” is the closest. But there’s no one big word for me.
Jennifer, are you thinking of “Better Boundaries – Owning and Treasuring Your Life”? I like that book a lot. And thanks for sharing the corporate metaphor. Me, I’m sticking with owning all of myself, since some people will take a tiny percentage and use it as a wedge to take over.
My ask this week: I want to have lots of wise, kind, sensitive women in my life, in all the different roles – friends, clients, business associates, and yes, an eventual partner.
How this could happen: I could meet new ones. I could notice ones who are already here. The Universe could surprise me.
My commitment: I will notice and appreciate those qualities in others and myself. I will reach out when it feels right. I will accept and move through any blocks that show up.
Sonia Connolly’s latest article Haunted by Shame? Change Your Committee!
I would love more articles on Sovereignty and how it relates to Biggification. I’m struggling right now a lot with finding the right level and kind of biggification for myself, and your words are so often just what I need to hear!
The comments here make me think of a Contented Dragon sitting regally on her treasure hoard, having successfully rescued it from those who’ve tried to deplete it one gem and coin at a time.
Update on Previous: The thing I thought was going to cost $800+ ended up costing $62, which helped maintain the balance. I also realised a lot of my background stress is friction with my biggest client — the CEO just resents every penny that gets put into the website, and I need to find other sources for that income so I can dissolve the relationship on my terms. Which brings me to…
This Week’s Ask: Some real inspiration for how to find new sources of income that work with my personality instead of against it.
How it Might Happen: Some cool new clients could come to me through referrals, through my marketing, or by chance. I could spend the day getting the AA site up and actually have interest once it goes. I could get an unexpected offer that fits well with my life and personality. Some of the teaching materials I’ve bought could crystallize an idea for me that’s workable for my personality and situation. Something else could surprise me.
My Commitment: To keep doing the good work I have been, so I have more finished projects of the kind I really enjoy to put in my portfolio. To accept my fears and try to work within them instead of pushing and shoving at them. To just start, because sometimes that’s the hardest to do.
.-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Illustration: 24 Nicks =-.
Havi, it’s not a peaceful metaphor, but I thought of you today when I ran across a Sword Talisman which is supposed to protect the bearer from dishonesty and conflict. Your Healthy Boundaries Spray is a much gentler Dispenser of Sovereignty. But you are in the mind of at least one internet stranger because you wrote about this today.
I spent an hour this morning writing my own Very Personal Ad. I immediately froze up at the idea of putting it out there for people to read. So perhaps my ad should read:
“Wanted: The courage to reveal that I do NOT always have all the answers.”
.-= Carol Logan Newbill´s last blog ..Two Great Ways to Send Your Readers Fleeing into the Night =-.
Hmm, perhaps a pirate metaphor for sovereignty… not sure exactly what though.
update: Last week I asked for motivation and in making me more mindful of it, I was in several regards although I avoided the thing I had vaguely in mind but didn’t describe. Also, it made me realize just how much I dislike asking people for anything or even admitting that there’s something I need even if no obligation/help from someone external is required to address it.
But, as you’ve written, this is a practice, this asking for stuff, so…
#1
thing I want: To find somewhere that sells those plastic sheets that hold negative strips for not a ton of money while still being archival quality.
how it could come about: I could psych myself up to make some calls. Someone here might have a suggestion. I could conveniently run across them somewhere….
my commitment: I’ll be on the lookout, willing to ask store clerks, and grateful for any help I receive.
#2
what I want: to send off a box of negatives to be scanned.
how it could come about: I figure out how many negatives I can afford to have scanned and then select the ones that I need to set up shop. Some decisiveness comes my way.
I do a variety of math to determine best selection of negatives to scan at a particular quality. I see how to make it simple.
I get over my fear of mailing them despite a past mishap with an entirely different company.
I get all my questions answered via their site and twitter/email.
Transfer negatives not in sleeves to sleeves I’ve managed to find.
my commitment: some patience with myself. Take it one step at a time so I don’t feel overwhelmed. Don’t get stressed over it.
.-= claire´s last blog ..Out and Proud, kiddos =-.
Wishing you a soft landing this week and continued joy in your body.
I am all for biggification and sovereignty and am excited for your thoughts regardless of the title/header 🙂
and now for the scary
What I want:
To license my work. I have plenty of images which people like, but not everyone has the money to buy specific pieces (That 70’s Fish comes to mind, lots and lots of people have expressed their love of the piece). Licensing would enable my work to be out in the world and I could still own the original, if I chose to. Happy people, happy me, win/win 😀
How this could happen:
I could find a company in the Artists Market handbook.
I could blog about it and one of my readers could be or know someone.
I could put on my big girl panties and send out some more portfolios targeted to that specific market.
Someone could see my work on my website or Etsy and contact me directly (I did license two images to a restaurant in Canada earlier this year through this method).
Some way I haven’t even thought of but which will be so obvious when it happens.
My commitment:
To keep producing fun images. To be flexible with regard to subject matter, color, etc, but to have certain principles that I will stick to. To be willing to walk away if it doesn’t feel right, and trust that something better is coming along. To not settle or be desperate. To have fun with the process and bring love to the table.
.-= Andi´s last blog ..Taking the Leap =-.
I’m very excited about this whole sovereignty odyssey. It is hot! Smokin’!
As I’ve been trying to choose a personal ad among the many possibilities orbiting my psyche, the one that keeps popping up is silk pajamas. Try as I might to nudge that wish aside (oh, come on, Kat! That’s far too self-indulgent, trivial and materialistic!) it simply will not be budged. Thus, I surrender.
My ask: A pair of silk pajamas, comfy and sensual, in a flattering jewel-tone.
How this could happen: I could stumble across an incredible deal somewhere. Someone could give me some as a gift. I could have a small windfall, and give them to myself. I could find them in a basket on my front porch, with a note attached: “Please give these pajamas a loving home.” I don’t know! I’m open to all kinds of possibilities.
My commitment: I will wear them often, and enjoy them, and be very grateful. When I’m at home, I’ll even work in them. Who knows, they could even become a physical signifier for me: sovereignty is a pair of silk pajamas!
There! I’m glad I took the time to post this today.
.-= spiralsongkat´s last blog ..Wishin’, and hopin’, and freakin’, and copin’… =-.
How about ‘queen over all she surveys’. Might get a bit tricky if you want to be gender neutral. Regardless, it’s a great topic idea and I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts and guidance on it. Definitely a huge issue for me this year as well. Thanks!
Yup. Sovereignety + Biggification. I, too, am really looking forward to those articles.
Thanks for giving us the oppertunity to post these adds, Havi.
Update on previous per-ads:
I kept on practising WuWei and yes, I find it in more and more situation. I still need to regulary remind myself to step into a situation, but it’s worth it. One of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever made in my live. Additionally: WuWei + Sovereignety = lots of epiphanies.
Thing 1: webdesign
I’m redesigning the webpage for my comic, to reflect the changes I made on it.
What I want:
An open, spacious, elegant, easy to use and most importantly welcoming page design. I want my readers to feel comfortable with spending their time on this page and I want to keep the reading experience smooth and simple – more like paging through a graphic novel instead of using a webpage. The page is supposed to help the potential readers grow attached to the comic and the characters and to archive that comic needs to be the main-focus. Did I mention it has to be easy to use?
How it could happen:
Inspiration could strike. It sometimes does, you know? Additionally I could find a webpage, or a house or maybe something else that encompasses exactly what I am looking forward. I could find an (for me) affordable webdesigner who can work in the style I want.
My commitment:
I keep on working on the design. And this time I’ll finish my prelimary sketches before I jump headfirst into the programming stuff.
Thing 2: More personal presense
What I want:
To be here in the now more. To be able to feel my life instead of only analyizing it.
How it could happen:
Things could happen that remind me to check in with myself more. I could remember to check in without external prompt. Or I plain and simple stay in the now longer, which would mean my mind waits a bit longer till it starts to wander again.
My commitment:
I’ll return to the Now when I realize my mind drifted off again.
.-= Carina (@chalcara)´s last blog ..Abandoned Powerplant; photos of =-.
Erh… There. sorry, forgot to close a tag.
.-= Carina (@chalcara)´s last blog ..Abandoned Powerplant; photos of =-.
Definitely diggin’ the plans for sovereignty posts! Since I’m not a native speaker and the word does not mean that much to me, I’ve been looking for synonyms. I’m liking (self-)reign, queenship/queenhood, captainship. Also: glory, omniscience
Source: http://freethesaurus.net/s.php?q=sovereignty
My own ask is this: clarity about what type of job/company/work thing would fit me. Or what kind of work I want to do. Or what would absolutely definitely be the wrong way for me. Or even what to ask for regarding this topic. And to find time to think about it without freaking out.
How this could happen: I could read/see/hear something that inspires me. Something that rings true to me. Or any other way that I haven’t thought of.
My commitment: I’ll be open to ideas and suggestions from anywhere and make the ‘finding out what to do next’ a priority.
sovereign-essence – ‘so very’ essence – sovereignessence???
Does these help? My VPA ad worked for me, so if it’s helpful, it’s the least I can do to help. Looking forward to reading the posts, whatever they are called!
Thanks for the enthusiastic responses about a Sovereignty Series and for all the accompanying namestorming. Appreciated!
@Inge – yeah, it’s also a really bizarre thing to say in English!
Which is kind of why I worry about it — I didn’t understand the concept at all until Hiro explained it to me, and even now I still have the sense that it floats in and out of my consciousness. Sometimes it’s more clear to me and sometimes it’s somewhat less so. Queenship is kind of cool.
@spiralsongkat – yay for you! Also nice Documenting Of The Process there. I wish for you the exact right silk pajamas, who will know instinctively that you are the one to treat them right and love them up. 🙂
@Carol – wow. WOW. “Wanted: The courage to reveal that I do NOT always have all the answers.” Yeah! That’s a wonderfully brave ask, if you ask me.
@Angela – Rocket Dogs! Rocket Dogs!
This whole thing is so, so great.
Hm.. Havi…pirate ships and sovereignty…here’s the thing… most sailing vessels sail under the sovereignty of their country’s flag…except pirate ships.. they came up with the “Jolly Roger”, or masked themselves temporarily with a flag from a “convenient” sovereign state when they were out well, doing pirate things…so somewhere.. in picking a pirate’s “sovereign” flag, or choosing colors, or what to put on such a personal sailing banner to hoist up the mast so to speak…maybe somewhere in all of that there is something for you…Heraldry is the same..picking out a visual, hm..crest to carry the mantra we hold most dear…Just some thoughts.
A sovereign is also a piece of gold is it not?
In any case, personal sovereignty…yes, A very intriguing series that will be.
And you have a lovely name for it, sovereignty, being in liege to ourselves, non?
I add my wishes for your smooth and graceful slide into a rhythm that you can dance with bliss.
the sovereignty series sounds fab. NO ideas about zingy titles but if you need reassurance that readers want to read it, here I am reassuring.
I need to find that relationship with moving my body. Got busy. Lost that. Need to get back into it. So clearly I have no advice but am eagerly watching what is happening for you and reminding myself that this would be a good thing.
Also realize I have completely lost the plot on the KT classes.
.-= JoVE´s last blog ..Don’t let obligation get you down =-.
oof – all the zingy things I can think of have potential triggers: self-rule, self-prioritization, (and now I’m realizing that anything with “self” in it makes me feel selfish. agh!) In some ways, “sovreignty” is nice because it’s unusual enough not to have rubbed up against any ick. Gentle Art of Assertion? Remedial Asking? Standing Firm? “Asking for what you want without feeling like an asshat” is nicely descriptive. The positive of that would be “Feel good asking for what you want.” The guiltless ask?
Today, I am asking for some good concentrated time tomorrow to roll around in the survey data I collected and absorb it such that I can summarize it for the presentation I’m giving on Monday. I know it’s good and people want it; I just need to get started in the morning instead of avoiding it.
How this could happen: I could drop off kids, walk dogs, big mug of tea and start with a quadrant analysis before I look at my personal email. I could be magically inspired in the shower tomorrow or on the way home from the daycare dropoff.
My commitment:I’ll have a rough draft for review by tomorrow evening. It doesn’t have to be good yet.